Gaywatch

"Oh, I like your shirt," the woman said as I checked out her books. "I like the Mothman."

I looked down at the grey Mothman sweatshirt. "Oh, thanks. Mothman is one of my favorites; I've investigated him."

"Really? After he killed all those people?"

I glanced at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"In the movie, the Mothman is responsible for a lot of deaths."

"You understand the movie is pretty much fictional, right?"

"Well, yeah, but Mothman killed all the---"

"That's all made up. They do it for drama in the movie, but none of that really happened."

"Really?"

"Really. Look. I investigate these things scientifically. Here's the deal: In November of 1966, a bunch of people saw a creature with wings and glowing red eyes in an abandoned area of Point Pleasant, West Virginia. It may have been a sandhill crane. There. That's the only actual facts about Mothman."

"But that guy, who had a wife, with cancer, and the Mothman---"

"Again, not real. The movie is not real."

"But in the movie----"

"Forget the movie. Once again, nothing in the movie is real." I hate slow learners. "Here you go." I slid the books across to her. "These are due on the twenty-fifth. Have a nice night."

I bumped into Tami and Juno downtown, in the neat little crystal shop while I was out delivering flyers. The place is not my normal sort of hangout, but it's pleasant, and I love the owners. There was a sign on the tip jar that said "Feed the Goblin."

Tami smiled. "Hi, Lou! How's everything?"

"Doing good. We still on for Saturday?"

I saw Juno, Tami's kid, grin. Tami said,"Yeah, we've had some activity. So we'll have the meeting there, and investigate the house. We have all our rainbow flags up right now, making it the gayest house in Lock Haven."

"I'm excited," I said. "Been a while since we've done a full-scale investigation, and it'll be a good way of training our new people. I'm looking forward to it." I dropped a dollar into the tip jar. "I like the idea of feeding a goblin."

I pulled on my tac vest---The stylish-looking one with the LHPS badge. I had my uniform on, and zipped the vest over it. I pulled on my new fingerless gloves, the kind with the hard knuckle protectors. Then I walked out of the house where the kids were all playing outside.

"See you, Dad," said Paul. 

I gave him a hug. "Home tonight, kid, and then I'll let you stay up with me."

Serena's mom looked over the outfit. "Oooh, where are you off to?"

"Oh, got an investigation tonight. We're training new people."

"Cool!" said Serena. "When will you be home?"

"Eight or nine. Depends on how much activity there is. I'll tell you all about it later, maybe bring some pictures for you."

A new girl, Heaven, asked,"Wait, where are you going? What?"

"I'm a ghost hunter."

"Oh."

"So am I!" said Serena. "He's teaching us."

"Dad, can you bring me more nail glue?" Paul asked. "I'm out."
"I'll make a stop on the way," I said.

"I'm going to roller skate along with you to the end of the block!" said Serena.

"Me, too," declared Heaven, getting on her bike.

So that's how I headed off to our investigation---On my bike, followed by a parade of children.

The LHPS outfits are designed to be functional on an investigation. They are not designed to be exactly invisible in public. When I stopped at the Dollar Store for nail glue, the cashier looked me over in my tac vest.

"You some kind of cop or something?" she asked.

"Paranormal investigator," I said.

"Oh, yeah? This place haunted?"
"Not that I know of," I said as I pocketed the nail glue.

"You know, we're at seven member now," I said, sitting in Tami's living room. "I like this. Even when we can't all show up, we still have enough for a team."

 I was sitting with Millie, Tami, Tami's wife Bre, and the new guy, Tim. Bre said,"Lou, did you see the new tattoos we got?"

She and Tami held out their arms---They'd gotten matching ghost tattoos. I said,"I saw those! Love them!"

Tami said,"By the way, Lou, we were at the Oddities Festival recently---"

"I saw the Facebook post."

"We brought you something."

"Aww, thanks." Tami handed me a button, and I looked at it. "It's the Giwoggle!"

"The vendor had no idea how to pronounce it, but he likes the legend," she said.

"So you know this guy has read my articles. You two are my favorite lesbian couple."
Bre smiled. "I love when people say that. Means we're doing better than those rival lesbians from Avis."

"I need more rivals," I said. "I'm hoping for an arch-enemy, to the point I may put an ad in the classifieds."

"Well, I'm headed out," said Bre, standing up. "I don't want to encounter any ghosts, so I'm going down to the Dutch Haven for a couple of drinks. You guys have fun."

We all stood up. Tim said,"I bought this attachment for my phone---It detects heat..."

"A thermal imager!" I said. "Nice! I have a hand-held one, but yours looks more sensitive than mine."

I began pulling on my vest and fingerless gloves. Tim said,"Ooooh, I like that."

"Thanks," I said. "It has pockets!"

"I really like that. Where did you get it?"

"Amazon, of course. When I was first starting out, I tried everything," I said. "My pockets, bags, belts. Finally I lit on the tactical vest, and these work. This one is mostly for residential LHPS work---I have others for other functions, and one sort of for any occasion---UFOs, ghosts, buried treasure, whatever."

"That's got style," said Tim. "Can I take your picture?"
"Sure. Women love the vest. Men...love the vest. Dogs and cats---"

"Hold still."

He snapped a photo of me, and then one around back, where I had attached "Black Lives Matter" and LGBTQ Ally patches. He said,"I've been carrying my satchel, but I may just get one of these. That looks great."

I grinned. "I like having a sassy gay friend. I can send you links to these. And check this out." I lifted my sweatshirt to show him my new customized belt with the LHPS logo on it.

"Now, that's cool," said Tim.

"I've discovered you can customize anything on Amazon."

"Last time we investigated, we had a lot of activity on the stairs," Tami said. "It seems to focus there. Let's try that."

"Sounds good," said Millie.

At the top of the stairs, we took some readings. I alternated between my EMF detector and my laser thermometer. The cat, Pico, kept chasing the laser.

"Let's get the recorders on," I said. I'd been restocking my vest with some new equipment, and the new recorder was lightweight and easy to use. I clicked it on and did the usual ritual: "February 10, seven eleven PM, Tami's place, second floor hallway. Lou."

"Tim."

"Millie."

"Tami. And Pico."

"Is there anyone here?"

"Can you tell us your name?"

We tossed around a few questions like that for a while, leaving silent spaces in between the questions. I've noticed it's hard to keep that up for more than a few minutes at a time---Maybe some people can do it longer, but I can't.

Tami said,"Bre just texted me. At the bar, they're asking her what's the most haunted place in Lock Haven."
Obviously, a question aimed at me. "I'd have to say the old jail. Down on Church Street. We investigated it years ago, around 2012, and we got a lot of activity. The only guy ever hung for his crime in Clinton County was hung in that jail."

"Cool," said Tami, and texted Bre back.

"I gotta drive by there," said Tim. "I keep meaning to."

"Getting EMF readings," said Millie.

She was sitting on the stairs. I was behind her, sitting in the bedroom doorway, and I could see her EMF detector beside her. It was flickering green to red, repeatedly, up and down.

"Getting photos," I said. I brought out my camera and snapped several shots of the stairs, Millie and Tim sitting beside each other at the top.

"I'm getting something on my thermal," said Tim. "See that blob at the bottom of the steps? What's that?"

We could all see it on his screen. I said,"Heat from a light above? Tami, is there a light in the ceiling above that landing?"

Tami shook her head. "No, nothing there."

"Rules that out, then."

"It's moving," said Tim. "Coming up the stairs."

We could all see it---On Tim's phone screen, the heat signature was moving up, one step at a time---And there was nothing there. Millie's EMF detector flashed red as the signature reached the top of the stairs.

"I've never seen this happen before," I said.

It reached the top, then moved back down to the bottom....And disappeared.

"That....was amazing," said Tami.

I cheered,"Yes!!!"

After, we all gathered back in the living room. Bre returned. And for a while, we were just a bunch of friends, hanging out.

"...So I walked in, and everyone was asking where Tami was," Bre was saying. "And I said she was on a paranormal investigation. So then of course everyone wanted to know all about it. And of course Lou's famous."

"I get that a lot," I said. "I mean, who the hell am I?"

"So they started asking all sorts of questions, which I didn't really have the answers to....You're gonna hear it all next time you go with me, babe," she said to Tami. "Lot of people down there are into this."

"I really want to get one of those vests," said Tim. 

There is just something about having a gay guy approve of the way you dress. "I'll send you the links," I said. "I don't think they're making this model anymore, but there are others that are just as good."

"You have as big an online shopping problem as I do."

"Oh, yes."

"Well, I better get going," he said, standing up. "Can I see you out, Millie?"
"Yes, please."

"Better head out myself," I said. "I told the kid he could stay up late with me tonight."

I left my bike in the front yard and walked in through the front door, into my own haunted house. Paul was waiting for me on the couch, and he looked up when I came in.

"You're home," he said. "Finally."

It had been two hours since I'd left. I said,"We had a good investigation, kiddo. How you doing?"
"Good."

"Great. Let me change out of my uniform, and then I'll be right with you." I smiled at my son. "You want to watch a movie?"