It's A Zoo In Here

It had become almost a summer tradition for me, my visit to Hyner Run. I was invited to give a talk at their summer events every year, and, being me, I usually went with a side quest. I walked down to the usual spot, a quiet, grassy place near the bridge.

This year, I'd decided to follow up on the possible existence of silver in the area, a holdover from an investigation during the spring. I dropped my pack and knelt near the water. Dipping a piece of litmus paper into the stream, I checked---A dull yellow-green. Almost perfectly neutral.

I got out a metal plate from my old mess kit. I dipped it into the water and scooped up some of the silt from the bottom, swishing it around in circles. Most people assume that you can only pan for gold, but you can do it with silver, too.

I wasn't finding much. A few small pieces of quartz. I crept under the bridge and tried again on the upstream side of the creek. Then I saw something in the water---Something big, sort of slithering upstream.

I dropped the plate and moved after it.

It was big, much bigger than the minnows I'd been seeing. Swimming its way upstream. I chased it, losing ground. Running alongside the creek, I dashed up through the forest.

It was still going. I took two steps over large rocks and leaped to the other side, running up through the mud. I chased it rapidly upstream for about a hundred yards before it vanished from sight. I was going to look great for my speech.

"So you didn't find silver?" Paul asked as we ate at McDonald's.

"Not really. A little quartz, which is an indicator, but it doesn't really prove anything."

"And you saw a water monster."

"Could have been the Susquehanna Seal. Could have been a large catfish. I didn't get close enough to get a photo."

"Well, that sucks."

"Might get another chance at a water cryptid," I said,"You know how we're going to the Pittsburgh Zoo on a bus trip with your mom's company on Sunday, right?"

"Yeah! Are you packing snacks?"

"They're already packed."

"Did you get fruit snacks?"

"I'll get fruit snacks. Been doing a little research. You know in the Pittsburgh rivers there's a water monster called the Ogua?"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Seems to be a giant turtle sort of thing that people see sometimes. On the way in, we take a bridge over the Allegheny River. Maybe we can check for it."

"That'd be cool."
"There's also sewergators in Pittsburgh."
Paul looked up rapidly. "Wait, really?"

"Well, there have been witnesses."

"There's sewergators in one of the games I play."

"Oh, that's cool. You want to check into sewergators?"

"Yeah, I do."

"We can add that to the list of things to do while we're there."

It was hot, and getting hotter, as Paul and I left McDonald's and rode our bikes down to the Clinton Plaza Pharmacy. I got the package out of my pack as we walked in.

"You have everything, Daddy?" Paul asked.

I nodded. "I packed up the heart monitor this morning. Yesterday was the last day I need it, so I ripped the thing off me this morning, and put it all in the box."

I got in line while Paul went and browsed the shelves. The cashier said,"Is that all you're shipping?"

"That'll do."

"Do you need a receipt?"
"Yes, please." Probably a few thousand dollars worth of medical equipment in there.

And I sent it off---The last of the testing equipment from my hospital stay. 

Paul showed up with a little hand-held fan that seemed to operate with no blades. "Isn't this cool, Daddy?"

It was about a hundred degrees out. I said,"You want it, don't you?"
He nodded.

"How much is it?"
"$3.50."

I turned to the cashier. "Add this too, please."

My wife's company does these occasional bus trips for morale. It's even good for my morale; these things get me out of Clinton County and off experiencing places I usually wouldn't get to. I'd come up with a functional arrangement for these things---I had a small pack, which would go into the zoo with me, and contained just a couple of items that I'd need. It was inside my usual pack, which I would leave on the bus, and that one prepared me for everything. I'd used the "pack-in-pack" arrangement for a couple of years, and it worked well. As I'd discovered when I'd gone to pack the little one, and found items from the last couple of trips in there.

"I looked it up," I told Michelle. "There are two ways to get to Pittsburgh. The fast way, and the less efficient way. This bus driver somehow found a slower third way."

"How can you tell?"

"We're supposed to be riding along the Allegheny River. There's no way in hell we should be in a residential neighborhood."

It too about a half-hour longer than it should have, but we finally arrived at the Pittsburgh Zoo. I scored a map from a helpful employee, and we found our way to the pavilion, where a lunch was set up.

Surprisingly, there was plenty of food. Paul and I had two hamburgers each, and he went back for more iced tea a couple of times. At age ten, he's been more independent for a while, and can be left unsupervised to go fend for himself a bit. It's nice for me, but I miss the days he had to hold my hand, too.

"I want to see the red pandas," Paul announced. "And check out the gift shop."

"We'll do that," I said. "Both of those. How about you, honey?"

"I want to see the elephants."
"I'm interested in the monkey island," I said. "Pipper, while we're here, let's keep an eye out for any animal that could explain the sewergators or the Ogua. Any time you have cryptid sightings near a zoo, you have to account for the possibility of escaped animals. Now, the Ogua has been seen since 1745 and the zoo was founded in 1898, so it won't explain everything. But it's possible that some of the more modern sightings are some sort of escapee from this place."

"Okay," said Paul.

"We'll hit the gift shop, but we'll do that at the end of the day," I said. "That way we don't have to be carrying around a bunch of stuff. We have about four hours to walk around here, which should be enough time to see some really good things."

The Pittsburgh Zoo, I discovered, is set up in a really user-friendly way. It's designed in a series of loops around a central area, so that you can just walk along and see everything---You don't have to make an effort to fit everything in; you just walk along and you see it all along the way. The red pandas that Paul wanted to just happened to be the first stop.

"They seem to have a new red panda," I said. "The sign says her name is Mandy."

"Aww," said Paul, and ran right up to the glass.

I watched him as he looked through the glass, beaming at his favorite animal. Moments like this are why I became a parent in the first place.

We strolled through the zoo, looking at the animals one at a time. Elephants, tigers, exotic pigs. I took a  look at the Komodo dragons; they've always fascinated me. Paul said,"Those things will fight each other."

"So I hear," I said. "I've heard this zoo has had the occasional escape."
"Wait....Really? I'm getting out of here."

We stopped at the Galapagos Tortoises for a moment, and I looked and took a photo. The Ogua had been described as somewhat turtle-like by some witnesses, and it would explain some things if they'd had some escapees over the years. I had a feeling that, standing there at the zoo, I was looking at a real live Ogua.

We walked up the path, and rounded the loop. I grinned.

"Here it is, guys. The monkey island."

I stopped and took a photo. The concrete island was in the middle of an artificial stream, and there were two dark-colored monkeys hopping around on it. I smiled.

"When I was a kid, the monkey island was my favorite part of the Lehigh County Game Preserve," I said. "I was really looking forward to this."

"I bet the people who work here swim across to the island at the end of the day to feed the monkeys," said Paul.

I smiled. "You do, huh?" Even though he's an intelligent ten years old, sometimes he still comes up with stuff like this.

"It's one of the perks," he said. "Can we get something to drink? I'm thirsty."

"It is hot out," I said. "There's a snack bar right up here."

Paul got a pink lemonade in a plastic cup with a red panda on it. We sat at the table together, and he drank his drink happily.

"So," I said,"We've been looking into the Ogua and sewergators. Now, we have giant tortoises here, and we've seen alligators. Every zoo has the occasional escape. I know this one has."

Paul nodded, drinking his lemonade.

I laid out the map on the table. "Now, the Allegheny River runs right along here to the north. And over here is the Highland Park Reservoir. It covers the water system for a lot of the city, and connects into the sewers. And it's right next door. So, how much you want to bet that some of the Ogua and sewergator sightings are from right here in this zoo?"

Paul grinned. "I bet they are. The alligators can climb right out of here and get away."

"It doesn't happen often, but a few times would be enough to start off the sightings. Once you finish that lemonade, we'll grab a refill, and then head out and see the aquarium."

Paul nodded. "And the gift shop before we leave."

It was dark and late when we got home. Rosie and Butters were happy to see us, and I gave them some attention before I started unpacking the snacks. As I put them on the shelves, Paul took a look at the metal cup I'd bought him in the gift shop. He was already wearing the T-shirt.

"I owe you, Daddy," he said. "I didn't realize what these things cost."

"Oh, kid, don't worry about it," I said. "I expect things in tourist spots to cost more; it's all part of the experience. I want you to have good memories of these trips. Besides, you're my son."

"Well, I can give you a hug," he said.

I wrapped my arms around him, and he hugged me, there in the kitchen.

Moments like this are why I became a parent in the first place.

#125: Son Of Lou

TEN YEARS AGO

NEW ORLEANS

We drove north a few blocks, and I said,"We're approaching the Metarie Cemetery. Check it out----This thing runs for, like, miles."

Paul Matthew was asleep in the back. It didn't take much in the way of a car ride to put him to sleep---As soon as the car started, he dropped off immediately. We could drive like the Dukes of Hazzard, and he'd sleep through it entirely. We drove along the Metarie Cemetery.

"I suppose you want to get out and look at it," Michelle said.

"Huge haunted cemetery? Who wouldn't?"

We drove around until we found a place to pull over. I got out, and said,"Take my picture."

"What the hell do you want me to do with the baby, leave him here?!?"

"Nope," I said. I pulled Paul out of the back, still asleep. "He's coming, too. First photo with Daddy."

I stood by the elaborate crypts, and held the baby. And my wife took my picture with my son for the first time.

NOW

"Pomp And Circumstance" was playing as I sat in the auditorium. Let's get one thing straight, those dumb-ass "graduations" they have these days, for every grade from kindergarten up, are ridiculous. They mean nothing. It's not a graduation until you're done high school.

But....Then my kid was called and walked across the stage.

Paul was wearing a blue button-down shirt with fish on it, and a black bow tie. He beamed as he walked up and accepted his diploma. And, as stupid as I've always thought the whole thing is, I applauded for the kid.

Outside, we caught up with him, standing with his class. He announced happily,"Everyone else chose to leave after the ceremony! I'm gonna be the only kid in class today!"
"I once had something like that experience," I said. "Proud of you. You want me to take those home?"

He handed me the diploma and the award he'd won. He asked,"Can you guys pick me up a sandwich and bring it to school for lunch?"

"We can do that," agreed Michelle.

"We'll be right over," I said.

"I got you a gift," Michelle said. She handed Paul a small package.

He opened it. Inside was a bracelet with the design of a little compass on it. Paul smiled, and slid it on his wrist.

The engraving said,"The Adventure Begins."

"So I thought for your tenth birthday, we could have a little birthday adventure," I said.

"Yeah," said Paul. "I like that. What are you thinking?"

"How about a haunted cemetery?"

'That sounds good."

"Ten years ago, when you were a baby, you and I got our first picture together in a haunted cemetery. I'm thinking Stamm Cemetery in Wayne Township. There's a couple of ghosts said to be there, and I've checked into it a couple of times before."

"Okay!"

"Let's plan for about seven on Sunday night, the night before your birthday."

It was storming out when I walked in the door after work Saturday. I had gotten soaked riding home. My rainbow ghost shirt was wet on the shoulders. Paul was on the couch, with a set of new toys.

"Aunt Paula sent me these for my birthday," he said.

"Aunt Paula sends the best presents," I said. "You need to send her a message thanking her."

"Yeah. I will. Look, this is a game kind of like a Rubik's Cube. Can you put batteries in it?"

"I will. What else you got there?"

"She sent me a frisbee that lights up!"

I looked the frisbee over. It had a row of lights around the rim that lit up brightly in different colors. "That's pretty cool. We can have some fun with that."

"And she sent me a new watch." He pressed a button on the watch, and a little light came on. "It has a flashlight."

"Oh, that's cool. That would be perfect for ghost hunting."

"I know. I'm gonna wear it tomorrow. You want to go play with the frisbee?"

"Yeah, I kinda do. Let's go play in the back yard."

Paul and I were behind the house, tossing the frisbee back and forth. A couple of times it went over the fence, and I had to walk around to the neighbor's yard to retrieve it. But it was a fun time---Throwing it back and forth, watching it light up.

Ten years. Paul had been fourteen hours old when we'd first gotten him. Nine pounds, lying asleep in a little hospital carrier. We'd spent a couple of days in the maternity ward, and then they'd let us go to a hotel. We'd had to stay in the hotel for two weeks while all the legal stuff had been ironed out. I'd geocached a bit, looked around for ghosts, checked for the Honey Island Swamp Monster....but mostly, I'd spent time in the hotel with my son.

Michelle pulled the Jeep up alongside the Stamm Cemetery. "You want me to wait here, or should I pick you up later?"
"Go run your errands," I said. "We'll be here."
I had my shirt with the ghost drinking coffee. I pulled my vest over it---I'd brought one of the travel vests, on the basis that it was way too hot for the usual bulletproof one. Paul and I walked into the cemetery.

I held out an EMF detector and a thermometer. "You have a preference?"

He immediately grabbed the thermometer. I said,"This place is said to be haunted by a man who hung himself from an oak tree by the river. I'm gonna see if I get any readings over there, maybe where the tree used to stand."

I walked along the river with my EMF detector, until Paul called over,"Got a hot spot over here, Dad."

I walked back over. He was standing near a collapsed stone with initials on it. I ran my fingers over the worn stone. "H...R...O. Have to check that out later."

"I have a big temperature difference here."

"Might be something. Let's keep checking."

We walked through the cemetery, taking readings. Paul said,"Gotta admit, Daddy, I'm getting a little bored. Can we go down to the park?"

"Sure." I'd wisely chosen a haunted cemetery very near a playground with this possibility in mind. "But first, let's get ourselves another photo of you and me in a haunted cemetery."

We walked down to the playground, and Paul immediately began climbing on things. I let him play around for a while, and then said,"Come here, kid. Got a birthday present for you."

"What is it?" He walked over, and I handed him a box. Paul pulled it open, and slid out a travel mug. "It's so cool! It has Bigfoot being abducted by a UFO on it!"

"I have the exact same design on a T-shirt."

"I'm gonna take this on our trip to Pittsburgh."

I looked at my watch. "Ten years ago, right now, we were coming to get you. We'd gotten the call that the baby was coming, and we jumped in the car to drive to New Orleans."

"You got the call right now?"

"That happened at about three in the afternoon. About now, ten years ago, we were...Probably halfway through Virginia. We got into Tennessee and got a hotel room for a couple of hours, then drove in the morning."

"Was I in Tennessee?"

"You were in Tennessee on the way back. You slept through most of it. In the morning, we got in the car and kept driving. We got the call that you'd been born at 7:17 AM, and we got there about nine-thirty that night. Happy birthday, little man."

TEN YEARS AGO

LOCK HAVEN

We drove home from Georgia on a Thursday, through South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, and finally Pennsylvania. We were home at eight PM, and in spite of the fact that he'd slept the whole way, Paul was still tired.

I laid him down in his crib.

"Goodnight, little guy," I said. "Sleep good. I'll see you in the morning." I paused at the door. "I love you, Paul Matthew."

NOW

Paul had had a good day. We'd finished up by letting him stay up late with me, which we often did in the summer. We'd watched a movie for a while, and finally I'd given up around eleven, and we'd headed off to bed, Rosie and Butters trailing along.

The three of them jumped into his bed, and I pulled the covers up over him.

"Can you turn on my TV, Daddy?"

I found the remote and turned it on.

"Get some rest, little man. Big day tomorrow." I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Love you."