Haunted America: Spirits of '76

There is nothing like a cookout. I sat with Lex, Jay, and Ashlin around our fire pit in the backyard, within view of the porch where Ida had killed herself in 1905. Paul was bouncing on the trampoline nearby. 

We'd decided to have a little post-birthday cookout together. We were roasting hot dogs, and Lex had brought her barbecue macaroni and cheese in a crock pot, for which I'd run an extension cord out the window. We'd been discussing some plans to investigate Gettysburg sometime.

"Just so everyone knows," I said,"I'm going on our annual camping trip next weekend. I'll be away from Friday to Monday. If anyone needs me, I'll be checking my cell phone."

"We'll miss you," Jay said immediately.

"I'll miss you guys, too," I said. "I'll keep you updated. The camp where we go is midway between Fort Freeland and Fort Augusta, so I'm assuming there may be some Revoluntionary War ghosts there."

"Gonna do some hunting while you're there?" asked Lex.

I nodded. "I usually find something cool to investigate when I'm away."

"I'm sorry, you can't check in early today," said the park ranger. "There's a tree down, and it took our power. We're working on getting it fixed. I'm sorry."
"Well, that's not your fault," I said. "We'll just kill a little time and come back."

Michelle and I walked out to the car. She asked,"Is there anything you wanted to do?"

"Kind of wanted to see Fort Augusta while I'm here," I said. "It's in Sunbury."

"Okay, what's the address?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I didn't think it was going to be this easy."

It took a little time, but we had plenty of that, and in a while, I was walking up to the front of Fort Augusta. Or at least, where it had stood. There was a museum and a replica of the fort there now, and I cruised around, taking some photos.

I got out my EMF detector and checked around. Nothing right away. I saw a small sign directing me to the old well from the actual fort, which struck me as interesting, so I walked over. It was amazing; a well that was two hundred and seventy years old, right here along Front Street. Not far behind it was the old powder magazine, and I got some EMF readings there. I took photos and walked back to the car.

"Did you see what you wanted to see?" asked Michelle.

I  nodded. "I got photos and a few readings; I'm happy. We can go see if the campsite's open yet."

"Can we get something to eat first?" asked Paul.

The camp was a Yogi Bear camp, which I'd never heard of until I married Michelle. They were very kid-friendly camps with lots of activities. All of which Paul and his little friend Amelia took one look at, and then decamped for the pool.

I got out some of the ghost-hunting equipment and decided to just test around randomly a bit. The cabin was a nice one, right along one of the main stretches, and there seemed to be a small family right next door.

"Nice shirt," the mom said to me.

"Oh. Thanks." It was the one with the ghost drinking coffee. "I'm a paranormal investigator."

"Oh, that's cool."

"You hunt ghosts?" asked the little boy.

"Yeah, I investigate ghosts, UFOs, monsters, all sorts of stuff."

"There's a ghost up by the bathrooms at the pool! I saw it making the door move!"
"Oh, yeah?" I smiled.

"I'm Lily," said the girl. "This is Max. He likes ghosts and stuff."

"That's cool. Me, too."
"He's always digging in our yard for buried treasure. I fall in the holes and trip."
"I'm told Indiana Jones's sister had the same problem. You guys are, what, six, seven?"

Lily looked impressed. "I'm seven and he's six. You're pretty good at that."

"I got a kid. Max, I'm gonna check up around the doors there later, and see what I can find." It occurred to me that I was talking about ghosts to two children who were about to sleep in the woods. "This place is right between two forts that were built about two hundred and fifty years ago."

"That's when America was started!" said Lily delightedly.

"You're right, it was. And I think any ghosts here might be soldiers, so they were probably pretty good guys."

"Not mean," said Lily.

"No, that's usually not what happens. Most ghosts are pretty cool. I'll let you guys know what I find, okay?"

It was my first lead, so after dinner, I walked up with the EMF detector and looked around. I walked down around the two ponds---The frog pond and the fish pond, though the frogs didn't seem to consider any one pond exclusively their territory. I stood pleasantly by the fish pond for a moment, then walked up to the area Max had described. And the EMF detector lit right up.

I was a little surprised. I checked for power lines, underground cables, engines. Nothing that stood out. In spurts, though, I was getting EMFs. 

I smiled. Max was going to love it.

I walked down to the other end of the park, and into the ranger station. A blue-haired short woman was working the counter; her name tag said MEGAN.

"Hey hey," she said. "How are you doing?"
"So far, so good. Got an odd question for you."
"Okay."

"Are there any interesting haunted stories around? Ghosts, Bigfoot sightings, anything like that?" Was a time I'd felt stupid asking things like that, but that was a long time in my past.

She grinned. "Have you heard of the Todd Sees case?"

"I have not."

She tapped the screen of her phone and handed it to me. I looked it over.

It detailed a missing person---Todd Sees of Northumberland County had disappeared in early August of 2002. A search party had failed to find him for over a day, until a helicopter had spotted his body from the air. His clothes and all his gear were missing. His body had been found in a very dense, hard to reach area under some power lines. Locals reported seeing UFOs near the power lines, which had led to some rumors of alien abductions. I read through it, fascinated.

"This is perfect," I said. "UFOs, a missing person, and it happened right around here on this very weekend twenty-two years ago? This is the perfect campfire story. Thank you, Megan. This is gold."

A bit later, I sat on the front porch of the cabin, and did what I like to do when I'm away from home. I called Chloe.

The kid had promised to pick up the phone when I called, unless she was driving---She'd recently gotten her permit. I tried to call her for information, though the truth is, I always like to have someone to talk to back home. It makes me feel a bit better. For the past year, I'd designated Chloe.

"Hey!" She sounded cheerful. "How are you doing?"

'Doing good. We're here and safe. No big rush, but I need you to look up something for me."

"Sure! You name it."

"Todd Sees. He's a big mystery around here, and I need you to find anything I may have missed. Whenever you get to it; don't drop everything, okay?"

"Won't be hard. I'll get that to you soon. Can I text this number?"

"Sure. It's my cell---It won't get photos or anything, but just words, sure."

"I'll have that to you soon."

"Thanks, Chloe. Love you."

"Love you too."

It took the kid less than an hour. My phone made a noise, and there it was, everything Chloe had dug up for me. And it was weird, allright.

Twenty-two years ago this weekend, Todd Sees had gone missing while out hunting. A search party of over two hundred people had failed to find any trace of him. Finally, a helicopter had seen his body in some brush under a power line, wearing only his underwear. No trace of the clothes had ever been found. The body was in a very hard to reach spot, among heavy brush.

Local fishermen and farmers had reported seeing lights in the sky near those same power lines, behaving strangely and causing the lines to spark. The FBI had jumped in at this point, oddly, taking the body for an autopsy and keeping it for eight weeks. No official cause of death was ever determined, and the FBI had finally blamed it on cocaine.

Chloe had included the report from the National UFO Reporting Center, with a little note saying she wasn't sure how accurate it was. I grinned. She was well aware of how hard I was on other investigators' standards, but NUFORC is actually pretty good.

Max walked by the porch. "I saw a shadow figure that wasn't from us," he told me.

I smiled. "I'll make sure to check that out, too. Thanks."

The sun was beginning to go down. I could, I supposed, do a little investigating. Or I could go inside the cabin and watch TV.

Ten minutes later, I was out in the woods north of camp wearing my shoulder bag. There were trails on the camp property, and I'd taken one of the loops. Then I'd slipped off onto another trail leading north, off amp property, until I'd gotten to somewhere near where Sees had disappeared.

Flashlight in one hand. EMF detector in the other. I turned it on and walked around. After a few passes, it lit up red and beeped. No power lines close enough to set it off, no batteries nearby. Could possibily be the ghost of Todd Sees.

And that had been the easier part. Next up, the UFOs.

Paul and Amelia were in the back room, building forts out of their bunks by hanging the sheets on the top bunks and threading glow sticks into the beds. I watched for a while, then went outside to the path.

I could see the power lines across the mountains in the distance, likely the same power lines where Sees was found. How the hell does that happen, anyway? How do you get lost near power lines, even on cocaine? You just follow them for a while, and they'll always lead to someplace. The more I thought about all this, the less sense it made.

I walked along the path toward the ponds, keeping an eye on the mountains. A few times, I pulled out my optical scope and looked out at the lines. Then I remembered to remove the goddamned lens cap. There were four towers up there, holding up the lines, with blinking red lights. I walked to the pool area, and back, judging the view.

And, in the end, the best place to look was from right on the front porch of the cabin.

I sat down with the scope, lifted it, and found out immediately that it was too dark and I couldn't see shit. So I put it away and watched without it.

The thing about UFOs is they're kind of hard to investigate. You can go to the site and check for clues, but when it happened two decades ago, there's not much point. I immediately did another step, which was to send Chloe a message asking her to find out where all the airports and hospitals were---That might explain unusual lights in the sky. Back in 2002, drones weren't a consideration. So I settled in to do the next step  could think of---Stake the damn thing out and see what I noticed. Designate this one NC-02.

So for the next two hours, I sat on the porch with a cup of microwave coffee, my equipment, and a copy of one of my favorite books. (Steel Beach by John Varley.) I read a bit, got interrupted by Paul a bit, and kept a watch for anything unusual on the mountain near the power lines.

I sat for the next couple of hours, and nothing happened. I hadn't really expected it to, but sometimes you get lucky. 

Finally I gave it up for the night and went to bed.

The next day, it was pouring. I climbed out of bed and had to put on my waterproof LHPS jacket to go get a shower. When I got back I made another cup of coffee and heated up a burrito I'd brought for specifically that purpose, and then retreated back to the porch.

I thought things over while I waited, and none of it made any sense. He'd gotten lost, apparently, in a reasonably populated place with plenty of landmarks. From these mountains, there was civilization around within a hike of a couple hours, tops. His clothes and equipment had been missing, and never found, which is weird to begin with. Even if the lights were unrelated, it was a strange coincidence.

There's a phenomenon called paradoxical undressing, where hypothermia victims remove their clothes, but I didn't find hypothermia to be much of a possibility in early August. And how far could he have gotten without clothes and shoes anyway?

At some point, Paul rousted himself and came out on the porch. Blearily, he looked out at the weather.

"It's raining," he noticed.

I nodded. "Probably gonna be like this all day."

"Can we go shopping?"

"I don't have anything else to do. It's okay with me if it's okay with your mom."

We drove into Selinsgrove, and I convinced the family to let me off at a thrift store while they went to Wal-Mart. I managed to score a pair of nice slip-on shoes and pajama pants with skulls on them. Then we drove over to a nearby mall, which apparently is still a thing.

As we walked through the mall, Paul looked over at a shop that seemed to be all about cryptids. "Hey, Dad," he said.

I veered off and walked in. There was a Mothman sculpture by the door, and Bigfoot shirts hanging everywhere. I liked it. The owners were behind their counter, and a flat-nosed dog came to greet me.

"Oh," I said, and knelt down to pet her. "You're a cutie."

She licked my face.

"That's Raven," said the owner. "She loves everyone."

"So, you guys do cryptids," I said, stepping up to the counter. "Are you familiar with the Giwoggle?"

The woman smiled. "I'm not. I thought I knew them all."

"That one's pretty obscure. It's the official cryptid of Clinton County."

She typed on her laptop, and said,"Oh, here it is. Are you Lou?"

"I am. I wrote most of the Giwoggle stuff."

"You're a writer?"
"Freelance. PA Wilds and NCPA, mostly."

"You know, we work with Strange Knocks magazine," she said. "The editor has been looking for content. Would you be interested?"

I handed her my card. "Sure, I wouldn't mind. I'm not even all that picky about the money. Get in touch." I picked up a couple of Squonk stickers. "I'll take these, too."

When we got back, it was still raining. But they appeared to have opened the splash pad, which Paul took one look at and lit up.

"The splash pad is open! I'm going over!" And the kid who takes forever to get ready for school was in his swimsuit in four seconds, and racing for the pad.

I sat down on the porch with the scope, and sighted it in again. I checked the power lines on the mountain, and had a good enough view through the fog. I zoomed in on the slide tower over at the splash pad, and saw Paul at the top. He saw me looking at him through the scope, and held up two fingers, peace-sign style. 

I grinned and returned the sign, and he disappeared down the slide.

So apparently we had a new thing.

When it got dark, I called Chloe again.

"How's it going?"

"Having fun. Miss you guys; looking forward to getting home." This kid had started out as just The Kid On My Tours, years ago. And then, last year, she'd become my sidekick and occasional coffee meet-up, and now, finally, my teammate and one of my best friends in the world.

"I can understand that. How's the mystery going?"

"I think I'm gonna have to file this one as unsolved for now," I admitted. "I've tried what I can from here, but nothing makes any sense. I'm going to have to work on this one again next time I'm out here."

"It is an interesting one."

"Thanks for your help. Couldn't do it without you."

"It was the least I could do, after all you've done for me,"

"By the way, I'm bringing you a little gift when I get home," I said. "See you soon."

Dance The Night Away: Mister Electric Boo

This is a different kind of story. It's more Paul's story than mine. I'm with him doing the paranormal investigation, and I suppose parenting. But I wouldn't be there if it weren't for him, Paul and his dance class, supporting his little friends. 

"Can we go look for ghosts?"
I looked up at the kids. Paul and some of his little dance friends were standing there, during the fundraising Bingo game on the third floor of the Piper Museum. Lilly, Kendra, Tall Addie, Short Addie, Georgie, all wanting me to go and distract them.

Well, hell. It's better than Bingo.

"Let me bring my stuff," I said. I grabbed my small travel bag from my backpack and hung it over my shoulder. "Come on, let's go check out the west side of the building."
We walked across the hall and into the big meeting room. Lilly said,"What if we get caught in here?"

"Just play innocent. They can't be too uptight about it; they didn't even lock the door. Who wants to hold the EMF detector?"

Several hands went up. I handed it to Short Addie and said,"Everyone take turns."

They began taking readings with the detector. Kendra said,"Hey! There's candy on this desk over here!"

"Can we steal some?" asked Tall Addie.

"I should be a good example, but there's peanut butter cups. One each."

We ate someone else's candy. I said,"Wait until the competitions, guys. We're gonna be in Scranton, Lancaster, and Utica, and I've already got some of the good ghost stories researched out. In fact, the theater we'll be in up in Utica is said to be haunted."

"Can we help investigate?" asked Lilly.

"Of course you can," I said. "I'll bring extra equipment."

I watched the numbers tick down on my GPS, and said,"Coming up on the overpass, kiddo. That's the one just outside of Scranton where the Suscon Screamer is said to haunt. Oh, and there are Squonk sightings, too, so keep your eyes open."

"Bet that," said Paul, in the back of the jeep.

I'd bought the GPS from Chris, and programmed in the coordinates for the overpass. As we approached, I got out my camera and turned on the EMF detector. It showed nothing as we passed under the overpass, and I didn't see anything worth noting.

Michelle glanced over from the driver's seat. "How's it going?"

"Well, that was anticlimactic."

"That didn't look too hard."

"That's what she said. Of course, the Suscon Screamer may just be an urban legend anyway. There's still stuff to check out in Scranton. There's a UFO sighting near there, a UFO that was said to have crashed in Carbondale back in 1974. It landed in a pond, and people said they saw a green light for days afterward."

"How much longer until Scranton?" asked Paul.

"About ten minutes or so. We're almost there now, buddy. Did you know that Scranton had the first electric cable cars? That's why it's called the Electric City."
"Nope, didn't know that," said Paul, texting someone.

"So you guys will be dancing Mister Electric Blue in the Electric City."

"Cool. Can we stop at Dave's Hot Chicken?"

"Are you really a paranormal investigator?" asked the guy at the hotel desk.

I'd forgotten I was wearing the shirt that said that. "Funny you should ask. I really am."

"What's the scariest thing you've ever encountered?"

"That'd be my sister-in-law. You aware of any interesting ghost stories or old legends around here?"

He thought it over. "Not really. My stepsister thinks her dad is still haunting her."

I usually ask around a little, and try to talk to some locals. Sometimes it pays off, and sometimes it doesn't. This was looking like it was going to be that second one.

"Bigfoot, UFO sightings?"

"No, but we have a woman who works breakfast in the morning. She might know something."
"Okay, thanks." I carried the luggage up to the room.

Paul was practicing one of the dance routines in the bedroom. I said,"You make sure you get sleep tonight, little man. You're not on until Sunday, but we can go tomorrow and you can support your friends, if you like."

"Yeah," he said. "I want to."

I was standing at the breakfast counter, getting some more coffee. The woman working asked me,"Are you really a paranormal investigator?"

I was still wearing the same shirt from the night before. I said,"I am. Are you familiar with any interesting haunted places around here?"

"No, not really," she said. "I'm a spiritualist, but I don't know of anything too close."

Some days it be like that. I said,"Do you know of the Carbondale sighting? A UFO crashed into a pond in 1974?"

"No, I've never heard of that one. I'd believe it, though."

I walked outside and strolled around the hotel property. I walked past the Triple-A office next door, making a note to come back when it was open and check for maps. I walked down the hill to the Sam's Club parking lot, and checked around with the EMF detector. Nothing. The strip of forest land between the hotel and the highway was covered with litter, and therefore not likely to be any sort of a harbor for the local Bigfoot sightings. Scranton, so far, was turning out to be a bust, paranormal-wise.

I looked up the hill at the hotel, through the strip of trees. If I hiked up the hill, I could use it as a shortcut to get back. I walked up, and found a stone wall with a fence atop it blocking my way.

I stopped and calculated a bit. I could climb the wall easily enough. Then maybe I could make my way along the fence until it ended, and be back on hotel lawn in a moment. I grabbed a handhold and began climbing.

There were plenty of handholds, and I got to the top and found myself standing on a very thin strip of grass on top of a ten-foot drop. With branches and obstacles in the way. It occurred to me how easily this could go wrong, and how badly hurt I could be if it did.

I grabbed the fence and braced myself, and began carefully working my way along the top of the wall. I wouldn't have thought twice about all this when I was sixteen. Of course, I got injured a lot more often back then.

In a few minutes, I'd made it to the edge of the fence, and with some relief I stepped onto the safe grass. Already risked a serious injury once today, and it was just now ten AM.

I made my way back to the Triple-A office. They wound up light on local maps, though apparently if I wanted one of Ontario I could have my pick. I did find an interesting catalogue about Lackawanna County, and took that. I walked back to the hotel, sat down in the lobby area, and began paging through.

Now, this was worth it. Pages on Bigfoot and Squonks, haunted spots, UFOs. There was a full page on the Carbondale sighting. And I found a photo that looked awfully familiar.

I got out my cell phone and called my friend Dani. Dani is a performer who does acrobatics and stilts; I'd known her for thirteen years.

"Dani, it's Lou."

"Hey! How are you doing? How's your family?"

"We're all good! Paul is in a dance competition in Scranton. Butters is doing good; he needs a haircut." We'd gotten our dog from Dani. "Dani, have you ever performed up in Lackawanna County?"

"Quite a bit!"

"I think your photo appears in a local catalogue up here. You're wearing a fedora with feathers, holding up two hoops, and standing about four feet taller than everyone else."

"That would be me, alright."

"I'll send you a copy."
"Thanks! I keep a scrapbook."

Over the years I've met some interesting people.

I went back to the hotel and sat down on the stairs, taking a moment to text Chloe and let her know how thing were going. I barely text, but Chloe is one of my few exceptions. I'd gotten used to having her as my lifeline when I was away, and she was reporting back to the rest of the team.

I took the catalogue back to the hotel room. Paul was on the bed, watching his cell phone. He looked up at me. "Can we have Dave's Hot Chicken for lunch?"

"Maybe," I said,"Hey, little man, check this out."

I showed him the picture of the Squonk. He said,"Awwww."

We walked up to the Scranton High School together, the whole family. Until Paul saw the first friend of the afternoon, said."I'm good now, Dad," and peeled off.

"Well, we used to have a kid," I commented.

Michelle and I walked through the door, and there was a line going through security. They were scanning people with metal detectors. I swear, it's easier to get into the goddamned Pentagon than your average school. The security guard stopped me and said,"Do you have anything in your pockets, sir?"

I sighed. "I have a pocketknife."

"You can't bring that in here," he said. "You'll have to leave that in your car."

I held my hand out to Michelle. "Gimmie the keys. I'll meet you."

I walked back out to the car, dropped off my knife, and started walking back. Jason, the studio owner's husband, caught me and said,"Lou! If I bring the truck around, can you help me unload that window for the act and wheel it in?"

"Oh, sure, absolutely. I'll wait here for you."

Five minutes later, he was back with his big panel truck and we unloaded one of the set pieces. It was a big window on wheels; I'd helped paint it. I wheeled it into the door, where I encountered the same security guard.

"You didn't have that before," he commented.

"I figured," I said,"If I have anything else I shouldn't, I'll just throw it out the window."

To give him credit, he laughed pretty hard at that.

I rolled the window across the floor and turned it over to Miss Nikki, one of the teachers. I walked around the lobby for a while, and spotted Paul with a whole gaggle of his little teammates, gathered in their costumes.

Miss Rachel, the studio owner, joined me. "I'm glad you guys made it," she said. "The girls didn't want to get ready without Paul. They demanded to come out here and wait for him."

I smiled. "I love what a cohesive team they are. I have my team, and Paul has his. It's always nice to see what a great group they make."

With Paul secured and everything done for the moment, I walked around the lobby a while more. I wound up back near the door, and nodded at the security guard.

"You really a paranormal investigator?" he asked.

"I'm getting a lot of that this weekend," I said. "I really am. Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers, out in Clinton County."
"That's really cool, man. Have any good stories?"

"We just recently had a pretty active investigation at an abandoned funeral home."

"Cool."

"Been looking into the UFO crash landing in Carbondale. You happen to know anything about that?"

"Oh, sure, I worked the festival once," he said. "They have a big thing up there. There's one guy who says he caused it all, though---Threw a lantern into the pond as a teenager, and then just never said anything when everyone thought it was a UFO."
"I'd heard that," I said.

"I actually talked to the guy," he told me. "He sounded pretty convincing."

I knew how that went. I'd spoken to some people who have given me the real story on paranormal events over the years. I'd also seen how something simple, like a lantern thrown into a pond, could fly completely off the rails and become a huge legend.

"I suppose I can cross that one off my list," I said. "Every once in a while, I find something like that. I had a field day with Raystown Ray a couple of years ago."

I circulated some more, watching the kids. They were sitting by one wall, and they'd get up and practice for a while, three or four of them. They'd take some photos, and laugh together, and it wasn't the first time I'd thought of it....What an amazing team they'd all become. I had Jay, Lex, Chloe, and Ashlin. Paul had Team Edge and all the other dancers.

"He was a stranger....He walked in looking for danger...."

I stood backstage, watching Paul and his team dance. Mister Electric Blue. I was always amazed at how professional they looked, in their costumes, doing their thing on stage.

"And I said, oooh! Mister Electric Blue....I believe in you....."

I ended up in the audience, with Michelle, as they brought all the kids out to sit on the stage for the awards. The announcer came out and said,"Okay, before we start, we're going to need a couple of volunteers. We need some of the dads to come up here. We're going to have a dad dance-off."

The girls all called out. From the stage, Paul glanced at me.

I stood up.

"We have our first volunteer! Come on up! What dance studio do you represent?"

"Rachel's Dance Unlimited," I said.

Three other dads joined me on the stage. The music began to play. I haven't danced since I was seventeen. I wasn't all that good at it then, and being middle-aged hasn't helped that any. But I did a little of what I remembered, and incorporated a high kick, which I knew from karate.

The kids all cheered. Paul's friends were delighted. One of the other dads won the contest, but they gave me a pair of sunglasses for my kid.

I handed them to Paul. He grinned.

"You came in second, Dad!" he said. "Can we get Dave's Hot Chicken?"

Do You Fear What I Fear: The 2025 Christmas Special

First thing in the morning, I took the dogs out. I plugged in the Christmas lights on the tree. I started coffee, and I was in the middle of making breakfast when the phone rang.

It was Chris. "Hey, Lou, I wanted to tell you this before you saw it on social media."
"Yeah?"
"Kate and I are having a baby."
I gasped. This was the best news I'd heard in about a year and a half.

"Oh my god oh my god! That's great! I am so happy for you!"

Chris laughed. "I wanted to tell you myself, as soon as I could. You deserve that. You're one of my best friends."

"You're mine." This had been true for about fifteen years, but I wasn't sure we'd ever admitted it aloud before.

"We're due sometime in early June. Right in the middle of the America 250th celebration, actually."

"Paul was born during Clinton County's 175th. He's going to be delighted. He'll want to play with your kid a lot."

"That won't be a problem."

After I got off the phone, Paul was stirring in his room. From upstairs, he called down,"Who was on the phone, Daddy?"

"That was Uncle Chris, little man. He called with big news. Uncle Chris and Aunt Kate are going to have a baby."

From the top of the stairs, Paul squealed with delight.

 

I walked into the doughnut shop and sat down across from Ashlin. "I kinda like meeting here," I said. "On Sunday nights, it's basically deserted, and we have the place to ourselves."

Ashlin nodded. "I'm all for it."

I handed Paul a gift card. "One of my editors gave me a card. There's twenty-five dollars on this, kid. Go nuts."

He ran off to the kiosk. I sipped my coffee. "We have one new member, Chloe. I've invited a couple of others, including my friend Chris. I think he'd been a good member, if he can find the time."

Ashlin grinned. "I'd invite someone, but I don't know anyone. At least, no one I'd trust on an investigation."

"We've got a couple of good ones coming up. I hope to schedule a return to that Main Street house in December---You remember the one we did a couple of years ago? They're having activity again. And there's another place in Sugar Valley that's contacted me. And, hopefully in January, there's an abandoned funeral home in Renovo."

"Oooh, that one sounds good," she said.

"You'll love it. Some of the equipment is still there."

"So I get to lay down on a morgue table."
I laughed. "I did that on the first investigation LHPS ever had. It was a funeral home up in Cameron County. I was about your age, and I did, in fact, lay down on a morgue table."

"I mean, how many chances do you get?"

"Usually just the one. I think we may get an upswing in activity soon. You know how construction can make the ghosts act up?" Ashlin nodded. I continued,"Well, the White House is said to be very haunted. As far back as the Lincoln administration, there were sightings. With Trump ripping down the East Wing, it may stir something up."
"It's always something with him. I miss the days we had boring presidents."

"Yeah. Me too. I e-mailed the White House to ask if there was an increase in activity. They said it was too soon to tell. And now I'm probably on three or four watchlists."

"Worth it."

"I've noticed that sightings see to increase in times of turmoil. The Civil War. Covid. There's always an upswing in paranormal activity. Well, nobody can deny that the country is in turmoil right now. I'm expecting there may be a lot of activity. We may be pretty busy."
Ashlin grinned. "It's about time."

One of the bad things about being a high-profile paranormal investigator is that people will find you. It can also be one of the good things. I wasn't sure which one this was yet.

I was in the doughnut shop drinking my coffee when the two women came in. Both young. One dark-haired, one lighter-haired with glasses.

They sat down with me, and I said,"So you're Jaydann and Alexis."

They nodded. "We've been on your tours," Jaydann said. The dark-haired one.

"I thought you looked familiar! Sorry it took me this long to recognize you."

She waved that away. "We wanted to learn how to hunt ghosts."
"We did Gettysburg recently, and wanted to learn more," added Alexis.

"You should know that I don't work with psychics," I said. "I've had some bad experiences with people who claimed to be psychic, but were actually either just pretending, or straight-up con artists."

"That's okay." said Jaydann. "We're not claiming to be psychic."

"I'll believe that some people might be, but not as many as they think," said Alexis.

"Okay, that's reasonable. You already have some equipment?"

"EMF detectors, cat balls, recorders, a thermal camera."

"That's a good start. My advice is to just go ahead and buy all of it. You're gonna end up with it all anyway, so you might as well get it over with. Do you know how to do any of the historical research?"

"Not yet, no," sad Jaydann. "But we were hoping that's something you could teach us."

"Do either of you have any first aid experience?"

"Both of us," said Jaydann. "I'm a home health aide."

"I'm certified in CPR and AED," Alexis told me.

I considered it, and decided to take a chance on these two. I dug into my backpack and pulled out two applications, and slid them across the table.

"Interested in joining the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers?"

Jaydann smiled. "Yes!"

"Fill out these applications and get them back to me. We've had some changes lately and I've been looking  for new members. I think you two would be good. We'll arrange some sort of a training session for you; maybe one of the local cemeteries. I've gotten a lot of reports of a house in my neighborhood being highly haunted, but we don't investigate private homes unless we're invited. We have one of those coming up in January. I'm trying to rebuild our team, and looking for the best of the best."

"We won't let you down," said Jaydann.

"I know," I said. "I have a good feeling about you two."

"Hey, kiddo." I looked in Paul's room from the hall. He was sitting on the bed with his phone. "Get this. There's a comet going by Earth; it's called 3I Atlas. I've been following the news for a couple months. It's from outside our solar system, some people think it's created by aliens, and it'll be at its closest point to Earth tonight. Want to go check with me later, if it's clear?"

"Okay, probably," said Paul.

"Maybe we'll go around the corner and check out a haunted property, too," I said. "People have been contacting me about 425 South Highland, and it's been a little slow lately. Want to come along?"

"Sure."

I walked down the hall to my office. I had a couple of hundred years of research and files lining the walls, and I sat at my desk and pulled the city directories.

I could hear the wind blowing outside. Winter had arrived; we had cold weather and an ongoing windstorm for the last few days. Yeti weather.

425 South Highland. The best way to find out about a haunting is to find out who lived there, and then who died there. In 1926, the place had been owned by the Honetor family. George Honetor. I went to the cemetery directories, and looked him up. He was buried out in Rest Haven, but he had two babies not far away in Fairview. 

Kenneth Honetor had been born in 1931, and died after two days. Harry Honetor had been four days old when he died in 1937. It appeared that the family had been living in the house at the time.

There they were. It was always something; chances are when I looked into it, I'd find the reason. That was the reason behind 425....Two dead babies.

The winter solstice---Shortest amount of daylight in the year. I looked outside to see if it was dark enough to see the stars, and it was---It had begun getting dark around four-thirty. I went upstairs and looked into Paul's room, and found him asleep on the bed. Robin never does this to Batman.

I went downstairs and pulled on my coat. It was about twenty-eight degrees out. Nice night for a walk.

In the yard, I looked around at the sky. I saw a bright light that may have been 3I Atlas, and watched it for a while. Then I walked down the street, looking at the Christmas lights. Several of the neighbors had their lights on in a cluster of homes; the street was lit right up. There was a really cool-looking reindeer made of lights in a yard half a block down. Someone had Christmas music playing: Silent night....Holy night....All is calm....All is bright....

I turned onto South Highland. I'd lived in this neighborhood for over twenty years; I knew which house was which. As I walked up the block, I turned on my EMF detector.

It was the all-in-one, which had a thermometer on it. I wasn't getting any sign of EMFs, but I noticed something as I got closer to the house---The temperature was reading fifty-five.

I had a heavy coat and my hood on. It was nowhere even remotely near fifty-five.

The lights at 425 were off; nobody appeared to be home. I walked around the yard a little bit, and the detector spiked as high as fifty-seven. When I walked away on the sidewalk, it began dropping again, until it hit the twenties. Still no EMFs.

Now, that was weird. I turned and walked past again, and this time, nothing. No temperature spikes, nothing.

I'd have to do a little more digging. I headed back to the house. It was cold out there.

"Careful on the ice."

We pulled up in Saint Agnes Cemetery and got out of the car---Me and the new two, Alexis and Jaydann. I was walking carefully on the ice sheet, sticking mostly to the grass, which had a bit more traction. Jaydann was just a head of me. Alexis, who seemed to have considerably better balance than either Jaydann or myself, was strolling casually across the icy road.

"I brought my new pack," commented Jaydann.

I grinned. "You got the ghost backpack!" Her new pack, with all her equipment in it, had sketches of little ghosts all over it. I'd worn the usual outfit with the shoulder strap, which was easy to throw a heavy coat over. I was wearing the heavier hood; it was about twenty-eight degrees out.

"The grave we're looking for is over here," I said, leading them across the cemetery. "A murdered man whose ghost was reported as attending his own funeral. When they got out here, the strap that was being used to lower the coffin in wrapped around a pallbearer's leg and almost pulled him into the grave. The pallbearer was arrested as being the murderer, but not convicted."

"Whoa," said Alexis.

"About here, near this tree." I looked around. "Maybe under the snow. I didn't completely think this through. But it's right around here, so let's check it out."

Alexis got out her thermal imager and began checking around. Jaydann borrowed mine, and said,"This thing is about to die."

"Really?" I glanced over. "Yeah, looks like I need to change the batteries. Yours is better anyway. Let me get a few photos."

I clicked some shots, and Alexis said,"Do you hear that?"

I stopped and listened. "I hear something---"

"From up there. I'm hearing what sounds like footsteps."

"An animal maybe?"

"Would have to be an awfully big heavy deer. It sounds like a human."

"I don't see anything. I'm getting photos." I got out my camera and snapped several shots, which is procedure.

We walked out from under the tree, into more of a clear area. I heard the footsteps again, up above us on the hill. Alexis said,"There---"

"Yeah." I got some more photos and set my digital recorder on a gravestone. "Going to recording. December at six-forty-five PM, Saint Mary's Cemetery. Lou."

"Jaydann."

"Alexis."
"Is anyone here?"

I liked these two. I couldn't help it. They were enthusiastic, dedicated, and willing to learn. They were also kind of fun to spend time with.

Alexis was clicking photos with her phone. She said,"Look at this one."

Her photo showed the cemetery, looking downhill, but it had an odd streak in it. I said,"Is it still snowing? It doesn't really seem to be, does it?"

"And it's going sideways," said Jaydann.

"It is," I agreed. "The wind isn't blowing enough to make it go horizontal like that."

"You think we have something?"

"We might," I agreed. "You two are good. I spent a couple of months considering people for new members, and none were quite right. And the you two showed up. You're the best Christmas gift I could ask for. You want to see Fairview Cemetery on the way home?"

For the record, I wouldn't much mind being visited by three ghosts for Christmas, but that hasn't yet happened to me. Occasionally I encounter the one I live with. Mostly, it's just the family and me getting together for Christmas dinner.

"Paul," I said,"I have one more present for you." I reached into my pocket and handed him my old Swiss Army knife---The one I'd recently replaced. "This is for you now. You've earned it. Take care of it."

Paul smiled. "Okay," he said.

"I thought, since you liked this one better, you can have it," I said. "If you don't really want it right now, I can keep it until you're ready."

"No," he said. "I want it."

Thin Ice: Cold Wave

In decades of ghost-hunting, I'd never seen anything this terrifying.

"Do not touch anything," I said.

Paul and his little friend Ella looked up at me as we stood in the music store, among the expensive musical instruments. I was looking around at the inventory, absolutely terrified that something was going to be broke within the next five minutes.

"Your mom is picking up your violin for school," I said to Paul. "In the meantime, you guys stay calm. Do not test the drums. Do not try the guitars. Just don't. Touch. Anything."

"Okay," said Paul.

"Oooh, are those pianos?" said Ella.

I walked outside into the parking lot. I didn't want to see whatever came next. It was snowing. I dug into my pack, pulled out my binoculars, and looked south, toward the river.

"I have a new UFO sighting," I told Emily. "Well, new for me. It happened in 1992."

I was packaging some papers, and she was trying to fix a printer jam. She asked me,"Where's this one?"

"Williamsport. So I thought I'd take a look while we were getting Paul's violin with the kids. I really didn't want to be in there with them. Paul's friend Ella somehow manages to be both a little sweetheart and a holy terror simultaneously. She's a nice kid, but she's wild. Every time she comes over to the house, we get things broken, expensive perfumes sprayed on the dogs, my shaving cream used to make slime, and whatever else she can think of. In retrospect, bringing her along to the music store was not a well-thought-out move."

"Oh good god," said Emily. "So how'd you find out about this UFO?"

"My friend Norman shared it on his blog," I said. "In February of 1992, a whole lot of witnesses all along the Susquehanna saw boomerang-shaped UFOs with flashing lights in the sky. There were newspaper articles about it; I'm going to check the archives later. My personal file designation for this is WP-92, but at the time it was known as the Williamsport Wave."

"Any ideas?"

"It being 1992, I can safely rule out drones, but otherwise, not yet. Gonna run down the checklist, look at airports, military testing, and stuff like that."

"That makes sense, to have a sort of standard operating procedure."

"If you have any thoughts, let me know. I can use the input," I said. I picked up the small drill I'd brought in. "I'll be down in the basement doing some repairs."

Emily smiled. "Got it."

I walked downstairs. The basement of the print shop was becoming quite a project for me. I'd started by creating a little secret hideout, and then expanded, and the whole thing was becoming a big work thing on my part. I had a whole lot of new shelf space created, I was weekly cleaning out all of the scrap cardboard, I had a workspace, and I even had vague plans to make an exercise area on the south end. 

I walked into my hideout, and got a dry-erase marker. I wiped off the laminated sign that read "42 DAYS WITHOUT AN ALIEN INVASION" and changed it back to zero. My way of keeping track of UFO investigations.

Using the drill, I moved a portable light from one space to a better one, and then repaired a small table and moved it into my work area. I moved some useless junk down to the far end out of the way, and cleared off a shelf and moved it into place. Then I went back upstairs to get some of the stock paper and bring it down, thus clearing some space above for other purposes.

Everyone was in the front office. Emily grinned at me. "We can hear you hammering down there."

"Got some stuff fixed," I said. "Did you know there are three mattresses down there?"

The boss laughed. "I knew about one of them. Did you see the oven?"

"There's an oven?"

We had a vegetable platter on the table; I helped myself to a couple of them. "My suggestion is that we move all the paper stuff away from the west wall. That seems to be where the moisture is coming in. I'll work on that once this seriously gets underway."

Kelli laughed. "You've been at this two weeks, shoving stuff around all day, and you're not seriously underway yet?"

"Well, been making myself a secret headquarters."

"Is there room to lay down one of those mattresses?" Emily asked. "I've been looking for an apartment."

I grinned. "Wouldn't it be cool to stay overnight and ghost hunt?"

"That'd be creepy."

"Nah, you get used it."

"I'll never be late for work," she said. "I can call upstairs and say,'Hey, I'm working from home today.'"

It was snowing and icy at the bus stop on the corner. Of course, that didn't stop Paul and has friends from wearing light jackets and sandals. Meanwhile, I was wrapped up in my puffy vest with my fleece hood. I used to worry that my kid was just weird about the cold weather, but it turns out they're apparently all like that.

"Don't forget, Dad," said Paul,"The Bingo fundraiser for my dance class is Sunday."

"Down at the Piper Museum, right? I've signed up to volunteer for it. I also donated five tour tickets that I had Emily design for me. I won't forget."

The kids were playing around. One of the boys, a nice enough kid, always chats with me about stuff he's interested in. I decided to put the kid to use.

"Hey, Wyatt, you're into planes, right? Do you know any of them that are sort of boomerang-shaped, with a couple of lights on each wing?"

"B-52 Spirit," the kid said immediately. "It's a stealth bomber."

I nodded. "That helps."

The bus came, and the kids all climbed on. "Bye, Dad! Love you!" Paul called as he ran for the bus.

I walked home in the snow. Rosie and Butters were waiting for me when I got there. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. Worked on an article for a while, and then re-read some reports of the Williamsport Wave.

Might have been some sort of plane, but it wasn't a stealth anything; witnesses reported hearing a loud noise as it flew. I found an account from one guy who claimed he'd figured it out, and it was an old dirigible from a New Jersey company, but when I looked up the company, they'd gone out of business by that time.

I checked social media, and saw that one of my former editors had posted a photo. She'd seen what appeared to be a deer in her yard, but it was weird---Short and chubby and not entirely deer-like. I looked at it and smiled.

"It's called a Not-Deer," I told Emily. "That's when people think they've seen a deer, but then they realized there's something wrong with it. They kind of look like deer, but you can see they don't quite line up. This one is pretty easily explainable; people are probably just seeing deer with some sort of disease or deformity. In this case, a former editor of mine posted a photo of what looks like a deer, but it's especially chubby and has forward-facing eyes."

She grinned. "I like how you can just come up with all these different cryptids."
"Oh, there are plenty of them. You familiar with the Squonk?" 

"Is that some kind of Bigfoot?"

"No, the Squonk is a little pig-like creature indigenous to Pennsylvania. They're considered very ugly, and they know it, so they sit in the forest and cry all day."

"Awww...."

"I know. Everyone loves the Squonk. Funny thing is, if the Squonks knew how much people love them, they'd stop crying."

Emily grinned. "Is it still cold out?"
"Like twenty-nine degrees. Solid sheets of ice outside. Plus a wind warning."

"Did you have any trouble biking in today?"
"Oh, you have no idea."

"When's the first day of spring?"

"I think it's March twentieth, and personally I cannot wait."

"So, any ideas for investigating?"

"I figure I'll call DCNR and ask about the Not-Deer. They can tell me if there are any genetic anomalies or anything that could explain it. As for the Williamsport Wave....Well, down at the Piper Museum they have files on a lot of government testing and flights. I need to get a look during Paul's Bingo game Sunday."

"You mean....."
I nodded. "That's right. I gotta sneak into the Piper Museum."

"B-4."

I stood by the door, directing people into the Bingo game. We were on the third floor of the Piper Museum, where I'd once been the curator. Michelle had met a couple of her work friends and gone to play, and Paul had disappeared with some of his little friends from dance class. After telling me that I was embarrassing and instructing me not to look directly at him. And then asking for money.

The owner of the dance studio came up. "How's it going?" she asked.

"Smooth enough," I said. "Not too much overcrowding yet."

She nodded. "Good. Now, those tour tickets you donated....Is that one ticket per person, or....?"

"Nah, unlimited number of people. I've done tours with as many as ninety people; I can handle whoever they can come up with."

"Oh, good. I'll make an announcement. I'm not even sure I know ninety people."

Looking through the door, I saw my friend Ian walk out into the hall, and I stepped out and chased him down. Ian works with the DCNR, and is the guy who books me for speeches and stuff in the state parks. 

"Ian! Hey! Got a question for you."

"Hi, Lou! What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking into deer lately. Is there anything, any condition or something, that might make a deer look like it has front-facing eyes?"

"You know deer don't, right?...."

"Yeah, I know, they're not predators. But is there anything that might give that impression?"
"Discoloration, perhaps. Or a genetic mutation. Or, most likely, some sort of sore that people mistook for eyes."

"That could be. Thanks, Ian. E-mail me about programs this summer, okay?"

"You got it."

I walked into the room across the hall. Michelle wouldn't notice; she was playing Bingo. She was probably used to this by now anyway. I'd been slipping off on some little side quest on family trips and events for the last couple of decades; she'd probably be alarmed if I didn't disappear for a while. 

Down in the lobby, I took a moment to plan out my route. I'd been the curator of this museum for three years; I knew every hallway and stairwell. I knew which doors led where, and which were most likely to be unlocked.

There was a door way back in the back that led down to the hangar. I had to climb over a small barricade, but I walked down the stairs and onto the floor. I walked past the planes; I'd always loved these airplanes. I took a moment to stop at my favorite, the Piper Aztec, and then I walked into the workshop area and behind some old Piper signs.

The staircase was where I remembered it, on the exterior wall behind the workshop. It led upstairs, into the archives.

"I'm in." 

I've always wanted to say that.

There was a lot of stuff in here, if you knew where to look. And I knew---This had once been my office.

I checked the air route map first. It showed me that the area where the Williamsport Wave had been sighted was, in fact, a legal air route---Planes were routed along that part of the Susquehanna. 

That's a start.

I checked a couple of other files, and found what I needed. There had been some aircraft testing done in the nineties at Fort Indiantown Gap. It would have likely taken them along the river.

"Bingo."

I slipped out, retraced my route, and went back upstairs. The Bingo game was still going on. I made the rounds, checked to see if I was needed.

Paul appeared out of nowhere. 

"Dad? We had a spill in the play room."

"Okay," I said. "Let's go see."

We walked into the play room, which was actually just an empty room where they'd sent the kids. Paul and his little dance friends were having a good time in there, occasionally breaking out into songs. One of them asked me,"Did you bring the tickets for the haunted tours?"

"Yeah, that was me."

"He does that all the time," Paul said airily.

Her eyes widened. "Do you see ghosts?"

"Well, we investigate them."

One of the other girls said,"Can you tell us some ghost stories?"
I smiled.

"If you'd like," I said. "We've been to a lot of haunted places."

On Monday, the temperature rose to forty-six degrees by the time I left for work. It's amazing how warm that can feel after almost two months of weather in the teens. I biked in to work with my lighter jacket on for the first time in a while.

Downstairs, in my hideout, I looked at my sign. "0 DAYS WITHOUT AN ALIEN INVASION." I scrubbed out the zero, and added a one.

Emily found me outside the back door of the Hecht Building, along Mill Street, facing the YEarick Building. The bank sign across the street said it had gone up to fifty-two degrees.

"Thought you might have gone down to your secret hideout in the basement," she said.

"I figured I'd come and enjoy the nice weather for a bit," I said. "Looks like spring might be on the way."

"About time. How was your weekend?"

"Bumped into a friend who answered the Not-Deer question. And I did get into the files over at Piper---Turns out there was military testing from Fort Indiantown Gap around that time, so that may have accounted for the Williamsport Wave. All of the secret passages and concealed stairways are where I remember them being."

Emily laughed. "And you just snuck in."

"It's amazing what you can accomplish when you're not above a little trespassing. How was your weekend?"

"It was nice. I spent time with my sister, since she was home from college."

"Ah, good. Glad you had a good time." I looked out at the street. "Nice day."

"Nice day," she agreed, and we turned our faces to the sun.

I smiled.

"The cold doesn't last forever," I said. "Spring is coming."

Drone For The Holidays: The 2024 Christmas Special

It's interesting to party with Human Resources. They don't care about any of the rules. My wife's company Christmas party was an annual event, and I was sitting at a table with the HR staff, on my fourth beer.

"What do I do with these?" her boss asked, holding up a string of tickets he'd been given.

"They're raffle tickets," said Michelle. "You put your name on them and drop them in the boxes over there. I'm hoping to win a deep fryer."
"Anyone have a pen?" he asked.

I handed mine over. "I'm a writer. Of course I have a pen."

"Are you really a writer?" asked the accounting person.

I nodded. "I really am. Freelance. I write for the Clinton County Record, PA Wilds, NCPA, a couple of other places."

"I stumbled on one of your articles a while ago," said Michelle's friend April. "I was like,'Hey, I know that guy!'"

"What do you write?" the accountant asked.

"Local history and paranormal stuff," I said. "It's about the only honest way you can make money as a paranormal investigator."

"Oh, that has to be interesting."

I thought back. Over the past couple of months, I'd already investigated my family's farm, my workplace, a hotel in the next county, and looked for Bigfoot in a forest.

"Sometimes," I said.

The weather outside was frightful. But inside, we had a team of people who weren't going to be scared off by anything---Me, Tim, Ashlin, and Millie sat around the table at our monthly meeting of the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers.

We had snacks on the table, and drinks. Gifts from one another. After the chaotic year I'd had, this was everything a holiday should be about.

"Tim, I got you something special," I said. I handed him a historic 1894 book about the railroads. "Bound it myself at work."

He grinned. "Thank you! I actually wanted this. I had plans to go and buy it. Got you something, too."

He passed over a little bag, and inside was a coffee mug from his team, Swartz Paranormal. I said,"Thank you! I can always use a mug."

"I considered ordering pizza," said Millie,"But I wanted to wait and make sure everyone was going to make it."

"This is fine, Millie," I assured her. "I love the snacks. But I wasn't going to miss out on this."

"I didn't care if I had to drive through the storm," agreed Ashlin. "I was going to make this meeting."

"I got you all something else," I said. I got in my bag and pulled out a shrink-wrapped pack of LHPS calendars, and handed them out. They had our little ghost symbol on top, with the year 2025 waiting underneath.

"I'm going to hang mine in my office at work," said Ashlin.

"I was debating what to get everyone, and then I remembered I work in a print shop," I said. "I had my friend Emily, who is brilliant and doesn't realize it, come up with the design for me."

"This is great," said Millie.

I smiled. "Happy holidays, you guys."

Paul and Tif made it a point to get together for dinner about once a week. This week, I'd been invited along, and we sat at McDonald's eating our food. I said,"You see the newspaper reported on the national drone sightings?"

"I've seen a little of that, but I haven't been following it much," said Tif. "What's going on with that?"

"People have been reporting drones, huge clusters of them. They've been spotted in New Jersey, New York, Virginia, and Pennsylvania. All the conspiracy theorists have been going nuts over it."

Tif nodded. "And what's your theory? Assuming you have an interest in this; it's a little outside your usual line."

"Well, drones get reported as UFOs a lot, so I pay attention. All sorts of things get reported as UFOs. Including, once, a goddamn gender reveal party. You remember back in 2016 when everyone was reporting clowns attacking them?"

Tif nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"I think it's going to be like that. When you really dig into it, only the first clown sighting was actually real, and that probably was a couple of drunks screwing around. Everything after that was third-hand information, or people claiming they heard a noise and it was probably a clown, or something. There were no real hard sightings after the first one. Hell, the Bermuda Triangle pretty much is the same concept---No actual documented disappearances there, either."

"And these drones haven't been photographed?"

"One politician posted a photo. Republican, of course. He had a photo of lights in the sky, and demanded the government do something about them. But they were clearly the constellation Orion, so he was demanding that the government do something about the stars."

Tif  laughed. "Yeah, Republican, allright."

It was cold, but not snowing anymore. Paul and I walked along our street on the way home, singing choruses of "Silver Bells" together.

I stopped and frowned, looking at the sky to the northeast. "What the hell is that?"

Paul stopped and looked. "That bright light?"

"Yeah."

"Looks weird."

"It does," I agreed. "Too bright to be a star."

"No, that's not a star."

It was a very bright light, hanging in the sky. I said,"Helicopter?"

"That doesn't look like a helicopter. Is it a tower on the mountain?"

"Too high up."

"Santa?"

"Too early."

"I think it's a drone," commented Paul.

The light moved, rising and coming toward us, flying in roughly a southwest direction. As it came overhead, I could see a little better.

"It's triangle-shaped," I said. "We have an actual triangle-shaped UFO."
It disappeared over the horizon, and we reached our house and came in. Rosie and Butters, as they always do, ran to greet me at the door.

I sat down at the table and turned on my laptop. I scrolled through Facebook for a moment.

"Hey, kiddo," I said.

Paul looked up.

"My friend Charlie, from LHPS. She saw a whole bunch of drones over her place."

Paul grinned.

"We have a mystery," I said.

"Lawyer business cards," I announced, bringing the finished box out and setting it on the shelf. Emily pulled that post-it off her bulletin board and threw it away. I'd been at the new job for three months, and little by little, I was getting much better at it.

"By the way, Lou," said Emily,"I got you something for Christmas, but I'm not sure it'll be delivered by the actual day. But just so you know, you have a present coming."

I smiled. I'd come to like all my new co-workers, but Emily was fast becoming a contender for Best Work Pal.

"Thank you, Emily," I said. "That's sweet of you. I'm not picky about when my presents arrive---If I get it after the holiday, that's okay, too."

She smiled. "I'm the same way."

"Hey. You'll like this. Paul and I saw a UFO last night."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Probably a drone, but I'm going to look into it. It was behaving a little weirdly, and it may have been illegally modified. So I'm going to investigate. I'm designating this one LH-24."

"Lock Haven...."

'Right, we saw it in Lock Haven in 2024. It's my own system, but it's an easy way to keep track of them. The one I investigated a couple of years ago, in Renovo borough in 1975, was RB-75."

"So how do you investigate this one?"

"Think I'll start with a stakeout."

I started going out and checking at night. Hell, it was right down the street. In my black puffy vest, I walked down and checked at about seven PM every night, looking to see if the UFO made a reappearance. Except for one night when it was pouring rain, or one night when Paul had dance class all night. Hell, aliens rarely invade during dance class anyway.

I took my night vision binoculars. They shined a green laser light that illuminated everything I looked at, so I could see clear across town and into the mountains. No drones or UFOs, though. But at least it was down the street from my house.

During the day, I made a few phone calls. I checked with the airport and local drone clubs to see if there had been anything flying that night. I called the hospital and the military base to ask---Neither one will tell you anything, but you have to cover your bases. 

On the winter solstice, temperatures dropped down into the teens. 

"Okay, you know how to use this?" I asked Paul, handing him the comlink.

He looked it over. "Yes. No. Um....You better show me."

"You press the button on the side to talk."

"Big one or little one?"

"Big one. Hold it in while you talk. Let it go to let me talk. If you need to signal me, hit the call button." I pressed mine, and his comlink bleeped and vibrated in his hand. He grinned. "I'll only be a block or two away, so the reception should hold out fine. And it's freezing out, so I won't be long."

"Okay."

I pulled on my puffy vest, my coat, and my fleece hood, and slipped the night vision binoculars in my pocket. I told Paul,"Heading out now."
"Okay," said Paul.

I walked outside---It was eighteen degrees out. I walked down the sidewalk to the clear area by our neighbor's house. From the sidewalk, you can see clear down to the courthouse. I hit the button.

"Paul, I'm down at Bonnie's place. You read me?"

"Yeah. See anything?"

"No, nothing yet."

I pulled out the binoculars and scanned the horizon. Everything was dark. Then I spotted the blinking light, just hovering there.

"I see it, kid. Just like the other night; it's just hovering there."

"Yay!"
"I'm going down to the corner to get a better view."
I moved down to the corner at Linden. I could see the light there in the distance, hovering still.

"Yeah....It's a drone allright. Just hanging there....Wait. It's on the move."

"Like the other night?"
"Yeah, getting closer. I'm going to try to distract it; be going silent for a few minutes."

I pocketed the comlink and aimed the binoculars at the drone. I'd been studying drones a little---I didn't have the equipment or knowledge to set up a jammer, but I'd learned that I could interfere to some extent with a laser. And I had access to lasers.

I clicked on the green laser light, shining it at the drone. I kept it aimed as the drone bobbed a bit, hitting the camera on the drone dead center as much as I could.

The laser can block the view that the camera is getting. And even the best drone pilot....Has to see to fly it.

I watched as the drone tried to weave away from the laser, but I kept the laser on the camera lens.

There we go. Having some fun now.

It tried to drop out of the way, but I kept on it. The drone slewed wildly to the side, and I saw it crash into a tree and drop, somewhere in the vicinity of Hoberman Park.

My garage was down the alley. I shoved the binoculars in my pocket, ran and got my bike, and rode down in the direction I'd seen the drone fall.

I got down to Hoberman Park, and waited. I couldn't find the drone in the dark, but I didn't need to. A minute or two later, a car pulled up, and a young woman got out with a flashlight.
"Oh, now I get it," I said. "It's you. CT-19."

She looked up at me. She was young, with long brown hair. She said,"Oh god. You."
"Mmmhm. I remember you. About five years ago, you faked a UFO sighting in Castanea Township with a drone to get my attention. You wanted to partner with me."

"You turned me down for some reason."

"Because you faked a UFO sighting."

"So what are you doing out here now?" she asked.

"Following up on the drone sightings," I said. "I assume you saw the news reports, and decided to get involved."
She nodded. "Drones have been attacking places all over the east coast. I thought I'd stir up some excitement here, too."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," I said.

"Don't suppose you've reconsidered?"
"No, I'm still not working with you," I said. "But when you find your drone, go ahead and have your fun. I won't interfere; I just wanted to figure out what was going on. Merry Christmas."

Six AM. I saw the crack of light as Paul opened the door and came in. "It's Christmas! Can we wake up now?"

"Why the hell can't you do this on school days?" I said. "How about you lay down here with us for a while?"

He shook his head. "I think there's presents downstairs!"

"Okay, give me a minute."

I dragged myself out of bed and we want downstairs. I started the coffee and Michelle sat down on the couch as Paul started pulling presents out from under the tree.

"A pizza blanket! A Melanie Martinez coloring book! A Bigfoot backpack! A puffy vest just like Dad's! This is the best Christmas ever!"

Long Way Home

NO PARANORMAL INVESTIGATIONS, the sign said.

"So," the woman asked me,"Are you a paranormal investigator? Or some kind of writer?"

"Both, actually," I admitted. "How did you know?"

"Well, you have an alien on your shirt. And your belt. And skulls on your sneakers."

"It's maybe possible that I overdo it."

My name is Lou. I'm a writer, historian, tour guide, volunteer, and explorer, but mostly I'm a paranormal investigator. I've been doing it for a while now, and I've pretty much reached the point in my career where I can ask someone if they've recently seen the Mothman with a straight face.

I was waiting to go on a tour of the old haunted jail in Jim Thorpe. My wife, my son, and his little friend were whitewater rafting the Lehigh River. I'm not much for the water, so I'd agreed to hang out in Jim Thorpe for a few hours before they picked me up and we headed off to my family's farm in Slatington.

The jail was known to be haunted, but they were a little touchy about photos an investigations. My plan was to essentially sneak an investigation in during the tour. I'd done dumber stuff.

The tour guide was maybe fourteen, and his name was Alex. 

Jim Thorpe jail is known for a handprint in one of the cells. According to the story, a prisoner put it there before he was hanged, and it's never come off. Now, I am cynical enough to picture a staff member with a sharpie putting the handprint back after hours, but I figured it was worth checking.

"The handprint is in cell seventeen," Alex announced. "Please feel free to look around, but no photographs or investigations."

Everyone in the group---I was with about twenty people---Wandered around the first floor of the jail. I slid my all-in-one out of my jacket pocket and flipped it on.

The device is an EMF detector and a thermometer, which saves me from carrying around a lot of equipment, but it looks like just about nay nondescript electronic. It could be anything, which is convenient. I walked around, checking for EMFs.

Nothing. I switched it over to the thermometer setting, and immediately got a cold spot. I grinned.

There we go. And the employees never had to know.

"So you're a tour guide," the guy said.

I nodded. "Tour guide, writer, investigator."

I was sitting in a bar in Jim Thorpe, having a beer to kill some time until the family arrived. I'd been joined by a nice enough guy who'd struck up a conversation, and we'd been chatting for a few minutes.

"My wife would love that," he said. "She goes out with some of her friends, and they do all sorts of haunted stuff. You have a website or something?"
I handed him my card. "Have her e-mail me. We'll set up a tour."

"Hey, that's great!"

My cell phone rang. It was Michelle.

"We're on our way."
"I'll be in position," I said.

I walked down to Hazard Square, where ten minutes later, the Jeep pulled up and I climbed in. "Everyone have a good time?"

"Yeah!" said Paul, my son, in the back.

"How about you, honey?" Michelle asked. "How was your day?"

"Not bad. Toured a haunted jail." I turned to Paul and his friend Rylan in the back seat. "You guys want to help me look into aliens tonight? There have been some UFO sightings out there. They had a CE-3-D on the Hynek Scale. Someone reported seeing a little black creature they thought was an alien running around after a UFO sighting."

"How did they know it was an alien?" Paul asked. "It could have been a raccoon."

"That's what we'll try to find out. Uncle Jon wants to know if you'd like to learn how to drive the gator while you're there."

Paul lit up. "Yeah!"
"He says he might teach you how to use a chainsaw, too."
"I've seen chainsaws," Paul said,"But only in videogames. I've never seen one in real life."

"Well, Uncle Jon may show you how it works."

I pulled the tent from the Jeep and got it set up. My brother watched with some amusement. I said,"We've had this tent since before we were married. Best tent I've ever owned. It's getting old, but I keep trying to get one more summer out of it."

"Looks like a good one," Jon said. "It goes up nice and easy. You gonna do some ghost-hunting while you're here?"

"Thought I'd look into UFOs, actually. There's been a sighting. Someone saw a small black creature."

"Could have been a fisher."

"Coulda been. I'll look into that."

"You should check out the springhouse while you're here. I was wondering if it was haunted."

"Might be. Got something happening down there?"

"Well, a really bad feeling. A few noises. But it's old, you know that."

"I'll check into it while I'm here."

"Don't go too far in, though. I don't trust that floor, and I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"Been getting bad for years. Want to see some of my equipment?"

"Sure."

Paul was in the grass, playing with Miles, the family beagle. We were near the line of maple trees by the driveway. A leaf came fluttering down, and he reached out and grabbed, almost catching it. It bounced off his hand and fell to the grass.

"Amy says there's magic in falling leaves," he told me. "If you can catch one, it brings that magic to you and means good fortune."

I got out my hard briefcase and opened it up. "Here's my rifle microphone. Michelle caught the kids out in the backyard with it a while back, listening for the ice cream truck. Which is a legitimate use of the rifle microphone. Here's the night vision binoculars."

Jon tried them. "Not bad."
"They're not true night vision---It operates on a green laser light. But good enough for my purposes. Here's the thermal imager. You can see heat signatures with this."

"Hey, that'd be good to test on the beehives."

"Maybe later we can, if you'd like. You want to join me and the kids when we look for UFOs?"

"If I'm taking the dogs out and I see you guys out there, I'll catch up."

"That works." I pulled on my vest. "Usually I have the big bulletproof tac vest, but this is the travel model. Easier to pack."

"Vest light."

I walked out the back door and across the yard in the dark. It brought back memories---All the times I'd snuck out of the house at night as a teenager. I'd done it a million times, slipping out to have some adventure in the middle of the night.

I walked up the road. I had a flashlight, but I didn't really need it---The moon was almost full, and I was guided by a childhood of memories. I knew every step, and it didn't take much before it all came back to me.

I'd done this the night I'd tried to commit suicide. January 13, 1986. I'd wanted to kill myself, but then decided to live, for the people I'd cared about. And I'd slipped out of the house, gone looking for a ghost, and managed to help an abused girl.

At the top of the hill, I looked around. I got out the binoculars and turned on the night vision, scouting the area. Trees, mostly. I saw the Big Dipper, bright in the sky. I'd gotten used to the lights of Lock Haven---It was darker out here, making the stars more visible. I saw a plane.

There was a bright light to the north, moving across the sky. I couldn't identify it offhand. I watched it for a while, moving east. Then I heard something behind me.

It was in the woods across the road, something moving back there. I turned on my flashlight, but couldn't see it. I moved toward it, but it crept away, disappearing into the woods.

Paul and Rylan were in the living room. Rylan was already asleep on one couch, and Paul was watching TV on the other.

"Find anything?" he asked me.

"Maybe an animal in the woods. I think the alien someone saw was probably an animal---There's certainly enough of them out there."

"Maybe in the morning I'll go with you."

"We can check the springhouse for ghosts. Uncle Jon thinks it might be haunted."

"Cool. Will you watch Harry Potter with me before bed?"

"Sure." I sat down with him, and he threw his legs over me. One of the Harry Potter movies was on; he'd loved those as a little kid, but it had been a while.

We sat comfortably together and watched for a while. He went to sleep sometime around ten; I heard his breathing change and he was out.

I gave him a few minutes, then went out to the tent and went to sleep myself.

I woke up around seven in the morning. I shrugged myself out of my purple sleeping bag and went into the house, still wearing my Chupacabra pajamas. I poured myself a cup of coffee and found Dad out of the porch.

"How's everything?" he asked.

I sat down beside him on the porch swing. "Doing okay. Slept fine, for in a tent. Michelle's still out."

"I saw Paul on the couch."
"We won't be seeing him for a while. Once he's out, he's near impossible to wake up. I gotta make like six tries every single morning for school."

I took a sip of my coffee. Dad asked,"So how's everything with your heart? Any news there?"

"Still no idea. I've had follow-up appointments and all sorts of crap, and nothing. It was really just that one day, and then it was over."

"Did the doctors give you any directions?"

"I barely even saw doctors. They told me to drink more water, and that was the most helpful thing I heard. I'm not feeling too hot on the medical profession right now."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"But I'm okay. Lost some weight for some reason, but no further heart problems. I was on the heart monitor for thirty days, and it recorded nothing. So I'm doing okay."

Breakfast was blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs, cooked by Jon's wife Amy and begged for by Miles and Peggy.

"Find any ghosts last night?" Amy asked me.

"Last night I was sort of concentrating on UFOs," I said. "But didn't find much. We're going to check the springhouse for ghosts this morning."

I was actually surprised at how much Paul and Rylan ate. They barely eat breakfast at home. Afterward, I put on the vest and took some of my equipment out of the travel case, stocking my pockets.

"You guys going with me to the springhouse?" I asked the kids.

"Yeah," said Rylan.

"Which one is the springhouse?" Paul asked.

"The building with the pink shingles out back, by the path," I said. "We used to camp there. I learned first aid in that house, learned Morse code. We had a million adventures in that old springhouse when I was a kid." I picked up the box of equipment. "Who wants what?"

Rylan took the laser thermometer, and Paul took the little EMF detector. We walked down to the springhouse, on the path behind the house.

The springhouse is a big old house with pink shingles. We'd played in it and camped in it constantly as kids. Now, my brother was right---It wasn't in the best condition.

I stopped and looked at it, remembering.

I got out the all-in-one and turned it on. I said,"Check the outside first."

We walked around outside the springhouse for a moment, checking the readings. Then I tried the door, which was jammed---It had pretty much always been like that. I did what I'd always done as a kid, and kicked the lower corner.

It popped open. I stepped inside. The floor was covered with walnut shells; clearly squirrels were using the place. Dust and junk was throughout the room, and the floor sagged badly. It had buckled up in the middle, and I could see a clearly rotted spot that I wouldn't dare to go near.

"Can we come in?" asked Rylan.

"Yes, but not far. Stay behind me," I said.

Paul and Rylan stepped inside, looking around. 

"Wow," commented Paul.

I said,"We shouldn't get any EMFs from electricity in here---Dad shut off the power to this place years ago, when they built the new barn."

Rylan moved the laser thermometer around the room. "Got a cold spot over there," she said.

"I'm showing that, too," I said. "Going to the thermal imager."

I got the imager out of my pocket and turned it on. I could see the shades of red and orange, and for no reason, a blue blob in the middle.

"Yep, we have activity," I said. "Got a cold spot right there. Let's get out of here, before the floor collapses."

We moved back out the door---We'd only gone about four feet into the building. My brother had come down the path and was working on the tractor,

"Find anything?" he asked.

"Couple of cold spots," I said. "Place may actually be haunted. You know all the people who built this farm are up in the old cemetery by 873?"
"I remember that," he said. "The Newhards."

"German immigrants. Did the research on them years ago."

Paul tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear. I grinned.

"Paul wants to know what the chances are of him getting a lesson on the gator."

Paul and his Uncle Jon sat in the front seat of the gator, a big green cart that Jon used on the farm. 

"Okay, I'm gonna keep my hand on the emergency brake. You steer, and work the gas. Just a little at a time, to start."
Paul was grinning. I watched as he started driving, slowly and jerkily at first, then smoothing out. Clearly, he was having a good time. With Jon in the seat beside him, he steered the gator across the lawn. My brother and my son.

A leaf was falling from the maple tree.

Without thinking, I reached out and caught it.

Backdoor Pilot

I don't understand why the schools schedule the kids to get up far too early to be any kind of productive. Personally I handle it with coffee. I was drinking out of the ghost-hunting mug Tim had gotten for me when Paul came into the kitchen.

"Your mom called from work," I said. "The school sent out a message. They closed down, so you'll be at home learning online today."

Paul looked out the back door window. "It's snowing out!"

"It's coming down pretty hard," I agreed. I was wearing my "Yeti For Action" shirt. "So you do a couple of hours of online school, and then we'll have internet problems and just hang out."

"Okay."

I stood up. Paul and I began dancing around the kitchen. "We got a snooow day! We got a snooow day!"

It was coming down really hard outside. I said,"Listen, kid, just so you're aware, this cold is nothing to screw around with. So just be careful. We will not be going barefoot. We will wear layers, and definitely a coat. This is Yeti weather."

"Will the cold leak out my bedroom window?"

"We'll make sure the curtain is pulled shut; that'll help. It'll also help if you don't kick the blankets off while you sleep. And for chrissake, wear pajamas."

"Aww."

"It will keep you warm, kid."

"Well, okay. Are we gonna look for Yeti prints in the backyard later?"

"Of course."

When I got home from work that night, there was an Amazon package on the kitchen table for me. "Can I open it, Daddy?" Paul asked.

I nodded, and he tore the package open. Three packs of cards came out.

"What are these?" he asked, examining one.

"They're Zener Cards," I said. "They detect bullshit."

He continued looking the cards over. I shuffled up a deck. "You know how some people say they have psychic powers? Talk to ghosts, see the future, and crap like that? Mostly, those people are liars or idiots. These cards help to test that." I held a card up, facing away from Paul. "Here. What do you think is on this card?"

"A square?"

I flipped the card around; it was wavy lines. I held up another. "How about this?"
"Square?"

It was a circle. Paul said,"Boy, I am really bad at this."

"You're not actually supposed to be good. Most of the people who say they're psychic are scammers, or just want to believe."

"So if I'm bad at this, it means I'm a sidekick?"

I laughed. "You're my sidekick no matter what. But most people will be bad at it. Most people get about one in five from sheer luck. If someone does better than that, they may have actual psychic powers. But most people don't." I held up another card. "How about this one?"

"Um....a circle?"

I flipped the card. "Nope. This one's a square."

It had warmed up the next morning. The girls came out the door after a five-minute wait. Our neighbors had lived next door for a year and a half, and we'd gotten close to the family. Paul and I walked the kids to the bus stop every morning, and I'd recruited them into a little club we called the Ghost Gang.

"Okay, guys," I said. "Bigfoot was in the neighborhood last night. Here's a training for you. There are Bigfoot prints all over the street, so I want you to follow them and figure out what he was doing."

I'd taught Paul paranormal investigation years ago. His little friends had expressed an interest, so I'd begun training them, too, because it's not enough that my life is weird, I have to inflict in on the children, as well. Besides, it kept them busy.

"There's one here!" Serena said. I'd gone down the street and chalked huge footprints all over the place the day before to give the kids something to do on the way to the bus stop. Paul ran ahead.

"One's here!" he said. "And here! Bigfoot crossed the street!"

"Very good," I said. "Now, if you find a print in nature, you're going to want evidence. I'll teach you how to make a plaster cast this summer, but for now, a photo will do." I got out my camera and my pocketknife. "When you get a photo of a Bigfoot print, make sure you put something next to it for context. That way, you'll be able to tell the size." I laid down the knife beside the footprint, and snapped a photo. Across the street, I saw Paul doing the same thing, setting down a container of slime and using his cell phone.

"The last print is down here, guys," I said.

"This is fun!" said Serena.

"Think I'll do this more often," I said. "I can train you guys on the way to the bus stop."

One Wednesday after school, with the kids playing out front on the sidewalk, I walked out back. I walked through the alley for a minute before settling on the shed next door. I pulled eight color-changing pencils out of my pocket and slid them in a small hole under the shed.

Then I walked back to the house, picked up a photocopy of a Sanborn map I'd made a couple days before, and marked a blue X by the shed at the alley. Then I went to find the kids out front.

I arrived as the discussion seemed to be escalating into "Let's ride this scooter off the porch and see what happens" territory, which made me feel pretty okay about interrupting. 

"Guys, come here," I said.

They all gathered on the sidewalk. I said,"This is a map to a hidden treasure. You guys have to work together as a team to find it."

"What's the treasure?" asked Sekiya.

"You'll find out." I handed the map to Paul. He looked it over, and said,"It's somewhere near this house. Four-sixteen."

"Which way is that?" asked Love.

"I think this way." The kids headed east down the block, counting off numbers. Love saw four-fifteen across the road, and then they spotted the right place.

I said,"Now, it'll help to orient the map. Turn it this way---See, the street is here? So put the street on the map in the same direction. Now, which way to go?"

After a moment of figuring it out, they set off in the right direction. Fortunately, all of our neighbors are used to this bunch trespassing through their yards. They ran back to the alley, and spotted the shed.
"Right there! Let's go in!"

"No....No, don't go in. Look at the map. Where's the mark?"

Paul looked. "Here, by the alley. I see."

They walked behind the shed, and Paul said,"Here!"

He reached in and pulled out the pencils. The kids all gasped. Paul said,"We found it! Who wants what color?"

It was thirty-four degrees when I got home from work, so of course I found the kids lying on the sidewalk in the dark. 

I was getting the mail when they spotted me. "Hi, Dad," Paul called over.

"Hey, buddy," I said. 

"We're looking at the stars," said Love. "Want to do it with us?"

"Hell, yes, I do," I said. "Wait here."

I was back out in a minute with my star chart, star scope, binoculars, and an old book. "Finding the Constellations" by H.A. Rey. I was wearing my "Bigfoot Saw Me But Nobody Believes Him" shirt and my puffy vest. I'd gotten the vest a year ago for investigating the ghost of a mobster, and I'd grown to love it. During the winter, I practically lived in the thing.

When I got back, Serena and Love were all excited. "We saw a UFO!"

"No kidding? What did it look like?"

"Like a star, white, but moving," said Serena. "Pretty fast."

"Did it keep moving, or did it sort of disappear?"
"It disappeared."

"You probably saw a meteor, which is itself pretty cool. Love that." I set everything down, and said,"You guys are gonna like this. Look, I can see Orion the hunter from here. See, there's his shoulders, there's his feet, there's the three stars in his belt...."

"I see it!" said Love excitedly.

"See the little cluster, just below the belt? That's his sword."

"Well, kinda," said Love. "It doesn't look much like a hunter."

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks were pretty imaginative. Sometimes you gotta squint."

"What's this?" Serena asked, looking at the star chart. 

"That's a star chart. Careful with that, I've had it since I was a kid. See, we can line it up---February fifth, at eight PM----And see? There's Orion."

Serena gasped. "I can see it! It makes sense now!"

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks used a lot of imagination when they named these constellations. Want to see the Big Dipper? We'll have to walk around to the back door." The kids followed me to the back yard. "Okay, over there's the Big Dipper. The handle is pointing down, see?"

"Oooh, yeah," said Love.

"Paul, can you tell me which way is north?"

"That way."

"You got it. See, girls---Start with those two stars, and then follow along---That's the North Star. Polaris. That way is north."

"What's this?" Serena asked.

"That's a star scope. I use it when I'm investigating aliens." It was a tube, about six inches long and three inches thick, with a lens on one end. "Look inside. Aim it at the porch light." 

Serena looked in and gasped. She now had a view of the entire night sky, printed on a little plastic piece inside the tube. "I can see all the stars! What's the fish?"

"That's Pisces."

"There's a ram..."

"That's Aries."

"This is so cool!"

"Dad, can this book be my reading for tonight?" Paul asked.

"Sure," I said. He began reading the constellation book by lantern light. In the front cover was an old letter---My mother had sent me the book, and I still had the letter tucked inside there. I glanced at it.

Dear Monkeybrain, it began.

"This is so cool," said Serena. "We should do this every night!"

I smiled. "I could be persuaded to do this more often."

That night, in Paul's dark room, putting him to bed. I pulled the covers up over him, with Rosie and Butters lying at the foot of the bed. He said,"Daddy? I'm gonna need another compass."

"Oh?"

"I broke mine."

"The one from your backpack?"

"Yeah. The lens fell off. It's outside by the lawn chairs."

"Well, compasses are cheap and easy enough to get. Why is it outside?"

"I put it out there for an emergency," Paul said. "Like, if the house burned down and we needed to get to a hotel, and the hotel was north, we could go find one."

....It's possible that I'm overtraining this kid.

"Well, it's good to be prepared," I told him, running my hand over his head. "But don't worry---House has been here since 1884. It's not gonna burn down. I'll get you a new compass. Do you want one like you had, or one like I had when I was a kid?"

"I want one like you had."

"Okay, kiddo. I'll get you one." I kissed him on the forehead. "Goodnight, little man. Get some sleep."