Public Entity Number One

"Want to help me catch Al Capone?" I asked Tif.

"Sure," she said. "You know he's dead, right?"

"That's never stopped me before." I was working on cooking hamburgers for dinner. "So, Paul, you want to help me find the ghost of a prisoner?"

Paul shrugged. "Sure," he said casually. This kind of thing is nothing new to Paul.

"When we go to your mother's annual company holiday party, we'll be staying over in Lewisburg," I explained. "Like we usually do, though they haven't held a party out there since 2019. At the time, I investigated the Susquehanna Mystery Thing, but I just did that last summer, so I got something else in mind. Not too far from the hotel is the Lewisburg Penitentiary, which is thought to be haunted by Al Capone, who was locked up there for a while. Jimmy Hoffa was there, too, but we'll never find him. No way we're getting too close to the prison, but I think we can get some readings at a distance."

"How do you figure you can do that?" Tif asked.

"I'm working on a plan."

I was sitting in the break room at the nonprofit I help out with, wearing my purple Bigfoot shirt. I'd become more of a presence there, and had started helping last year in small doses. Over time, I'd gotten to the point where I could just drop by and hang out.

I was with Lacey. 

"I'll have the forms for the investigations for you soon," she said. "I'm going to call the client tonight."

I nodded. "Good. Thanks. I can swing by and pick everything up when you're done. Oh, I'm going to customize a shirt for you."

"Oh, thanks! Do I owe you anything?"

"Nah, I've discovered you can customize just about anything on Amazon. Mine has the team symbol with my name above it on the left side, but there's no reason yours shouldn't be different, if you want."

"No, that sounds good," she said. 

"I was thinking about doing your name in purple, instead of the usual white, because it's the color of this place. What do you think?"
Lacey grinned. "Yeah, that makes sense." She took a drink of her coffee. "Busy morning in my office today. I'm exhausted."
"I can sympathize; I've had those days. Hey, you'll like this. Want to hear about the ghost of Al Capone?"

"Of course I do. Tell me about the ghost of Al Capone."

"My wife has her company party in Lewisburg next weekend. She's running the thing, so she'll be pretty busy. This means that I get to sneak our on a little side quest. The party is not too far from the Lewisburg Penitentiary, so I might be able to do a little investigating."

"Al Capone is haunting Lewisburg?"

"Some sources say he is. I figure I'll get as close as I can without getting arrested----Obviously I can't get into the actual prison. And I'll take what readings I can get from there. Oh, and here's the cool thing."

Lacey drank some more coffee. "Tell me the cool thing."

"I get to provoke."

"Provoke?"

"You know how, on the TV shows, there's always some yokel who shouts really terrible things at the ghosts? We don't do that, mainly because, well, it's rude. The ghosts are people, just regular people, and you don't want to go into their homes and say mean things to them. Like, one of the ghosts haunting this place is a baby."

"And you don't want to be ignorant to a baby."

"No. But I don't have a problem being mean to a convicted mobster in prison. My compassion has limits, so this once, I get to break my own rules and provoke."

"That's cool."

"It's going to be an interesting investigation. I'll let you know how it goes."

It was cold---Yeti-supporting cold---When we got to the hotel in Lewisburg. We pulled in and got out of the car, and I elbowed Paul and pointed across the parking lot. "That way's west."
He nodded. "Okay."

"Your equipment is in the secret pocket of my backpack. We'll plan for about seven o'clock."

"Got it."

We were in Room 126. Paul loves hotel rooms; he immediately began examining the beds, the shower, and everything else---He's considered hotel rooms to be recreational since he was three. Tif dropped into a chair and dropped her crutches beside it, and Michelle settled on the bed. I set my pack down and pulled out a library book.

I tend to keep a bag ready to travel at all times, and when I need it, I just throw a few clothes in, and I'm ready to roll. It's easier. I'm the guy who stays prepared for everything, and my family has gotten used to that.

"Do you have a scissors?" Michelle asked me. "I need to cut up our tickets for the door prize."

I handed her my pocketknife, and then dug into my back and got the spare knife out of my survival kit. Michelle began cutting up her tickets as I repacked the bag. I transferred my alcohol flasks into my coat pockets.

"Did you actually bring a flask again?" Michelle asked.

"I actually brought three flasks."

"You know you get two free beers at the party."

"If I have to party with your co-workers," I said,"Two beers isn't gonna get me through the appetizers." That's my brilliant system---The flasks are the things I let my wife catch me doing, so she doesn't suspect I'm sneaking off to find ghosts. I glanced at Paul. "This is not a healthy coping mechanism," I said. "Learn nothing."

Tif glanced my way. "If you don't have a good time at the party, Dad, why do you always go?"
"I find stuff to do. Besides, I'm the spouse. I gotta be there. She's done it enough times for me."

"Well, that's true," admitted Tif.

I left the room and walked around the hotel for a while, checking things out. Helped myself to a cup of the complimentary coffee in the lobby. I always try to ask the locals for information, so I stopped at the desk and asked,"So, I have a weird question....Do you know of any good ghost stories around the area? Haunted houses?"

The girl shook her head. "No, I don't know any."

"Oh. Well, thanks anyway."

I walked back to the room. When I got in, Paul looked at me accusingly. "You left without me."

"Didn't know you wanted to go along." I walked over to the window. I said,"Paul, check here."

Paul pointed. "That way is west."

"How do you know that?"
"You showed me outside."

"But you didn't lose your bearings when we got inside. Very good, little man. Very, very good." Paul impresses me with this sort of thing all the time. He's a very bright little guy, but until he says something like this, I forget how smart he really is, for eight.

"I want to go swimming in the pool," Paul said.

"Give me a minute," Tif said. "I'll get my suit on."

"We'll be heading to the party soon," said Michelle. "Give me a call if you need anything."

The theme of the party was "Flannel and Frost" for some reason. I've never understood why a party has to have a theme in the first place, but Michelle and I had dressed for the occasion. She was wearing a red flannel shirt. They'd got the wrong dad for flannel; my father would have been all over this. Not having any flannel shirts myself, I was wearing my Yeti sweatshirt and figuring that would cover the "frost" part.

We'd been going to Michelle's annual company holiday party for as long as she'd worked for the company. It had outgrown at least three locations before, and was now held in an event hall near Route 15 in Union County. Michelle pulled the Prius around to the back of the building, and we got out. The temperature had dropped even further.

There was a big hill behind the hall. I said,"I wanna see how far this goes," and ran up. It overlooked the Wal-Mart below, and the greater Lewisburg area further on. I could make out the prison in the distance. It would be perfect.

I walked back down to Michelle. She led me to a door on the back of the building. "We can go in here," she said. "Through the back kitchen."

We went in, and into the event hall. The tables had been set up, and everything was in place. Michelle joined a couple of her co-workers who were running this thing, and I did the spouse thing, which was mainly to hang around unnoticed. All according to my master plan.

The staff got the appetizers out, and everyone went to gather some up. I went to the bar and scored my first beer. I asked the bartender,"You know any good ghost stories in the area?"

She shook her head. "No, haven't heard any."

I have never seen a city full of such disinterested people in my whole life.

I checked my watch. Almost seven. I went and got the extra car key out of my coat pocket, then walked back to the kitchen door and slipped out the back.

It was freezing out. I ran to the car and opened the back hatch. I had a gym bag in there with everything I'd need. I pulled out my new packable black vest---It was designed for cold weather, but would fit into a small stuff sack. I put it on and zipped it up. I pulled my new hood on, and my wool gloves. My camera and my all-in-one thermometer and EMF detector went into the pockets.

It was cold; I estimated that I had ten minutes, tops. I ran to the top of the hill. Slipped just a bit---All that planning, and I'd worn the sneakers with no traction. I made it to the top. The wind was blowing hard up there, and I stood above Lewisburg as the sun went down.

Showtime.

"You there, Capone, you twerp?" I said softly. "Come on out, you son of a bitch. You think you're so tough, you untouchable bastard? Gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Bring it on."

I got out the all-in-one, and held it out in front of me. The readout showed the electromagnetic fields, which looked about standard. I watched as the temperature climbed from thirty-one all the way up to forty.

Forty? It hasn't been anywhere near forty degrees all day!

The temperature held at forty for a moment, and then dropped back down, into the twenties. That was interesting.

I went back down to the car, pulled off the vest and repacked it, and slipped back in the door through the kitchen. One of the other husbands saw me sneaking in.

"You back there hassling the kitchen staff?" he asked.

"Just had to get something out of the car," I commented. "Well, I guess it's time for another beer."

We got back to the hotel room around nine. Tif was reading her book in the corner, and Paul had taken the dollars I'd left for him and hoarded candy and chips out of the vending machines down the hall. I gave him a hug.

"You have fun?" I asked.

"Yeah!"

"He went swimming for like an hour," said Tif. "Then he got a ton of candy out of the machine and squirreled it away under the pillows."

"Any luck on the investigation?"
"Yeah," said Paul. "We got a reading!"

"It was the thing on the nightstand, there," said Tif.

"The green lights," Paul said. "They went to red."
The EMF detector.

"But not near the outlets," Tif said.

I nodded. "Good work. I got a weird temperature reading, so it looks like this worked out. Nice job."

I gave my son a high-five. Michelle saw my padded vest lying on the bed, and said,"Hey....What's this?"