Mister Lou Goes To Washington

"How long until we go to Washington?" Paul asked.

"I think....three weeks?" I said. "That feels about right. April thirteenth."
He checked the calendar. "Yeah, three weeks. How come it says 'DC' on the calendar?"
"That's what they call it. America has two Washingtons. One is way out west. It's where Bigfoot originally comes from."

"Whoa."

"The other is closer to us. That's where the government is. It's Washington, District of Columbia, and that's why they call it 'DC'."

"Okay."
"I've been doing a little research," I said. "They say the Capitol might be the most haunted place in the world. There's a curse there, and some ghosts of presidents, and at least one Civil War ghost, and some other stuff."

"Tell me about the curse."

"I'm going to have to check that out, and explain it on the bus."
"Okay." Paul picked up his Hulk shoulder bag. "I'm gonna get packed."

The fun part of these trips is, well, you get to go on a trip. The downside is that my family has to get up at four in the morning to meet the bus at Michelle's workplace at six AM. This affects me a bit less than the rest of the family; I can go without sleep more than they can. Paul brought his favorite blanket to sleep on the bus.

To most people, the bus trip is something you have to sit through to get to the actual destination. I'm not like that. I enjoy riding the actual bus just about as much as being at the tourist destination. I used the time to read up on the ghosts of the Capitol a bit, and rearrange some stuff for the trip.

"The Capitol is said to have a ghost cat," I told Paul, sitting across the aisle. "There are several old presidents haunting the place, and probably the guy who designed it. Turns out he was a failed necromancer who tried to bring George Washington back to life."

"Cool," said Paul. "Can I have a Slim Jim?"

I dug into the bag I'd brought, filled with snacks, crayons, and paper. This was not my first rodeo.

I was expecting to get put through security at the Smithsonian, and I'd prepared accordingly. I'd switched out my usual Swiss Army Knife for a much cheaper model with a blue handle, which would the  be left in my pack on the bus. I'd replaced that with a small plastic multi-tool, which had a compass and thermometer, signal whistle, and magnifying glass. It would serve the purpose. I'd taken off my Bigfoot multitool keychain and replaced it with a plastic keychain Paul had made for me.

It wasn't the first time I'd be off my own territory and have to improvise equipment. As the bus rode through the darkness, I rearranged my small shoulder bag to include a first aid kit, camera, map of Washington, and after some consideration, I included an EMF detector. Let the feds confiscate it if they had to.

I ran a quick test, turning the K2 on as we passed through Liverpool. There's an old story about a haunting there; a dead man found in a tree. The K2 lit up to red in about the right place, which was about the most sensitive test I was going to get flying past on a bus at seventy miles an hour.

As we pulled into Washington, Paul looked out the window and was fascinated by the sights.

"Look, Daddy!" he said delightedly. "An ice cream truck! And there's tacos!"

"We're gonna see food trucks around all day, kid," I told him.

We disembarked at the National Mall, by the Smithsonian Air And Space Museum. I was wearing my ghost symbol sweatshirt and my new customized LHPS windbreaker. It had my name on the front and the LHPS logo on the back, and it looked official as hell.

"First stop is the Washington Monument," I said. "Now, Pipper, when I was about your age, my dad posed me for a photo that made it look like I was a giant and leaning up against the monument. We're gonna do that same thing."

"You told me that, but I don't understand how we're going to make me look giant," said Paul.

I grinned. "You'll see."

When we got to a distance from the Washington Monument, I stopped. About the same spot I'd posed, by my estimation, though I was working from memories that were over forty years old. I said,"Here, kid---Stand about here, and hold your hand up like this. Good. Now just give me a few seconds of holding still."

I maneuvered around with the camera for a moment, and then snapped the photo. Paul said,"I want to see it!"

I showed it to him, and he laughed. "That thing is gigantic!"

"Oh, yes. There's a law in Washington that no building be built taller than the Washington Monument."

The kid continually goggled at the monument as we approached. The nice thing about the National Mall is that you can pretty much see right across it---It runs from the Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial, and it's all within view. I took a moment to glance at the Capitol.

The United States Capitol Building. So much history. Some people say it's the most haunted spot in the country. And I'm here! Somehow, amazingly, I'm here.

We reached the path leading to the monument. I said,"Paul, I know you've heard this on my tours. Right around here, there's a little Washington Monument called Benchmark A. It's buried under a manhole cover, and it's the central point to the whole government mapping system. It's got data connecting it to three points in Lock Haven where there are benchmarks---The post office, the old train station, and the Civil War Monument."

I stopped at the edge of the grass, looking out over the field. Michelle said,"Go ahead. I know you want to."

I walked out into the grass, looking for the manhole. Around sixty feet in, I found it.

"I want to see," said Paul, catching up with me. 

"Here it is, kid," I said. "I've always wanted to see this. Benchmark A."

We walked down to the Lincoln Memorial, and then hooked around and went back in the other direction. I'd attempted to plan this out so we could do a circle with a minimum of walking, though there was still a fair amount of trekking involved.

"Look, kiddo, that's the White House. Joe Biden lives there."

"I feel sorry for him. So did Donald Trump."

"Yeah, but every president gets to decorate the office his own way. I'm sure Biden removed all traces of Trump."

"Can we meet Joe Biden?"

"Probably not---He's busy, but we can send him an e-mail later."

"Okay!"

We walked down to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History with some help from the map I'd printed out. As we walked in, we went through a metal detector and then security guards waved us the rest of the way through. They didn't even check my bag. If I'd known it was that easy, I'd have actually tried to smuggle in a pocketknife or something.

"I want to see shark teeth," Paul declared.

"Well, if there's shark teeth anywhere, they're in here," I said. "Check it out, Paul---Dinosaurs over here!"

We looked at the dinosaur skeletons for a while, and then wandered back into the ocean area. I saw a coelacanth on display, and said,"Look, Paul! A coelacanth! Do you know what that is?"

"No."

"These fish lived at the time of the dinosaurs! Everyone thought they were extinct until some fishermen pulled one up in 1938. It turns out they weren't extinct; they just hadn't been seen for a while."

"So they're still around?"

"They still are."

We wandered around the wing a while, taking everything in. Paul was impressed with the skeleton of a wooly mammoth; I think he'd learned about those in school. I saw a huge set of Megalodon teeth in a case, and I said,"Pipper. Check it out."

Paul gasped. "Shark teeth!"

"Big, prehistoric shark teeth. Do these count?"

"Yeah, they do!"

Michelle sat down for a rest while Paul and I walked upstairs. I said,"Oh my god! Paul! Look! It's an Easter Island head! Do you know Easter Island?"

"No....Is it an island?"
"Yeah, it's an island. There are these giant stone heads there, and nobody's sure exactly how they were carved or put up. It's a big mystery; it's amazing."

"Cool!"

"These are so neat. I've always wanted to see Easter Island. Just a second, I want to take a photo."

"Can you buy me a hot dog?"

"Yeah, when we get outside we'll find a food cart, okay? What's your favorite thing today?"

"The mammoth skeleton. Maybe also the escalator."

We had tickets for three PM for the Air and Space Museum, which Paul had also wanted to see. We got in a line that ran for half the block, but points to the museum staff---At three on the dot, the line began moving and was handled pretty efficiently. A similar line in New York would have taken half the day.

After, it was getting closer to pickup time, so we walked around to the Mall side, and dropped onto a park bench. Michelle and Paul were pretty wiped out. I was sweating a bit, but still doing okay.

"You guys rest a while," I said. "I'm gonna go over toward the Capitol and check for a few EMFs."

Michelle waved a hand. "Have fun," she said.

I walked down the path in the center of the Mall, getting closer to the Capitol building. As I walked, I got out my EMF detector---Not the all-in-one model, but the K2, which I'd figured would be the most effective and easiest to replace if I got tackled by the Secret Service or something. Again I'd overthought that----There were people walking dogs, playing sports, and doing all sorts of stuff. Nobody was paying any kind of attention to me. In Lock Haven I'd have been mobbed with people wanting to ask about gravity hills.

Washington. I love Washington. I always feel like I'm the only guy there who never ran for student council, but it's a neat place with a lot to see, much of the good stuff clustered within walking distance. 

My K2 lit up to yellow. Hunh. I stopped, turned around, took a few steps left and right. It was going yellow intermittently, in one spot. Good sign.

So there was some electric frequency there. I looked around. There were street lights, which meant there were underground lines someplace. I lowered it to the ground and it stopped.

I walked over to a lamppost and checked. It went up to orange, which was explainable. There was supposed to be electricity in this thing. Not in the middle of the field.

I walked back to the center and continued closer to the Capitol. In random spots, the field would shoot up to yellow with no explanation. There was some sort of signal here, but nothing I could explain away.

I walked up to the reflecting pool, checking the meter. I looked at the Capitol---The heart of our country, the center of government. And here I was, doing my thing.

When I got back to Michelle and Paul, she was sitting on the bench. Paul was running around and drawing in the dirt with a stick. I sat down beside Michelle. She asked,"Find anything?"

"Yeah, I got a spike to yellow. That's a good sign. There's definitely something going on there."

"Daddy, I invented a new game," Paul said. "You want to play it with me while the bus comes?"

"Sure, little man," I said.

The bus rode roughly north, heading home. Paul was watching his tablet, and I was looking out the window---I like to watch the landscape roll by. You never know what you might see.

I reach across the aisle and nudged Paul. He looked up. I pointed out the front, at the sign we were approaching. "Check it out, kid," I said. "We're back in Pennsylvania."

Paul grinned.

I watched the state go past as we went north, and it began to get dark. A little while later, I saw the signs for Gettysburg, and I got out my K2 meter.

As we passed into Gettysburg, arguably the most haunted community in Pennsylvania, it lit up to red. The meter flickered back and forth, but I was getting consistent and high readings.

I smiled.

Headed for home.

Total Eclipse Of The Bark

Paul needed a black shirt for soccer practice. It's why I was coming out of the Goodwill on Clinton Plaza around the same time one of the groups was walking by from the local day care. I was about to get on my bike when I heard the word "ghost."

"Oh, look," said one of the workers. "It's Lou! He can tell us if there's a ghost here."
It was my friend April. She said,"Look at his badge, kids! He knows all about the ghosts."

The kids looked at me. I held up my LHPS badge on my jacket. I said,"Have they been seeing a ghost?"

"All morning," said April. "They've been running around saying a ghost is coming."

I took a moment to consider how to handle this professionally and without scaring the kids. Then I went with the truth.

"The ghost here is named Ken," I said. "He was a really nice guy who used to work here."

"Ken, the friendly ghost," said April.

"He worked in that store over there. And he had a cool go-kart that he used to ride around the parking lot sometimes. He'd have loved you guys." All of this was true.

"See?" said April. "I told you he'd know all about it."

"I'm here," Zach said.

It's our code---Every workplace has them. At the library, at the changing of the guard on the front desk, that's the signal that the new person is ready to take over: "I'm here."

I stood up. "All yours, man."

"Anything exciting going on?" he asked.

"Not on duty," I said. "Got a message from my friend Norman---He's gotten an influx of dogman sightings recently, and I may look into that."

Zach frowned. "Dogman? You're gonna have to explain that."

"Half man, half dog. Like the South Carolina Lizard Man, or the Mothman, except---"

"Okay, I get it. And these are around here?"

"Some of them were. One seems to be in a picnic area west of Renovo, which maybe isn't there anymore. One was down in Sugar Valley---The eastbound I-80 rest area near Greene's Gap. I may check them out; it's been a little slow lately."

"Isn't the county's official monster some sort of dogman?"

"I do have a type."

The phone rang, and I picked it up. "Ross Library. No, we're out of the eclipse glasses. Maybe more are coming in Thursday. I've heard City Hall may have some. Yes, have a good day." I hung up.

"I fielded five of those calls earlier," said Zach.

"Yeah, people are dying for those glasses to see the eclipse Monday," I said. "Paul's school is going to take the kids out to see the beginning of it. We'll be here at work."

"We saw one from work a few years ago," Zach pointed out. Zach and I are the two longest-lasting employees in the library.

"I remember it well," I said. "Probably be the same this time around, too."

When Michelle's phone rang after work, it was Paul. At nine and a half, he'd been growing a bit more independent lately, and he'd spent the day hanging around with one of his little friends. 

"Can I have a sleepover?" he asked. "We're at our friend's foster home."

Michelle glanced at me. I shrugged; no reason why not. I said,"We'll pack you a bag."

"Bring pajamas. And shorts. And bring my Stanley," he said.

"Can do. We'll be there in a bit."

"And bring my ghost-hunting stuff," he said. "The kids want to check the house for ghosts."

I smiled. "Okay, buddy. Be right down."

Ten minutes later, I was handing over Paul's bag at the door to the foster home. One of the girls said,"I recognize you---You do the ghosts---"

"That's me, I'm a ghost hunter." I nodded to Paul. "I brought you my spare chest rig. It's got two thermometers and an EMF detector. That be enough?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I kissed him on the head. "Have fun, little man. I'll see you tomorrow."

With Paul away on a sleepover, I found I had nothing to do particularly. I sat down and worked on an article for a while, wrote about Millbrook Playhouse. I wandered around the house and finally stopped to talk to my wife, who was watching TV.

"You gonna watch the eclipse with Paul?"

"When he gets home from school, yeah."

"Got anything red and green to wear?" I asked. "I've read about an effect called the Purkinje Effect that changes the tones of the colors a bit. I figure I'll wear my green alien shirt."

"That's interesting," said Michelle. "I'll have to check."

"Eclipses cause all sorts of effects," I said. "Color, temperature, animal behavior...."

I trailed off. Michelle returned to watching TV. I went back to my laptop and did a little research on animal behavior during an eclipse.

People often don't get it, about paranormal investigation. The TV shows make it appear as if it's just a bunch of screaming and running around. But to do it correctly requires a lot of information. It helps to have a certain understanding of history, biology, astronomy, geology, and other subjects. 

Animals react differently during an eclipse. With the sun going dark mid-day, it's confusing for them. (Some humans don't have much of a grasp on it, either, apparently.) So it was reasonable to expect some odd activity from animals.

And maybe dogmen.

Next I checked to see what kind of a view I was going to be able to get. While I was working, I wasn't going to get anywhere near the locations of dogman sightings during the eclipse, even if I wasn't working the desk. But thanks to the dubious magic of technology, I might still be able to check things out.

I did a search for webcams in Clinton County, Pennsylvania. Hey, the Loch Ness Monster has its own webcam, why not check for a dogman on one? Hot damn, there was a site that listed a bunch of them. I checked through the list---One was right where I needed it to be, in Greene Township along Interstate 80. Better and better. I clicked on it and played it a bit. Good view. It could even record and play back. This was just about perfect.

I copied the link and e-mailed it to myself. I was going to be able to look for a cryptid instead of working.

The day of the eclipse, I wore my green UFO shirt and a red bandanna. Purkinje Effect. I sat down at my desk and opened up the I-80 Webcam, and let it run. The cam was run by PennDOT, which had apparently done something right for a change.

Then I went to cover the main desk. "I'm here," I said to Jenn.

"I have the viewer I made outside," Jenn said. "Do you want me to cover for a while so you can go look?"

"Nah, I'm okay," I said. "We got a while before it really starts to get underway."

I alternated between glancing out the window, and checking the webcam. Nothing on the cam. It had probably been a long shot anyway. It was cloudy, which blocked the eclipse somewhat, but after a while, I could see it beginning to get darker outside.

Paul and Michelle came in, and I smiled. "Hey, buddy! How's it going?"
"Not good," said Paul. "These eclipse glasses the school gave us don't work."

"Don't work?"

"I couldn't see the eclipse."

Jenn came back. "Would you like me to take him outside to use the viewer?"
"Sure, thanks. Paul, go on outside with Jenn."

Michelle followed them out, and I walked to the back window and tested Paul's glasses. They were fine; he'd just not been able to see because of the clouds. When he came back a few minutes later, he was grinning.

"Did you see it okay?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he said.

"I checked your glasses; they're okay. Want to check it out through the back window with me?"
"Okay."

We walked to the back of the building, where there were tall, narrow windows facing southwest. I put his glasses on him, and said,"Look up, between the clouds. There."

He grinned. "Cool!"

"You see it?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, we've gotta get going," said Michelle. "I still have some work to do."

"I'll walk you out," I said.

It was getting darker when we got out into the parking lot. I hugged Paul and watched them drive off. Then I pulled on his glasses---He'd left them with me---And I stood for a moment, looking up at the sun. It was entirely covered at this point.

Totality.

I went in and checked the cam. No dogmen, no cryptids of any kind. That meant I was still going to have to get to the site sometime to check things out.

But it didn't matter. I'd gotten to watch the eclipse with my boy.

I wonder what other cryptids I could look for via webcam?.....

Paul was getting ready for bed. This always takes far longer than it should; kids drag bedtime out incessantly. While he unrolled a sleeping bag on the floor, I asked,"Forgot to check. How was your investigation the other night?"

"Great," he said. "We got an EMF in the back yard."
"Really? Did you check for power lines?"

He nodded. "There was no reason."

"Good work."

"I liked the eclipse," he said. "It was fun."

"Well, you know, there's a lunar eclipse coming up in September," I said. "We can stay up to watch it."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

"I'll mark it on the calendar, little man," I said. "Sleep well."

Gaywatch

"Oh, I like your shirt," the woman said as I checked out her books. "I like the Mothman."

I looked down at the grey Mothman sweatshirt. "Oh, thanks. Mothman is one of my favorites; I've investigated him."

"Really? After he killed all those people?"

I glanced at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"In the movie, the Mothman is responsible for a lot of deaths."

"You understand the movie is pretty much fictional, right?"

"Well, yeah, but Mothman killed all the---"

"That's all made up. They do it for drama in the movie, but none of that really happened."

"Really?"

"Really. Look. I investigate these things scientifically. Here's the deal: In November of 1966, a bunch of people saw a creature with wings and glowing red eyes in an abandoned area of Point Pleasant, West Virginia. It may have been a sandhill crane. There. That's the only actual facts about Mothman."

"But that guy, who had a wife, with cancer, and the Mothman---"

"Again, not real. The movie is not real."

"But in the movie----"

"Forget the movie. Once again, nothing in the movie is real." I hate slow learners. "Here you go." I slid the books across to her. "These are due on the twenty-fifth. Have a nice night."

I bumped into Tami and Juno downtown, in the neat little crystal shop while I was out delivering flyers. The place is not my normal sort of hangout, but it's pleasant, and I love the owners. There was a sign on the tip jar that said "Feed the Goblin."

Tami smiled. "Hi, Lou! How's everything?"

"Doing good. We still on for Saturday?"

I saw Juno, Tami's kid, grin. Tami said,"Yeah, we've had some activity. So we'll have the meeting there, and investigate the house. We have all our rainbow flags up right now, making it the gayest house in Lock Haven."

"I'm excited," I said. "Been a while since we've done a full-scale investigation, and it'll be a good way of training our new people. I'm looking forward to it." I dropped a dollar into the tip jar. "I like the idea of feeding a goblin."

I pulled on my tac vest---The stylish-looking one with the LHPS badge. I had my uniform on, and zipped the vest over it. I pulled on my new fingerless gloves, the kind with the hard knuckle protectors. Then I walked out of the house where the kids were all playing outside.

"See you, Dad," said Paul. 

I gave him a hug. "Home tonight, kid, and then I'll let you stay up with me."

Serena's mom looked over the outfit. "Oooh, where are you off to?"

"Oh, got an investigation tonight. We're training new people."

"Cool!" said Serena. "When will you be home?"

"Eight or nine. Depends on how much activity there is. I'll tell you all about it later, maybe bring some pictures for you."

A new girl, Heaven, asked,"Wait, where are you going? What?"

"I'm a ghost hunter."

"Oh."

"So am I!" said Serena. "He's teaching us."

"Dad, can you bring me more nail glue?" Paul asked. "I'm out."
"I'll make a stop on the way," I said.

"I'm going to roller skate along with you to the end of the block!" said Serena.

"Me, too," declared Heaven, getting on her bike.

So that's how I headed off to our investigation---On my bike, followed by a parade of children.

The LHPS outfits are designed to be functional on an investigation. They are not designed to be exactly invisible in public. When I stopped at the Dollar Store for nail glue, the cashier looked me over in my tac vest.

"You some kind of cop or something?" she asked.

"Paranormal investigator," I said.

"Oh, yeah? This place haunted?"
"Not that I know of," I said as I pocketed the nail glue.

"You know, we're at seven member now," I said, sitting in Tami's living room. "I like this. Even when we can't all show up, we still have enough for a team."

 I was sitting with Millie, Tami, Tami's wife Bre, and the new guy, Tim. Bre said,"Lou, did you see the new tattoos we got?"

She and Tami held out their arms---They'd gotten matching ghost tattoos. I said,"I saw those! Love them!"

Tami said,"By the way, Lou, we were at the Oddities Festival recently---"

"I saw the Facebook post."

"We brought you something."

"Aww, thanks." Tami handed me a button, and I looked at it. "It's the Giwoggle!"

"The vendor had no idea how to pronounce it, but he likes the legend," she said.

"So you know this guy has read my articles. You two are my favorite lesbian couple."
Bre smiled. "I love when people say that. Means we're doing better than those rival lesbians from Avis."

"I need more rivals," I said. "I'm hoping for an arch-enemy, to the point I may put an ad in the classifieds."

"Well, I'm headed out," said Bre, standing up. "I don't want to encounter any ghosts, so I'm going down to the Dutch Haven for a couple of drinks. You guys have fun."

We all stood up. Tim said,"I bought this attachment for my phone---It detects heat..."

"A thermal imager!" I said. "Nice! I have a hand-held one, but yours looks more sensitive than mine."

I began pulling on my vest and fingerless gloves. Tim said,"Ooooh, I like that."

"Thanks," I said. "It has pockets!"

"I really like that. Where did you get it?"

"Amazon, of course. When I was first starting out, I tried everything," I said. "My pockets, bags, belts. Finally I lit on the tactical vest, and these work. This one is mostly for residential LHPS work---I have others for other functions, and one sort of for any occasion---UFOs, ghosts, buried treasure, whatever."

"That's got style," said Tim. "Can I take your picture?"
"Sure. Women love the vest. Men...love the vest. Dogs and cats---"

"Hold still."

He snapped a photo of me, and then one around back, where I had attached "Black Lives Matter" and LGBTQ Ally patches. He said,"I've been carrying my satchel, but I may just get one of these. That looks great."

I grinned. "I like having a sassy gay friend. I can send you links to these. And check this out." I lifted my sweatshirt to show him my new customized belt with the LHPS logo on it.

"Now, that's cool," said Tim.

"I've discovered you can customize anything on Amazon."

"Last time we investigated, we had a lot of activity on the stairs," Tami said. "It seems to focus there. Let's try that."

"Sounds good," said Millie.

At the top of the stairs, we took some readings. I alternated between my EMF detector and my laser thermometer. The cat, Pico, kept chasing the laser.

"Let's get the recorders on," I said. I'd been restocking my vest with some new equipment, and the new recorder was lightweight and easy to use. I clicked it on and did the usual ritual: "February 10, seven eleven PM, Tami's place, second floor hallway. Lou."

"Tim."

"Millie."

"Tami. And Pico."

"Is there anyone here?"

"Can you tell us your name?"

We tossed around a few questions like that for a while, leaving silent spaces in between the questions. I've noticed it's hard to keep that up for more than a few minutes at a time---Maybe some people can do it longer, but I can't.

Tami said,"Bre just texted me. At the bar, they're asking her what's the most haunted place in Lock Haven."
Obviously, a question aimed at me. "I'd have to say the old jail. Down on Church Street. We investigated it years ago, around 2012, and we got a lot of activity. The only guy ever hung for his crime in Clinton County was hung in that jail."

"Cool," said Tami, and texted Bre back.

"I gotta drive by there," said Tim. "I keep meaning to."

"Getting EMF readings," said Millie.

She was sitting on the stairs. I was behind her, sitting in the bedroom doorway, and I could see her EMF detector beside her. It was flickering green to red, repeatedly, up and down.

"Getting photos," I said. I brought out my camera and snapped several shots of the stairs, Millie and Tim sitting beside each other at the top.

"I'm getting something on my thermal," said Tim. "See that blob at the bottom of the steps? What's that?"

We could all see it on his screen. I said,"Heat from a light above? Tami, is there a light in the ceiling above that landing?"

Tami shook her head. "No, nothing there."

"Rules that out, then."

"It's moving," said Tim. "Coming up the stairs."

We could all see it---On Tim's phone screen, the heat signature was moving up, one step at a time---And there was nothing there. Millie's EMF detector flashed red as the signature reached the top of the stairs.

"I've never seen this happen before," I said.

It reached the top, then moved back down to the bottom....And disappeared.

"That....was amazing," said Tami.

I cheered,"Yes!!!"

After, we all gathered back in the living room. Bre returned. And for a while, we were just a bunch of friends, hanging out.

"...So I walked in, and everyone was asking where Tami was," Bre was saying. "And I said she was on a paranormal investigation. So then of course everyone wanted to know all about it. And of course Lou's famous."

"I get that a lot," I said. "I mean, who the hell am I?"

"So they started asking all sorts of questions, which I didn't really have the answers to....You're gonna hear it all next time you go with me, babe," she said to Tami. "Lot of people down there are into this."

"I really want to get one of those vests," said Tim. 

There is just something about having a gay guy approve of the way you dress. "I'll send you the links," I said. "I don't think they're making this model anymore, but there are others that are just as good."

"You have as big an online shopping problem as I do."

"Oh, yes."

"Well, I better get going," he said, standing up. "Can I see you out, Millie?"
"Yes, please."

"Better head out myself," I said. "I told the kid he could stay up late with me tonight."

I left my bike in the front yard and walked in through the front door, into my own haunted house. Paul was waiting for me on the couch, and he looked up when I came in.

"You're home," he said. "Finally."

It had been two hours since I'd left. I said,"We had a good investigation, kiddo. How you doing?"
"Good."

"Great. Let me change out of my uniform, and then I'll be right with you." I smiled at my son. "You want to watch a movie?"

Backdoor Pilot

I don't understand why the schools schedule the kids to get up far too early to be any kind of productive. Personally I handle it with coffee. I was drinking out of the ghost-hunting mug Tim had gotten for me when Paul came into the kitchen.

"Your mom called from work," I said. "The school sent out a message. They closed down, so you'll be at home learning online today."

Paul looked out the back door window. "It's snowing out!"

"It's coming down pretty hard," I agreed. I was wearing my "Yeti For Action" shirt. "So you do a couple of hours of online school, and then we'll have internet problems and just hang out."

"Okay."

I stood up. Paul and I began dancing around the kitchen. "We got a snooow day! We got a snooow day!"

It was coming down really hard outside. I said,"Listen, kid, just so you're aware, this cold is nothing to screw around with. So just be careful. We will not be going barefoot. We will wear layers, and definitely a coat. This is Yeti weather."

"Will the cold leak out my bedroom window?"

"We'll make sure the curtain is pulled shut; that'll help. It'll also help if you don't kick the blankets off while you sleep. And for chrissake, wear pajamas."

"Aww."

"It will keep you warm, kid."

"Well, okay. Are we gonna look for Yeti prints in the backyard later?"

"Of course."

When I got home from work that night, there was an Amazon package on the kitchen table for me. "Can I open it, Daddy?" Paul asked.

I nodded, and he tore the package open. Three packs of cards came out.

"What are these?" he asked, examining one.

"They're Zener Cards," I said. "They detect bullshit."

He continued looking the cards over. I shuffled up a deck. "You know how some people say they have psychic powers? Talk to ghosts, see the future, and crap like that? Mostly, those people are liars or idiots. These cards help to test that." I held a card up, facing away from Paul. "Here. What do you think is on this card?"

"A square?"

I flipped the card around; it was wavy lines. I held up another. "How about this?"
"Square?"

It was a circle. Paul said,"Boy, I am really bad at this."

"You're not actually supposed to be good. Most of the people who say they're psychic are scammers, or just want to believe."

"So if I'm bad at this, it means I'm a sidekick?"

I laughed. "You're my sidekick no matter what. But most people will be bad at it. Most people get about one in five from sheer luck. If someone does better than that, they may have actual psychic powers. But most people don't." I held up another card. "How about this one?"

"Um....a circle?"

I flipped the card. "Nope. This one's a square."

It had warmed up the next morning. The girls came out the door after a five-minute wait. Our neighbors had lived next door for a year and a half, and we'd gotten close to the family. Paul and I walked the kids to the bus stop every morning, and I'd recruited them into a little club we called the Ghost Gang.

"Okay, guys," I said. "Bigfoot was in the neighborhood last night. Here's a training for you. There are Bigfoot prints all over the street, so I want you to follow them and figure out what he was doing."

I'd taught Paul paranormal investigation years ago. His little friends had expressed an interest, so I'd begun training them, too, because it's not enough that my life is weird, I have to inflict in on the children, as well. Besides, it kept them busy.

"There's one here!" Serena said. I'd gone down the street and chalked huge footprints all over the place the day before to give the kids something to do on the way to the bus stop. Paul ran ahead.

"One's here!" he said. "And here! Bigfoot crossed the street!"

"Very good," I said. "Now, if you find a print in nature, you're going to want evidence. I'll teach you how to make a plaster cast this summer, but for now, a photo will do." I got out my camera and my pocketknife. "When you get a photo of a Bigfoot print, make sure you put something next to it for context. That way, you'll be able to tell the size." I laid down the knife beside the footprint, and snapped a photo. Across the street, I saw Paul doing the same thing, setting down a container of slime and using his cell phone.

"The last print is down here, guys," I said.

"This is fun!" said Serena.

"Think I'll do this more often," I said. "I can train you guys on the way to the bus stop."

One Wednesday after school, with the kids playing out front on the sidewalk, I walked out back. I walked through the alley for a minute before settling on the shed next door. I pulled eight color-changing pencils out of my pocket and slid them in a small hole under the shed.

Then I walked back to the house, picked up a photocopy of a Sanborn map I'd made a couple days before, and marked a blue X by the shed at the alley. Then I went to find the kids out front.

I arrived as the discussion seemed to be escalating into "Let's ride this scooter off the porch and see what happens" territory, which made me feel pretty okay about interrupting. 

"Guys, come here," I said.

They all gathered on the sidewalk. I said,"This is a map to a hidden treasure. You guys have to work together as a team to find it."

"What's the treasure?" asked Sekiya.

"You'll find out." I handed the map to Paul. He looked it over, and said,"It's somewhere near this house. Four-sixteen."

"Which way is that?" asked Love.

"I think this way." The kids headed east down the block, counting off numbers. Love saw four-fifteen across the road, and then they spotted the right place.

I said,"Now, it'll help to orient the map. Turn it this way---See, the street is here? So put the street on the map in the same direction. Now, which way to go?"

After a moment of figuring it out, they set off in the right direction. Fortunately, all of our neighbors are used to this bunch trespassing through their yards. They ran back to the alley, and spotted the shed.
"Right there! Let's go in!"

"No....No, don't go in. Look at the map. Where's the mark?"

Paul looked. "Here, by the alley. I see."

They walked behind the shed, and Paul said,"Here!"

He reached in and pulled out the pencils. The kids all gasped. Paul said,"We found it! Who wants what color?"

It was thirty-four degrees when I got home from work, so of course I found the kids lying on the sidewalk in the dark. 

I was getting the mail when they spotted me. "Hi, Dad," Paul called over.

"Hey, buddy," I said. 

"We're looking at the stars," said Love. "Want to do it with us?"

"Hell, yes, I do," I said. "Wait here."

I was back out in a minute with my star chart, star scope, binoculars, and an old book. "Finding the Constellations" by H.A. Rey. I was wearing my "Bigfoot Saw Me But Nobody Believes Him" shirt and my puffy vest. I'd gotten the vest a year ago for investigating the ghost of a mobster, and I'd grown to love it. During the winter, I practically lived in the thing.

When I got back, Serena and Love were all excited. "We saw a UFO!"

"No kidding? What did it look like?"

"Like a star, white, but moving," said Serena. "Pretty fast."

"Did it keep moving, or did it sort of disappear?"
"It disappeared."

"You probably saw a meteor, which is itself pretty cool. Love that." I set everything down, and said,"You guys are gonna like this. Look, I can see Orion the hunter from here. See, there's his shoulders, there's his feet, there's the three stars in his belt...."

"I see it!" said Love excitedly.

"See the little cluster, just below the belt? That's his sword."

"Well, kinda," said Love. "It doesn't look much like a hunter."

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks were pretty imaginative. Sometimes you gotta squint."

"What's this?" Serena asked, looking at the star chart. 

"That's a star chart. Careful with that, I've had it since I was a kid. See, we can line it up---February fifth, at eight PM----And see? There's Orion."

Serena gasped. "I can see it! It makes sense now!"

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks used a lot of imagination when they named these constellations. Want to see the Big Dipper? We'll have to walk around to the back door." The kids followed me to the back yard. "Okay, over there's the Big Dipper. The handle is pointing down, see?"

"Oooh, yeah," said Love.

"Paul, can you tell me which way is north?"

"That way."

"You got it. See, girls---Start with those two stars, and then follow along---That's the North Star. Polaris. That way is north."

"What's this?" Serena asked.

"That's a star scope. I use it when I'm investigating aliens." It was a tube, about six inches long and three inches thick, with a lens on one end. "Look inside. Aim it at the porch light." 

Serena looked in and gasped. She now had a view of the entire night sky, printed on a little plastic piece inside the tube. "I can see all the stars! What's the fish?"

"That's Pisces."

"There's a ram..."

"That's Aries."

"This is so cool!"

"Dad, can this book be my reading for tonight?" Paul asked.

"Sure," I said. He began reading the constellation book by lantern light. In the front cover was an old letter---My mother had sent me the book, and I still had the letter tucked inside there. I glanced at it.

Dear Monkeybrain, it began.

"This is so cool," said Serena. "We should do this every night!"

I smiled. "I could be persuaded to do this more often."

That night, in Paul's dark room, putting him to bed. I pulled the covers up over him, with Rosie and Butters lying at the foot of the bed. He said,"Daddy? I'm gonna need another compass."

"Oh?"

"I broke mine."

"The one from your backpack?"

"Yeah. The lens fell off. It's outside by the lawn chairs."

"Well, compasses are cheap and easy enough to get. Why is it outside?"

"I put it out there for an emergency," Paul said. "Like, if the house burned down and we needed to get to a hotel, and the hotel was north, we could go find one."

....It's possible that I'm overtraining this kid.

"Well, it's good to be prepared," I told him, running my hand over his head. "But don't worry---House has been here since 1884. It's not gonna burn down. I'll get you a new compass. Do you want one like you had, or one like I had when I was a kid?"

"I want one like you had."

"Okay, kiddo. I'll get you one." I kissed him on the forehead. "Goodnight, little man. Get some sleep."

Four Calling Thunderbirds: The 2023 Christmas Special

Outside on Bellefonte Avenue, the streetlights were all decorated for Christmas. I could see it all from where I sat inside the coffee shop. I was sitting with Chris and his wife at the same table we always sat at, as if we were sitcom characters.

"Merry Christmas," I said to Chris. "I got you something."

I slid the small package across the table. He slid a pen out, and said,"Hey, pretty cool!"

"It's a multitool pen," I said. "This thing has a level, two rulers, and two screwdrivers in it. I take them on a lot of ghost hunts."

"I can work on the house with this!" he said. "Got you something, too."

I took a sip of coffee as he handed me a package. Wrapped in my column. I unwrapped it, and smiled.

"Henry Shoemaker's Black Forest Souvenirs! Thanks, man!" I paged through. "Cursed woods, healing springs....I think this book contains my next big mistake!"

Chris's wife, Kate, grinned. "He knew you'd like that."

"He was right. It's been a little slow lately; I can use something to keep me busy. I want the Minnesota Iceman for Christmas. I'm a size ten in UFO sightings."

It was raining when I took the kids down to the bus stop. Paul and I walked down with the neighbor kids, his little friends, whom I'd organized into a little group we called the Ghost Gang. It was the usual; insane kids running around, screaming at each other until the bus arrived. Nobody on Jones Street sets an alarm in the morning.

I was whistling and didn't realize it until Love looked up at me and asked,"Are you whistling?"

"Oh. Yeah. Didn't really notice. Christmas songs, you know?" I sang softly,"Oh, I....don't want a lot for Christmas...."

"Hey!" said Serina. "I know this one!"

I grinned at her, and she started singing, too. "....There is just one thing I need...."

Love smiled, and then joined in, and Sekiyah and Paul started, too. It was beginning to flurry.

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need....

And I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree....

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know....

Make my wish come true....

Baby, all I want for Christmas

Is you.

The kids started dancing on the sidewalk, and we all sang together. Good times with the kids.

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need...

And I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace,

Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day....

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know....

Make my wish come true....

All I want for Christmas

Is you.

I took a shower and threw on my Loch Ness Monster sweatshirt, sat down and wrote an article based on the book Chris had given me. I ordered some Christmas gifts for the family---A rolling pin for Michelle, a shirt for Tif with a pattern composed of words from her favorite book, and a Julius Caesar pencil holder for Biz. It had seven holes in the back to stick pencils, and it screamed Biz. I got Paul just about everything Amazon sells, which was what he'd asked for. Then I checked my e-mail.

An e-mail had come in on my PA Wilds address from one of my editors, Britt. In response to one of my articles, a witness to a thunderbird sighting had come forward. He'd provided a detailed description of the cryptid and the location, which I was familiar with.

It had gotten considerably colder by that afternoon, when I went to get the kids from the bus stop, I said,"Hey, guys, you'll like this. I got a thunderbird sighting this morning."

"What's a thunderbird?" asked Serina.

"Big giant bird, the size of a car," said Paul.

"That's right," I said.

"Can I see it?" Sekiyah asked.

"What? No, I....I don't have the actual bird. It was just a report from someone who saw one. It was an e-mail."

"Where?" asked Paul.

"Up in Cameron County. You've been there; we stopped by after investigating those vampires and South Bay Bessie a few years ago. I'm going to have to investigate this one. Last year, it was a Wendigo. This year, a thunderbird."

"Can I come?" asked Sekiyah.

"I'll see what I can do."

I was wearing my X-Mas alien shirt, and Millie had a bright red sweater. We all had some sort of festive outfit on as we sat around the table at our LHPS meeting: Me, Millie, Heather, Ashlin, Tami, and the new kid, Tami's kid, Juno.

"Well, first off, congratulations to Tami for winning her race for city council," I said. "This is the first time a paranormal investigator has been on city council. Does this make LHPS a government agency?"

"God, no," said Tami. "I have way too many of those already."

I laughed. "Tami, you said you're having some activity at your place?"
"Yeah, we've had things happening."

"Good. We need to train new people anyway. I propose that our next meeting be at your house, and we do an investigation. We'll train the new members, and keep ourselves busy."

"That works for me."

"Anyone want a glass of wine?" Millie asked. "I have some in the kitchen."
"Sure, I'll have a glass," I said.

Millie came back from the kitchen with the bottle. "I need you to help me get it open."

I popped the top off the wine, and she poured it. I took a sip. "Yeah, that's good. Now, we have our gift exchange!"

We'd started the gift exchange in our first year, sixteen years ago. At the time, the field leader had tried doing that stealing and swapping thing that people do for some reason, but everyone had always been satisfied with their gifts and never wanted to swap. So by the time I'd wound up as the leader, everyone just enjoyed what they'd gotten.

Juno got my present, a Lock Haven drink coaster. I ended up with Millie's, a sort of wand-shaped electronic lighter. I turned it over, and said,"Oh, Paul's going to love this. He likes burning things. We'll take this camping."

"I thought you might like that," said Millie.

"I got everyone something," I said, and handed them out. "Little multitools." Each one was a flat, wallet-sized piece. "There are about eleven different tools on these."

Heather looked hers over. "Nice."

"I mean, how many times have we been on an investigation and needed some sort of tool? I have one of these inserted in all my tac vests."

"You have more than one of those vests?" asked Tami.

Heather handed me a bag. "I got you something. Had to get it for you."

I pulled out a stuffed, knitted Bigfoot. I smiled. "I love it!"

"A friend of mine makes those. I thought it was perfect for you."

"You thought right," I said. "Looks like I do get to find a cryptid this holiday, after all."

At work, I had programs to plan and books to process. So I decided to say fuck it and  go investigate a cryptid instead.

I walked to the lobby and picked up one of the local maps from the tourist rack. Back at my desk, I did an online search for thunderbird sightings. One of my own articles was the first one that came up. It's interesting when that happens, but tells me nothing new. I marked the Cameron County sighting, then one I'd checked out a couple of years ago on the north side of the Susquehanna. There was one before that in Swissdale that Chris and I had investigated when we'd first met.

The Boss walked past my desk. "What are you working on?" she asked.

"Charting out our historic service distribution by township."

"Carry on."

I got a highlighter and made an orange mark on each sighting. There were some up around Kettle Creek, always the trendsetter in this regard. One in Jersey Shore, next county over. I ended up with a string of orange dots across my map.

"Hunh," I said.

I walked to the PA Room and grabbed Amazing Indeed by Robert Lyman. I knew it had a chapter on thunderbirds; there was even one depicted on the cover. I read through it and found a mention of the Native Americans reporting thunderbirds attacking whales for food.

Surprisingly, that actually checked out. Lyman described the area that thunderbirds were most seen in, and it was clustered in a comparatively tight area of north central Pennsylvania. 

With Lock Haven basically in the middle.

It was late. Paul and I were in the kitchen. Michelle had brought home two free hams from her company, and we had an extra from the local grocery store's points program. We also had a new oven with a "dehydrate" feature. I'd figured out that we could probably make ham jerky, but I'd found remarkably little instruction on how to actually accomplish this. So I was kind of winging it. Meanwhile Rosie and Butters sat on the floor, hoping for some of the ham to fall. Merry Christmas.

"I've been working on the thunderbird thing," I told Paul. "Called in my friend Kevin to do a little digging, too. You know what I found out?"

"What?"
"All of the sightings took place very near water---The Susquehanna River or its tributaries. So what does this tell us?"

"Thunderbirds need water."

"And what else?"
Paul thought it over for a moment. "Food!" he said.

"Right, food. And I found a mention in an old book about thunderbirds attacking whales, which makes sense---They'd eat fish from the river. So maybe if we wanted to see one, we'd have to go where there's fish."

"Maybe this summer!"

"Yeah, we can go looking for thunderbirds this summer. My witness sent me some pictures he created of the bird he saw, and it looks remarkably like an extinct bird called a teratorn. You never know---Maybe this summer, we can catch an ancient bird."

"Cool!" said Paul.

I laid out the ham strips on the tray, and looked them over. Then I slid them in the oven.

"Okay, let's see how long this takes. Hey. Got you something. This isn't exactly a Christmas present, so I guess you can have it early."

I handed him a package. He opened it and pulled out a sweatshirt---Black, with his name and the Ghost Hang logo on it. He smiled.

"Just like I wanted! Thanks, Dad!"

"Merry Christmas, little man."

Hello, Barkness, My Old Friend

It was seven-fifteen in the morning when I found Serina's mom next door outside with the new puppy. As the puppy bounced around in the grass, she said to me,"I got your message, I just didn't get a chance to respond yet. That's fine."

"Great," I said. I turned to Paul, who was coming out the front door. "Hey, kiddo, guess what? Serina gets to go to Grandpa's farm with us this weekend."

"Yay!" As Serina came out of her house, Paul said,"Serina! You can go!"
"Yay!"

"You're gonna love my Grandpa's farm," Paul explained to her. "There's a beagle named Miles, and chickens, and trees, and a pond."
"Bigfoot and ghosts," I added.

"Really?" Serina asked.

"There have been sightings."

"Well. I have to bring my stuff."

"Look, up on that hill," I said. "That's the Marshall House." I pointed to a big house on the hill above Palmerton. "It's haunted; some of my friends and I went up and explored there back in the eighties."

"Cool! Are we almost there?" Serina asked.

"Almost. You'll like the farm," I said to Serina. She was sitting in the back of the Jeep with Paul, watching their electronics. "There's dogs and chickens, and plenty of places to run around and explore."

"We can walk around unsupervised?" Serina asked me, somewhat incredulously.

"I don't see why not. If there's any place that's safe, it's Dad's farm. It didn't kill me as a kid, and I was actively trying."
"I want to show you Miles," said Paul. "He's a beagle that's as old as I am."

"Then he's as old as I am, too," said Serina. She was curled up under Paul's blanket. "This blanket smells like dogs."

"Everything we own smells like dogs."

"I love that." Serina took a deep breath of the blanket. "I didn't used to like the smell of dogs, but then we got Luna. Now I love that smell."

"It's very comforting to me, too," I said. "I used to go outside when I was little, and sleep in the doghouse. The whole thing smelled like our dog, and I always thought it was really nice. To this day, that's a very relaxing smell for me."

"Was that Miles?"

"No, Miles is much younger than that," I said. "I had a beagle named Hambone. He saved my life once."

"I thought a dog saved Paul's life."

"Different dog. That was Duke. Hambone was forty years earlier. He killed a snake that was going to bite me. He and I used to go down to a pear tree in the meadow, and I'd climb up and get pears for us to eat."

"I want to see the Hundred Steps!" Serina said as we drove through Slatington. 

"We're almost there," I promised. "The Hundred Steps used to lead up to a factory, but it was torn down. Now they just lead from one street to another street. And if you count them, it never comes out the same way twice. They say if you actually count a hundred, you disappear."
"Really?"
"Don't worry. I've only ever known it to happen once."

She turned to Paul. "Did you know about this?"

Paul nodded calmly. "I've done this before."

Michelle pulled into a lot, and we climbed out of the car. I said,"Guys. The steps are this way."

We walked to the top of a tall stone staircase that stretched for lierally a block down below. We began to walk downward, quietly counting each step. It took about a minute, and when we congregated down below, Serina glanced at me. I said,"Ninety-two."

"A hundred and fourteen," Paul said.

Serina grinned. "I got a hundred and six."

My brother was doing his thing, running the farm, when we got there. I got out of the vehicle, and the memories all came flooding back to me, as they always do. The farm where I'd spent the first third of my life. There were plenty of paths through the woods, but the path of my life had been set there. I walked to Jon and gave him a hug. He hugged Paul, and I said,"This is Serina. We adopted another one."

Serina grinned. "He's kidding. I'm actually their neighbor."

"Dad's down at the house, with Megan," said Jon. "Cousin Megan came for the weekend."

"Oh, that's great," I said. "I haven't seen Megan in at least twenty years."

"Come on," said Paul. "I want to introduce you to Miles!"

"You two have fun," I said. "You guys are the Ghost Gang now. When I was a kid, I had my cousins in a group we called the Ghost Gang, and we investigated this property. Looks like this is the first time the current Ghost Gang comes to the same place from almost fifty years ago."

"Is this place haunted?" Serina asked.

"Well, it goes back to 1836, and plenty of people have died here. For that matter, my mother died here twenty years ago."

As we walked across the yard, I stopped and pointed out a bush that ran about eight feet high. "Paul, did I ever show you this? This is what I called my tree house when I was little." I crouched down and moved through a small open space in the front. "Come on in."

Serina squinted at it. "We can get in there?"

"Come on and see."

Paul and Serina crept inside, and their eyes widened. It didn't look like it from the outside, but the entire bush was hollow, with nothing but branches on the inside. It made an open space the size of a very small room, and I sat down on one of the branches. "I used to spend hours in here when I was little. Nobody can see you from the outside. Those high branches, I called my attic."
"I want to climb up there!" said Paul.

I've always found little hiding spots, ever since I was a kid. Just about everywhere I've ever been, I've crafted little hideouts for myself. I have at least three at home, three or four at the library, and one in the shelter.

We walked down to the house. I grew up in an old brick farmhouse built in 1836. Paul had always struggled a bit with the back door, which had a weird sort of knob probably also from 1836. He tried it for a moment before he got it, and we walked into the kitchen.

Miles, a funny little beagle, ran up to us. Miles is very friendly; his sister Peggy is very shy. She immediately ran up the stairs and out of the danger of getting any attention. I gave my Dad and cousin Megan a hug.

"How have you been?" I asked Megan. "What have you been up to?"

She shrugged. "Oh, you know. Existing."

"I do that sometimes myself."

"You have not changed at all."

"I'm starting to get a little gray." I handed a magazine to Dad. "Brought you a copy of this one. It's my latest; it has two articles in by me. My editor asked for a piece on Pennsylvania cryptids."

"My sister Amy lives up near Vermont now," said Megan. "There's all these Bigfoot sightings. Her kids get all excited about the possibility of seeing Bigfoot. I've told them you're not supposed to be excited about seeing Bigfoot."

"We get excited about seeing Bigfoot," I said. "Sometimes when we're camping, Paul and I will break out the equipment and go check."

Megan asked my dad,"Does Miles need to go out?"
"Probably. You can take him outside and let him run a bit."

"Okay."

"So, getting a tree this year?" Dad asked.

"Thought I'd bring back two," I said. "One for the house, and one for the shelter. I gave them a free tree last year, and the staff loved it."

"Try down below, in the Frazier field," said Dad. "We have a few good ones down there."

I turned to the kids. "You guys ready to go pick a tree?"

Choosing the tree is the fun part. Cutting it down and then dragging it to the barn is the lesser part of that deal. The kids watched as Jon's assistant Scott used the machines to shake, drill, and bale the trees. Serina was rather fascinated with the whole thing.

"You know what?" I said, as the baler tied the tree tightly. "When I was young, we'd sometimes stick the littlest kid through that thing and tie him up."

"Nuh-uh!"
"Oh, yes. We really did."

"Then what would happen?"

"Usually we'd go in for lunch and let him work his way loose."

"What's that over there?"

"That's the root cellar, but I think the door's stuck shut these days. It's like an underground cave."

"I wish I could see it!"

"You want to see a cave? I have something to show you; it's very cave-like. Come on."

I led the kids down to the springhouse, and took them down the hill and into the basement. I said,"This is under the springhouse. The spring comes up there and runs through here." The whole thing was dark and rocky, with stones all over the ground. Paul and Serina looked around, impressed.

"You used to hang out down here, too?" Serina asked.

"Sometimes."

"That explains a lot about you." Serina looked around. "I am really having a fun time today."

As we emerged back out into the daylight, Paul said."Serina, you want another cup of hot chocolate? I can use one."

"Sure!"

"Let's go back up to the barn!"

As they ran back to the barn, I followed them up. I found Jon, his wife Amy, and Scott behind the counter. Scott asked,"Jon, should I smoke the alcohol now?"

"If you like."

"You are smoking alcohol now?" I asked. "Two bad habits in one?"

Scott pulled out a big jar of some amber-colored liquid. He said,"Want to try some?"

"Yeah. What is it?" I may have reversed the proper order of those statements.

"Jack Daniels honey flavor."

I took a sip. It was very smooth stuff. I said,"I like that."

He pulled out a black jar cap shaped like a skull. So far, I approved. He put it on the jar, filled it with some sort of wood chips, and started burning them with a miniature torch. He said,"This infuses the liquid with a smoke flavor, and makes it even better."

I watched as he burned up the wood chips. The smoke was drawn down into the jar, and slowly dissipated. At the nearby table, the kids were discovering what happened when they mixed peppermint chips into their hot chocolate.

Once the smoke was gone, he offered me the jar. I took another sip, and I could taste the smoky flavor that had been added to the whiskey.

"That is really good," I said. "Like having a drink and a cigar at the same time."

I went to the car and dug my EMF detector out of my pack. It was my all-in-one, and I wanted to check around a bit. I was wearing my sweatshirt with a ghost drinking coffee, and my puffy vest with a yeti badge on it. Not ideal for every investigation, but perfect for this particular one.

Watching the EMF detector, I walked down across the yard. I'd had a few experiences here before, and Dad had claimed to have had a couple. It never hurt to check.

I walked around the back of the house, near the barn. As I approached the barn, I got a flicker. I stopped, and turned. Just a little reading, not too much.

And then I realized where I was standing.

"Hambone?"

I was about at the spot where my dog had been buried, forty-five years ago.

"Is that you, boy?" I said softly. "How are you? It's been a long time, and I still miss you."

I turned off the EMF detector and slipped it into my pocket.

"Want to go down to the pear tree?"

I walked down the path to the meadow, to the spot where the old pear tree stood. I knelt down on the ground.

"I miss you, Hambone. You saved my life back then....I have a fund in your name at the shelter, did you know? I've done a lot since you knew me. And all the things I've accomplished, all the stuff I've done....It's all because you were such a good dog."

I had tears in my eyes. A moment later, I felt something at my elbow, and I looked down. Miles, coming to get a hug.

It was late that night. Paul was sitting on the couch, and we'd managed to get the tree into the stand in the living room. It was too big for the room, and I'd shoved it in so that it bent against the ceiling.

"I kind of like it like that," said Paul.

"Yeah, it sort of amuses me. I'll talk your mother into leaving it that way, which will be easy since she doesn't use the saw."

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Sure," I said. "You want it in my Bigfoot mug?"

"I want the Christmas tree farm mug," said Paul. "The one from Uncle Jon's farm."

I smiled. "Okay."

"I had a good time today," he said.

"Me, too."

Home Is Where The Haunt Is

I found Paul sitting alone in the rental car.

I climbed in. He was watching his tablet as he sat in the car on the driveway. I sat in the front seat, and turned to face him.

"How you doing?" I asked.

"Good." Paul was fine. He just likes rental cars, the same way he's always liked hotel rooms.

"I had a thought," I said. "You know your mom's gonna be away on a business trip Monday to Thursday. Gonna be just you and me at the house. First off, let me know what you want for dinner and I'll make it. Whatever you like."
"I'm going out with Sissy on Monday."

"Wednesday, then."
"Okay."

"Second. did you know we've lived in this house for twenty years this month? Your mom and I moved in here twenty years ago. I figure, I'll let you stay up late a bit, and you and me will do some ghost hunting. It's been a while. How about that?"

"Yeah," Paul said.

"Sounds good."

We'd first moved into the house in the Hill Section in October of 2003. Michelle and I had been married for just over a year, and my mother had died the previous May. We'd looked at a few houses within our price range, most of which invariably fell into the category of "Better than homelessness, probably."

The house, a smaller one with a nice view of the neighborhood, had appealed to us. I'd liked the basement, which I'd planned to use as a secret headquarters until I realized that it flooded and I'd moved operations to the second floor. 

We'd begun hearing unexplainable sounds and having experiences almost immediately. I'd dug into the history of the house, and gotten back as far as 1905 when I'd found Ida Yost.

Ida was seventeen. Her mother had died, and she'd been abused by her father. On August 19, 1905, Ida had committed suicide on what is now my back porch.

We'd heard footsteps in the hallway and on the stairs. Things move around. Sometimes at night, with everyone else in bed, I'd heard Ida walking around in the room with me.

You get used to it.

"After dinner, Daddy, do you want to hunt for some ghosts?" Paul asked. 

"Sure." We were sort of foraging for dinner, which Paul tends to do anyway. I was eating a leftover hot dog from the weekend, and Paul was making himself a bagel. We were wearing our matching Bigfoot Patrol shirts, which were as good as anything else to hang around the house in.

"Can I stay up late with you?" Paul asked.

"Not too late, because you have school tomorrow. But I'll let you stay up until ten."

"Ten-fifteen?"

"Okay. Ten-fifteen."

I went upstairs to my office. I didn't need the entire tactical vest; I was just hanging around my own house. I got out my laser thermometer and my EMF detector, and then grabbed Paul's, too. I squeezed the trigger on the thermometer, and it flickered to life and went out again immediately. The exciting life of a ghost hunter.

I walked downstairs. "Think I need a battery replacement in my thermometer," I said. "I think your EMF detector is acting up, too. Might need to get a nine-volt to replace it."

I replaced the batteries, and we checked around a bit. I said,"Baseline about seventy degrees. No outstanding EMFs. Anything on your end?"

Paul shook his head. "Nope." He picked up the 9-volt battery. "Can't you start a fire with this and lint?"

"Steel wool. Lint burns quick, but you need the steel wool to make a spark."

"Can we do that?"'

"If we have steel wool."

I found some in the cabinet and pulled it out. "Let's do this in the sink, so we don't burn something."

Paul touched the steel wool to the battery terminals, and it sprung into sparks immediately. It's always nice when he remember these survival techniques I taught him. I said,"You have homework?"

"I left my folder at school."

"Okay. Tomorrow, then." How much math can the kid need? He can already negotiate fifteen more minutes of bedtime.

I walked through the house with my EMF detector. I got a small flicker in the TV room, which is not unusual. I called,"Got a little bit of a spike in the TV room. Went to orange."

"Could be Ida," said Paul.

"Could be. She does act up in there sometimes, especially when I have Charlie's Angels on."

First thing in the morning. Paul and I waited outside the house next door, with Butters on a leash. We'd been waiting for five minutes when the little girls next door came outside.

"You brought Butters!" said little Sekiya, delighted.

"He likes to go to the bus stop and see all the kids," I said.

We walked down the street. I said,"You'll like this, Serina. This morning, I have to go over to a house to arrange for moving some gravestones. You know how there used to be a cemetery down the street, and they moved it in 1919? Some stones have turned up in someone's yard, and we're arranging to move them to Highland Cemetery."

"This morning?" Paul asked.

"Ten-thirty."

"And I'll be in school?!?"
"I'll bring photos to show you," I said. "I promise."

I reached down and overturned the stone, embedded in the ground. Carefully, I laid it down as Justin and Dave watched. It was the gravestone of Clarissa Mahan, sister-in-law to our town founder.

"Clarissa," I said.

Justin was the head of the Genealogical Society, and Dave managed Highland Cemetery. Justin said,"We can have these moved up to Highland and placed there, where they belong."

"Probably moved up in the spring," said Dave. "We can keep them there, but right now Highland has no money."

"That's okay, we can put them in the ground for free. CCGS can contribute a bit toward repair."

"These things have been here, undiscovered, for over a century," I said. "Now we're going to put them in Highland. I want to break this story."

"You can have the front page," said Justin.

Dave got out his dowsing rods and started testing them, looking for other gravestones. I'm not a fan of dowsing and he knows it; we'd had some of those discussions over a few beers. It's a little like being friends with SaraLee; you can see where the science ends and the wild stuff begins. You learn to not comment on it.

I stood up. "Justin, I've heard some rumors that Great Island Cemetery extended further back than what we'd thought, maybe even over toward Maple Street. You ever come across anything like that?"

"It's possible, but I never heard anything. Have you checked the 1869 map?"

"Yeah, but there's a lot of empty space nearby. The 1869 map has north pointing in the wrong direction; I'm not sure it's as accurate as you think. Besides, I suspect there was some unofficial interring outside the gates....You know John Michael Conley?"

Justin grinned. "Criminal buried somewhere in Great Island. Headless guy."

"Not at first. but yeah. His skull was stolen. He was never found when they moved the cemetery. Hell, maybe he's here."

Justin grinned. "He wouldn't be alone."

I grinned back. "You know the Woman in White and the Woman in Black?"

"Yep. This same cemetery. People saw the two ghosts walking around."

"A while back, I figured out who those might be. There were two female bodies here that were petrified. Both were moved to Flemington. It stands to reason that they were the two female ghosts; their names were Madeline Yost and Catherine Phillips."

"Are there more gravestones?" Dave asked the dowsing rods, and they swung apart, pointing widely to his right and left. I watched him with my arms crossed. 

He glanced in my direction. "Where's Lou?" he asked.

Both of them swung immediately to point at me.

I grinned. 

"Well, I'll be damned."

Paul and Serina caught me in my office. "You ready to go out, Daddy?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, buddy, I'm good." I was sitting in my chair, working on the tac vest.

"What're you doing?"
"I'm making a couple of adjustments to the vest; making it a bit easier to use."
Serina squinted at it. "This pocket---" She pointed to the first aid pouch. "---Was on the back before."

Serina's pretty perceptive when it comes to my ghost-hunting stuff. "Yeah, I removed a panel of pouches on the front right side. Moved first aid from the belt up to where I can reach it better; safety first. I'm adding the comlink pouch and a storage pouch, too, for now."

"Looks good," said Paul.

"Hoping for an investigation sometime soon, try it out," I said. "Let's go out."

We were in the vehicle, eating Taco Bell. My wife was driving, with Paul and Serina in the back seat. I said,"Once we're done with our food, you guys want to take a ride up to Highland Cemetery?"
"Sure," said Paul.

"Yeah!" said Serina.

"I  want to take a look, see if Dave managed to stake out the area we're moving the stones to yet."

Paul turned to Serina. "Ida's grave is in Highland."

"Ida? I want to see."

A few minutes later, Michelle turned the jeep into Highland Cemetery and pulled up the road. Paul pointed. "Isn't Ida up there under that tree?"

"That's right," I said. "That's her family plot."

"Is this where you want to stop?" Michelle asked.

"Yeah. Just for a minute."
Ida's grave is under a tall tree on a steep slope, at the lower part of the cemetery. We walked up the concrete stairs and up to it, the small stone with her name and the dates on it.

"So here's Ida," said Serina.

I nodded.

"Here's Ida."

I was flipping through the cemetery indexes when Tif rolled into the library. I said,"Oh, hi, honey. Just so you know, we're having rat loaf for our family dinner tomorrow."
"Rat loaf?"

"Yeah. It's like meat loaf, but rattier." 

I flipped open a haunted cookbook and showed her the photo of meat loaf in the shape of a rat. She said,"Can't wait. Anything new on the job?"

"Nothing yet. Radio silence. They're taking forever to get around to announcing. I been keeping myself busy," I said. "I'm working on Great Island Cemetery."

"Don't you already know everything about Great Island Cemetery?"

"I only talk like I do. I was looking into the Great Island ghosts---One of them is named Lena Yost. Look, she was moved to Flemington according to the Great Island records. She was only sixteen; her parents died later and were buried in Highland. It looks like she was moved there; she's on the Highland listing. Now, I have reason to think she's one of the ghosts, the woman in white, or in black, I'm not sure of the color."

"Okay."

"I was curious; I decided to check on the last name. I looked at Ida's genealogy book. Turns out, Madeline and Ida were distant cousins. One of the Great Island ghosts is related to the ghost in my house."

I stood with Justin on the hill, watching as the guy unloaded the gravestones. He said,"We'll call Dave, make sure these are where they're supposed to be. We can readjust them in the spring, but for now, we'll have them up here where they belong."
I had my "Paranormal Investigator" shirt on, and my cold-weather vest. It was thirty-eight degrees out. I said,"I'll write it up for the Express."
'We've made history today," he said.

I nodded. "The stones are where they belong. And maybe, once I get my article in, we'll hear from other people who've found their own stones. Maybe one day, we'll be able to collect up all of the old Great Island Cemetery."

At night, before bed, I always take the dogs out. With Butters on his leash, I walked outside in the cold, standing on the dark sidewalk  by the "Tami For City Council" sign.

Twenty years. Over a third of my life, I'd lived on this street. I looked down toward Bellefonte Avenue and thought about all the other people who'd lived here, over the years. Rebecca Gross. William Elliott. Roy Probst. Isadore Lipez. All part of Lock Haven's history.

All of them.

And me.

Lights Out

Knock knock.

I tapped on the door. "Hannah? It's Lou. Came to check your office for secret passages."
"Oh, sure. Come on in."

I entered the small office on the top floor of the charity I help with. One of the staffers, Hannah, was sitting at her desk. I said,"A while ago I noticed that your office has some unexplained space when you look at it from the outside, so I thought I'd come take a look."

"Well, when you're done, Julie said she wanted to see you," she said. "A secret panel would be cool. Didn't you just look into some UFOs? Unexplained blue lights in the sky?"

"Goddamn gender reveal party," I said.

I checked around. Crawling on the floor, I tapped on the wall. On the eastern end of the office, I stopped. "This is hollow. There's a space back there, but it's plastered over."

She grinned. "That's so cool."

"I've found a few spots like that in the library, looking around," I said. "Discovered a hidden space in the attic after we got back from COVID."

"Figured you'd come in today and check?" Hannah asked.

I shrugged. "Well, you know. Paul's in school, so I got some free time."

Julie was downstairs in her office. At first, when I'd begun helping out at the shelter, I'd felt weird just walking in and out of the place. As time went by, I'd been appreciated by the staff, and begun to feel more comfortable being around the place. Now, I felt at home.

"Hi, Lou," she said, looking up as I came in. "Would you be able to spare a night to stop by and talk to some of the clients? They'd kind of like to hear from you."

"This ghosts, or history?" I asked.

"Mostly ghosts. They've been hearing some things around the shelter, and some of them are starting to believe the place is haunted."

"Well, it probably is. Place was built in 1885."

"Yeah, but you know how it is. I'd like you to come in and talk to them about ghosts, and maybe a little history on the building, and see if you can get them calmed down."

"I can do that," I said. "As a kid, I never saw myself as a calming presence, but I can handle it."
"You have the time?"
"Sure, it's a little slow lately. Probably the writers' strike. I can be here next Wednesday, if you like."
"That would be fine. Thanks."

"Anytime. Call if you need me."

I was at work when the storm broke out.

Sitting at my desk, I saw the pouring rain through the window, and watched the lightning flash across the sky. I was sitting in the oldest section of the local library, built in 1887.
My name is Lou. I'm a paranormal investigator. I look into ghosts, aliens, cryptids, and local history, and then I write about it. It's shocking how much attention you can get this way.

I sideline at the local library. Was a time, years ago, I'd have said I'm a librarian who supplements with my writing. But the older I get, the more I've begun to feel it's the other way around.

I was working on processing books when Zach ran by---One of my co-workers. He shouted,"We have a leak!"

I got up and walked toward the stacks. This is not an uncommon occurrence in an old library; it's why we were currently getting the roof fixed. I walked into the stacks---And saw disaster.

The water was coming through the ceiling in torrents. It was flooding the stacks, and soaking the books. A couple of my co-workers were pulling the computer tables out of the way and throwing plastic sheeting up over the shelves. One of my co-workers ran past, shouting,"We have  buckets up in Children's!"

I followed her up the stairs. "Does Children's have a wading pool or something?"
"She does! Good thinking! She keeps it in the storage room."

I found the pool and ran it downstairs. I put it under one of the bigger spurts. I ran to the shelf in the back room and began pulling old yearbooks off the shelves, running them back to the Pennsylvania Room, out of the rushing water. 

Halfway back, I bumped into Zach. "Where's Bill?" he asked.

Bill is the maintenance guy. "Don't know."
"The electricity is smoking."

I turned and ran for the lobby. "Bill!!?"

"Yeah?" To my relief, I heard his voice from the lobby.

"Zach says the electric is starting to smoke! We gotta shut down the fuse!"
Bill ran for the fusebox. I continued moving yearbooks into the PA Room, getting my Kraken shirt wet, then pulled my cell phone out of my pack and slipped off to the stairwell. I dialed the charity down the street.

It was Juli who picked up. I said,"How you guys doing down there?"

"Us? We're fine. Hell of a storm, but we're doing okay."

"Good. No problems with the building?"

"No, it's cool."

"Okay. Thought I'd better call and make sure. We're flooding here, but lately I feel more responsibility to the shelter than the library."

"Thanks for checking on us, but we're all safe."
"Okay. Good."

 I heard a repeating beeping. Following the sound, I realized that some of the lights on the alarm box were blinking.

"Bill! The alarm is making a noise!"
"Oh, dammit, I interrupted the whole thing!"
He ran for the alarm system. I saw a new place where the water was leaking, and threw another container underneath it.
"It's spreading!"

The boss stood on the side of the room, shaking her head.

"I'll have to call the insurance company," she said. "We're going to have to close up until we can get this taken care of."

In the middle of all the chaos, my friend Chris came in the back door with his camera. Chris was my intern well over a decade ago, and we'd become really good friends since. He wrote for one of the same newspapers I did these days.

"Here to report for the Record," he said. "Heard you guys were having a disaster."

"Jesus, are we ever. Follow me."

I led him back to the stacks, where he gaped at the collapsed ceiling and the flooded floor. "My god, you weren't kidding," he said. "How are you ever going to fix all this?"

I shook my head.

"I don't know."

Paul was packing his lunch for school in the kitchen. From what I could see, it consisted of two kinds of crackers, candy, and pickles, but I've long since given up questioning these things. From my pack, I heard my cell phone ringing---I'd made a point to set it to the plainest, most phone-like ringtone I could find. I dug for it in my pack.

It was Kira. Kira is my friend who works with Downtown Lock Haven, for the moment. She'd recently gotten a new job with the Economic Partnership, and was moving over there soon.

"What the hell's going on at the library?"

"We had a roof leak because of the repairs, which ironically were being done to fix roof leaks. It's bad, Kira. It's very bad. We're gonna be shut down for a few days at least."

"Oh, that's terrible."

"It's not great," I admitted. "Gonna be closed for a while. We're still holding the book sale, though, and it'll be more important than ever this year. Hey. You know I've applied for your job, right?"
"I know. I recommended you."
"Well, thanks for that. I mean, we'll see how it plays out, but I'm hoping. It may be time for me to move on from the library."

"The board hasn't made any decisions yet, but I'm pulling for you. Hey. I gotta run and eat pizza with my kids now."

"You do that. Have fun. I'll see you at the next meeting."

I've always loved autumn. When the leaves start turning colors and the weather gets cooler, it's my time to shine. I'll be telling ghost stories soon. My mother was a teacher, so I grew up around the educational system. It's probably why fall always feels like the beginning for me, adventures ahead. She'd have been mortified that I make my living chasing ghost stories, but my love for autumn has always lasted.

These days, autumn was a bit of a double-edge Pine Creek sword, though. Along with the cool weather and the fallen leaves, Paul was back in school. This left me alone and bored, and already awake. It was always a reminder of just how much time I spent with my son, and how alone I felt without him,

I'd been in the mood for breakfast, with Paul in school. It had dawned on me that I could get a decent breakfast at the coffee shop, so I biked down and got a coffee and an egg sandwich.

I sat down with Chris and his wife Kate at a table. I was wearing my South Carolina Lizard Man shirt.

"Hi, guys," I said. "Figured I'd come see if you were here."

"Of course we're here," said Chris. "Grab a seat."

"I love the little ghost sticker on your key card," Kate commented.

I glanced down at my lanyard, which held my key card for the shelter. It had a little sticker of a ghost holding a heart. "Figured I'd mark the key as noticeably mine," I said. "Been productive today. I got two columns done, sent in one for West Branch Life, and I have to get down to the shelter and do an exit interview. Figured I'd stop on the way."

"How's the job application going?" Chris asked.

"Waiting on word," I said. "They seem to be still gathering applications. I'm waiting to hear back."

"Got something for you," said Chris. "I saw a weird light on the mountain last night."

Kate grinned. "This again."

"I was driving on 150 from McElhattan," said Chris. "I saw a bright shining light on the mountain. It shined for a second or two, then went away. Up on the mountain where there's no houses."

"Hmm. About what time?"

"About six-ten-ish, I'd say. A UAP up on the mesa?"
"Could be. I mean, I want to say reflection off a rifle scope, but it's not hunting season. Did it appear to be a reflection, or an independent light?" 

"Independent light. Definitely."

"Was it moving?"

"Hard to tell, but I don't think so. It appeared still."

"I'm intrigued," I said. "I'm gonna designate this one CT-23. Castanea Township, 2023. UFO on the mountain. I'm gonna look into this, man. Things have been a little slow lately."

The weather was cool and placid when I got up the next morning. I got Paul and the little girls next door onto the school bus, and then got ready for work. I turned off of Bellefonte Avenue on my bike to on my own little path. Several years ago, the college spent about a million dollars to build a walking path for the students, who have never bothered to use it. So I basically have a path all to myself.

I rode behind where Painter Stadium used to be, and zigzagged over past the ruins of the old railroad machine shop. Then I hung a left where the walking bridge was torn down, passed behind the old synagogue, and turned left at the Kistler Carriage House. A right at the Furst House brought me to the library. You didn't understand a word of that. That's okay; it got me to work.

I walked through the stacks, looking at the damage. Water was still covering the majority of the floor, plastic was all over everything, and half the ceiling had fallen in. It was the worst I'd ever seen the place in the eleven years I'd worked there.

Jenn was in the PA Room, sorting the yearbooks for water damage. I said,"Think I'll take a couple of moments and sneak off today, check the building for ghosts. This is prime haunting conditions, with a disaster that bears a resemblance to one that one of our ghosts went through. Mary Elizabeth Crocker may be haunting the place, and she dealt with the 1936 flood."

Jenn nodded. "I never know if you're being serious when you say stuff like that," she said.

Outside, everyone was busy setting up for the book sale. I walked out and began opening boxes, unloading the books onto a table. Wearing my Loch Ness Monster shirt, I cruised around to the Local section to see what I could find.

There was a woman browsing them. She said,"Do you still sell the history book about Lock Haven? My grandmother wrote that."

"Yes, I know. You tell me that every time I see you."

I dug through the local books, and I spotted one. "A Township Called Wayne," by....Well.

I picked it up. "I always knew this was coming one day," I said. "My book, donated in a used book sale."

I took it inside and set it on my desk. Then I got out my all-in-one EMF detector and started doing a sweep of the stacks. Zach spotted me, and asked,"What are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, just checking for ghosts," I said.

"The electricity's been shut off, if that's what that measures."

"I'm not getting any readings, if it makes you feel better."

"It does, actually."

Paul was out playing with his little friends when I left the house. I found them out on the sidewalk, riding their bikes. Paul said,"Did you think you were getting out of here without saying goodbye to me?"

"I'm only headed out for a bit, buddy." I gave him a hug. Then I said,"Paul? You know I applied for another job, right?"
"Yeah."
"What would you think about that? If I left the library?"

"You'd be home more, right? When I get home from school?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't be working as late."
"Yeah. I want that."

My son doesn't care where I work. He just wants me with him as much as possible.

I put my hands in my pockets, and nodded. "Okay. Gonna run down to the shelter, little man. Back in about an hour."

It was a similar scene two nights later when I came outside with my tac vest on. Serena looked me over and declared,"You got too many vests. I can never keep track."

"They all have different purposes," I explained. "This one is for ghosts, but also has extra equipment for when I'm not sure what I'll be dealing with. It's the one I'll be wearing when Paul and I go back down to the shelter next week." I turned to Paul. "Gonna need you for that one."
"Okay," said Paul. I felt a little weird, standing out on the sidewalk in my uniform and vest, as opposed to inside a dark haunted house.

"Can you get ne a vest like this?" asked little Sekiyah.

"I'm not sure they come in your size."

Chris pulled up. Paul said,"Uncle Chris! I lost two teeth in the last two days!"
"Wow! Let's see!" Chris made a show of examining Paul's smile, and asked,"You get any money for that?"

"Two dollars!"

"I used to get a quarter."

"Me, too, but you know, inflation," I said as I climbed into Chris's car. "Back in an hour, little man."

"Okay!" called Paul.

Chris drove down to the end of the street and turned left. "Thought I'd take you out the exact route I was on at the time."

"Good plan."

Chris drove out to McElhattan, turned, and then started back along 150. He slowly pulled over. "It was right about here. I saw it on that mountain, up above that black billboard."

We got out and walked along the highway for a moment. He said,"The sun was a little bit lower that night."

"Looking at these angles, there's no way it was a reflection." In spite of what Chris had said, I'd still been considering the idea of something reflecting, but that was impossible. I lifted my binoculars to take a look.

"No houses, no roads....Probably a couple of hiking paths up there, but nothing that should be lighting up." I handed Chris the binoculars.

"Is that a cut?" he asked.

"Power line," I said.

"Should we get closer?"

"We should."

We got back in the car and drove toward Castanea. "Could some sort of power line problem have caused this?" he asked. "A spark from a transformer? Isn't your dad retired from PP&L?"

"I've actually had something like this conversation with my dad. A transformer blowing, that could potentially cause a light for a moment."
"Would I be able to see it all the way down here?"

"God yes. I remember seeing something like that in Allentown around 1989 once. Lit up half the sky. And you might not even necessarily notice a blackout, either, because it's programmed to immediately reroute the power."

"Hmm."

"Got my job interview tomorrow," I said.

"Make sure you get as much money as you can."

"God. The low end of what they're offering is three times what I'm getting now. Right now, I'd take a pay cut to get this job."

"Not gonna get promoted at the library?"
"Jesus, at the library I don't even like the way I'm being treated now. If it was possible to apply for a demotion, I'd do it." I thought it over a moment. "I will say, though, that I've been feeling better about the place since the disaster. I'm caring about work for the first time in a while. That roof collapse did wonders for my attitude."

Chris turned into Castanea. "I should be able to get close to the mountain..."

"If we turn right at the PP&L substation, we should be able to see."
We turned and went down to just past the substation, where we found the road leading up to the power lines. It was gated off, and we leaned against the gates, where we could see clear up the cut.

"Looks like the logical explanation is a transformer problem, and you saw it blow from the highway.:

Chris nodded. "Kinda still want to tell people I saw a UFO, though."

"For all we know, a landing UFO caused the transformer to blow. I'm on board."

I sat in the county commissioners'' conference room, facing the four board members of Downtown Lock Haven. I was wearing my grey suit, as if I have a whole bunch of other suits. They had been asking me questions for forty-five minutes now.

"So, I have one more thing," one of them said. "What makes you want this position?"
"I want to help the city," I said. "I've always wanted to help the city. I love Lock Haven. Lock Haven has given a lot to me, and I want to give something back. This seems like the next logical step. Lock Haven....It's my home. I've lived here three decades, and I love it. And I just want to help."

"How did it go?" Serina's mom asked me, standing out on the porch. I was wearing my grey suit and my blue tie with the little bulldogs on it, which I'd owned since high school. 

"I think well enough," I said. "Got through the job interview. Now I should be hearing something within a week. Just wanted to stop by and let you know I'm home---Thanks for watching Paul."

"Oh, anytime," she said. "Mostly the kids were out playing on the sidewalk."

"Like usual."

"What is this you're wearing?" Paul asked, examining my suit jacket.

"This is a suit. You have no reason to think I own one. I'm gonna go get changed into some real clothes."

"Yeah, you look kinda funny," said Serina. "I mean, not funny, but....Not quite right...."
I smiled. "I know. Feels weird to me, too. I'm gonna go get into a ghost t-shirt, the way I belong."

"Can I open the door, Daddy?" Paul asked as we parked our bikes in front of the shelter.

I handed him my key card. "Go ahead."

We buzzed ourselves in. Julie was in the conference room with two of the clients. I set down the big bag, and said,"How's things going? Any activity?"
"The door keeps rattling all night."

"Paul, check it out." 

Paul moved to the door with his EMF detector. I opened the bag and got our vests out. I pulled mine on over my uniform, and then the fingerless gloves. Paul got his on.

"What's this?" Julie asked.

"That's a thermal imager. I use that to detect heat sources." I turned it on and passed it around the table. "We check temperature, electricity, sonics, photography. We try to be as scientific as possible."

"I'm scared you might actually find something," said one of the clients.

"No reason to worry," I said. "TV and movies make this seem as scary as possible, but in real life, it's not like that. Probably the only people haunting this place are children. I found two who may have died in the building. By the way, the building is probably older than we thought---The people who filled out the Historic Resource Survey Form just got their information from the 1885 Sanborn Map. I've found some evidence that suggests the building could go back to the 1870s. I need to get to the courthouse and do a title search. Oh, and the third floor wasn't added until after World War II."

"Now, that's fascinating," said Julie. "How did you find that out?"
"Up until 1925, the Sanborn Maps list this as a two-story place. After the war, it was bought by an insurance company and they used it as a rental. That was when they built the third floor. When I mentioned this to the director the other day, she commented that the third floor does look newer."

"Dad!" said Paul. "When are we going to investigate?"
"We're getting to it," I said. I turned on my EMF detector and set it on the table. "Paul and I are going to do a walk-through. You guys keep an eye on this until we get back."

The lights immediately flickered to red. Everyone gasped. I said,"Well, that's a good sign. We may get some activity tonight."

Paul and I walked through the first floor, checking with our thermometers. We got to the far end, at the kitchen, and turned around. I said,"Want to see the upstairs?"

"Sure."

We walked up, and through the second floor. The accounting offices---Most boring place in the building. Upstairs was the third floor, and it did look architecturally newer---I hadn't noticed it before, but knowing what I did, I could see it. We went through, thermometers out.

We walked down the back staircase, which I almost always forgot was there, and back down into the conference room. Julie was waiting with the clients, and the EMF detector was still flickering.

"It keeps doing that," said one of the clients.

"We'll sit down and do an EVP session," I said. "But this is a good sign. Looks like we have some activity tonight."

"Thanks for coming tonight, Lou," said Julie. "I appreciate you doing this."
"Thanks for having me," I said.

Julie smiled. "Well, things are always a little more interesting with you around."

A week later, I was back having coffee with Chris and Kate. Kate was buried in her laptop, doing some sort of promotion, and I was finishing my coffee.

"Nothing new on the job?" Chris asked.

I shook my head. "They're taking forever with this hiring process. Looks like I stick it out at the library for a while more."

"Hang in there, man."

I finished off my coffee and stood up. "I gotta get over to the senior center. Got a speech to give over there, with a hundred people signed up."

"Oh, what's your speech on?"

"Ghosts, of course." I pulled on my jacket. "Hey. You and me have been buddies so long, I sometimes forget that you started out as my intern. But I'd like to step back into that role for a minute."
"Uh-oh."

"No, this is good stuff. I'm proud of you, man."

Chris looked a little shocked. "For what?"

"Everything you do for this community. You've really become a great force in the area, you do a lot, and you help a lot of organizations. You're hitting all the right notes. I'm proud of you for that."

"Well, thanks, Lou," he said. "Thanks for your kind words." 

I picked up my pack. "Gotta run. See you for coffee next week."

I slung my pack over my shoulder and walked out into the nice October air.