Water Under The Bridge

"Next on the tour," I said, stopping at the corner of Grove and Water Streets,"Is the Susquehanna River. You can't see it because of the dike right now, but you all know it's there. This is the home to a water cryptid known as the Susquehanna Seal. The Susquehanna Seal was reported in newspaper articles back in the 1800s, a large, snaky creature living in the river."
At the front of the crowd was a kid, who was getting more and more excited as I spoke. He held a hand up, and I said,"You have a question?"

"He just wants to tell you something," said the kid's father. "Go on."

"This creature was known to brush up against lumber rafts, dumping the lumbermen into the water. People reported hearing it howling at night. It's theorized that it might have been a leftover Hynerpeton, a prehistoric creature whose fossil was discovered here in 1993."

As we walked down Water Street to the next stop, a haunted hotel, the kid told me,"I saw that! We were fishing near the bridge down there, over there....."

"The Jay Street Bridge," added the father.

"And I saw this thing in the water! My cousin and me saw it! It was long and black, and had like a hump on the back."

"They both really freaked out," said the father. "Something there scared them very badly."

"About what time of year was this?"

"About seven o'clock," the kid said. "It was a Saturday....."

"What time of year?" his father prompted.

"Oh. About fall, I guess. Back around a year ago."

"Well," I said. "Things have been a little slow lately. I'm going to have to look into this. You've just given me my next investigation."

"Dad, can I open your package?" Paul likes opening packages that come in the mail. He doesn't much care what's in them. I was cooking dinner, so I kind of waved my hand and let him do it.

He slid a small box out of the package. "What's this?"

"That's my new Swiss army knife," I said. He was turning it over in his hands.

"It's too big," he declared. "Look at this!"
"It's got more stuff on it than the old one. Got a compass, a wrench. The pliers has two settings."

The thin was bright red, about an inch thick. It had a curvy, smooth, aerodynamic handle and weighed about a pound. It had at least fifty different tools on it. I could repair anything with it. I could fix La Llorona's marriage. I could repair the Silver Bridge.

"Too much stuff for me to memorize," he said, and handed it to me. "I don't like it."

"I'm gonna give it some time, see what I think," I said. "I'll carry this one around a while and see how it works for me."

I was n the middle of folding brochures when Tom called back,"Lou? Kelli wants to see you when you have a minute."

"Coming up now," I said.

I stood up and walked across the print shop to the front office. The office manager, Kelli, was sitting at her desk with a map up on the screen.

"Did you know Bigfoot's been sighted neat Penn State?" she asked.

I love my current co-workers.

I grinned. "I saw that this morning! I was drinking my coffee and I saw a news article about it. Thinking I might look into it."

"Want me to print you out a copy of the map? It shows exactly where he was seen."

"Sure. That helps. It always pays to go take a look at the site, if possible."

"Coming through. In color." She printed it out on one of the big copiers, and I picked it up and folded it in half.

"Thanks, Kelli. I'll let you know what I find."

After work, I biked over to the Jay Street Bridge. It was a clear, cool day. I biked midway across the bridge---Over the Lock Haven city limit into Woodward Township. I got off and looked at the area.

Always visit the site. It's what I try to teach people. You never know what you might discover, so always visit the site of the paranormal experience if you can. This was where the kid had spotted the Susquehanna Seal.

I got out a pair of compact binoculars and looked out over the river. Nothing yet. There wasn't much point in getting out the litmus paper and doing a test on the water; I'd tested the Susquehanna dozens of times before. I knew it could support life. 

My cell phone rang. I dug it out my my pack.

"Hey, little man. What's up? Yeah, I'm on my way home. Yeah, I can pick up a sub for you. Meatball? Okay. Home in about ten minutes, kid."

I stood in my son's bedroom, disassembling his giant bunk bed so I could put together the new bed. When you're a parent, you wind up doing things like that.

"You remember the Bigfoot sighting along I-80?" I asked Paul, who was sitting at his desk in the chair.

He nodded. "I remember you told me there was one, yeah."

Just a kid and his dad, discussing cryptids. Parenting moments.

"Been looking into that. I've checked the maps and made a few calls. It might help if you could come up with some excuse to get your mom to drive us to State College; we could stop and check the site along the way."

"I'm on it," said Paul. "I would have anyway. I'm thinking Crumbl Cookie."

"Right now, my working theory is that it's a hoax. Probably a prank from some idiot Penn State fratboy; they're known for stupid shit like that. I checked, and it happened the night before Homecoming. And, yes, the State College Spirit Halloween did have Bigfoot costumes."

"Hey! You went to Spirit Halloween without m---"

"I didn't go there, I just called. It is not so easy to explain that you don't actually want a costume, you just wanted to know if they previously had them. But they did, which is where the costume could have come from. A visit to the site will explain more."

Paul nodded, looking over my work. I took out my new knife and started unscrewing a bolt. He said,"I still don't like the new knife. Too much stuff for me to memorize."

"You'll get used to it."

"Will we have the new bed built in time for bedtime?"

"Probably. This is coming along okay. But I'll let you sleep on the couch until I do get it done, if not."

"Okay. Bet."

"Dad, you want to do something? I'm bored."

Paul had woken up with a stomachache and a sore arm from the day before, so I'd decided to give him a mental health day from school. The illness had lasted until about eleven-thirty, at which point he'd decided it was safe to be up and around.

"You got something in mind?" I asked.

He shook his head. "If you can think of something we can do....."

"How about we take a walk down to the river? I was thinking of taking a walk. The river is low because there's a drought right now, and I wanted to take a look."

"Can we ride our bikes?"

"I don't see why not."

A few minutes later, we were riding our bikes down near the water. We stopped and got off, looking at the river from the top of the dike. I climbed up on a guardrail and looked.

"You know we're right on the city limit?" I asked.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know what city limits are?"

"That's where you leave Lock Haven and you're in Castanea."

"Pretty much, except here it's Woodward Township. That's right there, across the river. We can see it from here."

"So if we go over there---" Paul gestured out across the river. "---We're in Woodward?"

"Yep. Did I tell you I got a Susquehanna Seal sighting?"

"I thought it was Bigfoot."

"Him too. But also the Susquehanna Seal. I've been checking, but nothing has turned up."

"Is the Susquehanna Seal hibernating?"

"Could be. You know hibernation?"

"We learned about hibernation in school. Isn't that where animals sort of sleep, but for the whole winter?"

"Yeah, that's basically it. Bears do it. A lot of fish and reptiles do it, too. So it's reasonable to assume the Susquehanna Seal might, as well."

"Are we going to see the Susquehanna Seal in the spring?"

"I mean, we can hope. You want to go home and watch that horror movie on Plex you've been wanting to see?"
Paul lit up. "Yeah!"

"So I'll have to check out the Susquehanna Seal later. It's like it always is with the Susquehanna Seal....The case has gone cold."

I was watching the mile markers as we rode along the highway toward Centre County. I saw the sign on the county line, and I said,"The Bigfoot sighting is up ahead, about six miles."

"Oh yeah?" Paul said, looking up from the back of the car. He said,"It's on the way to the movie?"

"Well, it's on the way to State College."

"I really wanted to see the movie in State College. I'm gonna eat about $3.50 worth of popcorn. It's why I asked Mom." I was going to have to up the kid's allowance.

"Bigfoot?" his little friend Noah asked. "Really?"
"Yeah, there was a sighting right up ahead."

"Is Bigfoot real? If I saw Bigfoot, I'd have to kick him and run away."
There was a lot to unpack there. I said,"Well, nobody knows if Bigfoot's real or not. Or any cryptid. It's why I investigate. Panda bears, gorillas, and platypuses were all thought to be imaginary, until somebody found one for sure. So nobody knows for sure if Bigfoot's real."

"Really? Pandas?"

"Yeah, they were thought to be made-up. Now, there really aren't a lot of credible reports of Bigfoot actually attacking people. They mostly seem to run away. They're probably pretty shy."

"Have you ever seen a UFO?" Noah asked.

"A couple."

"Really? Were they cool?"

"Pretty cool. Mostly just lights in the sky...."

"Remember that one we saw in Maryland?" Paul asked.

"I remember."

I watched the side of the road as we approach mile marker 169. Always visit the site, even if it's driving by. Along I-80, there's no place to stop. 

I could see across the edge of the highway and the nearby field, where Jacksonville Road swerved surprisingly close to Eighty.

I looked at the layout; always visit the site if you can. Bigfoot had been spotted within an easy walking distance, moving away from the overpass. Farm Lane ran down and underneath I-80. I looked down that way.

It was basically clear, much clearer than most of what bordered on the interstate. The trees were clear for a bit, and I could see where someone could easily jump the guardrail and run down the bank to get to a waiting car.

Paul asked,"See Bigfoot?"

"Pretty sure I see the answer behind that sighting," I said. "Looks like it was a college student, probably on a dare or something. Put on a discount Halloween costume, got spotted along the highway, then ran down the bank to a getaway car."

"At least you solved one," said Paul.

I nodded. "I'll take it as a win. I'm happy to figure these things out, even if it turns out to be a hoax. I got the Bigfoot sighting, and the Susquehanna Seal isn't going anywhere."