"Law books," I said. "You want Acquisitions. Just a second, I'll call her."
"No, I want to talk to you."
I looked across my desk at her. She sat, legs crossed, gazing at me. I said,"That's more of a legal question, miss. I'm not a lawyer, and I really can't give legal advice."
"Well, but this is your area. The house is haunted."
"Ah. I see. Where is the house, miss?"
"North Vesper Street."
"Well, if you'd like a free investigation, we're available." I slid my business card to her. It was my recently redesigned one, with a Bigfoot print and a ghost.
"No, I don't want that," she said. "I want the ghosts out of there. Now."
I cleared my throat. "Well, we're investigators, miss, not exterminators. We can check into it, of course, but...."
"I want to sue them," she said. "They didn't tell me the house was haunted. They legally have to tell you."
"No, they don't," I said. "That's a common misunderstanding."
She gave me a look. "What're you talking about? I thought you were the big ghost expert. Of course they have to tell you. Everyone knows that."
I sighed. "What you're referring to it Stambovsky v. Ackley. Look it up. It refers to a stigmatized property, which doesn't mean they have to disclose that the house is definitely haunted. It means they have to tell you if the house has been publicized as being haunted, which is a different story altogether. While hauntings have never been legally proven, nobody wants curious jerks trespassing and trying to break into their house. Your house hasn't been publicized, miss. I'd know---I'm the guy who publicizes them."
She stood up. "Well. Maybe I will talk to a lawyer."
"Of course," I said. "And if you decide to go with an investigation, I'm not going anywhere."
I get stuff like this.
My name is Lou. I work for the local library. Also as a freelance writer. And also, I'm a paranormal investigator. It's mostly in that last capacity that I tend to attract the nuts.
It's not always like that. There are some lunatics out there, and some people who don't really understand much of what they're talking about. But there's some interesting people out there, too, and some good stuff that happens.
I like it. I like it so much, I've been teaching a class on it.
"Guys, I'd like to welcome you to the first meeting of the year," I said, standing at the head of the room. "This year is special. As of tonight, it's an anniversary. It's been five years since Teen Paranormal was formed."
Kara sat at the table beside me. Around the table were my kids, the ones I taught. Some of them were new to the group, and some had been around a while. Aubree, Meridian and Seth, Alex, Catie, Skylar, and Olivia were all looking at their handouts.
"The purpose of the group," I continued,"Is to teach you how to be responsible paranormal investigators. We're going to learn how to find measurable, provable evidence of the paranormal. I'm an investigator myself, and I've been with the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers for over a decade. I'm going to teach you."
"Are we going to go on an investigation?" asked Seth.
"Next meeting," I said,"I'm going to show you how to use the equipment, and we're going to investigate the attic. Right now, I'm going to show you how to do the historic research on a haunted house. Follow me."
Standing at my desk, I held out a cigar box. "Everybody take a name."
Each of the kids picked a folded piece of paper out of the box. Seth and Alex, my most enthusiastic, both took two. They unfolded their papers, each of which had a name.
"You guys each have someone to look up," I said. "These drawers are the indexes to our newspaper file, which goes back to 1813. We have obituaries and cemetery records for everyone who has ever died in the county. Each one of you should have a name on your paper. I want you to look them up, and tell me something interesting about that person."
Thw kids got to work. Alex began digging through the file in search of Mary Elizabeth Crocker. Aubree began to check for Wilson Kistler in the cemetery indexes. Kara leaned back against my desk, arms crossed.
"I always like when you do this," she said.
I smiled. "It's been a bit of a learning curve, these last five years. I've found the best way to teach the kids is to have something hands-on for them to investigate."
"Hey!" Olivia burst out. "I'm in here!"
I looked over her shoulder. "Mentioned in your grandfather's obit. Pretty cool." I turned and glanced into the PA Room, where Aubree was sitting. "How's our little social mutant doing over there?"
Aubree grinned. "I think I found Wilson Kistler. Is he in Highland Cemetery?"
"That's him. He's in a crypt up there." I turned to the others. "That's how you find the historic information. Next time, we'll be learning the actual investigation. Come on in."
We gathered around the table. I said,"We're gonna go up in the attic, and I'll teach you how to use the equipment. We'll investigate the place. We're getting some construction done on the building, too, which has been known to stir up ghosts. Wear something dark, that doesn't reflect---Dark blues and greens are good. See you guys at the next meeting."
"I'll schedule the investigation and post on the forum," Kara said as she pulled up by Taggart Park. "We'll see about finding the time to go in."
"Text me," said Lacey, jumping out of the car. "Go softball practice. See you guys later!"
She ran for the field, and Kara pulled out. She said,"So where are we going?"
"Oh hell, I got nowhere to be. Want to go look for the Ingleby Monster?"
"What's that?"
"Down around the Centre-Clinton line, near Sugar Valley, there are rumors. A creature that's been reported, though never seen---It's thought to be invisible. Said to have attacked and beheaded people, though that could be a myth."
"I don't want to get beheaded."
"You won't get beheaded."
"Tell me where to go."
"Narrows Road, Sugar Valley."
She turned onto Grove Street. I said,"That's John Sloan's house."
"That one? The artist John Sloan?"
"Yeah, that one right there with the plaque on the door. The famous artist is from here."
"Did he live here a little, or is he really from here?"
"No, he was born here. His family moved to Philadelphia when he was about seven. Sloan grew up to be a famous artist, and came back to Lock Haven once during his life. Rebecca Gross showed him where he was born, and Sloan didn't like it. It had no character, he said. So he chose a really terrible building on Church Street, and claimed that was the birthplace. His ashes are scattered in Highland Cemetery, near the Kistler crypt."
"No kidding."
"This makes me the only tour guide in the world who can show a famous artist's two birthplaces and final resting place."
We were passing Salona, heading south. We sat in companionable silence for a while.
"Are you going to do the psychic lesson for the kids this year?" asked Kara. "That's always fun."
"I usually get to that one in the winter," I said. "You know my feelings on psychics. They piss me off."
"That's why it's fun. Haven't you ever had a psychic experience? A dream that came true?"
"When I was a kid, I dreamed that my cousin Wendy was going to die."
"Did she die?"
"Twenty-two years later, yes."
"Where are we?"
I said,"Narrows Road. Turn here."
"This goes to Loganton?"
"Eventually."
"I don't want to get lost."
"If we find Loganton, we won't be lost."
We drove through what appeared to be a cloud. Kara wrinkled her nose. "Did you see that?"
"Seemed like smoke."
"Yeah, but wasn't that a little weird? Would it be that heavy if someone was burning something earlier?"
"No, and I didn't see any fire. It's strange."
"What do you think?"
"Ingleby monster," I said.
"Come here, let me show you this," the young woman said. "I did your star chart."
I looked up from my desk. "Huh?"
"Remember I was in here a couple of months ago, and I asked when you last had your astrological chart done?" she said. "I did one for you. Come over here."
I walked over, and sat down next to her at the computers. She had some sort of diagram on the screen, a circle divided into several segments, with odd symbols and red and blue lines.
"Now, you are very powerful," she said. "You're gifted. You may not admit it, but you can't hide it from me. You're very gifted with psychic abilities."
"Well, no, because that's not a thing," I said.
"You can deny it, but I see you. Look, right here," she said,"This means you're an empath. You can feel the emotions of others. You could totally be inside me if you wanted."
"Um...."
"Now, you're a Leo, right?" She pointed at another place on the chart. "Your Mercury is in Virgo. That means you're a fire sign. You're really hot."
"....And what's that mean?"
"You're a very intense person," she said.
I nodded. "I have been called intense."
"I'm a water sign. I'm wet."
Did she realize she was doing this? I said,"Um....."
"Now, let me show you this," she said. "We can take these signs, get their numerical values, and add them up. It's all math."
"No wonder I don't understand it."
"The value here is sixty-nine. You feel me? You're an empath, and very powerful, whether you admit it or not. We can even combine the charts to show how alike we are. Here, let's see what happens if we put you on top of me."
I closed my eyes.
She continued,"Now, let's take a look at Uranus---"
I stood up.
"I better get back to work."
I retreated to my desk and checked my messages. Kara had sent one; she couldn't make the Teen Paranormal meeting. I took a few minutes to send an e-mail to Resurrection Casey, with some instruction on how to look for ghosts. Then I stood up and paced a little; my family was still out of town, so I was feeling a little off.
I checked to see if there were any books to process. Nothing. No pending articles to be written, no new comments on the haunted stuff I'd written for the PA Wilds. I needed a quest. I have no life. Someone had to be more pathetic than this. There had to be someone out there with less of a life than me, and I was determined to find that person.
Halfway down the hall, it occurred to me that it might be the chick with the horoscopes, and I returned to my desk.
There was another message waiting for me. My old friend and former intern Chris was back in town, and he was asking if I was working.
I thought a moment, then got out my cell phone.
"Hey, Chris. You wanna come to a meeting?"
I stood in front of the kids, at the head of the table in the Sloan Room. Chris was sitting to my left, and Alex, Aubree, Caitie, Skylar, and Olivia sat around the table. My regulars.
"Guys, good to see you," I said. "Tonight we're gonna learn how to do a responsible investigation. I have my equipment with me." On the table in front of me, I had my camera, recorder, EMF detector, and laser thermometer. I was wearing my LHPS uniform, with the leg rig containing some of my stuff. "I'm going to teach you guys how to use this....And then we're gonna go upstairs, into the attic, and do an actual investigation."
Aubree grinned at me. "I got a recorder, too. I brought it along."
"Excellent," I said. "You guys might as well just go buy all this stuff immediately....You're gonna end up with it all anyway, so you might as well get it over with. Let me show you how this all works."
The Ross Library's attic was old. Like 1887 old. And it hadn't been upgraded too much during that time. The kids followed me up the stairs into the dusty five-room attic, and I opened the door to one of the storage rooms and walked in.
"First, get photos. Every conceivable angle. Get some EMF readings, and use the thermometer to get a baseline temperature. Check everything before we settle into the EVP session."
"I'm showing about seventy-eight," said Chris, who was handling my laser thermometer.
"That sounds about right," I said.
"Can I use your camera?" asked Alex.
"Sure, go ahead. Get photos all over the room." I handed it to him, and he headed off with Skylar, clicking pictures.
Aubree turned on her recorder. "I'm gonna get everything."
"Good. Good. Remember to tag all the intrusive noises from outside, and leave plenty of space for possible answers."
"Think we're gonna get any activity tonight?" asked Caitie.
"You never know," I said. "It's happened before. And they've been working on the windows lately---Construction can make the ghosts act up; sometimes they don't like it. So it's possible."
"Will we hear anything?"
"We have the recorders running right now," I said. "But remember, sometimes you don't hear anything until later. It's what they never show you on the TV shows---The review is important. You have to play this all back; a lot of the evidence comes from what you find after the actual investigation is over."
"I got a weird picture," Olivia said.
She held up her cell phone, and I looked it over. It showed one wall of the room with a weird streak of light.
"Get a temperature reading and some EMFs over here," I said. "Take more photos. Check this."
Aubree and Alex moved in, getting photos and checking with the EMF detector. Aubree said,"I'm getting a bit of a reading."
I nodded, and looked at my watch. "We're almost out of time tonight, guys. But we may have something here. You did good. I'm proud of you."
"Daddy!" The staff door at the library opened, and my son came running in. He was followed by my wife as he raced across the floor. "We're home!"
I picked him up and hugged him. "Welcome back, little man. I'm glad to see you."
"Did Sissy get me a surprise? What is it?"
"You'll see it when you get home. Also, I got you some more little gumball machine dogs for your collection. They're on the table."
"Thank you, Daddy!"
"So, did you have fun in Georgia?"
"Yes! But I misseded you, Daddy!"
I picked him up and hugged him again.
"I misseded you too, little guy."
Kara sat at the table beside me. Around the table were my kids, the ones I taught. Some of them were new to the group, and some had been around a while. Aubree, Meridian and Seth, Alex, Catie, Skylar, and Olivia were all looking at their handouts.
"The purpose of the group," I continued,"Is to teach you how to be responsible paranormal investigators. We're going to learn how to find measurable, provable evidence of the paranormal. I'm an investigator myself, and I've been with the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers for over a decade. I'm going to teach you."
"Are we going to go on an investigation?" asked Seth.
"Next meeting," I said,"I'm going to show you how to use the equipment, and we're going to investigate the attic. Right now, I'm going to show you how to do the historic research on a haunted house. Follow me."
Standing at my desk, I held out a cigar box. "Everybody take a name."
Each of the kids picked a folded piece of paper out of the box. Seth and Alex, my most enthusiastic, both took two. They unfolded their papers, each of which had a name.
"You guys each have someone to look up," I said. "These drawers are the indexes to our newspaper file, which goes back to 1813. We have obituaries and cemetery records for everyone who has ever died in the county. Each one of you should have a name on your paper. I want you to look them up, and tell me something interesting about that person."
Thw kids got to work. Alex began digging through the file in search of Mary Elizabeth Crocker. Aubree began to check for Wilson Kistler in the cemetery indexes. Kara leaned back against my desk, arms crossed.
"I always like when you do this," she said.
I smiled. "It's been a bit of a learning curve, these last five years. I've found the best way to teach the kids is to have something hands-on for them to investigate."
"Hey!" Olivia burst out. "I'm in here!"
I looked over her shoulder. "Mentioned in your grandfather's obit. Pretty cool." I turned and glanced into the PA Room, where Aubree was sitting. "How's our little social mutant doing over there?"
Aubree grinned. "I think I found Wilson Kistler. Is he in Highland Cemetery?"
"That's him. He's in a crypt up there." I turned to the others. "That's how you find the historic information. Next time, we'll be learning the actual investigation. Come on in."
We gathered around the table. I said,"We're gonna go up in the attic, and I'll teach you how to use the equipment. We'll investigate the place. We're getting some construction done on the building, too, which has been known to stir up ghosts. Wear something dark, that doesn't reflect---Dark blues and greens are good. See you guys at the next meeting."
"I'll schedule the investigation and post on the forum," Kara said as she pulled up by Taggart Park. "We'll see about finding the time to go in."
"Text me," said Lacey, jumping out of the car. "Go softball practice. See you guys later!"
She ran for the field, and Kara pulled out. She said,"So where are we going?"
"Oh hell, I got nowhere to be. Want to go look for the Ingleby Monster?"
"What's that?"
"Down around the Centre-Clinton line, near Sugar Valley, there are rumors. A creature that's been reported, though never seen---It's thought to be invisible. Said to have attacked and beheaded people, though that could be a myth."
"I don't want to get beheaded."
"You won't get beheaded."
"Tell me where to go."
"Narrows Road, Sugar Valley."
She turned onto Grove Street. I said,"That's John Sloan's house."
"That one? The artist John Sloan?"
"Yeah, that one right there with the plaque on the door. The famous artist is from here."
"Did he live here a little, or is he really from here?"
"No, he was born here. His family moved to Philadelphia when he was about seven. Sloan grew up to be a famous artist, and came back to Lock Haven once during his life. Rebecca Gross showed him where he was born, and Sloan didn't like it. It had no character, he said. So he chose a really terrible building on Church Street, and claimed that was the birthplace. His ashes are scattered in Highland Cemetery, near the Kistler crypt."
"No kidding."
"This makes me the only tour guide in the world who can show a famous artist's two birthplaces and final resting place."
We were passing Salona, heading south. We sat in companionable silence for a while.
"Are you going to do the psychic lesson for the kids this year?" asked Kara. "That's always fun."
"I usually get to that one in the winter," I said. "You know my feelings on psychics. They piss me off."
"That's why it's fun. Haven't you ever had a psychic experience? A dream that came true?"
"When I was a kid, I dreamed that my cousin Wendy was going to die."
"Did she die?"
"Twenty-two years later, yes."
"Where are we?"
I said,"Narrows Road. Turn here."
"This goes to Loganton?"
"Eventually."
"I don't want to get lost."
"If we find Loganton, we won't be lost."
We drove through what appeared to be a cloud. Kara wrinkled her nose. "Did you see that?"
"Seemed like smoke."
"Yeah, but wasn't that a little weird? Would it be that heavy if someone was burning something earlier?"
"No, and I didn't see any fire. It's strange."
"What do you think?"
"Ingleby monster," I said.
"Come here, let me show you this," the young woman said. "I did your star chart."
I looked up from my desk. "Huh?"
"Remember I was in here a couple of months ago, and I asked when you last had your astrological chart done?" she said. "I did one for you. Come over here."
I walked over, and sat down next to her at the computers. She had some sort of diagram on the screen, a circle divided into several segments, with odd symbols and red and blue lines.
"Now, you are very powerful," she said. "You're gifted. You may not admit it, but you can't hide it from me. You're very gifted with psychic abilities."
"Well, no, because that's not a thing," I said.
"You can deny it, but I see you. Look, right here," she said,"This means you're an empath. You can feel the emotions of others. You could totally be inside me if you wanted."
"Um...."
"Now, you're a Leo, right?" She pointed at another place on the chart. "Your Mercury is in Virgo. That means you're a fire sign. You're really hot."
"....And what's that mean?"
"You're a very intense person," she said.
I nodded. "I have been called intense."
"I'm a water sign. I'm wet."
Did she realize she was doing this? I said,"Um....."
"Now, let me show you this," she said. "We can take these signs, get their numerical values, and add them up. It's all math."
"No wonder I don't understand it."
"The value here is sixty-nine. You feel me? You're an empath, and very powerful, whether you admit it or not. We can even combine the charts to show how alike we are. Here, let's see what happens if we put you on top of me."
I closed my eyes.
She continued,"Now, let's take a look at Uranus---"
I stood up.
"I better get back to work."
I retreated to my desk and checked my messages. Kara had sent one; she couldn't make the Teen Paranormal meeting. I took a few minutes to send an e-mail to Resurrection Casey, with some instruction on how to look for ghosts. Then I stood up and paced a little; my family was still out of town, so I was feeling a little off.
I checked to see if there were any books to process. Nothing. No pending articles to be written, no new comments on the haunted stuff I'd written for the PA Wilds. I needed a quest. I have no life. Someone had to be more pathetic than this. There had to be someone out there with less of a life than me, and I was determined to find that person.
Halfway down the hall, it occurred to me that it might be the chick with the horoscopes, and I returned to my desk.
There was another message waiting for me. My old friend and former intern Chris was back in town, and he was asking if I was working.
I thought a moment, then got out my cell phone.
"Hey, Chris. You wanna come to a meeting?"
I stood in front of the kids, at the head of the table in the Sloan Room. Chris was sitting to my left, and Alex, Aubree, Caitie, Skylar, and Olivia sat around the table. My regulars.
"Guys, good to see you," I said. "Tonight we're gonna learn how to do a responsible investigation. I have my equipment with me." On the table in front of me, I had my camera, recorder, EMF detector, and laser thermometer. I was wearing my LHPS uniform, with the leg rig containing some of my stuff. "I'm going to teach you guys how to use this....And then we're gonna go upstairs, into the attic, and do an actual investigation."
Aubree grinned at me. "I got a recorder, too. I brought it along."
"Excellent," I said. "You guys might as well just go buy all this stuff immediately....You're gonna end up with it all anyway, so you might as well get it over with. Let me show you how this all works."
The Ross Library's attic was old. Like 1887 old. And it hadn't been upgraded too much during that time. The kids followed me up the stairs into the dusty five-room attic, and I opened the door to one of the storage rooms and walked in.
"First, get photos. Every conceivable angle. Get some EMF readings, and use the thermometer to get a baseline temperature. Check everything before we settle into the EVP session."
"I'm showing about seventy-eight," said Chris, who was handling my laser thermometer.
"That sounds about right," I said.
"Can I use your camera?" asked Alex.
"Sure, go ahead. Get photos all over the room." I handed it to him, and he headed off with Skylar, clicking pictures.
Aubree turned on her recorder. "I'm gonna get everything."
"Good. Good. Remember to tag all the intrusive noises from outside, and leave plenty of space for possible answers."
"Think we're gonna get any activity tonight?" asked Caitie.
"You never know," I said. "It's happened before. And they've been working on the windows lately---Construction can make the ghosts act up; sometimes they don't like it. So it's possible."
"Will we hear anything?"
"We have the recorders running right now," I said. "But remember, sometimes you don't hear anything until later. It's what they never show you on the TV shows---The review is important. You have to play this all back; a lot of the evidence comes from what you find after the actual investigation is over."
"I got a weird picture," Olivia said.
She held up her cell phone, and I looked it over. It showed one wall of the room with a weird streak of light.
"Get a temperature reading and some EMFs over here," I said. "Take more photos. Check this."
Aubree and Alex moved in, getting photos and checking with the EMF detector. Aubree said,"I'm getting a bit of a reading."
I nodded, and looked at my watch. "We're almost out of time tonight, guys. But we may have something here. You did good. I'm proud of you."
"Daddy!" The staff door at the library opened, and my son came running in. He was followed by my wife as he raced across the floor. "We're home!"
I picked him up and hugged him. "Welcome back, little man. I'm glad to see you."
"Did Sissy get me a surprise? What is it?"
"You'll see it when you get home. Also, I got you some more little gumball machine dogs for your collection. They're on the table."
"Thank you, Daddy!"
"So, did you have fun in Georgia?"
"Yes! But I misseded you, Daddy!"
I picked him up and hugged him again.
"I misseded you too, little guy."
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