"I'll be right back, Barb," I told my co-worker at the desk. "Gotta run out and get a water sample."
She nodded.
"For work-related purposes," I assured her.
"Okay," she said.
There is a certain freedom that comes when nobody cares what you're doing. Nobody is interested enough to keep tabs on me. I went outside, got my bike, and biked down Second Street to the Susquehanna River.
In the early nineties, the city built a dike along the river to prevent flooding. It works, but it also meant I had to climb all the way up, and then down the other side. The river side is covered with rocks, and I had to watch where I placed my feet.
I had a bad moment when one of them shifted and I almost went down, but I caught my balance and made it to the bottom. There was a flat area down by the river that looked safe, so I walked down and knelt by the river.
I was wearing my sweatshirt that said "Yeti For Action" and my black jacket with the adventure equipment concealed in it. I got out a sample container and dipped it into the water, getting a few ounces for testing.
You think being a paranormal investigator is all screaming in haunted houses? No, there's a lot of actual science involved. You have to take samples, you have to figure things out, and you have to learn things.
Standing up, I looked it over. Then I screwed the cap back on.
Back to work.
My name is Lou. I work at the local library. As you may have guessed by this point, I'm also a paranormal investigator.
You say the word paranormal, and people immediately think ghosts. But that's only part of it. Investigating the paranormal also covers UFOs, cryptozoology, psychic activity, and other fields. I do it all.
I also run a group at the library, called Teen Paranormal. We meet once a month. I have a very enthusiastic bunch of kids who come every month, and I teach them how to investigate a different topic each time.
That's me.
Teaching the students of today how to deal with the dead people of tomorrow.
"Allright, guys," I said to the kids,"Tonight we work on water monsters."
The weather outside the Sloan Room was horrible, but three of the Teen Paranormal kids had made it to the meeting. I gave the handouts to Devon, Olivia, and Austin, and set our water samples on the table.
"The interesting thing about water monsters is that you're definitely on their territory," I said. "I mean, you can try to follow Bigfoot back to his lair. You can't do that with a water monster. You'll run out of air long before it does. Can you guys give me any examples of a water monster?"
"Loch Ness," Devon said immediately.
I grinned. "You're right. That's the big one. Also, it's on my sweatshirt. There are others, including locally---I've investigated the Susquehanna Seal up in Kettle Creek. I'm going to look for one this weekend, in Lewisburg. Gonna sneak out during my wife's company holiday party."
"Your wife's company has the holiday party in January?" asked Devon.
"Yeah, they seem to figure it's too busy around the actual holidays,' I said. "This will give me something to do instead of socializing with her co-workers."
"You gonna let us know how it goes?" asked Olivia.
"Course I will," I said. "The monster is called the Susquehanna Mystery Thing, and it's been sighted around that area. I'm gonna check into it, maybe try to bait it, and test some water samples. Which is what I want to show you tonight."
I opened the containers on the table. "You guys ever use litmus paper before?"
"I think...in Biology," said Devon.
"Two of these are samples of acids and bases," I said. "The other two are samples I got from the Susquehanna River and the Chesapeake Bay, where I've investigated a monster named Chessie. You guys are going to test them to see if they'll support life." I got out the litmus paper. "Don't hesitate, this stuff comes in hundred-packs for about $3.50. Who wants a chance?"
The Lewisburg Children's Museum was a neat place; you could tell that right from the front doors. Paul and his Cub Scout pack ran around looking at the sculptures, one of which resembled a large box of crayons. My wife looked at my outfit.
"Is that what you're wearing to the party tonight?" she asked.
I looked down at my black sweatshirt with the ghost on it. "I thought so."
"I expected something a little more....I don't know...."
"Look, Mom," said Tif. "It's a clean black sweatshirt. His bandanna is black. His sneakers are leather. This is formal wear, for him."
I saw Barenda arrive, and went over to talk to her.
"How's Koti?"
"She's doing okay," said Barenda. "Feeling better now."
"Tell her I'm pulling for her," I said. "I'll send the water monster handout from work."
"Cool. I'll print it out for her."
"I'm going to look into a water monster tonight," I said. "We're staying in Lewsiburg for my wife's company party. Gonna sneak away and check for the creatively-named Susquehanna Mystery Thing."
Barenda laughed. "Not in a party mood?"
"Socializing isn't always my thing. I'm more of a catch-the-monster kind of guy."
After the museum trip with the Cubs, we checked into the hotel. I'd been studying maps of Lewisburg---I never go anywhere without getting familiar with the geography---And I knew where a pond was to collect a water sample. I picked up my small crypto kit, a smaller, pocket-sized version of the usual shoulder bag, and I said I was going out to look for monsters. As one does.
I stopped at the hotel's computer to send a message to the kids, letting them know I was starting the investigation. I immediately got back messages of encouragement from Aubree and Kayla.
It was a pleasant day out. I left the hotel and walked downhill and around to the pond, which was very near Route 15. The source came from the river and was part of the same water table, so the tests should be effective. As I crossed the grass, a goose came hissing at me.
Dammit. Goose. I have investigated ghosts, monsters, and once a vampire, but geese are a Lovecraftian horror. In the sky, geese are majestic examples of airborne beauty. On the ground, they are nasty feathered buckets of psycho. I ran at it, waving my arms, and he backed off reluctantly. I walked down to the pond's edge, dipping a sample container in the water.
The dumbest thing you can do, when you want to investigate the paranormal, is to run right out and try to do it with no experience or education. I've known people who do that, and it's always a disaster. It's why I teach the kids. You need some sort of basic knowledge of several fields---Chemistry, biology, astronomy, history, forensics. I'm not an expert in any of that, but I know enough to apply it to the paranormal effectively.
I stood up and capped it. As I walked up the hill, I saw him again---The goddamn goose was coming back, and he'd brought three of his friends. I could handle one goose maybe, but not four of them.
I ran. I ran back across the grass and into the parking lot, the geese chasing me and hissing. They stopped at the edge of the grass, which apparently was their territory. I walked back to the hotel and let myself into the room.
"How'd it go?" Tif asked.
"Geese," I said.
"You saw geese?"
"Goddamn geese chased me away from the pond."
Tif laughed. "Geese are terrifying."
"I told you I didn't want to catch anyone spiking their drinks tonight," my wife said. "What the hell is this?"
She held up my flask, with an alien head and my name on it. I'd filled it with bootleg whiskey.
I said,"That could be anybody's monogrammed alien flask."
"We have a very strict rule about the alcohol," said Michelle. "Two per person. We're handing out the tickets."
"But you have access to extra tickets, right?"
"Not this year. April handled the tickets."
"Two beers? You lured me here under false pretenses."
"Can we do the color-changing paper, Daddy?" Paul asked.
"Yeah, let's do it," I said. "I got a sample."
I set the water sample on the bathroom sink and handed Paul a piece of litmus paper. He dipped it in and tested it. "Green," he said.
We lined it up against the chart, and I said,"Looks like a seven. You think?"
"Yeah. Seven. This green one."
"That means the pond can support life. That works."
"Can we do it again?"
"Want to test your Cherry Coke?"
"Yeah!"
I got Paul's bottle of Cherry Coke and poured a small amount into the cap. He dipped the litmus paper into it, and it immediately turned a deep shade of red.
"Holy crap," I said.
"This one matches," said Paul, looking at the chart.
"That's a three," I said. "This stuff is way more acidic than I'd thought."
"Are you ready to go to the party?" Michelle asked.
"Yeah, I guess I'm ready," I said. "Let's make a stop on the way. I wanna throw Cherry Coke on some geese."
I waited until the party was in full swing before I slipped out. My wife is the head of the Social Committee, which meant she was going to be fairly busy running things. It wasn't much of a challenge for me to snag my jacket and duck out the side door, taking a walk down to the river.
I wasn't too concerned about the two-beer limit. They'd tried to place a limit at every one of these office parties, and given tickets out to enforce it. Almost instantly, an underground black market in tickets had always sprung up, with way more tickets circulating than expected. I wouldn't have too much of a problem getting an extra beer if I really wanted to.
I got down to the water's edge. I'd filched a piece of chicken from the buffet before I'd slipped out, for investigative purposes. I tied a piece of string around it, tied the other end to a tree branch, and let it slip into the water. Bait.
I got out my night vision binoculars and scanned the river. I didn't see anything, not yet. It was a warm night out, which was good---There's not much point in investigating water monsters when everything's frozen over. I took out a second sample container and dipped it full of river water, then walked back up to the party.
Several people were standing outside and smoking. I set the sample on a post and uncapped it, at which point one of my wife's co-workers came up and said,"Hey, whatcha got? You know they're limiting us to two beers?"
He grabbed the sample and drank it, tossing it back like a shot.
"Hey---"
"That's smooth," he said. "You got any more of that?"
"Not on me. But I know where I can get some."
I walked back down to the river.
The bait was gone. Water monsters apparently will eat chicken. Or maybe geese will. I got another sample, and this time tested it on the spot by flashlight. It was an eight---Very slightly alkaline, but not enough to make a difference to anything living there. I walked back up to the party. The guy was still out smoking. At least I knew the river water wasn't poisonous.
Michelle was still arranging the party handouts. I sat down at our table with her co-worker Mary.
"How have you been, Lou?" Mary asked. "How's Paul?"
"He's good," I said. "Five now. He's in kindergarten, and he loves it."
"Catch any ghosts lately?"
"A few. Actually, I'm looking into a water monster....You live in this area, right? You ever hear any stories about a huge creature in this area? It's known as the Susquehanna Mystery Thing."
"No, I haven't heard that," she said. "But there are some big animals living in the river. My son caught a eel that had to be four feet long at least."
"There are eels in the Susquehanna? It could be eels. Most of the sightings are from fishermen, and they could easily be spotting some eels that are bigger than expected."
"That could be," said Mary.
I nodded and stood up.
"Well, I'll be back in a minute," I said. "I think it's time to get a beer."
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Monday, January 6, 2020
Never Brought Tomb Mind
I opened my eyes to hear a retching sound next to me on the bed. It took a moment to register, and then suddenly I was wide awake and my brain was on full red alert, just a moment too late. I sat upright just in time to see our tiny pug, Gwen, vomiting on the bed.
"Uh," I said, getting out of bed. "Welcome to 2020."
First workday of the new year.
"War! Hunh!" I sang as I scanned a book at the desk. "What is it good for? Making an exhibit! Uh-huh!"
Adam looked over at me as I grabbed the books and an old World War I helmet, and headed for the gallery. "How's the display coming along, Lou?"
"Looking good," I said. "We got posters up from the Smithsonian, artifacts that have been in the attic since about 2017, and all sorts of good stuff going in. A World War I exhibit---Great way to start the new year."
I carried the stuff down and filled up the display cases, then stopped to take a look around the room. The gallery looked great. I was happy with the stuff. The last time I'd done World War I, I'd gotten wrapped up in a mystery about an African-American soldier. This time, I was hoping for a nice, easy month.
Tracey was there when I got back to the desk. I said,"Tracey, I know how I get and I always drive you nuts with these things. I currently have an awesome exhibit and a history question that looks intriguing. So I'm going to apologize in advance for all my behavior for, say, the rest of the month."
Tracey laughed. "Happy New Year. A history question, huh?"
"Guy wants to know about the Dennison Family Cemetery. It's up in Noyes Township somewhere, but we're not sure where. The Genealogical Society has it placed on the south side of the river, downstream from Keating, but notes that it's not accessible except by boat, and there are no known visible graves."
Tracey looked at the ceiling for a moment. "I remember the days when this library just gave out books," she said.
With the gallery set up, I started in on the cemetery research. First, I pulled the CCGS cemetery index to make sure---There's a certain order you do these things in. It confirmed what I'd remembered---The Dennison Cemetery had been around in the 1850s, somewhere near Keating, but nobody had seen it in a while, or been there to check.
Maps. I checked the 1862 county map. It didn't show a cemetery, but on the south side of the river, on a curve, it showed the house of an H. Dennison. That would be Hiram Dennison, who'd purchased the land up there. So now I knew exactly where it was thought to be, at any rate.
I went to the closet in the Pennsylvania Room. I'd been cleaning it lately. At a recent staff meeting, everyone had simultaneously begun referring to it as "Lou's closet." I'd made no overt claim on the closet myself, but I figured I'd better go through it. I'd been working really hard at cleaning, but I'd told my co-workers I'd been crying in a fetal position so they didn't expect much.
There is a tall case of rolled maps in one corner. I looked through for anything that might help. I found maps from 1940, 1955, and 1970. I unrolled them on the table. None of them showed a cemetery in that location. I checked the GIS maps printed in 1954, lying in a huge, solid book on top of the microfilm cabinets. Nothing there, either. Often, I'm the only person who knows where to find these things.
So far, nothing. Back to Annie Snyder's drawing board.
I took a moment to e-mail Justin, the head of the Genealogical Society. He'd done a lot of the research on the cemeteries, and I clued him in to what I was doing and checked for further information.
I pulled the obit index drawer, and looked under the Ds. Only one person thought to be buried there had rated an obit---Hiram's son, Andrew. I had the obit from the microfilm in five minutes. His funeral was described as "On the south side of the river, about one mile east of Keating station, on the farm on which he had lived ever since his birth."
Which helped narrow it down a little, but not much. I was going to have to do this the hard way.
"The cheese and corn casserole is good," Biz said. "Exactly what I needed tonight."
"I got a loosed tooth," Paul announced.
"I heard," said Biz. "That's really cool."
"You want to touch it?"
"No...That kind of grosses me out," said Biz.
"Oh, that grosses you out?" Tif asked. "I've seen you happily announce the most disgusting things, but you draw the line at teeth?"
"I had an experience as a kid," said Biz. "I may have told you this, but I'm gonna pull a Lou and tell you again because I like the story."
I smiled and made a little twirling "continue" motion with my fingers.
Tif said,"Actually I do recall you telling me that once before."
"I'm gonna leave it under my pillow for the tooth fairy!" Paul said.
I stood up to start the dishes. "I'm working on a missing cemetery, did I tell you?"
"No, you didn't."
"How do you lose a cemetery?" Tif asked.
"I know exactly where they left it in 1850," I said. "The Dennison Family Cemetery; it was established around then. According to the CCGS records, it should be downstream from Keating, but they admit nobody's exactly been to check lately. It's only accessible by boat, apparently."
"So you're going to do what?" Tif asked. "Just start randomly digging and hope you find bodies?"
"First off, that's illegal," I said. "Also, I don't stand much chance of getting over there. It's either a boat trip or one hell of an off-trail hike. I tried going off-trail once in that area, and I fucked it up very badly. It's pretty easy to get lost out there."
"Too bad," commented Biz. "I'd love to see you dig up a skull."
"I'd be surprised."
"So what is your next step?" Biz asked.
"Gonna get down to the courthouse, probably next week while Paul's in school. I'll check on a title search of the family, see if I can find a will maybe. Something the describes the property. Maybe something on the documents will mention the cemetery. If I can find any mention of it, I'll call this one a win."
"Do you think there's any remains?"
"I doubt it, somehow," I said. "CCGS is really good. I think if there were still markers, they'd have found them. It was very near the river; I suspect anything in that cemetery was wiped out by floods. Like I said, the whole cemetery seems to have only been accessible by boat, even in the old days. I found an obit for the owner's son that mentioned his funeral."
"Wait...." said Biz,"So for a funeral, they had to boat everyone over, along with the dead body? Cool."
"Now that I think about it, probably not. The Dennisons lived on that land, though christ knows how they got to it. They're the only family that did have easy access to the place."
"Insane," said Tif.
"You like that? Hell, in Glen Union they used to bury people in barns during the winter. When they ground was frozen, they'd bury people in the barn, where it was warmer. Then in the spring they'd dig them up and move them to the cemetery. Hell, there was a woman that never got moved---Nancy Kepler. She's still in the barn. There's a marker just outside it."
"Let's not move Nancy," intoned Biz. "We never liked her anyway."
I sat on the couch late at night watching TV, my wife sitting beside me. She said,"Paul's vacation is over. He goes back to school tomorrow."
I nodded. "He may give me a little trouble there. He and I have spent most of the past two weeks together; he hasn't wanted me out of his sight."
"Think he'll cry?"
"I hope not, but it could happen."
"We'll see."
"I gotta run down to the courthouse annex and check some documents while he's in school."
We sat in silence for a moment. She asked,"Did you go to your school dances?"
"Not so much. A couple of times, in seventh grade when they were new to me, and maybe a little in high school with my friends. But no, not really. I was mostly out on an adventure at the time."
"Did you ever take a girl?"
I made a sarcastic noise with my mouth.
"Oh, come on," said Michelle. "I'll bet the girls all wanted to go out with you."
"They did not."
"You don't know."
"They were very clear on that point."
"There was probably at least one who had a crush on you."
"Trust me. None of the girls in Northern Lehigh were interested in a guy who spent his time looking for water monsters and buried treasures. I was voted Most Likely To Remain In High School The Rest Of His Life."
"And yet you named your son after your favorite teacher."
"Yeah. Well. Paula showed me that she cared."
There was a reason that in over thirty years, I had never once attended a reunion. Hell, I rarely even visited my old school; I had no idea what it even looked like now. Trips home were generally spent at my family's farm outside of town. I'd never been one of the popular kids in school, always off having an adventure that the other kids mocked, writing things about ghosts and buried treasures.
And I'd grown up to do the same thing, and make a career of it. I wrote newspaper columns about this stuff that were read far away, even in other states. Probably I had a few readers in the Northern Lehigh School District.
Life's funny that way.
In the morning, Paul and I walked together the four blocks to his school. I said,"Okay, little man. Go have a good day. Make me proud."
"Love you, Daddy," he said.
I gave him a hug. "I love you, too."
He walked into the school confidently---Like his first day. No tears, no problems. I watched him go, feeling a pang myself. It was going to take some time to get used to not having him around again.
I turned and started walking home.
Time to do what I do.
Lose myself in a mystery.
The county records had been stored in the courthouse since 1869, but about a year ago, some of the offices had moved over to the former Piper administration building on the east end of town. I walked into the Register and Recorder's office and greeted everyone. Showed a few photos of Paul. And then got to work.
I started with wills and administration notes, because they're easiest. The only one of the family to have a will registered was the wife, Elizabeth. Son Andrew and father Hiram had some estate documents, though, and I went through those without finding much. Time for the deeds. But first a restroom break.
On my way back down the hall, I spotted Justin. Justin's a local attorney, the president of CCGS, and every bit as good at this stuff as I am. We stopped to chat a moment, him in his suit, me feeling momentarily underdressed in my "Happy-Ness" Loch Ness Monster sweatshirt.
"Hi, Lou," he said. "How have you been?"
"Pretty good. Just in working on the Dennison thing. Looking through wills and stuff."
"Oh, yeah, you never know what might have a few details. I hope you find it....That was always the one we never could locate."
"I'm working on it, but I'm not holding out too much hope. Might pay to check, though. I found one mention of it in Andrew's obit."
"You found Andrews' obit?"
"Yeah, I got it right down the hall. Want a copy?"
"Sure. I just got out of a meeting. Lunch can wait. Let's take a look at a couple of deeds."
Justin and I spent the next twenty minutes picking out deeds from Noyes Township. What with the railroad right-of-way, it turned out to be somewhat complicated, but I did find a neat little description of the property on a title transfer from Hiram to his children.
"Check it out," I said. "It mentions buckwheat fields, apple trees, and a bridge."
"That's pretty good," said Justin.
"No cemeteries, though."
Justin looked at the clock. "Well, I have to run. Let me know what you find."
"I definitely will," I promised.
I walked across the hall to Assessments. Everyone here knows me. The woman said,"Hi, Lou. What can I help you with?"
"Back at the courthouse, you guys had a whole big rack of plat maps in the hall. Did they make the move with you?"
She hesitated a moment. "I think so. I think they're out here." I followed her out into the main area, where she found the plat maps rolled up in a cabinet.
"I need Noyes Township," I said.
After a moment, she found Noyes. I unrolled it on a desk. I said," I seem to have misplaced a cemetery."
"That probably won't show on the plat maps."
"I know. I'm just deep into long shot territory here. It's supposed to be right....here." I pointed at the map. "The last time anyone reports traces of it, it was maybe the 1940s. I'm trying to figure out if there are still any markers there."
Two more employees emerged from their offices. One said,"We have a map of cemeteries. All the known ones, compiled." He found a copy and unrolled it. "Nothing there."
"No, I'm sure it's nto well known. This is a neat map, though. Can I buy a copy?"
"I'll give you one for free right now."
The county government never charges me for anything. My tax dollars at work. Also your tax dollars. You should read more of my columns; get your money's worth.
The original employee came out with a photocopy of an old plat map. She handed it to me. "Is this it?"
I looked at the copy, and saw it was the area by the river in Noyes Township. Very near the river on the north end, it had a small number 62, listed as a cemetery.
"That's it," I said. "That's what I'm looking for. Can I get a copy of this?"
"This one is for you."
"When was this map made? Does it say?"
She looked the original over. "It says 1960."
"So there were traces of the cemetery long after we thought. And we have a precise location now. This is great!" I folded the copy in with my documents. "Can't wait to tell Justin. This one's a win."
That afternoon, I was working the desk at the library when Chris came in. "Hi, Lou," he said. "Happy 2020. Working on anything good lately?'
"Well...."
"Oh, boy. Every time you make that noise, I know it's going to be something interesting."
"The Dennison Family Cemetery. Up near Keating. I finally found it on an old plat map at the Piper Building. Which may be as close as I come....The place is only accessible over water, or with one hell of an off-trail hike."
Chris grinned.
"So when are we going?"
I grinned back. I'd never been the prom king, never had a good time in high school. But I'd never exactly peaked there, either---My best adventures had always been ahead.
"Uh," I said, getting out of bed. "Welcome to 2020."
First workday of the new year.
"War! Hunh!" I sang as I scanned a book at the desk. "What is it good for? Making an exhibit! Uh-huh!"
Adam looked over at me as I grabbed the books and an old World War I helmet, and headed for the gallery. "How's the display coming along, Lou?"
"Looking good," I said. "We got posters up from the Smithsonian, artifacts that have been in the attic since about 2017, and all sorts of good stuff going in. A World War I exhibit---Great way to start the new year."
I carried the stuff down and filled up the display cases, then stopped to take a look around the room. The gallery looked great. I was happy with the stuff. The last time I'd done World War I, I'd gotten wrapped up in a mystery about an African-American soldier. This time, I was hoping for a nice, easy month.
Tracey was there when I got back to the desk. I said,"Tracey, I know how I get and I always drive you nuts with these things. I currently have an awesome exhibit and a history question that looks intriguing. So I'm going to apologize in advance for all my behavior for, say, the rest of the month."
Tracey laughed. "Happy New Year. A history question, huh?"
"Guy wants to know about the Dennison Family Cemetery. It's up in Noyes Township somewhere, but we're not sure where. The Genealogical Society has it placed on the south side of the river, downstream from Keating, but notes that it's not accessible except by boat, and there are no known visible graves."
Tracey looked at the ceiling for a moment. "I remember the days when this library just gave out books," she said.
With the gallery set up, I started in on the cemetery research. First, I pulled the CCGS cemetery index to make sure---There's a certain order you do these things in. It confirmed what I'd remembered---The Dennison Cemetery had been around in the 1850s, somewhere near Keating, but nobody had seen it in a while, or been there to check.
Maps. I checked the 1862 county map. It didn't show a cemetery, but on the south side of the river, on a curve, it showed the house of an H. Dennison. That would be Hiram Dennison, who'd purchased the land up there. So now I knew exactly where it was thought to be, at any rate.
I went to the closet in the Pennsylvania Room. I'd been cleaning it lately. At a recent staff meeting, everyone had simultaneously begun referring to it as "Lou's closet." I'd made no overt claim on the closet myself, but I figured I'd better go through it. I'd been working really hard at cleaning, but I'd told my co-workers I'd been crying in a fetal position so they didn't expect much.
There is a tall case of rolled maps in one corner. I looked through for anything that might help. I found maps from 1940, 1955, and 1970. I unrolled them on the table. None of them showed a cemetery in that location. I checked the GIS maps printed in 1954, lying in a huge, solid book on top of the microfilm cabinets. Nothing there, either. Often, I'm the only person who knows where to find these things.
So far, nothing. Back to Annie Snyder's drawing board.
I took a moment to e-mail Justin, the head of the Genealogical Society. He'd done a lot of the research on the cemeteries, and I clued him in to what I was doing and checked for further information.
I pulled the obit index drawer, and looked under the Ds. Only one person thought to be buried there had rated an obit---Hiram's son, Andrew. I had the obit from the microfilm in five minutes. His funeral was described as "On the south side of the river, about one mile east of Keating station, on the farm on which he had lived ever since his birth."
Which helped narrow it down a little, but not much. I was going to have to do this the hard way.
"The cheese and corn casserole is good," Biz said. "Exactly what I needed tonight."
"I got a loosed tooth," Paul announced.
"I heard," said Biz. "That's really cool."
"You want to touch it?"
"No...That kind of grosses me out," said Biz.
"Oh, that grosses you out?" Tif asked. "I've seen you happily announce the most disgusting things, but you draw the line at teeth?"
"I had an experience as a kid," said Biz. "I may have told you this, but I'm gonna pull a Lou and tell you again because I like the story."
I smiled and made a little twirling "continue" motion with my fingers.
Tif said,"Actually I do recall you telling me that once before."
"I'm gonna leave it under my pillow for the tooth fairy!" Paul said.
I stood up to start the dishes. "I'm working on a missing cemetery, did I tell you?"
"No, you didn't."
"How do you lose a cemetery?" Tif asked.
"I know exactly where they left it in 1850," I said. "The Dennison Family Cemetery; it was established around then. According to the CCGS records, it should be downstream from Keating, but they admit nobody's exactly been to check lately. It's only accessible by boat, apparently."
"So you're going to do what?" Tif asked. "Just start randomly digging and hope you find bodies?"
"First off, that's illegal," I said. "Also, I don't stand much chance of getting over there. It's either a boat trip or one hell of an off-trail hike. I tried going off-trail once in that area, and I fucked it up very badly. It's pretty easy to get lost out there."
"Too bad," commented Biz. "I'd love to see you dig up a skull."
"I'd be surprised."
"So what is your next step?" Biz asked.
"Gonna get down to the courthouse, probably next week while Paul's in school. I'll check on a title search of the family, see if I can find a will maybe. Something the describes the property. Maybe something on the documents will mention the cemetery. If I can find any mention of it, I'll call this one a win."
"Do you think there's any remains?"
"I doubt it, somehow," I said. "CCGS is really good. I think if there were still markers, they'd have found them. It was very near the river; I suspect anything in that cemetery was wiped out by floods. Like I said, the whole cemetery seems to have only been accessible by boat, even in the old days. I found an obit for the owner's son that mentioned his funeral."
"Wait...." said Biz,"So for a funeral, they had to boat everyone over, along with the dead body? Cool."
"Now that I think about it, probably not. The Dennisons lived on that land, though christ knows how they got to it. They're the only family that did have easy access to the place."
"Insane," said Tif.
"You like that? Hell, in Glen Union they used to bury people in barns during the winter. When they ground was frozen, they'd bury people in the barn, where it was warmer. Then in the spring they'd dig them up and move them to the cemetery. Hell, there was a woman that never got moved---Nancy Kepler. She's still in the barn. There's a marker just outside it."
"Let's not move Nancy," intoned Biz. "We never liked her anyway."
I sat on the couch late at night watching TV, my wife sitting beside me. She said,"Paul's vacation is over. He goes back to school tomorrow."
I nodded. "He may give me a little trouble there. He and I have spent most of the past two weeks together; he hasn't wanted me out of his sight."
"Think he'll cry?"
"I hope not, but it could happen."
"We'll see."
"I gotta run down to the courthouse annex and check some documents while he's in school."
We sat in silence for a moment. She asked,"Did you go to your school dances?"
"Not so much. A couple of times, in seventh grade when they were new to me, and maybe a little in high school with my friends. But no, not really. I was mostly out on an adventure at the time."
"Did you ever take a girl?"
I made a sarcastic noise with my mouth.
"Oh, come on," said Michelle. "I'll bet the girls all wanted to go out with you."
"They did not."
"You don't know."
"They were very clear on that point."
"There was probably at least one who had a crush on you."
"Trust me. None of the girls in Northern Lehigh were interested in a guy who spent his time looking for water monsters and buried treasures. I was voted Most Likely To Remain In High School The Rest Of His Life."
"And yet you named your son after your favorite teacher."
"Yeah. Well. Paula showed me that she cared."
There was a reason that in over thirty years, I had never once attended a reunion. Hell, I rarely even visited my old school; I had no idea what it even looked like now. Trips home were generally spent at my family's farm outside of town. I'd never been one of the popular kids in school, always off having an adventure that the other kids mocked, writing things about ghosts and buried treasures.
And I'd grown up to do the same thing, and make a career of it. I wrote newspaper columns about this stuff that were read far away, even in other states. Probably I had a few readers in the Northern Lehigh School District.
Life's funny that way.
In the morning, Paul and I walked together the four blocks to his school. I said,"Okay, little man. Go have a good day. Make me proud."
"Love you, Daddy," he said.
I gave him a hug. "I love you, too."
He walked into the school confidently---Like his first day. No tears, no problems. I watched him go, feeling a pang myself. It was going to take some time to get used to not having him around again.
I turned and started walking home.
Time to do what I do.
Lose myself in a mystery.
The county records had been stored in the courthouse since 1869, but about a year ago, some of the offices had moved over to the former Piper administration building on the east end of town. I walked into the Register and Recorder's office and greeted everyone. Showed a few photos of Paul. And then got to work.
I started with wills and administration notes, because they're easiest. The only one of the family to have a will registered was the wife, Elizabeth. Son Andrew and father Hiram had some estate documents, though, and I went through those without finding much. Time for the deeds. But first a restroom break.
On my way back down the hall, I spotted Justin. Justin's a local attorney, the president of CCGS, and every bit as good at this stuff as I am. We stopped to chat a moment, him in his suit, me feeling momentarily underdressed in my "Happy-Ness" Loch Ness Monster sweatshirt.
"Hi, Lou," he said. "How have you been?"
"Pretty good. Just in working on the Dennison thing. Looking through wills and stuff."
"Oh, yeah, you never know what might have a few details. I hope you find it....That was always the one we never could locate."
"I'm working on it, but I'm not holding out too much hope. Might pay to check, though. I found one mention of it in Andrew's obit."
"You found Andrews' obit?"
"Yeah, I got it right down the hall. Want a copy?"
"Sure. I just got out of a meeting. Lunch can wait. Let's take a look at a couple of deeds."
Justin and I spent the next twenty minutes picking out deeds from Noyes Township. What with the railroad right-of-way, it turned out to be somewhat complicated, but I did find a neat little description of the property on a title transfer from Hiram to his children.
"Check it out," I said. "It mentions buckwheat fields, apple trees, and a bridge."
"That's pretty good," said Justin.
"No cemeteries, though."
Justin looked at the clock. "Well, I have to run. Let me know what you find."
"I definitely will," I promised.
I walked across the hall to Assessments. Everyone here knows me. The woman said,"Hi, Lou. What can I help you with?"
"Back at the courthouse, you guys had a whole big rack of plat maps in the hall. Did they make the move with you?"
She hesitated a moment. "I think so. I think they're out here." I followed her out into the main area, where she found the plat maps rolled up in a cabinet.
"I need Noyes Township," I said.
After a moment, she found Noyes. I unrolled it on a desk. I said," I seem to have misplaced a cemetery."
"That probably won't show on the plat maps."
"I know. I'm just deep into long shot territory here. It's supposed to be right....here." I pointed at the map. "The last time anyone reports traces of it, it was maybe the 1940s. I'm trying to figure out if there are still any markers there."
Two more employees emerged from their offices. One said,"We have a map of cemeteries. All the known ones, compiled." He found a copy and unrolled it. "Nothing there."
"No, I'm sure it's nto well known. This is a neat map, though. Can I buy a copy?"
"I'll give you one for free right now."
The county government never charges me for anything. My tax dollars at work. Also your tax dollars. You should read more of my columns; get your money's worth.
The original employee came out with a photocopy of an old plat map. She handed it to me. "Is this it?"
I looked at the copy, and saw it was the area by the river in Noyes Township. Very near the river on the north end, it had a small number 62, listed as a cemetery.
"That's it," I said. "That's what I'm looking for. Can I get a copy of this?"
"This one is for you."
"When was this map made? Does it say?"
She looked the original over. "It says 1960."
"So there were traces of the cemetery long after we thought. And we have a precise location now. This is great!" I folded the copy in with my documents. "Can't wait to tell Justin. This one's a win."
That afternoon, I was working the desk at the library when Chris came in. "Hi, Lou," he said. "Happy 2020. Working on anything good lately?'
"Well...."
"Oh, boy. Every time you make that noise, I know it's going to be something interesting."
"The Dennison Family Cemetery. Up near Keating. I finally found it on an old plat map at the Piper Building. Which may be as close as I come....The place is only accessible over water, or with one hell of an off-trail hike."
Chris grinned.
"So when are we going?"
I grinned back. I'd never been the prom king, never had a good time in high school. But I'd never exactly peaked there, either---My best adventures had always been ahead.
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