Too Bigfoot To Fail

Coming back to work after a vacation is always a little weird---It's even worse walking back in after five days in the hospital. I dropped my pack at my desk and found my co-workers in the stacks.

"I'm back," I said.

"How you doing? Man, you had me worried," said Zach.

"I'm up and around. Feeling fine," I said. "They sent me home Wednesday. No further problems."

"Can I give you a hug?" Holly asked.

"Of course," I said, and hugged her. I felt her hitch a little bit, and I said,"It's okay. It's okay. I was only dead for half a minute."

"You scared us," she said.

"I'm fine. Back at work now, and things are okay. Promise."

"You gonna be able to be at the first aid training Wednesday?" asked Julie.

"Yeah, I should be okay for that."

"Hey, Lou, my neighbor had a Bigfoot sighting while you were in the hospital," said Pam.

Sometimes my co-workers greet me this way.

I said,"Oh, yeah? Where at?"

"Up on the Lusk Run Road. She and a friend were riding horses, and it was getting dark. She said the horses got very skittish, and then she saw Bigfoot, along the side of the road."

"Interesting. That's not the first time Bigfoot's been sighted up there. Someone saw Bigfoot up along Lusk Run Road around this time of year in 1990."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I've written about it a couple of times."

I thought it over. The Lusk Run Road runs the back way from Lock Haven to Mill Hall, and thought most of it is residential, there are some wooded areas. Couldn't rule out the fact that it might have been a bear....

"She says it definitely wasn't a bear," added Pam.

"I'm gonna have to go check this out," I said. "Thanks, Pam. Haven't had as much to do since getting home."

"What do you want to do for Father's Day?" Michelle asked across the table.

I took a sip of my coffee. "I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. You know I don't really do much for that. Wouldn't mind going out and looking for Bigfoot later."

"Okay," Paul agreed.

"Got some laundry to do today, if I get a chance."

"Oh, yeah, the dryer is making another noise," Michelle said. "I think we need a new one."

"I go to the hospital for one trip...."

"We can go to Lowe's. I have the credit card there."

"Is it open tonight? Maybe we can go after dinner."

"I think it's open until eight," said Michelle. "We could ride out."

"Can we stop by Wal-Mart on the way?" Paul asked. "I want to get another of those Starburst sodas."

"No reason why not," I said.

You have to love Lowe's. You can create a whole house pretty much with one trip, if that's your inclination. Their motto is "Let's build something together," which I find to be inaccurate as it makes it sound like they're gonna come hand you the hammer, but otherwise, pretty cool place.

"Wow," Paul said, looking into a refrigerator. "This is the kind I'm gonna get when I'm grown up and have a house of my own."

"Thought you were gonna live with us forever," I said. "Which would be okay."

"I'm thinking about it."

Michelle walked along the row of washers and dryers. "What kind do we have now?" she asked me.

"I don't....I think the washer's an LG. The dryer....I don't know, how long have we owned that thing?"

"Do we want a front-loader or a top-loader?"

"You're the one who's always complaining because you're too short the reach the laundry in the washer---"

"You're right. Side."

Marriage. Jesus.

After around twenty minutes, she'd settled on a model. We put in the order and then rode across to Wal-Mart, where Paul and I went to find his candy-flavored sodas.

He picked up one, and I checked the price.

"A buck eight? Paul, for that price I'll get you two or three of these if you want."

"Okay." He selected two other flavors, and we checked and and went to the Jeep.

On the way home, Michelle drove us down the Fairpoint Road. It's the long way home from Mill Hall, but, you know, Bigfoot. I said,"About here is where the sighting was."

It was a wooded area, sort of wedged in between the residential neighborhoods. Paul said,"What were they doing out here?"

"Riding horses, apparently. They were riding horses and they saw Bigfoot along the side of the road."

He squinted. "Wasn't there another Bigfoot out here?"

"Yeah, back in the nineties. I wrote an article about it. You remember that?"

"We came out to get pictures once."

I looked over the terrain. "Gotta admit there's plenty of food for a Bigfoot. Water supply."

"Can we go home now?"

"Yeah, let's head home. I can follow up more later."

With my career, I've been invited into most of the buildings in Lock Haven. Especially the old ones. The older a building is, the more likely I've been inside it at some point.

I'd never been in the ambulance building on Liberty Street. It was a comparatively newer building, and until that morning, I'd never had the chance to go inside it. I was directed up the stairs into a conference room on the second floor.

I sat down in the front, because nobody else was there. The instructor lowered the lights and started a video, which showed EMTs arriving in an ambulance and giving CPR. And that hit a little too close to home at the moment.

I found Tif at work, in her office. She looked at me and said,"Dad, sit down. What's wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need to go back to the hospital?"

"No. No. I just...." I collapsed into a chair. I felt tears in my eyes. "I just had the mandatory first aid training for work. It....It was pretty bad."

"What happened?"
"A lot of the stuff they were showing is actual stuff that was done to me last week. And if you've ever wondered what it was going to take to traumatize your father, I think we've nailed it now."

"You had to die before something felt traumatic to you? That affected you more than you let on."

"I was okay in the moment. But being required to sit and watch all of that, this soon....It was terrible. It really hit me."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Gonna have to be. I have a tour for Piper in an hour, and another one on Saturday."

Tacos for dinner. Paul's favorite. As we sat at the table, I said,"Hey, Pipper. Get this---something cool."

"What?"

"I got a message from Tami today, from the ghost-hunting team. She was out behind Millbrook Playhouse, and she thinks she encountered Bigfoot. She heard something really big in the woods nearby."

"Cool! Is that near where we looked?"
"Overland, it's not too far off. The woods connects Millbrook to the Fairpoint Road, and it's basically on the southern end of the Bucktail Natural Area, which means it's up against a whole lot of forest. It's not a huge stretch to think that Bigfoot is roaming the forest and occasionally coming out on the busy end."

"Are we going back out there?"

"I think we should check it out, yeah."

 I got my stitches out Friday. It left me with a slightly swollen place and a scar on my lower lip. I kept glancing at myself in the mirror. Saturday night, Paul planned a sleepover with his little friend Rylan, and we wound up eating dinner at Burger King.

"Tell you what," I said. "After we're done, we got a little time. How about we ride out to Mill Hall and follow up on that Bigfoot sighting I got from Tami?"

"Yeah," said Paul.

I looked at Rylan. "What do you think? Bigfoot?"

She grinned and nodded.

As we left, thunder as beginning to roll over the mountain to the north. We rode in the Jeep out to Mill Hall, in a small wooded area behind Millbrook. Michelle said,"Where are we going?"

"Up here---Right near the bridge."

She pulled us over on the opposite side of the bridge, near the creek. I got out, with Paul and Rylan following.

I walked down to the creek, pulling out the litmus paper. I tore off a piece and handed it to Paul.

"Rylan!" he said. "We get to do water testing!"

I handed a piece to Rylan, too.

We all tested the creek. There were a couple of fishermen upstream, under the bridge. The paper came back a light shade of green. I didn't have to check the chart; I'd seen it enough times.

"The water's drinkable," I said. "That's a start."

Paul and Rylan explored around the creek for a little while. I walked up to the rode, jumped the guardrail, and walked across the bridge to the forested area. It was beginning to rain, and I briefly considered going back to the Jeep before I decided that I was not as weak as the hospital had made me feel.

There was a place in the forest that was all stomped down. Something big had been sleeping there. Could be a deer. Could be a Sasquatch. There were berries around---Raspberry bushes. A lot of them had been picked. I could hear a rooster in the distance.

I looked around a while. There seemed to be a cherry tree growing, as well. It's one of the rules for cryptids---You gotta look where the food supply is.

In the rain, I walked back to the parking area. The kids were playing around in the clearing. 

"Did you find him?" asked Rylan.

"No, but there are maybe signs," I said. We climbed into the van. "This forest area isn't very big, but as you go north it connect with Fairpoint Road, and above that, Bucktail Forest. So there's a lot of forest space to the north. Here on this end, there's a safe water supply. There's berries, fish, and even chickens."

"So Bigfoot could be coming for food," said Paul.

"Could be. It's not proven, but it's plausible."

When I got up the next morning, my heart monitor and the phone that came with it were charged; I'd had them plugged in overnight. I grabbed a shower while I didn't have the patch on my chest, then stuck everything back on and walked downstairs for coffee.

I sat and looked at the phone part of the monitor, and ran a quick test. No odd signals; my heart was doing just fine. They still didn't know what had caused it to stop in the first place.

I wasn't what I'd been. But I was getting there.

I slipped the phone back in my pocket and had some coffee.

"The delivery guys just called," Michelle called in from the other room. "They'll be bringing the new washer in twenty minutes."

"Okay," I said, and stood up to start the day.

I Left My Heart In Williamsport

I woke up on the bathroom floor, covered in blood.

My lip was split. My nose was bleeding.

I sat up in the Lock Haven Emergency Room. My wife said,"You keep asking me the same questions."

"Shit," I said. "Concussion."

A tech leaned over me. "How do you feel? You had to get CPR."

"Did someone say stat? Tell me someone said stat. That would be really cool."

And then I was out again.

I looked out the window of the ambulance. "McElhattan. We're passing through McElhattan. There's an abandoned cemetery right over there."

The EMT leaned over me. "How do you feel?"

"I've had better mornings."

"We're taking you to the Williamsport Hospital."

I don't remember anything else after that.

I woke up in a bed in the Intensive Care Unit of Williamsport Hospital, or at least that's what I remember. Most of the morning had been flashes, fading in and out of consciousness. Michelle was in a sofa by the window. Seemed I rated a private room.

A nurse was leaning over me. "My name is Allie, and I'm taking care of you," she said. "How do you feel?"

"It's not my finest moment," I said.
"Can you tell me your name and birthdate?"
"Lou, July twenty-third."
"Do you know where you are?"

"Williamsport Hospital. There any ghosts up here?"

She smiled. "I haven't seen any myself." 

"Bigfoot maybe walk down the hall?"

"Not that I've noticed."

She began to remove my clothes and get me into a hospital gown. I saw her notice my alien belt. "Yeah," I said,"I do UFO sightings, too."

She walked to a dry erase board and started writing things down. "You had a coronary event this morning. Your heart stopped for a moment, and your heart rate has been low. We're going to take care of you. Do you have any questions?"

"You're doing a pretty good job explaining things."

"Do you have any goals while you're here?"

"I kinda want to get back home, and do my work."

She wrote Get home, work on the board.

"Wouldn't mind finding ghosts in the hospital, as long as I'm here."

She wrote Find ghosts in hospital.

Allie said,"We've been monitoring you. You're going to be in bed for observation for a while. But first we're going to give you a temporary pacemaker and see how that works."

I nodded. I asked Michelle,"How's Paul? Is Paul okay?"

"He's fine. He was at his little friend's last night, and Tif has him now. He's going to spend the night at her place."

"How's Tif?"

"She's okay. She's worried about you."

"Did you call in to work?"

"I told them you won't be in today."

"Okay."

Allie and another nurse came in. She said,"We're going to take you down to get your temporary pacemaker put in. We'll be back in a little while."

I looked over at Michelle. "See you on the other side."

The first night in the hospital sucked. So did all the other nights, but that first one was the worst. I barely slept, connected to IVs and all sorts of electronic shit. I've never been really good at sleeping on my back anyway, and not being able to roll over didn't help anything.

I tried looking out the window for UFOs. But it was pretty dark, and I only really had a view of the brick wall just opposite, so unless a UFO flew between my ward and the next one, I wouldn't see any, and that was unlikely.

Michelle brought Paul and Tif in to visit me in the morning. It was nice to see them walk in the door. Tif sat down by my bed.

"How are you?" she asked.

"I'm doing okay. This would not be my preference, but I'm allright. Doctor readjusted the temporary pacemaker this morning, and no further incidents with my heart."

She glanced at the board. "Did you really say one of your goals is to find ghosts?"

"As long as I'm here."

"You didn't think to make a goal of getting better?"
"I was only clinically dead."

"I fed Cookie, Daddy," said Paul.

"Good job, kiddo. Good to know the hamster's being taken care of. You have fun in day camp?"

"Yeah! Wednesday is water day!"

"Well, you're gonna like that."

"I fed the dogs," said Michelle. "At first I forgot, but they reminded me."

"They'll do that. I'm hoping to get out of here soon. I got tours to give and articles to write. Shit. I promised Laura I'd get one in for Pride Month."

"I've talked to Laura," said Tif. "She says to not worry about anything and take care of yourself."

"That's basically the plan, believe me."

"Do the doctors have any idea what happened yet?" Michelle asked.

"Hell, I've barely seen any doctors. The nurses have been great. They're all keeping an eye on me. The food is pretty good here; I really liked breakfast." I touched the stitches on my lip. "Probably shouldn't have asked for a breakfast sandwich, though."

"How bad does it hurt?" Tif asked.

"Not too bad, really. This whole experience has been shockingly pain-free."

"Mom says they had to start your heart with electricity in the ambulance."

"Yeah, even that wasn't too bad."

'You have to take this seriously, Dad."

"Tif. I promise, honey. I'm going to be okay."

Allie came into the room that night---She'd been checking on me a lot. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?"

"I'm okay. I just want this over with so I can get back home, you know?"

"Do you need to talk?"

"It's hard being stuck in a hospital bed. I want to get home and do stuff. I have articles due, and tours to give. The night before I came here, I gave a tour of Water Street, and it was great. Now, I can't even go to the bathroom without help."

"We're going to take care of you," she said. "Our goal is to get you back on your feet."

"I know. Thanks. No offense, Allie, you're like my best friend in Williamsport right now, but I really want to get out of here."

"No offense taken. I don't blame you."

Breakfast was scrambled eggs---I'd learned my lesson from the sandwich---Sausage, fried potatoes, and a cup of coffee. They had me on a heart-healthy diet, which as far as I could see was indistinguishable from actual food. If they were slipping me decaf, it actually tasted pretty good.

A nurse named Tiffny came into the room. "Would you like to get cleaned up a bit?" she asked. "We can help you."

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

With Tiffny handing me things, I got washed up somewhat. She helped me brush my teeth, and I washed myself off some. I used a sort of bath cap to clean up my hair a little. It wasn't perfect, but considering how my last shower had ended, it felt pretty good.

"Would you like pants?" she asked.

"Hell, yes."

The pants turned out to be light blue pajama-like things. I'd worn dumber stuff. I was reading the latest Stephen King book, which Michelle had brought me, when Chris walked in.

"Chris!" It was surprisingly good to see him. "Thanks for coming!"
"I wrote a whole article about how I'm going to take over your tours," he said. "I'm gonna read it to you before I send it in to the Record."

"Sounds good," I said. "Can you tell them I may be a little late with this week's column?"

"They already know. You're big news, buddy. Do you need anything? Can I go mow your lawn?"
"Sadly, I already mowed it last week. It should still be good."

"Kate will come by with food later, so Michelle doesn't have to cook."

"Thanks. Food's always good. Appreciate that."

"Heard you died for thirty seconds."

"Yeah, that would be way cooler if I could remember any of it."

"No beckoning lights?"

"No lights at all, that I recall. No dead relatives. Too bad. I wouldn't mind seeing Hambone again."

He glanced at the chart. 

"Find any ghosts up here?"

"Nothing yet. In the ER in Lock Haven, they were convinced the fourth floor was haunted. Here, nobody's had any sightings or anything. I'm getting bored. Also, they won't let me out of bed."

"You heal up, buddy. I'm missing your tours."

"Hoping to get back to those soon."

While I was playing around with the TV remote, I found out that I had the option to watch movies. Which was good, as I had less than no desire to sit around watching game shows and Fox News. I ordered up Barbie and watched that, and it was as good as I remembered it. 

I sat in the dark, watching the window for UFOs. Nothing. I wanted to go home. I missed Paul. I missed Rosie and Butters. I wanted to get back to giving tours, writing articles. I wanted to wake up and be me again.

My next nurse was a redhead named Becca. She came in and helped me get cleaned up in the morning, and said,"We're taking out your pacemaker today. Your heart has been working on its own, and you don't need it."

"Good news," I agreed.

"A little later, would you like to go for a walk?"

"Is that an option? I'd love a walk. You got any haunted places in this hospital?"

She laughed. "Not that I know of. But we can walk around the ward. I'll have to follow you with a wheelchair, just in case."

"You do what you gotta do. There's a small black pouch in my pack over there, can you get it for me?"

She brought the pouch over. I got out my all-in-one EMF detector.

A little while later, Becca was helping me out of bed. I was wearing blue grip socks, the light blue pajama pants, and the hospital gown. That was going to have to be my current ghost-hunting outfit. I could feel I had a growth of stubble on my face; I hadn't been near a razor in days. Paul was going to hate that.

Becca unplugged me from everything---I was connected to a considerable number of monitors. She asked,"Any pain? Dizziness?"

"Nope. Nothing." This was true, though I wanted to get out of bed so badly I'd have lied if I was bleeding from my eyeballs.

With Becca following me with the wheelchair, I walked around the ICU in a loop. I was periodically checking my EMF detector, which remained firmly on zero. Tiffny was at the desk, and she said,"Looking for ghosts?"

"I gotta be me."

"Finding anything?" Becca asked as we walked down the hall.

"Not really. Not even anything explainable. You guys have this place wired really good."

"Is that what that measures?"

"Yeah, electrical fields. I'm getting no signs of ghosts, and no others. Your wiring is fairly good and modern, which is good." I leaned over and held it to an outlet. "Yeah, nothing. Normally, in the old houses I investigate, that would show something. You guys have really good wiring in this hospital."

We'd come back around to my room. Becca asked,"Do you feel up to going around again?"

"Yeah, I feel pretty good. Let's do it."

About halfway around, a woman met us at the room door. She said to Becca,"You should ask this guy about the Civil War. Or paranormal stories."

I grinned. There's always someone. "You recognize me, do you?"

"My husband and I attend all your talks at the senior center. When you walked by before, he said,'I think that's Lou.' And I said,'It couldn't be. What would he be doing here?'"

"Had a little bit of heart failure, actually. But I'm doing okay."

"Oh, no. You take care of yourself. We want to see more of your talks."

"I'm scheduled for next week, actually. I don't plan to skip anything."

We moved on down the hall. Around the corner, we went back to my room, and Becca let me sit in an actual chair. You have no idea what a novelty that is after being trapped in a goddamn bed for several days.

Becca came in Wednesday morning and told me I was going home, but in true hospital fashion, it didn't actually happen until the afternoon. Michelle was there all day. She'd been in most of every day while I'd been stuck in the hospital.

The doctor, whom I'd otherwise seen very little of, came to visit. "You're going to have a heart monitor for thirty days," he said. "That will give us more information, and tell us about what caused this. It'll just be a small thing, with a sticker, on your chest."

"Like Iron Man."

He smiled, but not like I'd been actually funny. "Yes. You'll have a device with you like a cell phone, and if you have any incidents, you can record it."

"Okay."

"Do you have any questions?"

"What can I do as far as activity? I ride a bike to work. I give tours."

"That would be fine. Some exercise will be good for you."

"How about coffee?"
"Coffee is okay."

"Alcohol. I usually have a beer or two before bed. Do I need to cut that back?"

"Did you drink more than usual before you collapsed?"

"No, it's been a long time since I had more than two."

"Alcohol wasn't the cause of this. So if you want to cut back for other reasons, that's good, but it didn't have any effect on this."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

"I'll get a wheelchair," said Becca. "Michelle, you can get your car and meet us by the revolving doors."

Michelle left. Becca helped me get dressed again---I had a grey T-shirt that Michelle had brought me, nd jeans. I'd almost forgotten about jeans. She said,"I like your alien belt."

"It doubles as a bottle opener."

She rolled me down in the elevator, and I was outside for the first time in nearly a week. We found the Jeep, and she locked the wheels on the chair.

"Now, you take good care of yourself," she said. "We don't want to have you back here."

"That's the plan," I said. "Believe me."

She smiled. "Best of luck."

I climbed into the Jeep. Michelle said,"Ready to go home?"

"Been ready since Saturday."

"Paul and the dogs will be glad to see you."
"Yeah, me too."

She pulled out of the parking lot, and we started driving back to Clinton County. Back to Lock Haven. Home.