Cloudy With A Chance Of Hauntings

Every once in a while, Tif and I tried to have breakfast together, almost like we were normal people. It was a pleasant Friday morning. We sat at McDonald's, eating our breakfast and chatting before work.

"Been at kind of loose ends lately, adventure-wise," I said, drinking my coffee. "I had all sorts of fun running around Lancaster and New Castle, but now that that's over with, I don't know what else to do. It's been slow."

"Oh, god," said Tif.

"What?"

"You get into some of the craziest ones when you get bored. When you have nothing to do for a while, out come the maps and Shoemaker books, and you get into something insane."

"I mean, I hope. I could use something like that right now. I thought I was going to get to investigate a haunted tobacco store, but that turned out to be nothing."

"Nothing on the horizon?"

"Couple of potential adventures scheduled in June. Nothing too exciting planned right now. I don't always do wild stuff when I get bored."

"Remember that time you had Biz and me put a rain spell on the whole city? What was that, about fifteen years ago?"

"Something like that. 2007 sounds about right."

"That was interesting. Something like that, maybe?"
"Right now, just about anything would do."

Tuesday night. Michelle and Paul were out taking Biz grocery shopping, and I had the house to myself. Sort of. Rosie and Butters were around, and Cookie the hamster, and Ida was around someplace. You're never really alone in my house.

I heard the wind outside, kicking up. A storm was coming. I stepped out onto the back porch to watch.

I love storms. They're like a free firework show with a somewhat slow-paced but exciting movie. I stood on the porch for a while, watching as it built.

Thunder and lightning. I love that. The wind was pounding everything; I watched our tree blow back and forth violently. I could hear the garbage cans get knocked over on the northwest side of the house. I stopped just out of range of the rain and watched for a while.

"What's for dinner?" Michelle asked as she came into the house.

"Sausage, corn, and baked potatoes," I said. "After dinner, I need to run up to Highland Cemetery to get some photos."

"Okay."

"There was some tree damage from the storm. I've sold the idea of an article to my editors, so I need some photos to send with it." I put the sausage in the oven. "I wonder if that stirs up the ghosts."

I turned the oven on. Then I stopped to think about that.

Then I sat down at my computer and sent a message to the team.

"So....Highland?" said Tif.

This time, we were sitting on the sidewalk on Main Street, in front of the Texas Restaurant. We were having Growlers, a specialized chili dog. It's the closest thing you can get to a Lock Haven cuisine. 

I nodded. "We have some trees down up there. A lot of the time, damage can cause more activity, similar to the way home repairs do. It seems to rile them up. So I'm taking the team up to check it out."

"When you going?"

"Saturday evening seems to be the best time. I checked with Dave, the cemetery manager. He wants to join us."

"Think you'll find anything?"

"We'll see. The potential is definitely there."

"At least it'll keep you busy."

"Which is probably best for society anyway."

"Lou?" Tom called back. "Two guys are here asking for you."

"Thanks, Tom." I walked up to the front office, expecting some sort of history question, and instead found Tim an Devaughn standing by the counter. I grinned.

"Hi, guys! What's up?"

"Well, we stopped by to check and see what equipment we need for Saturday," said Tim.

"I'd say the basic stuff. We don't need anything too complicated; just what you can carry. We'll meet up at the top of the cemetery---Drive up the hill and look for Soldiers' Circle."
"We also wanted to order some stickers and business cards," said Tim. "And we need a logo designed for the team."

"My friend Emily can help you with that," I said. "Emily?"

Emily stood up from her desk and brought over an invoice. "Sure, I can help with that. When do you need it by?"

"June seventh would be good if you can," said Tim. "If not, that's okay too."

"I think that's plenty of time," said Emily. 

"LHPS has a logo, I think SPI needs one, too," said Tim. "LHPS is a ghost. For ours, maybe a haunted house or something?"

"I can come up with something," agreed Emily.

"Just run it past Lou when you get it," said Tim. "I trust him."

"I trust Emily," I said. "She's really good."

"Dad, can you walk me down to Juliet's?" Paul asked.

I looked at my watch. I had plenty of time, and it was a nice day out. "Sure," I said. "Come on, let's go."

We walked down to his friend's house, a block and a half away. When Paul tapped at her door, Juliet appeared, and Paul handed her a popsicle.

"Hey, kiddo," I said,"Is your mom home?"

"Sure," said Juliet. She ran upstairs. A moment later, her mother appeared.

"Hi, Amanda," I said. "Sorry to bug you."

"Oh, it's no problem," she said. "What's up?"

"We're going to investigate Highland Cemetery tonight," I said. "About seven to nine-ish. Would it be okay with you if I invited Juliet along?"

"Sure, she'd love that."

Paul ran to grab Juliet, and said,"Juliet! Do you want to come and investigate a cemetery with---"

"Yes," said Juliet.

I smiled. "We'll pick her up and drop her off."

It was seven when we stopped at Highland and got out. Me, Tim, Devaughn, Vince, and Petey, plus Paul and Juliet. I was wearing my usual outfit---The LHPS uniform, black jeans, black bandanna, boots with skulls on them, fingerless gloves, and the tactical vest. 

"Storm damage is over here," I said. "Looks like they've started cleaning some of it up. We had a few trees down up here along the top, mostly right around this area."

Tim's outfit was a lot like mine, but more official-looking somehow. He had a polo shirt with symbols on the sleeves, a vest and equipment belt, and heavy fingerless gloves. Devaughn had a more military-style outfit with cargo pants, an equipment belt, and a camouflage jacket with paranormal patches all over it.

"You want your vest right now?" I asked Paul.

He  shook his head. He was still in his soccer uniform from that morning, which he took some pride in. "Not right now, Dad."

"I'll wear it," volunteered Juliet.

I put it on her. It fit better than I thought it would; she's pretty tiny, but it worked well enough.

"This is Soldiers' Circle," I said. "The first black soldier to fight with a white unit in World War I is here. Over there is a guy who was an honor guard at Lincoln's funeral. John Sloan, the famous artist, is over there. That statue down there---That's Peter Meitzler. He was built with a beer glass in his hand, but during Prohibition, some temperance ladies came along and smashed it off."

"Really?" Paul asked. "Where?"
"I'll show you. My suggestion tonight is we set up shop near the Kistler Mausoleum; we've had activity there before."

"We have some new 3D printed stands for the EMF detectors," said Tim. "Wait until you see."

"Do you have any more equipment, Dad?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, kid, it's all in the black bag."

We began unpacking. Vince and Tim got out their EMF detectors, and set them up on stands around the mausoleum. I took some photos and checked things out with my all-in-one. Juliet followed along, fascinated by it all.

Paul and I walked down the path to the Meitzler statue, overlooking the city. I said,"See? You can see where his fingers are all broken off, where he was holding the glass."

"I see it," agreed Paul. "They should put it back."

"That idea has been proposed," I admitted.

We walked back toward Soldiers' Circle, where Tim and Devaughn were exploring. I said,"Henry Shoemaker's grave is right over there."

"Well, I gotta see this," said Tim.

We walked over to Shoemaker's grave. I'd been there a million times before; Shoemaker was one of my big heroes. Tim said,"I love this. Get my picture, Devaughn."

I took a walk around the top of the cemetery. All of the historic people up here....Former mayors, business owners, writers. It had been slow since returning from Lancaster, but this was exciting. I'd always loved Highland Cemetery; to me it represented the best of Lock Haven's past. I always came out of it knowing I was going to end up here myself one day....And thinking, Well, that's okay.

I rejoined the others. We walked around the loop at the top of the hill, taking reading and looking at the historic graves. Then we returned to the Kistler Mausoleum.

"The EMF detectors are lighting up," Devaughn pointed out.

The detectors we'd set up around the mausoleum were spiking from green to yellow. I walked around to the north side. "Over here, too. And there's no reason for it---There's no lights, no power lines up here at all."

"No," agreed Tim. "Didn't you say you'd gotten some activity like this before?"

I nodded. "Several years ago, I was up here with Millie and Charlie. We got a lot of similar activity, without any explanations, right here in this same mausoleum. It's probably Gertrude Kistler, who drowned on a family vacation when she was twelve, in 1920---Her grandparents are here."

"Still going," said Vince.

I looked over the flashing lights.

"We got activity, guys. We got this."

 It was a nice night. After, Paul and Juliet were hanging out on the trampoline in the backyard. I brought out some reheated hot dogs for them.

"Here you go, guys. Eat up." Paul had claimed to be hungry after the investigation, which wasn't surprising. For some reason, I often come home from investigations hungry myself, and he's always hungry these days.

The two of them ate their hot dogs. I said,"You guys learn anything tonight?"
Juliet nodded with some enthusiasm. "Yeah!"

I asked,"You have a good time?"

"Bet," said Paul.

"Yeah!" said Juliet. "And it kept me busy all night!"

I smiled.

"Me too."

Dance Dance Apparition: Part Three

"There it is," I said. "Up ahead, on the left. There's the bus."

Back in Lancaster. Paul had one more dance competition, and this was the big one. Michelle was driving, with Paul and his best friend Rylan in the back. She pulled into the driveway of the farmhouse, and past the barn, and three dogs came running out to greet us.

There was a big Irish setter, a mutt, and a tiny spaniel. Michelle said,"I hope they don't get in the way of the jeep."

"They're my new best friends," I said,"And I would die for them." And I got out of the jeep.

They ran over, and sniffed me, and I petted them all. Paul and Rylan followed a moment later, and petted them. The little one was the friendliest, and kept snuggling up to me for more attention. After a while, I was able to tear myself away from the dogs, and unload the luggage. I put it in the bus.

Michelle had booked us a refurbished bus to stay in. The old school bus had been made over into almost a cottage, with beds, sofas, and a little kitchen. I walked around the place a little bit, checking things out.

"Good. There's coffee." I held up the salt shaker. "Hey, Paul. Check this out."

Paul looked up. "Pink salt?" he said. "What is wrong with people?"

The kids were bouncing on the sofas when I got all the luggage unpacked, and I sat down at the desk.

"We have to get up at seven to get you to the hotel on time," I told Paul. "The hotel where you're dancing tomorrow was built basically with two historic buildings inside it. One of them was owned by Thaddeus Stevens, who helped amend the Constitution. It may have been on the Underground Railroad."

"Slay," said Paul.

"They're old buildings. I hear they might be haunted. You want to do some investigating, if we get a chance?"

"Sure," said Paul.

"Yes," said Rylan.

"I have some of the equipment with me," I said. "I'll bring it along in case you get a moment in between acts."

It was early morning when we got to the hotel, and raining. The hotel was gigantic. We walked in from the parking garage. I was wearing my Rachael's Dance Unlimited shirt, and my LHPS hoodie. I'd investigated in worse. The bus was close quarters and there wasn't much of a shower, so I'd skipped shaving, but it wasn't too noticeable yet. I have the facial hair of an eight-year-old girl. I'd brought my small sling pack, with a few pieces of equipment and my phone in it.

"There's my team," Paul said. "See you guys later!"

He took off to be with the other kids. Michelle said,"I'm going to find the stage and get some seats. You gonna look around?"

"Yeah,  figure so," I said. "Paul's already disappeared, so I guess I just have to trust him to get onstage when he needs to."
"He's done okay so far."

"I'm not exactly used to assuming the ten-year-old is on top of the situation."

I walked down into the lobby. Immediately, I stopped and gasped.

"My god...."

The lobby was big. It had a house in it.

The William Montgomery House had been there since 1804. The hotel had been built right there, basically incorporating the house. It rose up through three floors, across from the balconies, with a curved back wall and wonderful windows. My jaw dropped. A historic building, right inside the lobby of a modern hotel.

I sat down on the steps and took a moment to message Emily, back home.

Two historic buildings are part of this hotel, and it's so beautiful I could cry!

She responded a moment later.

Holy crap I really slept in today, maybe that's a good thing I needed it! That is literally the perfect spot for you Lou I'm excited to see the pictures!

I stood up and got out my EMF detector.

I walked around the Montgomery House for a little while, taking readings. There wasn't much, but it was early yet. I walked all the way down to the other end of the lobby, and down the stairs, and I found the Thaddeus Stevens House there.

That was under repair and locked off, but I walked around the area and took some EMF readings there, too. This house had been part of the Underground Railroad. It was a part of American history....And I was here.

I took some photos, checked the EMF detector, and switched it to temperature. There wasn't much point in trying an audio recording; interference from the dance competition and the kids running around would invalidate anything I found. I decided to go out and score some coffee. 

I walked out into the street. Lancaster. America's oldest inland city. It's always amazed me, how many places there are to be, how many opportunities there are to get to them.

I was leaving the coffee shop when I spotted Kira, from the Economic Partnership.

"Hey! Kira! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know. I have boys, so I have to come along with a friend and enjoy her daughter vicariously. How's everything going?"

"Pretty good. You see how they built the hotel to preserve two historic homes? I'm so jealous I could spit. I would love to see that sort of emphasis on preservation in Lock Haven."

"Yeah, me, too. Think they're haunted?"
"Don't think I didn't bring along some of my equipment."

Back in the lobby, I found Amanda and Carri sitting and talking. Their daughters were in Paul's class. Another woman was with them. I sat down and joined them.

"How's it going, you guys?"

"Exhausted," said Amanda. "We had to get up early and drive in this morning."

"That's right; I forgot you'd told me that. We slept in a bus last night."

Paul and Juliet, Amanda's daughter, came running over. They had handfuls of candy.

"We got some candy!" said Paul.

"Where'd you get that?"
"An old man gave it to us!"

"Jesus christ, child."

"He was handing it out at a booth," Paul said. "He works for the hotel."

"Well, you could have led with that."
Little Juliet was studying my hoodie. "Are you looking for ghosts?"

"Well, I'm trying."

"Could I do that? Could you come to the hotel tonight and show me?"
"I don't see why not," I agreed.

"Can Addie come, too?"

"If it's okay with her mom."

"Fine with me," said Carri.

"Can I get in on this?" asked the other woman.

"Why not? Will your kid be coming?"
"I'm Juliet's grandmother. Amanda's my kid."

"Oh, well, then, I guess she'll be there. How about seven-ish? We can check out the old parts of the place."

"Sounds good," said Amanda.

"Juliet," I said,"Welcome to the Ghost Gang."

"Yay!" said Juliet.

With a few hours in between Paul's performance and our return for an investigation, we went back to the bus. I walked outside---It was still chilly and rainy, but I wanted to see if the dogs were around, and maybe a ghost or two. 

Out by the road, I found the Irish setter running around with something in his mouth. He sat down on the grass and began happily chewing on it. He was followed, a moment later, by an old woman walking two ponies down the road and back to the property.

"That's something I don't see much back where I'm from," I said.

She smiled. "Ponies in the street where they shouldn't be?"
"Yeah, we don't get that much back in Lock Haven."

"The young one escapes sometimes. I'm putting them back in the barn."

I saw Paul come racing excitedly out of the bus, followed a moment later by Rylan. I said,"Oh, my son and his friend are coming. Would you mind....?"
"Of course not," she said. She handed me the reins to the little one. "Here, you can hold him."

Paul and Rylan ran up to the ponies. Paul said,"Ponies! They are so cool! I didn't think they were real!"

"Wait....Did you not know ponies exist?" My kid deals routinely with Sasquatches, water cryptids, and Squonks, but wasn't aware of ponies.

They petted the ponies. The woman said,"Would you like to give them some treats?"

"Yeah!"
She handed them some small pony treats. "Set them in your hand, and hold it our flat like this."

The kids followed her instructions, and fed the ponies several treats, to the delight of both the kids and the ponies. The woman said,"Would you like to brush them?"

Paul's eyes lit up. "Yeah!"

She handed them two brushes. "Here, you can brush them while I clean their hooves."

The kids happily brushed the ponies, who were very patient about the whole thing. I said,"You having a good time, little man?"

"This is so cool," he said.

"We're here," I announced as we walked into the hotel's waiting area. "Finally found parking."

Amanda and Carri were waiting with a couple of drinks. I was tempted to join them, but I never drink on investigations. Juliet and Addie hugged Paul, who was right behind me with Rylan.

"Are we going to hunt ghosts now?" Juliet asked.

"We are," I said. "I brought some of my equipment. Let's go down to the other end; we'll have less interference down there and the whole place pretty much to ourselves."

As we walked down, Carri asked me,"So how long have you been doing this?"

"Long time. Almost twenty years, officially."

"What was the first haunting you ever really found?"

"First one I debunked was on our honeymoon. A sighting at a covered bridge turned out to be just the grain of the wood, which looked like a face. The first one I recall really finding was my own house; a young girl killed herself there back in 1905."

"And how do you figure out who the ghost might be?" She sipped at her drink.

"I look at the deeds and other documents, and then check the newspaper archives," I explained. "You can get a good sense of who lived in the house, and died there."

"What if it was someone who didn't live there? Say, a favorite niece, who had good memories of the place?"

"That happens. Usually you can figure that out through newspaper archives, too---The obits can give you an idea of family and friends, at least get you started."

We got down to the lower lobby, where the Thaddeus Stevens House was connected. I said,"Okay, we can't go in the old house because it's under repair. But that's a good thing; repairs tend to stir up ghosts. Now, this here is an EMF detector. It detects electricity and magnetism, but when there's no reason for those, it can also detect ghosts."

I passed the all-in-one to Juliet, and the little one to Addie. Paul and Rylan were very casual about the whole thing; they're used to this. I continued,"This here is a digital recorder. We use this to ask questions, and maybe get some sort of voice on tape. I've had that happen before. Everyone get comfortable---We're going to do an EVP session; electronic voice phenomena. We'll go around and say our names, then record ourselves asking questions to see if we can get any voices. We have some interference in the background, but sometimes you'll have that."

I turned on the recorder, and we did a few minutes of talking to potential ghosts. I was rather impressed with the kids; they paid attention for several minutes, which is longer than kids usually last during those things. Finally I clicked off the recorder and said,"Okay. I'll review that later. You guys check out the place with the EMF detectors and let's see if we can find anything."

They headed out, with Paul and Rylan supervising Juliet and Addie. I watched as they walked around the lobby area, using the EMF detectors correctly. Addie's went off, beeping and spiking to red for a moment.

I said,"There you go. Look, no outlets, no cords. Looks like you may have detected a ghost."

She smiled. "The ghost likes me."

I smiled back. "I bet he does."

"Small coffee, please."

I was in the hotel's Starbucks. There's always a Starbucks; they're easier to find than fake UFO sightings. I took my black coffee and stepped outside, looking out at the rising sun over Lancaster.

I never really saw moments like this coming when we'd adopted a baby. "Hunting ghosts with my son's dance team" was never on my radar. But of all the unpredictable weirdness that my life had somehow become, it was worth it.

It had been a hectic few weeks. We'd been busy, we'd been exhausted. We'd had some adventures, Paul and I. I was a bit relieved that it was almost over.....But I was also going to miss it.

I finished my coffee and went inside. 

I found Paul in the lobby, polishing off a plate of chicken tenders and fries. He was sitting up against the wall. I sat down next to him.

"How you doing, little man?"

"Fine."

"You need anything?"

"I needed chicken tenders. But Mom got them for me."

I nodded. "You guys did really good this weekend. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

We sat in companionable silence for a moment, my son and I. Then he said,"You know why I hate going to school every morning? Because I have to leave you. I miss you when I'm at school."

"You have to get an education, kiddo," I told him. "But I miss you, too. When I see you get on the bus to leave....That's the worst part of my day. And the best part is when you get back."

"Okay," he said.

"We have next weekend off," I said. "Let's do something together, you and me."

"Sounds good," said Paul.

Outside the windows, the sun was coming up over the skyline.

Alas, Poor York

"Oooh," the kids said.

Paul and his little friend Rylan barged in the second we opened the cabin door. I followed and dropped my pack in a corner. "It is a nice cabin," I agreed. "Welcome to Codorus State Park in York County."

"I want to see the pool," said Paul.

"We'll get to the pool in a bit," I said. "We have all sorts of good stuff planned. Got some cool side trips to go on, and there are ghosts to find here. Gettysburg isn't too far away, and when it comes to ghosts in Pennsylvania, that's the boss fight."

"Is there a microwave in here?" Paul asked, looking around.

"Nope, we'll have to cook on a fire," I said. "But we can do that. It is a really nice cabin, though."

"How far is the pool from the cabin?" Michelle asked.

"Not too far, depending on how much you're willing to cut through the woods."

"I think we'll drive."

"Tell you what," I said. "I'll ride over with you, then cut back this way. I want to get a little hiking in. I'll meet you back at the cabin, and then we'll run out and pick up some food."

"Can you come in the pool with us, Daddy?" asked Paul.

"How about not today, but I will before we leave? You know I'm not much of a swimmer."

"Get changed into your swimsuit," said Michelle.

"I'm already in my swimsuit," said Paul.

"By the way, Rylan," I said,"Almost forgot. Got something for you." I tossed her a purple shirt, with her name and the Ghost Gang symbol on it. She caught it and grinned. "You've earned that."

"You're on the team!" Paul said delightedly.

The kids were delighted with the pool from a distance, seeing the huge pool and the slides. The thing looked like a waterpark. I left them at the fence and then walked back to the cabin, gathered my pack, and found the Mary Ann Furnace Trail.

I'd begun the summer by damn near dying in a hospital. I'd been doing things since then, but not enough---I'd been a bit hesitant to take too many risks. It was time to fix that; I wanted to prove I could still do stuff. I headed out with just the backpack, wearing the "Paranormal Investigator" shirt I'd treated myself to for my fifty-fifth birthday.

According to everything I'd seen---I'd done a little research before coming---This one led to the ruins of an old farmhouse that was said to be haunted. I found the trailhead down behind the playground, and walked down, taking the easiest route. It was well-marked, I had to give them that. Every corner had a sign on it. I'd still brought a map. Every time I visit a state park, I immediately grab a map. The purpose of the map is to sacrifice itself for my safety; I carry it in my pocket constantly and beat it up so I always know where I'm headed.

The farm ruins on the other end turned out to be really cool. A silo still stood, and I could see the floor of an old barn. There was supposed to be the ghost of a woman in white running around down here someplace. I got out my EMF detector and checked around. Nothing, so I switched to the thermometer reading; it was my all-in-one.

That got some flickers. On an eighty-degree day, I shouldn't be getting temperature readings in the fifties, and yet there it was. I dropped it back in my pack and headed out; I was pleased enough with this for a start.

I was about halfway back when I started to get dizzy.

I stopped for a moment to lean against a tree. It took me by surprise, and I took a few steps before realizing it wasn't going away. I stopped and took stock.

Dizziness. Slight headache coming on. Thirsty. I suddenly realized I hadn't had any water since morning, and it was now late afternoon.

I was dehydrated.

I checked the map. I was still at least a mile from the cabin. I couldn't find any streams nearby.

I continued walking, and I could feel some of the muscle cramps coming on. 

I was going to die. Again.

Okay. Keep walking. One foot in front of the other. I pushed myself down the path, trying to keep a steady pace. Should have brought water. Stupid. Rookie mistake. I only hoped I lived long enough to not learn from it.

I passed an orchard I remembered on the way out, and then the low point on the path that I knew brought me back close to the beginning. I emerged near the playground and hiked up toward the cabin, looking around to find a water pump nearby for my water supply.

I sat down on the porch and drank some water. It helped; I started to feel better in a few minutes. Okay, first day and I'd almost killed myself. All downhill from here.

Monday morning we visited the Utz potato chip factory, took the tour, and came out with a free bag of chips each.

When the kids headed to the pool, I rode along just long enough to get near the cemetery I wanted to explore. As Michelle drove down the road, I said,"I'll hike back to the cabin. Unless something goes seriously wrong, I'll be back by the time you guys are done."

I immediately and too late realized I'd said the wrong thing. Michelle said,"What could go wrong? What are you planning to do? You should take your cell phone if---"

"Relax," I said. "I'll be fine. I've died once already this summer. It's overrated."

"Will you stop that? I had to watch them give you CPR. It's not funny."

"I wouldn't know. I can't remember much of it."

"I wish you'd stop talking about it, Daddy," said Paul from the backseat. "Because something happened to my father, and I don't even know what it was."

"Hey. Don't worry. I'll be fine. Meet you guys back at camp, and we'll go hiking later, okay? There's a really good hike down the road."

I got out of the car and crossed the road, feeling the calm I always felt at these times. It was almost like becoming someone else, getting away from the family and exploring, doing what I always do best.

The Old Dubs Church Cemetery was not far down the road, an ancient cemetery with rows and rows of graves. I walked through it, looking them over. How much of my life had been spent in places like this? How many hours had I walked around in these places, the cemeteries, the old ruins, the haunted spots?

I shook my head. It was my thing, it was what I was best at. I'd never have made it as an accountant or a lawyer or something. This was me. The haunted forests, the old cemeteries....For better or worse, these places were where I belonged.

"Are we almost there?" Paul asked, following along behind me. I checked the map.

"Should be right ahead," I said. "We cross the next path, and there's a really old cemetery out here in the woods. It's called the Old Wildasin Cemetery, and it has a grave that goes back three hundred years."

"Three hundred? That's a lot," commented Rylan.

We walked along the path, rounded the corner, and I saw it. I said,"That's it up there."

It was in a small, overgrown field. There were maybe twenty gravestones, all broken, lying on a concrete pad. Clearly there was some sort of restoration effort going on. Many of the stones were unreadable. All of them were very, very old.

The kids looked around, and I took a couple of photos. I said,"I can't believe I get to see stuff like this."

When we got back from our hike, I started the campfire. The kids ate a hot dog each, and then went straight to roasting marshmallows. I sat on the porch and supervised things.

Paul sat down at the picnic table, spearing another marshmallow.

I said,"Paul, earlier you said you didn't know what happened to me in the hospital. What do you want to know?"

"Nobody explained it to me," he said. "I don't know what happened."

"Okay," I said. "Essentially, your heart pushes blood everywhere in your body. All of your body needs blood. My heart stopped for some reason, and I passed out because the blood wasn't getting to my brain. With me so far?"

Paul nodded. "Yeah."
"They still don't know why my heart stopped. When I got to the hospital, it stopped again, and I needed CPR to start it. Do you remember during COVID, when we learned CPR?"

"Yeah. We did it on my duck."

"Yes. They did that to me to bring me back. But that was two months ago. Nothing happened since, and I'm fine now. Okay?"

"Okay," he said.

"I'm gonna be in the cabin for a minute," I said. "Try not to burn anything down while I'm in there."

I walked inside and started digging around in my bag, looking for the lantern. Michelle was sitting on the bed.

"Hey," I said.

She looked up.

"If anyone should be scared after what happened to me, it's me," I told her. "I literally died, and the doctors have been useless. But I refuse to get scared, okay? Because if I get scared, I'm going to have to stop doing a lot of things I love, and I won't be me anymore. So I'm going to have to look at it like a big adventure I had, and laugh about it. Because that's me. Death gave me its best shot, and I took it and laughed."

Michelle nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "I understand."

Tuesday morning we went to the Turkey Hill Museum. It was our third time in the past couple of years.

Again, I hung back at the cabin while the kids went to the pool. I'd never been much of a swimmer anyway. I'd reached the point in the trip where I was missing Lock Haven---It always happened sooner or later. I gave Tif a call on my cell phone.

"Hey, hon. How's things?"
"Dad! Are you still away at camp?"
"Yeah, still in York County, but I was getting a little homesick. Figured I'd see how things are going."

"I got your mail. Dogs seem fine. Is Paul having a good time?"

"Yeah, he's at the pool right now. He loves this pool; it's almost a carnival ride. I've been running around looking for ghosts."

"Find any?"

"A few readings. There's a neat abandoned farm that may be haunted. And we hiked to a cool ancient cemetery last night. Gonna go check out a haunted lodge later. I notice the ground is covered in quartz."

"Does that have to do with the hauntings?"

"Maybe. There's some theory that the geology can attract more ghosts---Sort of like if there's enough iron in the ground, you get more magnetism. Quartz is thought to bring ghosts in, being a kind of crystal. Want me to bring you a piece of quartz?"

"Sure. Why not? Hey, I gotta get going---Time to head out from work."

"Okay. Ride careful, hon. See you when I get back."

"Which way?" Michelle asked as she drove down Dubs Church Road.

"Turn right at the end," I said. "We're looking for Black Rock Lodge."

"Do I have to get out of the car?"

"I mean, not if you don't want to. This place is said to be where a Revolutionary War soldier died, and he's been seen haunting the place. We're gonna check it out."
Michelle pulled onto the path leading to the lodge. We got out. The kids were wearing their Ghost Gang shirts, and I had my LHPS uniform on. The lodge was a big stone building set back some from the road, in the forest.

"I feel a cold spot," said Paul. "Right over here."

Ryland had the thermometer. She checked. "It says seventy-three degrees."

"That's a little cold," I said. I looked at the EMF---No readings. "Just a minute, I'm gonna switch to the thermal imager."

"Does someone live here?" asked Paul.

"It's a rental," I said. I pulled out the imager, and ran it around the area. Everything was in reds and oranges, but when I aimed it at the lodge, it turned deep blue.

"Good going, guys," I said. "Look at this. The entire lodge is one big cold spot."

Wednesday morning, our last full day in camp, we went to a giant slide in Maryland. Paul and I had discovered it a few years ago when we'd been hunting for a Snallygaster.

On the way back to camp, we made a run to Gettysburg. I put on my black travel vest before we got there, and the fingerless gloves. I had my equipment loaded into the pockets, which was what the vest was there for.

I turned in my seat to look at the kids in the back. "Okay, you guys learned about the Civil War in  school, right?"

"Yeah," agreed Rylan.

"This is where a battle was fought. For three days in July of 1863, they battled here. A lot of guys died. Because of this, it's highly haunted. So, you guys ready to investigate the most haunted place in Pennsylvania?"

"Yeah!" said Rylan.

"I mean, Gettysburg is a big one. If you can't find a ghost in Gettysburg, it's time to retire."

"How did they fight a battle for three days? Didn't they sleep?" asked Paul.

"Well, they would be taking shifts. Some of the guys were fighting while the other ones slept. It was pretty busy."

"Where do we want to go?" asked Michelle.

I looked at the map.

"Little Round Top."

We drove toward the hill. My EMF detector went off. Paul said,"Do we have a ghost in the car?"
"Maybe near the car. But I am getting some activity here."

Parking was tight, but we managed a space, and climbed out of the car. We walked up to the overlook, where Paul immediately became enchanted with the cannons.

"I want to live on this cannon!" he said. "Do you think it's okay if I sit on it?"

"Probably," I said. He climbed up on sat down on the cannon.

"This is really cool."

"These things are probably a hundred and sixty years old."

We walked along the ridge, looking out over the battlefield. I said,"See, they had the high ground here. When the south came out attacking them, they shot from up here, and won the battle. A lot of men died here; they had a huge battle."

We walked down the path to the 44th New York Infantry monument. It looked like a giant castle, towering over the field. I said,"We can go in this. Come on."

We walked inside---The monument is big enough to have a staircase leading up to the balcony. As we walked up the stairs, Rylan said,"I'm getting something."

Her EMF detector was beeping. I said,"I'm getting it too. No power lines, no lights in here. There's no reason for it."

We got to the top, and stood high, looking out over the field. I said,"Still getting my reading. We have activity, guys. This is great. We did Gettysburg."

When we got back to the cabin, Paul said,"Will you come swimming with us today, Dad?"

"Yeah, I will," I said. "I'm not a big swimmer, but I'll come in the pool with you for a while."

Paul beamed. "I'll get changed," he said.

As we got out of the car later and walked down to the pool, I said,"It's been a really good summer. So what's been your favorite part of the trip, little man?"

Paul thought it over. "The pool," he decided. "What's your favorite?"

"Spending time with you."

We held hands as we walked down to the pool together.

Backdoor Pilot

I don't understand why the schools schedule the kids to get up far too early to be any kind of productive. Personally I handle it with coffee. I was drinking out of the ghost-hunting mug Tim had gotten for me when Paul came into the kitchen.

"Your mom called from work," I said. "The school sent out a message. They closed down, so you'll be at home learning online today."

Paul looked out the back door window. "It's snowing out!"

"It's coming down pretty hard," I agreed. I was wearing my "Yeti For Action" shirt. "So you do a couple of hours of online school, and then we'll have internet problems and just hang out."

"Okay."

I stood up. Paul and I began dancing around the kitchen. "We got a snooow day! We got a snooow day!"

It was coming down really hard outside. I said,"Listen, kid, just so you're aware, this cold is nothing to screw around with. So just be careful. We will not be going barefoot. We will wear layers, and definitely a coat. This is Yeti weather."

"Will the cold leak out my bedroom window?"

"We'll make sure the curtain is pulled shut; that'll help. It'll also help if you don't kick the blankets off while you sleep. And for chrissake, wear pajamas."

"Aww."

"It will keep you warm, kid."

"Well, okay. Are we gonna look for Yeti prints in the backyard later?"

"Of course."

When I got home from work that night, there was an Amazon package on the kitchen table for me. "Can I open it, Daddy?" Paul asked.

I nodded, and he tore the package open. Three packs of cards came out.

"What are these?" he asked, examining one.

"They're Zener Cards," I said. "They detect bullshit."

He continued looking the cards over. I shuffled up a deck. "You know how some people say they have psychic powers? Talk to ghosts, see the future, and crap like that? Mostly, those people are liars or idiots. These cards help to test that." I held a card up, facing away from Paul. "Here. What do you think is on this card?"

"A square?"

I flipped the card around; it was wavy lines. I held up another. "How about this?"
"Square?"

It was a circle. Paul said,"Boy, I am really bad at this."

"You're not actually supposed to be good. Most of the people who say they're psychic are scammers, or just want to believe."

"So if I'm bad at this, it means I'm a sidekick?"

I laughed. "You're my sidekick no matter what. But most people will be bad at it. Most people get about one in five from sheer luck. If someone does better than that, they may have actual psychic powers. But most people don't." I held up another card. "How about this one?"

"Um....a circle?"

I flipped the card. "Nope. This one's a square."

It had warmed up the next morning. The girls came out the door after a five-minute wait. Our neighbors had lived next door for a year and a half, and we'd gotten close to the family. Paul and I walked the kids to the bus stop every morning, and I'd recruited them into a little club we called the Ghost Gang.

"Okay, guys," I said. "Bigfoot was in the neighborhood last night. Here's a training for you. There are Bigfoot prints all over the street, so I want you to follow them and figure out what he was doing."

I'd taught Paul paranormal investigation years ago. His little friends had expressed an interest, so I'd begun training them, too, because it's not enough that my life is weird, I have to inflict in on the children, as well. Besides, it kept them busy.

"There's one here!" Serena said. I'd gone down the street and chalked huge footprints all over the place the day before to give the kids something to do on the way to the bus stop. Paul ran ahead.

"One's here!" he said. "And here! Bigfoot crossed the street!"

"Very good," I said. "Now, if you find a print in nature, you're going to want evidence. I'll teach you how to make a plaster cast this summer, but for now, a photo will do." I got out my camera and my pocketknife. "When you get a photo of a Bigfoot print, make sure you put something next to it for context. That way, you'll be able to tell the size." I laid down the knife beside the footprint, and snapped a photo. Across the street, I saw Paul doing the same thing, setting down a container of slime and using his cell phone.

"The last print is down here, guys," I said.

"This is fun!" said Serena.

"Think I'll do this more often," I said. "I can train you guys on the way to the bus stop."

One Wednesday after school, with the kids playing out front on the sidewalk, I walked out back. I walked through the alley for a minute before settling on the shed next door. I pulled eight color-changing pencils out of my pocket and slid them in a small hole under the shed.

Then I walked back to the house, picked up a photocopy of a Sanborn map I'd made a couple days before, and marked a blue X by the shed at the alley. Then I went to find the kids out front.

I arrived as the discussion seemed to be escalating into "Let's ride this scooter off the porch and see what happens" territory, which made me feel pretty okay about interrupting. 

"Guys, come here," I said.

They all gathered on the sidewalk. I said,"This is a map to a hidden treasure. You guys have to work together as a team to find it."

"What's the treasure?" asked Sekiya.

"You'll find out." I handed the map to Paul. He looked it over, and said,"It's somewhere near this house. Four-sixteen."

"Which way is that?" asked Love.

"I think this way." The kids headed east down the block, counting off numbers. Love saw four-fifteen across the road, and then they spotted the right place.

I said,"Now, it'll help to orient the map. Turn it this way---See, the street is here? So put the street on the map in the same direction. Now, which way to go?"

After a moment of figuring it out, they set off in the right direction. Fortunately, all of our neighbors are used to this bunch trespassing through their yards. They ran back to the alley, and spotted the shed.
"Right there! Let's go in!"

"No....No, don't go in. Look at the map. Where's the mark?"

Paul looked. "Here, by the alley. I see."

They walked behind the shed, and Paul said,"Here!"

He reached in and pulled out the pencils. The kids all gasped. Paul said,"We found it! Who wants what color?"

It was thirty-four degrees when I got home from work, so of course I found the kids lying on the sidewalk in the dark. 

I was getting the mail when they spotted me. "Hi, Dad," Paul called over.

"Hey, buddy," I said. 

"We're looking at the stars," said Love. "Want to do it with us?"

"Hell, yes, I do," I said. "Wait here."

I was back out in a minute with my star chart, star scope, binoculars, and an old book. "Finding the Constellations" by H.A. Rey. I was wearing my "Bigfoot Saw Me But Nobody Believes Him" shirt and my puffy vest. I'd gotten the vest a year ago for investigating the ghost of a mobster, and I'd grown to love it. During the winter, I practically lived in the thing.

When I got back, Serena and Love were all excited. "We saw a UFO!"

"No kidding? What did it look like?"

"Like a star, white, but moving," said Serena. "Pretty fast."

"Did it keep moving, or did it sort of disappear?"
"It disappeared."

"You probably saw a meteor, which is itself pretty cool. Love that." I set everything down, and said,"You guys are gonna like this. Look, I can see Orion the hunter from here. See, there's his shoulders, there's his feet, there's the three stars in his belt...."

"I see it!" said Love excitedly.

"See the little cluster, just below the belt? That's his sword."

"Well, kinda," said Love. "It doesn't look much like a hunter."

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks were pretty imaginative. Sometimes you gotta squint."

"What's this?" Serena asked, looking at the star chart. 

"That's a star chart. Careful with that, I've had it since I was a kid. See, we can line it up---February fifth, at eight PM----And see? There's Orion."

Serena gasped. "I can see it! It makes sense now!"

"Yeah, the ancient Greeks used a lot of imagination when they named these constellations. Want to see the Big Dipper? We'll have to walk around to the back door." The kids followed me to the back yard. "Okay, over there's the Big Dipper. The handle is pointing down, see?"

"Oooh, yeah," said Love.

"Paul, can you tell me which way is north?"

"That way."

"You got it. See, girls---Start with those two stars, and then follow along---That's the North Star. Polaris. That way is north."

"What's this?" Serena asked.

"That's a star scope. I use it when I'm investigating aliens." It was a tube, about six inches long and three inches thick, with a lens on one end. "Look inside. Aim it at the porch light." 

Serena looked in and gasped. She now had a view of the entire night sky, printed on a little plastic piece inside the tube. "I can see all the stars! What's the fish?"

"That's Pisces."

"There's a ram..."

"That's Aries."

"This is so cool!"

"Dad, can this book be my reading for tonight?" Paul asked.

"Sure," I said. He began reading the constellation book by lantern light. In the front cover was an old letter---My mother had sent me the book, and I still had the letter tucked inside there. I glanced at it.

Dear Monkeybrain, it began.

"This is so cool," said Serena. "We should do this every night!"

I smiled. "I could be persuaded to do this more often."

That night, in Paul's dark room, putting him to bed. I pulled the covers up over him, with Rosie and Butters lying at the foot of the bed. He said,"Daddy? I'm gonna need another compass."

"Oh?"

"I broke mine."

"The one from your backpack?"

"Yeah. The lens fell off. It's outside by the lawn chairs."

"Well, compasses are cheap and easy enough to get. Why is it outside?"

"I put it out there for an emergency," Paul said. "Like, if the house burned down and we needed to get to a hotel, and the hotel was north, we could go find one."

....It's possible that I'm overtraining this kid.

"Well, it's good to be prepared," I told him, running my hand over his head. "But don't worry---House has been here since 1884. It's not gonna burn down. I'll get you a new compass. Do you want one like you had, or one like I had when I was a kid?"

"I want one like you had."

"Okay, kiddo. I'll get you one." I kissed him on the forehead. "Goodnight, little man. Get some sleep."