A Book By Its Cover

"Package for you, Dad." Tif slid the Amazon packet across the table. It was the size of an encyclopedia, which was far too big.

"What is it?" Paul asked eagerly.

"Got new gloves for ghost hunting," I said. I slipped two pairs of fingerless gloves out of the package and put one on. They were fingerless, black, and had patches with white skulls on the back.

"Cool!" said Paul with some enthusiasm.

"You like these?"
"Yeah! They're really cool!"

"You needed more gloves?" Tif asked.

"Different gloves. I changed my outfit over a year ago to avoid looking like a cop or those terrorists who raided the Capitol in January. The new outfit's been cool, but it's a little inconvenient. Eventually, it'll be time to go back to the tactical vest; I haven't worn them almost since COVID began. But I wanted to add some details to make it look less like a terrorist."

"So you got goth gloves."

"They'll work with the ghost hunting, but no cop or paramilitary Trumper would ever wear gloves with skulls."

"You ought to add a pride pin," suggested Tif. "No redneck terrorist would ever wear one of those, either."

"You're right, they wouldn't," I said. "Not a bad idea."

"I'm here." That's our code phrase, our signal that we're ready to take over the desk. We all say it. Mel stood up from the chair.

"If you get bored, there's quite an interesting little spider in the flower vase," she said. "He was trying to spin a web, but every time he dropped down, I blew on him. It got to the point where he'd climb back up if he saw me lean over."

"So you trained a spider," I said.

"I trained a spider."

"It's been a really slow night, I take it."

"It has, and it's all yours now." Mel headed for her office. I sat down in the chair.

A little while later, Zach came down the stairs.

"Hey, Lou, I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure. What do you need?"

"If you need to go upstairs, use the Sloan Room or the back stairs. Not that main stairs."

"Can do."

"I found a nest of bees in one of the lights from that hallway. I know you're mildly allergic, so...."

"God, yes. Thanks, man. I'll avoid that area. Don't want to have to go to the hospital."

"Didn't you get stung last year, and Paul treated you?"

"Yeah. He treated me for the wrong injury, but still. It's nice to know he learned some stuff."

The phone rang. I picked it up and said,"Ross Library."

"Hi, I'd like to register for the ghost tours. Do you still have spaces available?"

"Oh, sure," I said. "I have tours open. What night do you want?"

"....And that's the status of the roof repairs," our maintenance man announced in the staff meeting. "Anyone have any questions?"

"Yes," I said. "When will the bee problem be fixed?"

"Right, the bees," he said. "I'm working on that."

"Just call an exterminator," said the Boss. "Lou, what do you have for us?"

"Well, the tours," I said. "The haunted tours are my thing right now. I'm signing people up and making them pre-pay because of COVID. Last year, I made a record-setting amount of money, six hundred and seventy-five dollars. This year, I'm hoping to beat that, but it'll take more sign-ups than I have now. Right now I'm at three hundred and thirty, which is a little less than half my goal."

"Now you're good at math?" asked Tracey.

"How much could you make, potentially?" Barb asked.

"If I booked every tour solid, I could do seven hundred," I said. "The problem I'm having is that people delay calling, so I do the first few with light audiences, and then it gets busier."

"Any problems getting the ghosts to show up?" Jim asked.

I grinned. "No, the ghosts are pretty much okay."

After the meeting, I usually walked down through the old part of the building, through the twisty hallways. But that would require getting past the bees, and frankly, visiting the bee section does nothing for me personally. I went down the stairs in the tower.

At my desk, there was a message to call Barb from the Renovo branch. I dialed her on my cell phone.

She greeted me the way she usually does.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy," she said.

"I haven't yet," I said. "What can I do for you, Barb?"

"Well, it's weird. A while ago, at a bookstore in New Jersey, my husband bought this old copy of Dracula. I was mad as hell at how much he paid for it. It's got this art on the cover.....Looks like a human face, with weird fangs and stuff, like it was sculpted from human skin. I mean, it's really, really creepy. I can text you a photo."

"My phone is a low-tech thing," I said. "Send it by Facebook."

"Facebook, got it. Since he brought it home, weird things have been happening. I mean, it's been really strange. I'm sending the photo. Did you get it?"

I looked at my messages. If anything, Barb's description had underplayed the visual of this book. It showed what appeared to be a human face with fangs, severed and stretched out to cover the book. Eyeless sockets and a screaming mouth. This thing was nightmare fuel.

"Jesus, Barb," I said. "That thing creeps me out, and I'm used to this stuff. What sort of weird things are happening?"

"The TV comes on at night, just turning on to channels we never watch. It's weird, it happens when we're asleep. My daughter says she saw a dark figure in her bedroom. My husband had a weird kind of seizure; that's never happened before. I've never even seen a seizure; the tests didn't detect anything."

"So you have been to the doctor. Good, that was my first thought. I'd be irresponsible if I didn't suggest that."

"Yeah, we went, but found nothing. The book just creeps me out completely."

"Have you checked to see if there are neighbors whose garage door opener, say, is on your frequency?"

"I'll check. We're pretty far from the other houses, though."
"I'm gonna suggest a little experimentation. Try getting the book out of the house for a while, and see if things calm down. If you have a safe deposit box, maybe, or lock it in a closet at the library for a couple days. See what happens."

"That's a good idea. I'll start with that."

"If you can send me the information on the store where he got it, I'll contact them and see what I can learn."

"We still have the receipt. I'll send a photo of that, too."

"I'll see what I can find out and get back to you, Barb."

"Thanks so much, Lou."

"Hey. One Christmas, you gave me a pretty good investigation up there. Maybe this will keep me busy for a while, too."

I walked into Momoyo Otsu, the clothing store downtown, wearing my paranormal outfit with all the buttons on the jacket. The cashier looked up and said,"Hi! We haven't seen you in a while!"

"Yeah, the kid's been doing online school, mostly," I said. "He hasn't been able to talk his mother into bringing him down for a while. Hanna said it would be okay if I came in and took a few measurements....I have this building on my tour."

"Oh, sure," she said. "Hanna won't mind. Go ahead."

I pulled some of my equipment out of my pack. Walking around the room, among the clohting racks, I took some temperature readings---It held steady at a baseline of about sixity-nine degrees. Then I did another round with the K2 meter, and watched as the lights jumped to yellow.

"How's the little guy?" she asked.

"He's good. Doing his social studies when I left the house. He's a good little guy."
"We all love him here. We love when he comes in; he's always so happy."

"He'd be here every day if he could," I said. "I wouldn't mind stopping back sometime for a more thorough investigation, if that's allright."
"I'm sure that would be great," she said.

When I got into the library, my mailbox was stuffed. One payment for a tour, plus several messages requesting spots. I flipped through them and dropped them on my desk.

Okay, I have almost three hundred dollars in hand now. Over five hundred once all the checks come through. My goal is to beat the six seventy-five I made last year. A dozen stops on the tour, including some new ones....

I was pacing around my office. I stopped and looked out the window, staring at West Main Street.

And what is this unfamiliar feeling? Is this nervousness? I've given these tours a million times....Why would I be feeling stage fright now?

I turned and walked across the room, looking at the 1852 map.

Because I want this to matter.

Every October, it's my chance to do something good for the library. My chance to give something back. And I want to make it happen as best I can.

I stood in front of the crowd of ten people---Plus Michelle, Paul, and Rosie. I stood in front of the library, along Main Street, in my paranormal outfit....And no nervousness. Nothing. Because at this point, it's just doing what I do.

"Thank you for coming to the haunted tours, and supporting the Ross Library," I began. "One thing I'd like you to know is that I research all of this. If I say something, I can prove it. Nothing drives me crazy faster than someone claiming to have a haunting without evidence. If I say someone died in a house, I can show you a document that proves that. Now, if you'd like to follow me, we'll get started."

As we walked down Main Street I dug into my small pack and handed Paul my K2 meter.

"Your favorite store is coming up, kid. You know how to use this; get some readings."

"Okay, Daddy." Paul began to move the meter around smoothly across the front windows of the building.

"This building, now a popular local clothing store, was once the pharmacy of a Lock Haven mayor," I said. "Mayor Edgar Heffner was the oldest mayor we ever had at the time of election, and the man who brought Piper to Lock Haven. It's thought that he or one of his customers may be haunting the place."
"Daddy! I got a reading!" Paul called out delightedly.

"Tour on line one." Mel handed the phone to me. I hit the button to take the call.

"Hello, may I help you?"
"I'd like to book three tickets for tonight's tour."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Tonight is already booked solid. Is there another night I could fit you in?"

"Damn. My parents are in town, and they really wanted to come to this one. They're leaving tomorrow morning."
I thought it over, and rapidly came to two conclusions:
A- As far as COVID precautions went, there wasn't much difference between ten people and thirteen people, and---

B- The Board would never know.

"Okay," I said,"I'll bend the rules. You can bring fifteen bucks and pay at the door."

I sat at my desk and checked my e-mail. I'd used the LHPS e-mail to contact the bookstore, hoping to lend myself some credibility. There was a response---Probably they'd checked me out and figured I was legit. Or maybe they responded to everyone, no matter how insane. I knew from experience that was a bad policy, but you never know.

I got out my cell phone and dialed Barb.

"Hey, Barb. It's Lou. Is now an okay time?"

"Oh, sure. What's up?"

"Well, I contacted the bookstore, and they tell me it's just a regular book with cover art done by a local artist. They sell them routinely out there. If you'd like to bring it down, I can run a few tests on it."

"Yeah. That's a good idea."

"They said there's no reason to think it's paranormal. So we may want to consider a different direction here. This is the time when I gotta tell you I may sound crazy."

"Hey, I've done it to you," she said.

"Couple of questions. How old is your daughter?"

"She's eighteen."

"How did she feel about that book?"

"Oh, she was all excited."

"Okay. You may want to keep an eye on her, maybe talk to her a bit. I've never personally dealt with this---I'm a little out of my depth here----But there's some thought that poltergeist activity can be caused by a teenage girl who may not even know she's doing it."

"Oh, great."

"I don't know this for sure. I've never really been hit with this kind of thing before. But some people think that these things can be caused  by a teenage girl. It seems to always be a girl, not a boy. Generally she grows out of it, this stuff stops after a while. We may want to check out that possibility."

"Now, that's interesting. Now that you mention it, the other night she was out of the house....And the TV didn't turn on."

"It's something to look into," I said.

I stood in my home office, gathering the things I'd need for an investigation. K2 meter. Thermometer. Fingerless gloves. I pulled them from the shelf and put them in my pack.

I looked at the vest---The black tactical vest with the alien patch on it, hanging on a hook. I took a long look at it.

Then I shook my head and put on my jacket with all the pins.

Sometime soon.

But not yet.

Paul and I met Hanna, the owner of Momoyo Otsu, outside the store on the sidewalk. She approached to open the door, saying,"Sorry I was running a little behind."

"We just got here ourselves," I said. 

Hanna opened the door, and we walked in. She turned on the lights as I set my pack on the floor.

"Paul, get photos." I handed him a camera. "Every room, every angle."

Paul began moving around the room, getting pictures. I circled the room and snapped some shots myself. I asked Hanna,"Is there anywhere that's a hot spot? Someplace with a lot of activity?"
"There's a mirror up on the second floor where we've seen a lot of stuff."

I asked Paul,"Do you want the K2 meter or the laser thermometer?"

"The thermometer," Paul said immediately.

I gave him the laser thermometer, and he walked around the room, taking measurements. I called,"Make sure you get a baseline."

With the K2 meter, I walked up the stairs, checking the electrical output. I took some readings around the mirror in the upstairs room, until Paul called out below,"Dad! The earrings just fell off the rack!"

"Coming," I called.

Hanna followed me down the steps, where Paul was waiting by the jewelry rack. He said,"One of those earrings just fell on the floor."

"That necklace is moving on its own," Hanna said, pointing at a necklace swinging back and forth on the rack.

I approached with the K2. "Paul, get pictures. Then we'll do an EVP session."

"That's my favorite!" said Paul. "I want to ask the first question!"

"You can ask the first question."

Half an hour later, we were walking out onto the sidewalk, carrying my pack. I said,"Hey. Paul."

My son looked up at me.

I said,"Nice job. You did really, really good today."

I walked down the street in the dark, hands in my pockets, feeling very casually happy. Behind me, a crowd of ten people followed along. The tours had been packed this year, and the audiences had been very receptive.

It was good. A lot had been wrong with things lately---It had been depressing as hell. But this, these tours, they were good. I had a couple of families and a small cluster of girl scouts on this one, and they were enjoying it.

I stopped in front of the library and turned to the crowd. "Everyone, I'd like to thank you for coming tonight and supporting the Ross Library," I said. "I'm pleased to announce that as of tonight, I've broken my record. We've made over seven hundred dollars on these tours, and it's because of your interest and generosity. Thank you."

Quick round of applause.

"Now, before we go home for the night, I have one more story to tell. So everyone settle in."
One of the little girl scouts stepped up. "Lou?"

"Yes, Amelia?"

She looked up at me. "You give the best haunted tours."

I smiled.

"Thanks, kiddo. That means a lot."