I almost ignored it, then I read it over again. I walked into the other room, where my wife was watching TV.
"What do you think about a trip to Tionesta?"
"Didn't we just get back from a trip?"
"Yeah, but there's a program for at-risk kids out there that sent me a message. They have this annual event about the paranormal, and they just lost a guest speaker. They asked if I could fill in. It looks really cool; it's on an island in the Allegheny River. And it's in the PA Wilds, so I can get an article out of it, too."
"When is it?"
"Next Sunday," I said. "Day after I'm booked to give that talk at Hyner Run."
"Okay," said Michelle. "Anything cool out there to check out?"
"I don't know," I said. "But I'll find out."
The monthly meeting was me, Heather, and Ashlin. The others hadn't been able to make it. We sat in Heather's house, with her giant dog checking in on us periodically.
"It's been slow lately," commented Ashlin. "What can we do to drum up a little business?"
"You know," I said,"I think we all need something. Millie's husband died, Heather's grandfather died....I'm still recovering a bit....I think we need some time together. Every time I write something about the Pine-Loganton Road, the most haunted road in Clinton County, we get a lot of attention online. Maybe we need to investigate the PIne-Loganton Road."
"What's out there?" asked Heather.
"Well, there's a old legend of a murdered servant girl who appears in the form of a dancing cupboard. There's Bigfoot sightings. And I been working on water monsters all summer....There's a story near Sulphur Spring, where there's a horned serpent caused by a comet."
"That's a water monster?" asked Ashlin.
"If you squint."
"This sounds good," said Heather. "You know I'm in."
You'd think it might be unusual to have dinner in a haunted house, something that only happens in the movies. But my family does it every Friday. Tif, Biz, Paul, Michelle, and I sat around the table.
"I hate to eat and run," I said,"But as soon as I do the dishes, I gotta get out with the team. We're going to investigate the Pine-Loganton Road, the most haunted road in Clinton County."
"What time will you be home?" asked Paul.
"Probably around nine. Don't forget, little man, we're going to Hyner tomorrow night for my speech. And I may look into the Susquehanna Seal while we're there. And then on Sunday, we're going to Tionesta."
"What's in Tionesta?" Tif asked.
"I'll be speaking at a program for at-risk kids," I said. "Makes me feel good to use my paranormal experience to help out a little. We'll be on an island, with a lighthouse, and get this, the local library has a small cemetery right there on the property. It's one of those situations where the land was donated, but it already had the cemetery, so they agreed not to disturb it."
"Cool."
"I've had a song in my head all week," said Biz, who often comes up with these announcements out of left field. "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
"At least it's a good song," I commented.
Biz sang softly,"Turn around...."
Tif joined in. "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...."
"Turn around...."
"Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears...."
They both sang together: "Turn around, bright eyes...."
And that was when I joined in. "And I need you now tonight....And I need you more than ever....Forever's gonna start tonight! Forever's gonna start tonight...."
We all sang together. Paul, who didn't know the lyrics, smiled and just loved it.
"Once upon a time I was falling in love....Now I'm only falling apart....Nothing I can say....A total eclipse of the heart."
I sat in Heather's SUV next to her as she drove down the Pine-Loganton Road. Heather's hair was dyed bright blue. I was wearing my LHPS uniform and my classic tac vest. In the back sat Millie and Tami, our new member.
"I couldn't get the right coordinates for the dancing cupboard spot, so I had to figure it out more or less by hand," I said. "Should be up about here, Heather."
Heather pulled over, and we got out of the vehicle. I walked around to help Millie get out. I've known her a long time, and sometimes it surprises me that she's aged. I'm almost the age she was when we met.
"Thanks," she said as I helped her out.
"After all these years," I said,"I finally get to hold your hand."
She laughed. We fanned out along the road and began taking readings with our equipment. I got out my laser thermometer.
"Turning on recorder," said Heather. "We're along the Pine-Loganton Road, looking into stories of the dancing cupboard. Is there anyone here? Why take the form of a cupboard?"
"I've always wondered that," I said.
I walked around on the road, taking readings with my thermometer. Heather glanced over, and said,"Cool."
"New laser thermometer," I said. The new one was purple. "I admit I ordered it just for the color. It's my favorite. While I was at it, I got an all-in-one EMF detector---Three different settings, some of which I'm still figuring out, plus a thermometer and a flashlight. Saves some weight when I'm packing stuff."
"So where can we get these?" asked Tami.
"I'll send everyone the link. Amazon suggests this stuff to me now." I looked down at my thermometer. "What the hell?"
Tami glanced over. "Something?"
"Yeah, maybe. It's late August, and it's like ninety degrees out here. So why the hell am I getting a reading of twenty-six?"
"Is it Fahrenheit?" asked Millie.
"Yeah, I always leave it set to Fahrenheit because it's easier to understand." I showed Tami the screen. "Just for a minute, I got a serious drop. Could be our first ghost of the night."
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up on another corner and got out. Heather looked over the foliage and commented,"Look, mint. Wild grapes, raspberries...."
"If Bigfoot wanted to eat, it would be a good place," I said.
We hiked back into the woods a bit. There was a thin trail that led back. I spotted a cluster of whitish hair on the ground, and knelt down beside it. "Hair," I said.
"Probably deer," commented Heather.
"Probably," I said. "But I'm taking a sample. I haven't given up hope of a blonde Bigfoot."
Heather laughed. "I'm going to start keeping a journal of your quotes. I haven't given up hope of a blonde Bigfoot is a good one."
We walked back through the woods. I said,"Don't wanna leave Millie alone in the car too long. We'd better get back, and check on the Sulphur Serpent."
We rode down to Loganton, and I pointed. "The pavilion over there---That's Sulphur Spring. There's a legend there of a Native American guy who was killed, and a comet turned him into a serpent monster and gave the water a heavy Sulphur flavor."
'What?" asked Millie.
"Yeah, it doesn't make any more sense when you read it," I said. "Some of the tribes believed that drinking from the spring had healing powers."
"How can you get it down with the Sulphur?" asked Millie.
"I'll never know. I couldn't do it. Specifically, they believed it could cure a hangover, and it's too bad I can't drink it, as I was up half the night and spent about $3.50 getting one."
We stopped and got out of the car. Tami and Heather headed immediately for the footbridge, and I said,"Be right with you. I'm gonna test this water. Keep an eye out for serpents."
I walked over to the spring, getting out my litmus paper. I knelt down by the spring, under the pavilion. I could smell the water from where I was already.
"Sulphur," I said softly.
I held the litmus paper under the water for a moment, then pulled it back. It had turned a light green, which I compared to the little chart that came with the kit. Then, sliding the whole thing back into my pocket, I walked across the bridge to Heather and Tami.
"Water's a little alkaline," I said. "Nothing too dangerous."
"No serpents?" Tami asked.
I grinned at her. "Not yet."
Heather said,"Look at those divots in the rock down there. I wonder what those are."
"From here, they look manmade," I said. I considered a moment---There'd been a time I'd have climbed right down the bank, and I decided I wanted to be like that again. "Let's check."
I scrambled down the bank and stepped over the water on the rocks. Heather landed nimbly behind me---I'd known she would. "If you fall in, I'm not fishing you out," she said.
"Think I'll be okay."
We knelt down by the dents in the rock. I said,"These look Native American to me. Some sort of cooking thing, maybe? Put your water in there to heat it up. They did a lot of that."
"Yeah, this didn't happen naturally," said Heather, running her fingers in one.
"Yeah, this didn't happen naturally," said Heather, running her fingers in one.
"Confirms that the Native Americans were here," I said. "All points to the legend."
"Me, too," agreed Tami. "I'm glad I moved here. This is a great place."
"I needed this tonight," I said. "I'm glad we got the chance to get together and do this, guys. I really needed this."
I sat on the bench beside my wife, watching Paul in the pool at Hyner Run. At eight, Paul is more confident in the water than I've ever been, which continually fascinates me. He was throwing pool toys into the water, letting them sink, and then diving down to retrieve them. And then throwing them in to start all over again.
I stood up. "I'm gonna go for a walk before my speech," I said.
"Have fun investigating your monster," said Michelle.
"What monster?"
"Whichever. Whatever monster you're sneaking off to find."
"You're so suspicious," I said, and then walked off to look for the Susquehanna Seal.
We were at Hyner Run, which flowed into the Susquehanna. I was even wearing my Susquehanna Seal shirt on it, showing the monster that had often been sighted in these waters. Earlier in the summer, I'd come up with the theory that it was a rogue Hynerpeton, a prehistoric creature that had been discovered only in Clinton County. I'd started off the pandemic investigating the Susquehanna Seal, and now here I was doing it again.
I felt good. I was in a good mood, and some of the self-improvement I'd tried to work on over the summer seemed to be taking effect. I could feel myself taking up my old rhythms, feeling more like the old me before COVID knocked out a lot of my confidence. I was getting some of that back now, and it was a good thing.
I got to the peaceful, grassy spot down near the bridge, and I dropped my pack to the grass. Walking down to the run, I tested the water with litmus paper---I knew it could support life, as I could see bugs and fish in the water, but you gotta follow procedure. It was a perfect seven, exactly the right pH.
I looked at some of the plants. With something prehistoric, you reach what I call the Population Problem---If there are sightings over a hundred years, you're obviously not looking at one creature, but a family of them. If I was considering a leftover prehistoric Hynerpeton, it had to eat. And the plants had all changed, since those days. I knew of only one tree, the gingko, that was still around from that long ago.
I looked at the bugs, skirting across the top of the water.
What if it was a carnivore?
Now, that was an interesting thought. Thought all the plants had changed in the past million years or so, insects and fish hadn't much, at least not in terms of nutritional value. A carnivore could have lived in these waters that long without having to evolve much, diet-wise.
I walked back up the path. As I walked, I saw a DCNR vehicle rolling down toward me. I raised a hand and waved, and an arm waved back from the window. He pulled up beside me, and it was my friend Ian, who booked me for a speech every year.
"How you doing, Lou?" he asked.
"I'm good, Ian," I said truthfully. "How about you?"
"Yeah, I'm good," he said. "Thanks for coming tonight."
"Glad to do it," I said. "Thanks for inviting me."
"You finding everything allright?"
I nodded.
"Oh, yeah," I said. "I'm finding some interesting stuff."
That night, everyone was in bed. Michelle, Paul, Rosie. This left me up with Emily, our new hamster, and probably Ida, the ghost in the house. I sat in the kitchen with my laptop.
"Hi, Ida," I said. "How you doing?" Some nights I do this, just talk to Ida with everyone else asleep. "It's your anniversary, isn't it? A hundred and seventeen years since the night you died. I'm doing a little research, if you want to stick around."
I got online, and searched for Hynerpetons.
Among all the pictures and other information, I found an article that said, based on their jaws, they were carnivorous. They lived on bugs and small fish.
"Well, Ida," I said,"Looks like my theory is good."
The borough of Tionesta reminds me a lot of Renovo, back in Clinton County. As we pulled into town mid-afternoon in the Prius, I was getting serious Renovo vibes.
"Right here, right here," I said excitedly. "Stop at the local library!"
Michelle pulled the car in. "Says it's closed."
"It is closed. But they have a cemetery, and I gotta check it out."
I climbed out of the car. I had my deluxe tactical vest, the one with all the patches and pockets. I took a few readings with the thermometer, and clicked some photos.
Someone came up the slope behind me. Paul.
"Check it out, little man," I said. "I wish our library had a cemetery."
"It's cool," Paul agreed.
"And this is only the beginning of today," I said. "We're gonna go out on the island so I can make my speech."
"Cameron doesn't know how to ghost hunt," he said. "When I was playing with his the other day, he had an app. I told him they're all fake, and he wanted to know why I think everything's fake, and I told him I know, cause my dad's a ghost hunter."
"Proud of you, little man."
"When I'm older," Paul asked,"Can I take over your team?"
I smiled.
"Yes," I said. "Yes, you can."
The island was really cool. There's no other way to say it---The island was cool. We drove in on the small bridge, and parked by the building. We walked around a few minutes, looking at the lighthouse standing over everything, and the park that even had a model of the Statue of Liberty in it. I'd fallen in love with Tionesta immediately upon arriving, and this just made it even better.
"Is that a hot dog stand?" asked Paul.
"You hungry? Come on, let's get you a hot dog."
We bought Paul a hot dog, and then I found my contact person at the front of the building. I recognized her in a moment, and said,"Roni? Hi, nice to meet you!"
"Thank you for coming," she said. "We have a table set up for you."
"Thank you for coming," she said. "We have a table set up for you."
I brought in my equipment and set it on the table. I had laser thermometers, EMF detectors, recorders, and cameras along with the LHPS business cards. My vest was in the center.
The guy currently speaking was going on about demons and werewolves. Michelle leaned over and whispered,"Oh, they're gonna just love you."
"Yeah. I was thinking that."
A kid came up to the table, looking things over. He asked,"What's this?"
"Night vision binoculars. If you press the button on top, a laser lights you up."
"Cool. This is awesome." Pointing at the tactical vest.
"Yeah, man," said another kid. "That's really cool."
I grinned. "Looks pretty bad-ass while I'm investigating."
Roni went up and took the microphone. "If everyone could please take their seats," she said,"Our next speaker came all the way from Lock Haven to be here today. I'll let him come up and introduce himself, and please give him your attention. Lou?"
I walked up to the front of the room. I was wearing my shirt with the ghost silhouette symbol on it. I stood in front of the table and set down a few pieces of my equipment.
Paul came up and sat down in the front row.
I smiled at the audience.
"Hi, everyone, and thanks for having me," I said. "I appreciate your being here today. My name is Lou, and I'm a member of the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers. We do scientific, measurable investigations of our local places. Let me say, I am loving Tionesta! I've never been here before, but I love your community. This place is great."
I took a deep breath, and then grinned.
"Now," I said,"Let's talk about the paranormal."
And it ended with bedtime....As most things do.
Night had fallen. I walked along the sidewalk with Rosie, and then entered the house. I let her off the leash, and she jetted for the stairs. I followed along.
Paul was already in bed, under the covers. I gave him his goodnight kiss, and said,"Goodnight, little man. I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight, Daddy," Paul said, already preparing to not fall asleep until after eleven.
I stopped at his door and turned around. He said,"What?"
"What's your favorite thing we investigate?"
He thought it over. "Ghosts. Also Bigfoot. And cryptids. Why?"
I smiled.
"Just wondered, little guy. Goodnight."
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