Mister Lou Goes To Washington

"How long until we go to Washington?" Paul asked.

"I think....three weeks?" I said. "That feels about right. April thirteenth."
He checked the calendar. "Yeah, three weeks. How come it says 'DC' on the calendar?"
"That's what they call it. America has two Washingtons. One is way out west. It's where Bigfoot originally comes from."

"Whoa."

"The other is closer to us. That's where the government is. It's Washington, District of Columbia, and that's why they call it 'DC'."

"Okay."
"I've been doing a little research," I said. "They say the Capitol might be the most haunted place in the world. There's a curse there, and some ghosts of presidents, and at least one Civil War ghost, and some other stuff."

"Tell me about the curse."

"I'm going to have to check that out, and explain it on the bus."
"Okay." Paul picked up his Hulk shoulder bag. "I'm gonna get packed."

The fun part of these trips is, well, you get to go on a trip. The downside is that my family has to get up at four in the morning to meet the bus at Michelle's workplace at six AM. This affects me a bit less than the rest of the family; I can go without sleep more than they can. Paul brought his favorite blanket to sleep on the bus.

To most people, the bus trip is something you have to sit through to get to the actual destination. I'm not like that. I enjoy riding the actual bus just about as much as being at the tourist destination. I used the time to read up on the ghosts of the Capitol a bit, and rearrange some stuff for the trip.

"The Capitol is said to have a ghost cat," I told Paul, sitting across the aisle. "There are several old presidents haunting the place, and probably the guy who designed it. Turns out he was a failed necromancer who tried to bring George Washington back to life."

"Cool," said Paul. "Can I have a Slim Jim?"

I dug into the bag I'd brought, filled with snacks, crayons, and paper. This was not my first rodeo.

I was expecting to get put through security at the Smithsonian, and I'd prepared accordingly. I'd switched out my usual Swiss Army Knife for a much cheaper model with a blue handle, which would the  be left in my pack on the bus. I'd replaced that with a small plastic multi-tool, which had a compass and thermometer, signal whistle, and magnifying glass. It would serve the purpose. I'd taken off my Bigfoot multitool keychain and replaced it with a plastic keychain Paul had made for me.

It wasn't the first time I'd be off my own territory and have to improvise equipment. As the bus rode through the darkness, I rearranged my small shoulder bag to include a first aid kit, camera, map of Washington, and after some consideration, I included an EMF detector. Let the feds confiscate it if they had to.

I ran a quick test, turning the K2 on as we passed through Liverpool. There's an old story about a haunting there; a dead man found in a tree. The K2 lit up to red in about the right place, which was about the most sensitive test I was going to get flying past on a bus at seventy miles an hour.

As we pulled into Washington, Paul looked out the window and was fascinated by the sights.

"Look, Daddy!" he said delightedly. "An ice cream truck! And there's tacos!"

"We're gonna see food trucks around all day, kid," I told him.

We disembarked at the National Mall, by the Smithsonian Air And Space Museum. I was wearing my ghost symbol sweatshirt and my new customized LHPS windbreaker. It had my name on the front and the LHPS logo on the back, and it looked official as hell.

"First stop is the Washington Monument," I said. "Now, Pipper, when I was about your age, my dad posed me for a photo that made it look like I was a giant and leaning up against the monument. We're gonna do that same thing."

"You told me that, but I don't understand how we're going to make me look giant," said Paul.

I grinned. "You'll see."

When we got to a distance from the Washington Monument, I stopped. About the same spot I'd posed, by my estimation, though I was working from memories that were over forty years old. I said,"Here, kid---Stand about here, and hold your hand up like this. Good. Now just give me a few seconds of holding still."

I maneuvered around with the camera for a moment, and then snapped the photo. Paul said,"I want to see it!"

I showed it to him, and he laughed. "That thing is gigantic!"

"Oh, yes. There's a law in Washington that no building be built taller than the Washington Monument."

The kid continually goggled at the monument as we approached. The nice thing about the National Mall is that you can pretty much see right across it---It runs from the Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial, and it's all within view. I took a moment to glance at the Capitol.

The United States Capitol Building. So much history. Some people say it's the most haunted spot in the country. And I'm here! Somehow, amazingly, I'm here.

We reached the path leading to the monument. I said,"Paul, I know you've heard this on my tours. Right around here, there's a little Washington Monument called Benchmark A. It's buried under a manhole cover, and it's the central point to the whole government mapping system. It's got data connecting it to three points in Lock Haven where there are benchmarks---The post office, the old train station, and the Civil War Monument."

I stopped at the edge of the grass, looking out over the field. Michelle said,"Go ahead. I know you want to."

I walked out into the grass, looking for the manhole. Around sixty feet in, I found it.

"I want to see," said Paul, catching up with me. 

"Here it is, kid," I said. "I've always wanted to see this. Benchmark A."

We walked down to the Lincoln Memorial, and then hooked around and went back in the other direction. I'd attempted to plan this out so we could do a circle with a minimum of walking, though there was still a fair amount of trekking involved.

"Look, kiddo, that's the White House. Joe Biden lives there."

"I feel sorry for him. So did Donald Trump."

"Yeah, but every president gets to decorate the office his own way. I'm sure Biden removed all traces of Trump."

"Can we meet Joe Biden?"

"Probably not---He's busy, but we can send him an e-mail later."

"Okay!"

We walked down to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History with some help from the map I'd printed out. As we walked in, we went through a metal detector and then security guards waved us the rest of the way through. They didn't even check my bag. If I'd known it was that easy, I'd have actually tried to smuggle in a pocketknife or something.

"I want to see shark teeth," Paul declared.

"Well, if there's shark teeth anywhere, they're in here," I said. "Check it out, Paul---Dinosaurs over here!"

We looked at the dinosaur skeletons for a while, and then wandered back into the ocean area. I saw a coelacanth on display, and said,"Look, Paul! A coelacanth! Do you know what that is?"

"No."

"These fish lived at the time of the dinosaurs! Everyone thought they were extinct until some fishermen pulled one up in 1938. It turns out they weren't extinct; they just hadn't been seen for a while."

"So they're still around?"

"They still are."

We wandered around the wing a while, taking everything in. Paul was impressed with the skeleton of a wooly mammoth; I think he'd learned about those in school. I saw a huge set of Megalodon teeth in a case, and I said,"Pipper. Check it out."

Paul gasped. "Shark teeth!"

"Big, prehistoric shark teeth. Do these count?"

"Yeah, they do!"

Michelle sat down for a rest while Paul and I walked upstairs. I said,"Oh my god! Paul! Look! It's an Easter Island head! Do you know Easter Island?"

"No....Is it an island?"
"Yeah, it's an island. There are these giant stone heads there, and nobody's sure exactly how they were carved or put up. It's a big mystery; it's amazing."

"Cool!"

"These are so neat. I've always wanted to see Easter Island. Just a second, I want to take a photo."

"Can you buy me a hot dog?"

"Yeah, when we get outside we'll find a food cart, okay? What's your favorite thing today?"

"The mammoth skeleton. Maybe also the escalator."

We had tickets for three PM for the Air and Space Museum, which Paul had also wanted to see. We got in a line that ran for half the block, but points to the museum staff---At three on the dot, the line began moving and was handled pretty efficiently. A similar line in New York would have taken half the day.

After, it was getting closer to pickup time, so we walked around to the Mall side, and dropped onto a park bench. Michelle and Paul were pretty wiped out. I was sweating a bit, but still doing okay.

"You guys rest a while," I said. "I'm gonna go over toward the Capitol and check for a few EMFs."

Michelle waved a hand. "Have fun," she said.

I walked down the path in the center of the Mall, getting closer to the Capitol building. As I walked, I got out my EMF detector---Not the all-in-one model, but the K2, which I'd figured would be the most effective and easiest to replace if I got tackled by the Secret Service or something. Again I'd overthought that----There were people walking dogs, playing sports, and doing all sorts of stuff. Nobody was paying any kind of attention to me. In Lock Haven I'd have been mobbed with people wanting to ask about gravity hills.

Washington. I love Washington. I always feel like I'm the only guy there who never ran for student council, but it's a neat place with a lot to see, much of the good stuff clustered within walking distance. 

My K2 lit up to yellow. Hunh. I stopped, turned around, took a few steps left and right. It was going yellow intermittently, in one spot. Good sign.

So there was some electric frequency there. I looked around. There were street lights, which meant there were underground lines someplace. I lowered it to the ground and it stopped.

I walked over to a lamppost and checked. It went up to orange, which was explainable. There was supposed to be electricity in this thing. Not in the middle of the field.

I walked back to the center and continued closer to the Capitol. In random spots, the field would shoot up to yellow with no explanation. There was some sort of signal here, but nothing I could explain away.

I walked up to the reflecting pool, checking the meter. I looked at the Capitol---The heart of our country, the center of government. And here I was, doing my thing.

When I got back to Michelle and Paul, she was sitting on the bench. Paul was running around and drawing in the dirt with a stick. I sat down beside Michelle. She asked,"Find anything?"

"Yeah, I got a spike to yellow. That's a good sign. There's definitely something going on there."

"Daddy, I invented a new game," Paul said. "You want to play it with me while the bus comes?"

"Sure, little man," I said.

The bus rode roughly north, heading home. Paul was watching his tablet, and I was looking out the window---I like to watch the landscape roll by. You never know what you might see.

I reach across the aisle and nudged Paul. He looked up. I pointed out the front, at the sign we were approaching. "Check it out, kid," I said. "We're back in Pennsylvania."

Paul grinned.

I watched the state go past as we went north, and it began to get dark. A little while later, I saw the signs for Gettysburg, and I got out my K2 meter.

As we passed into Gettysburg, arguably the most haunted community in Pennsylvania, it lit up to red. The meter flickered back and forth, but I was getting consistent and high readings.

I smiled.

Headed for home.

Total Eclipse Of The Bark

Paul needed a black shirt for soccer practice. It's why I was coming out of the Goodwill on Clinton Plaza around the same time one of the groups was walking by from the local day care. I was about to get on my bike when I heard the word "ghost."

"Oh, look," said one of the workers. "It's Lou! He can tell us if there's a ghost here."
It was my friend April. She said,"Look at his badge, kids! He knows all about the ghosts."

The kids looked at me. I held up my LHPS badge on my jacket. I said,"Have they been seeing a ghost?"

"All morning," said April. "They've been running around saying a ghost is coming."

I took a moment to consider how to handle this professionally and without scaring the kids. Then I went with the truth.

"The ghost here is named Ken," I said. "He was a really nice guy who used to work here."

"Ken, the friendly ghost," said April.

"He worked in that store over there. And he had a cool go-kart that he used to ride around the parking lot sometimes. He'd have loved you guys." All of this was true.

"See?" said April. "I told you he'd know all about it."

"I'm here," Zach said.

It's our code---Every workplace has them. At the library, at the changing of the guard on the front desk, that's the signal that the new person is ready to take over: "I'm here."

I stood up. "All yours, man."

"Anything exciting going on?" he asked.

"Not on duty," I said. "Got a message from my friend Norman---He's gotten an influx of dogman sightings recently, and I may look into that."

Zach frowned. "Dogman? You're gonna have to explain that."

"Half man, half dog. Like the South Carolina Lizard Man, or the Mothman, except---"

"Okay, I get it. And these are around here?"

"Some of them were. One seems to be in a picnic area west of Renovo, which maybe isn't there anymore. One was down in Sugar Valley---The eastbound I-80 rest area near Greene's Gap. I may check them out; it's been a little slow lately."

"Isn't the county's official monster some sort of dogman?"

"I do have a type."

The phone rang, and I picked it up. "Ross Library. No, we're out of the eclipse glasses. Maybe more are coming in Thursday. I've heard City Hall may have some. Yes, have a good day." I hung up.

"I fielded five of those calls earlier," said Zach.

"Yeah, people are dying for those glasses to see the eclipse Monday," I said. "Paul's school is going to take the kids out to see the beginning of it. We'll be here at work."

"We saw one from work a few years ago," Zach pointed out. Zach and I are the two longest-lasting employees in the library.

"I remember it well," I said. "Probably be the same this time around, too."

When Michelle's phone rang after work, it was Paul. At nine and a half, he'd been growing a bit more independent lately, and he'd spent the day hanging around with one of his little friends. 

"Can I have a sleepover?" he asked. "We're at our friend's foster home."

Michelle glanced at me. I shrugged; no reason why not. I said,"We'll pack you a bag."

"Bring pajamas. And shorts. And bring my Stanley," he said.

"Can do. We'll be there in a bit."

"And bring my ghost-hunting stuff," he said. "The kids want to check the house for ghosts."

I smiled. "Okay, buddy. Be right down."

Ten minutes later, I was handing over Paul's bag at the door to the foster home. One of the girls said,"I recognize you---You do the ghosts---"

"That's me, I'm a ghost hunter." I nodded to Paul. "I brought you my spare chest rig. It's got two thermometers and an EMF detector. That be enough?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I kissed him on the head. "Have fun, little man. I'll see you tomorrow."

With Paul away on a sleepover, I found I had nothing to do particularly. I sat down and worked on an article for a while, wrote about Millbrook Playhouse. I wandered around the house and finally stopped to talk to my wife, who was watching TV.

"You gonna watch the eclipse with Paul?"

"When he gets home from school, yeah."

"Got anything red and green to wear?" I asked. "I've read about an effect called the Purkinje Effect that changes the tones of the colors a bit. I figure I'll wear my green alien shirt."

"That's interesting," said Michelle. "I'll have to check."

"Eclipses cause all sorts of effects," I said. "Color, temperature, animal behavior...."

I trailed off. Michelle returned to watching TV. I went back to my laptop and did a little research on animal behavior during an eclipse.

People often don't get it, about paranormal investigation. The TV shows make it appear as if it's just a bunch of screaming and running around. But to do it correctly requires a lot of information. It helps to have a certain understanding of history, biology, astronomy, geology, and other subjects. 

Animals react differently during an eclipse. With the sun going dark mid-day, it's confusing for them. (Some humans don't have much of a grasp on it, either, apparently.) So it was reasonable to expect some odd activity from animals.

And maybe dogmen.

Next I checked to see what kind of a view I was going to be able to get. While I was working, I wasn't going to get anywhere near the locations of dogman sightings during the eclipse, even if I wasn't working the desk. But thanks to the dubious magic of technology, I might still be able to check things out.

I did a search for webcams in Clinton County, Pennsylvania. Hey, the Loch Ness Monster has its own webcam, why not check for a dogman on one? Hot damn, there was a site that listed a bunch of them. I checked through the list---One was right where I needed it to be, in Greene Township along Interstate 80. Better and better. I clicked on it and played it a bit. Good view. It could even record and play back. This was just about perfect.

I copied the link and e-mailed it to myself. I was going to be able to look for a cryptid instead of working.

The day of the eclipse, I wore my green UFO shirt and a red bandanna. Purkinje Effect. I sat down at my desk and opened up the I-80 Webcam, and let it run. The cam was run by PennDOT, which had apparently done something right for a change.

Then I went to cover the main desk. "I'm here," I said to Jenn.

"I have the viewer I made outside," Jenn said. "Do you want me to cover for a while so you can go look?"

"Nah, I'm okay," I said. "We got a while before it really starts to get underway."

I alternated between glancing out the window, and checking the webcam. Nothing on the cam. It had probably been a long shot anyway. It was cloudy, which blocked the eclipse somewhat, but after a while, I could see it beginning to get darker outside.

Paul and Michelle came in, and I smiled. "Hey, buddy! How's it going?"
"Not good," said Paul. "These eclipse glasses the school gave us don't work."

"Don't work?"

"I couldn't see the eclipse."

Jenn came back. "Would you like me to take him outside to use the viewer?"
"Sure, thanks. Paul, go on outside with Jenn."

Michelle followed them out, and I walked to the back window and tested Paul's glasses. They were fine; he'd just not been able to see because of the clouds. When he came back a few minutes later, he was grinning.

"Did you see it okay?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he said.

"I checked your glasses; they're okay. Want to check it out through the back window with me?"
"Okay."

We walked to the back of the building, where there were tall, narrow windows facing southwest. I put his glasses on him, and said,"Look up, between the clouds. There."

He grinned. "Cool!"

"You see it?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, we've gotta get going," said Michelle. "I still have some work to do."

"I'll walk you out," I said.

It was getting darker when we got out into the parking lot. I hugged Paul and watched them drive off. Then I pulled on his glasses---He'd left them with me---And I stood for a moment, looking up at the sun. It was entirely covered at this point.

Totality.

I went in and checked the cam. No dogmen, no cryptids of any kind. That meant I was still going to have to get to the site sometime to check things out.

But it didn't matter. I'd gotten to watch the eclipse with my boy.

I wonder what other cryptids I could look for via webcam?.....

Paul was getting ready for bed. This always takes far longer than it should; kids drag bedtime out incessantly. While he unrolled a sleeping bag on the floor, I asked,"Forgot to check. How was your investigation the other night?"

"Great," he said. "We got an EMF in the back yard."
"Really? Did you check for power lines?"

He nodded. "There was no reason."

"Good work."

"I liked the eclipse," he said. "It was fun."

"Well, you know, there's a lunar eclipse coming up in September," I said. "We can stay up to watch it."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

"I'll mark it on the calendar, little man," I said. "Sleep well."