Little Treasures

"...I never wanna hear you say....I want it that way!"

This would have been okay if it had been coming from the SUV's radio, but it was not. The radio wasn't even on. The song was coming from Paul and his little friend Serina, sitting in the back of the vehicle with Tif.

"Sing louder!"

"You sing louder!"

"You do too much!"

"You do too much!"

We were halfway to Lancaster County, and this had been about typical for the trip.

I turned in my seat, hoping to forestall further performances. "So we'll be at the camp pretty soon, you two. We'll check in at the cabin, and you guys can go play in the pool a while. I got some stuff to do later, if you like."

"There's ghosts, right?" Paul asked.

"That's right. In one book, I found a legend of the ghost of an old farmer, who rides around on a glowing tractor. That's real near the camp, so we can walk around and take a look. We'll be in Columbia again visiting the Turkey Hill Experience, so we can make a stop and look for the Albatwitch. And there's a buried treasure down in Lancaster County, too."

"Yay!" said Serina. "Buried treasure!"

"Back in the 1700s, robbers used to steal from people traveling in the area. They hid the loot, and many of them never went back for it."

"Like pirate treasure!" Serina said. "X marks the spot!"

"Well, this should be pretty well hidden, and it's said to be guarded by a Native American ghost. But yes. We can go looking for that, if we like."

"Okay," said Paul. "But first the pool."

"We'll have plenty of time; you can swim in the pool. But when you feel like investigating, I brought some of my equipment."

"How long until we get there?" asked Paul.

I glanced at my watch. "About another hour."

"You are....My fire...My one....Desire...."

The cabin was a small, one-room thing with a couple of bunk beds. We'd brought a lawn chair for Tif, who decided she wanted to sleep outside on the porch. When I'm traveling, I make an effort to remain somewhat organized, so that most of my stuff is already packed at any given time. By contrast, the kids had their clothes scattered on the floor within moments of entering the cabin.

By nightfall, they'd already spent a couple of hours in the pool. Both of them were sitting on their bunks, and I figured I'd go out exploring. I pulled my paranormal bag out from under my bunk, and got out my vest. It was a travel model---Soft, a cryptozoology vest, but that was okay. I pulled it on over my "Paranormal Investigator" shirt, and Serina immediately looked up.

"You're not going out ghost-hunting without us?"

I should have known I'd never get away with that. "You want to come? Get your uniforms on."

Both of them immediately scrabbled for their T-shirts. Paul had an LHPS uniform like I did, but when the neighborhood kids had begun asking for paranormal lessons, I'd had some customized shirts made. Paul's was pink, and Serina's was black. Both had their names, and a logo that said "Ghost Gang."

We left the cabin, and headed into the main camping area. These Yogi Bear camps were heavy on the kid-friendly fun, and we were essentially on the outskirts, in a nice little forested spot. Not far up the road were the bathrooms, and then the big playground. In the dark, we walked to the other end, where the camp ran up against farmland.

There was a fence separating the camp parking lot from the cornfield, but it was a halfhearted effort at best, and we were past it in no time. I said,"This field is where the ghost farmer was sighted. According to one of the books I found, a policeman saw him riding on a glowing tractor, and you could see him shining from miles off."

"I don't see any glowing," commented Paul.

"Me either, yet."

Serina shook her head. "This ghost do too much."

I got out my all-in-one EMF detector. The temperature was holding consistently at sixty-eight, and I wasn't getting so much as a flicker on the EMF. Corn isn't electric. I walked around the edge of the field a while, but nothing came up.

"Looks like the farmer ghost isn't out tonight, guys," I said. "Let's get back to the cabin. You got a big day tomorrow. Time for bed."

The Turkey Hill Ice Cream Museum is basically a huge advertisement for the brand, but well worth seeing. We'd been there before, but it was worth another stop, especially since Serina and Tif hadn't seen it. The kids were running around the second floor, playing on the slide in the big pasteurizing tank, and I was learning that it was somehow five times harder to supervise two kids than one kid. Mathematically that shouldn't happen, but somehow it does.

"I want to go back for another free ice cream sample," said Paul. "Mint chocolate chip this time."

"I'll go, too," said Serina, and off they went to stand in line.

I went and got a sample of raspberry iced tea from the sample bar. (See, I can do product placement, too.) I found Tif in the fake freezer, exploring the place.

"Having fun sleeping outside?" I asked.

"It's peaceful," she said. "I heard coyotes last night. And some kind of owl, I think, but it didn't make the typical noise."

"Screech owl, maybe. Did you fall last night?"

"Nope. I got up, but didn't fall."

"I heard something make a really loud thumping noise outside. I thought it might have been you, but when I looked out the window, you were asleep. I can't figure out what was thudding like that."

"Bigfoot, maybe."

"He has been known to pound on things."

"What's the plan for the rest of the day?"

"On the way home, we'll stop and look for the Albatwitch. Then it's back to the camp, let the kids splash in the pool all day."

"That Albatwitch. Isn't that a mini-Bigfoot?"

"It is. They steal apples from orchards. The name comes from the German, meaning Apple witch."
"Oh, I like that."

"We took a shot once before, but it was during the Albatwitch Festival. It's never going to appear with thousands of people around. We'll try today, while it's quieter. And it's under an overpass---You know cryptids love overpasses. They can't get enough of them."

"Why is that?"

"They look blurrier from up there."

With Paul and Serina behind me, I hiked into the forest. As we climbed down to the creek, Serina knelt down on a rock. "What kind of shell is this?"

I glanced at it. "That's a mussel shell. Kind of like a clam."

"There's a bunch of them. Can we each keep one?"

"Sure, no reason why not. Something's been eating them---Some animal caught these in the Susquehanna, and ate them up here."
"The Albatwitch?" Paul asked.

"Could be just raccoons, but you never know. Mostly the Albatwitch eats apples, though."

"The Albatwitch do too much."

We crossed the creek, and we were in a grassy field near the Susquehanna River. I could see the Columbia Bridge towering overhead.

"This forest is where the Albatwitch is often sighted," I said. "We'll check around."

"I'll look this way," said Paul.

"Be careful. Stay away from the edge of the river."

Serina followed me down to the path. I said,"This is where we tried last time. We baited it with an apple, but the Albatwitch didn't take the bait that time."

"How do you know where to look?"

"When you want to catch a cryptid, you have to look near water. Every living thing needs water to survive. So in this area, it pays to stick near the forest close to the Susquehanna."

I love the Susquehanna River. It covers like a third of the state. Wherever I go on an adventure, the Susquehanna tends to be somewhere around. This was a wider area of the Susquehanna than I got to see in Lock Haven, but still the same river as home, and there was something comforting about that.

We looped around, and met Paul on the edge of the field. He said,"Something was shaking the trees over there. I watched it for a while."

"Nice work," I said. "You guys ready to go?"

"Got your towels? Water?"

I left the cabin with the kids, and we started walking toward the pool. These Yogi Bear camps look big, but they have everything within a reasonable walking distance. It's a five minute walk over to the pool, the kids' favorite bit.

Serina and Paul went running ahead as we walked. Behind me, a couple of kids were riding bikes, and I turned as one of them hit the corner wrong, skidded, and landed in the gravel. He scraped his knee and began to cry.

I ran over. "Hey, buddy. Here, can you stand up? Let me help."

The other kids gathered around as I helped him stand up. His knee had a minor scrape and was bleeding. I said,"Not too bad. We can take care of that. Are your parents around?"

One of the other kids pointed. "They're right at the camp up there."

"Okay. This'll get you there to show them, and they can put a band-aid on." I dug in my pack for some spray Neosporin. "This will clean it up, and it won't hurt at all. Might be a little cold." I gave him a squirt. "There. Should be okay."

"Thanks!" said a little girl.

I smiled. "No problem."

The kids raced to the pool as I sat down at the table by Michelle. She said,"Kids doing okay?"
"Yeah, they can't wait to get at the water. We got like fifteen towels hanging on the porch railing drying out. We have any plans for the rest of the day?"

"There's a build-a-bear thing in a while, I thought the kids might want to go to that. A dance party and then a movie tonight. You have anything you want to do?"

I shrugged. "Might take a look around for that buried treasure. I know roughly where to look; I been staring at old Lancaster County maps for weeks. There were thieves who used to hide the loot, which means it needs to be near a roadway. Someplace accessible---They meant to go back for it later. Probably near water; everyone needs water to survive."

"And you think it's out there somewhere."

"I know it's out there. Whether or not it's where I figure is the question, but it's worth looking."

"Did you bring a shovel?"

"I brought a folding trowel. If they wanted to retrieve it later, they wouldn't have gone too deep."
"How do you know nobody else found it?"

"It's not a precise science, Michelle."

"I'm going to go get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"Nah, thanks, I'm good. I'll keep an eye on the kids here for a while."

One nice thing about this trip, the mornings weren't too hot and humid. I drank a cup of coffee while I stood over the fire, scrambling some eggs in a pan. 

Tif was looking over the railing of the porch at me. "Is that toothpaste you have on the pan there?"

"It is. I always bring some. Old trick I learned as a kid---You smear toothpaste all over your cookware before you put it on the fire. The toothpaste scorches instead of your pan. Preserves stuff; this cook kit was made in 1975. It's the same one I used as a kid; it's older than you."

"Last day today. You got anything planned?"

"The kids are going to spend most of it at the pool, though there was talk of glitter tattoos later. Personally, I thought I might go out and explore a bit."

"Bye, Dad!" called Paul. "See you later!"

It's been nine years, and I still get a little thrill every time he says Dad. I'll never really get tired of that.

"Aren't you coming?" asked Serina.

"I have to get cleaned up here. I'll catch up with you guys a bit later, see how you're doing. And tonight, I want to burn off the last of the campfire wood. So I'm gonna start a big fire, and you guys can eat marshmallows until you puke."

"You do too much," she said, and raced off after Paul and Michelle.

I walked down to the wash station with the breakfast dishes and washed them. A few years ago, this sort of thing bugged me, but then I realized that nobody else could do it right and I didn't like swimming anyway. I put everything away and straightened up the cabin a bit, then pulled out my uniform and put it on.

Time to do my thing.

I walked down the path, and then veered into the woods. I stopped a moment to check the map, and then continued. At the bottom of the hill, there was a pond, and Stewart Run cut right through the forest about there. I followed it, going southeast. 

If I'd walked along the road, I was looking at a couple of miles of hiking. Assuming I could stick close to Stewart Run, I would be cutting a lot of time off my trip.

It was a nice morning.

I followed the creek downhill, pushing my way through the brush. I couldn't tell at exactly what point it entered the protected natural area nearby, but I followed it to the back road on the map. There, the creek crossed the road, exactly where it had centuries ago.

"X marks the spot," I said softly.

I got out the EMF detector and scouted around a bit, hoping to find some sign of the Native American ghost guarding the place. Nothing. I switched over to temperature, and realized it had dropped to 71.

What the hell? It's getting to be like a hundred and sixty out here. How am I getting a dip like that?
I looked around. There was a cool breeze coming from my left. I followed it, and found the goddamnedest swampiest area I'd ever seen. It was coated with mud and muck, enough to suck me down like quicksand. On the other side there was a rock outcropping, and that seemed to be where the breeze was coming from.

Swamps can contain their own fixes, if you look hard enough. The ground is wet and soft, but not solid enough to support trees. I selected a decent-looking tree and braced myself between it and a rock. They'll grow 'em, but they won't support 'em.

I shoved, and the tree uprooted and went over. It crashed across the swamp, giving me a small bridge to use. I balanced my way across to the rock outcropping.

Standing on stable rock, I examined it. The breeze seemed to be coming from behind a decent-sized flat rock. I got out a small prybar and worked my way around, wiggling it free, and then pulled it out. And, bam, there it was. A small cavern, hidden behind the rock.

I got a small flashlight out of my vest pocket and shined it inside, examining the interior. 

That looks pretty precarious to me. That whole thing could collapse, and three hundred years of neglect hasn't helped any. 

On the other hand, it is a good place to hide a buried treasure.

I crawled inside. Slow, careful. If I fucked this up, I could get buried like Fort Reed, and nobody even knew where to look for me. Probably I should have told someone where I was going. A few feet back, it opened up more, and I was able to get up and walk crouched over.

At the far end, there was a flat rock sitting on the ground. A small package was on it, folded paper tied up with string.

When I reached out and picked it up, the whole thing fell apart. Inside was a handful of small metallic nuggets, sparkling in the flashlight.

Brushing the dirt and dust off, I examined them.

We got a storm that night. The kids were out at the movie when it started to rain, and I went down and walked them back home. When we got back to the cabin, it really began to pour.

"We're gonna die," commented Serina, lying on the top bunk.

"Nobody dies," I said. "It's just a storm. We've been through it before. Having started with one last year, I much prefer getting the storm at the end of the trip."

"Do we have to go to bed yet?" asked Paul.

"Well, first, I have an announcement," I said. "You remember that buried treasure? Good news and bad news. This morning, I did some hiking, and I found it." I brought out the handful of nuggets.

"What's the bad news?" asked Serina.

"Well, this isn't gold. It's iron pyrite. Fool's gold. The robbers a long time ago didn't know the difference---They stole this, and hid it, but it's not valuable."

Paul turned a nugget over in his hand, looking it over. "Can I have some of this?"

"Sure. You can add it to your rock collection."

"You do too much," said Serina.

"You do too much."

Paul and Serina climbed up on the bunk together, looking it over. Eventually, they turned to their tablets, and began watching some silly video online. I'd begun the summer wishing they'd have a good one, and it seemed to have happened. I watched them, two best friends, being little kids for a while. The only treasures I'd ever really needed to discover.

"Bedtime soon, guys," I said. "I want everyone to get lots of sleep. We have a big day tomorrow---We're heading home."

Haunted Knights

"Do you like dogs?" the woman asked from behind the screen door.

"Love them," I said.

She opened the door, and we walked in to be greeted by her two German Shepherds. Paul followed me, and my friend Justin showed up a moment later.

"Paul, you remember Justin," I said. "He's my only lawyer friend."

Justin laughed. He said to the woman,"So you found some gravestones from the old Great Island Cemetery?"

"They're all over my back yard," she said. "I read one of Lou's columns, and I know that Great Island Cemetery was right across the street from here..."

"Removed in 1919," I said. "Not all of the gravestones were found. Not all of the bodies, either."

"They're this way," she said.

We went out in the back yard. By the alley, she indicated a stone face-down in the dirt. I carefully overturned it and brushed it off. The name was Zachariah Naul.

"Zachariah Naul," said Justin. "Not familiar with that one."
I pulled out the CCGS cemetery index book. "No mention in the records. This is a new one."

"Ah, you brought that," said Justin. "Good job."

"I wanted to come prepared." Paul was using his tablet to take photos of the stone.

Inside the fence was a stone that had been used as part of a walkway. I overturned it, with the lady cautioning me,"Don't hurt yourself."

"Don't worry. If I'm gonna get injured, this is how I want to do it."
The stone was for Clarissa Mahan. I flipped the pages. "No Clarissa. We have a Chrissie Mahan, which sounds way to modern for 1855....The dates match."

"Probably we got that off the terrible handwriting everything was written in back then," said Justin. "Wasn't this from the Mahan Hotel?"
"Could be---This could be the aunt of town founder Jerry Church's daughter. This is big."

There was a footstone with the initials J.R. Sitting on the swing, Paul took the book and flipped through. "I found a John Raab," he called out.

"Very possible," I said. "Nice work."
"We can perhaps have these placed in Highland Cemetery," Justin said. "That would be historically authentic."

"I'll talk to Highland Cemetery," I said.

"This is incredible."

I agreed,"Best Wednesday night I've had in a while."

I pulled my tac vest off the hanger, folded it, and tucked it into my black bag. I packed up my infrared reader and added that, too. Extra batteries, first aid kit, knife....I was ready.

I walked downstairs and then outside to check on the kids. They were all on the sidewalk, riding scooters and bikes, and it appeared that there were at least fifty. Then they slowed down, and it turned out there were only five of them---My son, the little girls from next door, and their cousin.

They gathered around. Seriya said,"Lou! Since you made ghost-hunting shirts for Paul and Serina, can we have some too?"

"I can do that," I said. "I'll teach you guys how to use the equipment, and do some ghost-hunting. How's that?"

Love's eyes widened. "Do you really catch ghosts?"

"I'm with a team. I have an investigation tonight."

"Can I come?" she asked.

I smiled. "This one's just for the adults. It's for the LHPS team."

"Can I come?" asked Paul.

"Not this time, little guy."

"I'm on the team."

"Well, you're kind of the sidekick. You can stay up and wait for me, though, how's that? You can watch TV until I get home."
"Okay."

 As evening approached, I grabbed my stuff, got on my bike, and biked downtown. I rode through Lock Haven to Main Street---I love looking at Lock Haven. All these years, and I am not yet tired of looking at the buildings, the streets, all the unique bits of the city. I parked on East Main Street, and walked into White Knights Game Shop.

Tami was already there, with her kid, Juno. The owner of the building, Alex, shook my hand.

"Thanks for coming to investigate, Lou," he said. "Always good to see you."

"Same," I said. "Thanks for letting us come in. I did the research---That's going to be yours to keep. This place was built for Jacob Kamp and his family. He was a shoe salesman. He lost three children---Two babies, and a thirteen-year-old daughter named Nannie. That was typhoid. They're all buried in Highland Cemetery. So those are my biggest suspects."

"Thanks," said Alex. "That's more information than my wife could find."

"Sometimes it's just knowing where to look." I turned to Tami. "How's the campaign going?"

"It's going," she said. "I'm planning on not going door to door; a lot of people have indicated they hate that. I'll be reaching out to the public by attending a lot of events, instead."
"Good idea," I said as Ashlin came into the shop as Alex was leaving. "You should publicize that's the reason. We still have your sign in our yard. It's stood up to a lot of abuse this summer. Smoke, storms, children...."

Tami grinned. "Come October, I'll have to shell out for a lot more signs."

I heard a small knock behind me, and I turned. Nothing. Just a little, immediate sound by the bulletin board. "Did you---"

"Yeah," Tami said. "I heard it." She set her EMF detector down on the glass counter, and it immediately began to flicker. Green lights went to yellow unpredictably. She said,"Whoa..."
"That's unexpected," I said. "We're starting already. Let me do a test."

I pulled out mine, moved it around the area, and got nothing. I shrugged into my tac vest, pulling on the skull gloves. It always feels good to be in uniform. Tami said,"I'm activating my recorder. July twenty-ninth, at White Nights Game Room. Tami."

"Lou."

"Ashlin."

"Juno."

"Is there anyone here?"

 The lights flickered for a moment, and then stopped.

"I can't see anything that would set off the EMF," I said. "I'm going to go around and get photos."
I circulated around the room, snapping photos with my camera. The place was intensely neat, with dragons and dice and Star Wars characters in every direction. I stopped by a suit of armor, checking around with my EMF detector, and then moved on along the wall, by a herd of Owlbears and a couple of castles.

"This place is pretty well insulated," I commented. "I've been in some old buildings that are just bleeding EMFs. but this isn't like that. I'm not getting much, which makes these flickers especially weird."

"We don't even have an electric register on this counter," said Juno. "Just a small cashbox."

I flashed around with the laser thermometer. "Temperature baseline steady at sixty-nine."

"That's how Alex always leaves it set," said Juno. "It's a little chilly."
"Actually I kinda like it," I said. "In the summer, a lot of the time, wearing the tactical vest dehydrates me. This isn't too bad."

Tami was looking over the Historic Resource Survey Form I'd supplied. "It looks like the family may have run the store in this part, and lived in the back."

"Well," I said,"Why don't we check it out back there, then?"

The back room was a small place, with a sink and cabinets, and four tables set almost randomly, surrounded by chairs. Tami dropped into one, and we joined her around the table. Her digital recorder was already going.

I set mine next to it. "What Knights, first floor rear, July twenty-ninth, 9:01 PM." I gave it a moment while I set my EMF detector down. "Is anyone here with us?"

"Did you live here?" asked Tami.

There was a flicker---Up to yellow. I glanced around. "Nothing electric. Nothing that would set this off."

"Are you Nannie?" asked Tami.

"Are you Catherine?" asked Ashlin.

It went to orange. Just for a second, and then back.

"Catherine did die at forty-three," I commented. "That's awfully young to die."
"Did you work in here?"
Yellow.

"Do you miss your children?" I asked.

Yellow.

"Would you like us to visit your grave sometime?"

Yellow.

"This is a lot of EMF activity," I said. "I don't think I've ever seen the detectors get this active on an investigation."
"It's a good one," Tami agreed.

We folded at about ten, and got packed up. I biked through the city, now dark and much quieter. Up Church Street, along Bald Eagle, and then into Grouse Alley. I parked my bike behind the house and walked in.

Paul was sitting on the couch, watching TV and talking on his phone. Butters and Rosie were curled up with him. He looked up when I walked into the room. "Oh, hi, Daddy. How was the investigation?"

"It was good," I said. "A lot of activity on the EMF."
"Love!" said Paul. "My dad says they might have had a ghost! A lot of activity on the EMF!"

"I'm gonna get changed out of my uniform," I said. "Then I'll be down to join you. Think I'll have a beer---I still have some left from the ones Bre and Tami gave me."

"Okay, Daddy," said Paul. "I'll be right here."

Chasing Waterfalls

My alarm went off at four in the morning, and I jumped out of bed in my DC pajamas and turned it off. Still in the bed, my wife rolled over and groaned.

"I'll get the kid," I said, and left the bedroom.

Paul's room is down the hall. I entered the room, where Rosie and Butters were in bed with him. Both of the dogs popped awake when I came in. Paul did not; I had to shake him gently.

"Hop up, buddy," I said. "Today's the day. Your mom's bus trip to Niagara Falls."

Every now and again, Michelle's company has a bus trip for morale purposes. We've been to Maryland, New Jersey, and Delaware in the past. This trip was to Niagara Falls.

"Daddy, can I have another Slim Jim?" Paul asked from across the aisle.

I passed him one. I'd learned from our last trip, and packed up a huge bag of snacks and water bottles. "We just left Pennsylvania," I said. "I saw the sign. We're in New York state now. You're going to like Niagara Falls, little man."

"What is it really?"

"It's some huge waterfalls. They're awesome; you're going to love it. And there are three islands up there---They're on the south end of Goat Island, and they're called Three Sisters Islands. They're said to be haunted by Native American spirits, so we're going to check that out, as well."

"Cool," said Paul. "How long until we get there?"
"Well, I'm glad you brought your tablet. Gonna be a couple of hours. I'll be looking out the window for Bigfoot, the Coney Island Creature....What other cryptids are in New York? Couple of sewergators, maybe."

We got off the bus about ten AM, after a four-hour ride straight through. Immediately I felt the mist from the falls on my face as I walked along the sidewalk. The nearest of the falls was at least a quarter-mile from me, but I could feel the water droplets in the air.

"Everything's wet here," I observed.

"I think we should start by getting something to eat," said Michelle. "We never did get breakfast."

"According to the map, there's food right over there."

I slung my small pack over my shoulder. I'd come prepared---My usual go bag was in the bus, with most of my stuff in it. Not wanting to carry the whole thing around all day, I'd used a trick I'd discovered on a trip to Georgia a few years ago. I'd taken a much smaller shoulder bag, dropped a map, camera, and EMF detector into it, and packed it inside the go bag. When we'd arrived, I'd pulled the small bag out of the big one, and only carried it around. I was prepared without having to haul a lot of heavy stuff all day.

We walked along the railing, by the falls. I said,"Look, kiddo. See over there? That's Canada. If you jumped in the water and swam over there---Don't do it because you would drown, but if you did, you wouldn't be in America anymore. You'd be in Canada."

"I want to learn to talk Canada," said Paul.

"Well, they speak English over there, but also French. You'd have to learn French."

"Oui."

It always amazes me how travel works. Like, all you have to do is make the arrangements and then be patient, and you can just be someplace. Someplace you've heard about your whole life. Like Niagara Falls. 

We passed a statue of Nikola Tesla. I said,"Check it out, Pipper. That's Nikola Tesla, one of the best scientists ever. He invented an earthquake machine once. If anyone knew how to find aliens, it was Tesla."

"Cool."

We walked over and got our food, sitting at an outdoor picnic area. I had a hot dog, and Paul had a thick pizza. He tossed a piece of crust to the little birds hopping around, and they started picking at it.

"Birds in places like this get used to humans," I said. "They're not scared of much. Look, there's a pigeon. They're ballsy city birds."

"What do they do?" Paul asked.

"Mug you for that pizza you're eating."

He tossed another piece of crust to the pigeon, who hopped over and began pecking at it. Paul watched with some fascination as the birds gathered for food; he wasn't the only one feeding them.

"I want to try the Cave of the Winds," Michelle said. "Apparently you can get right up under the waterfalls."

"Sounds good to me," I said. "I want to get to Three Sisters Islands sometime today, but it can be whenever."

We stood up and picked up our trash.

"Nice meeting you, birds," said Paul.

The Cave of the Winds isn't a cave in the strictest sense. We took an elevator to a tunnel, walked out, and put on some cheap ponchos handed out from a booth. Then we walked down a path to a series of stairs and decks that were, essentially, under Niagara Falls, exactly where you could get splashed as you walk, in case that was a priority.

I was soaked to the knees within the first few yards. Ordinarily I'd be annoyed that my sneakers got wet, but I'd expected this. No point visiting Niagara Falls and attempting to stay dry. I was kind of glad I had my pack under my poncho.

Paul, however, was loving it. He was racing into the wettest, splashiest areas and laughing like hell. 

We walked up a set of stairs---I took a moment to wonder how often they had to replace wet and rotted pieces---And we were standing on a huge deck, one corner of which was more or less under the falls entirely.

Paul ran over and stood underneath it, getting drenched. I could barely see him under the cascading water. He emerged a moment later, pulling off his poncho.

"This is going to take forever to dry," he said.

"Maybe not that long," I said. "Some of your back didn't even get wet."

He handed me his poncho.

"Hold this," he said, and ran right back under.

A moment later, he was back, this time soaked completely. He strode out of the falls and said,"Can we get more pizza?"

"Next stop---Three Sisters Island."

The trolley pulled up at the little booth, and we got off. I was saying,"I don't get it. Everything else is outrageously priced here, because it's a tourism spot. Five dollars for water. Ten for a hot dog. Sixty for admission to the Cave of the Winds. But an all-day pass for the trolley? Three bucks will do."

There was a pretty stone bridge going over to Three Sisters Island. We walked across it, Paul and I looking over the edge and into the rushing water. And then we were over on the island. which was nice and grown up with trees and plants.

I got out my EMF detector and turned it on. I'd brought the travel model, the little all-in-one with a thermometer included, which makes it easier to carry than a whole bag full of equipment. I got nothing, no EMF readings. The temperature was seventy-nine, which felt about right.

"There are snakes down there," a couple warned us as we passed an observation platform. 

Niagara Falls. Slowly I turned....Step by step, inch by inch....I looked down at the platform, and there were three fat gray snakes curled on the the rocks.

"Holy shit. Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

"They're not poisonous."

"I'll never get close enough to find out."

"Cool!" said Paul, leaning over to look at the snakes. One of them crawled in between the rocks, hiding itself.

I collared Paul and moved back, checking with my EMF detector. Nothing. We walked down the path, across to the second island. Two snakes sat on rocks below the bridge, in full view.

"This whole goddamn island is infested with snakes," I said.

I skirted the edge, staying away from anywhere the snake could, you know, reach up and grab me. Still no readings on the EMF; it was a pretty peaceful place.

"I think we're on the second island now," I said. "These are said to be haunted by a Native American ghost. The Iroquois believed there was a Mighty Thunder spirit who lurked on this island."

"I think we're on the third island," said Paul.

I checked the map. "You may be right."

A moment later, the path ran out, ending in a small observation point. I stopped, set my EMF detector down, and looked out over the water.

"It's beautiful," said Michelle.

"It is," I agreed.

"What's that over there?" she asked.

I glanced north. "Looks like a hydroelectric dam. I can't be sure, but it's probably what Dad would tell me."

"I thought it might be."

My EMF detector was registering a few flickers. I thought it through for a second, and then decided that an electrical field was not the wildest discovery just downstream from a hydroelectric dam. 

And then it all fell into place.

"Come on, let's go back," said Paul, walking back up the path.

Michelle and I followed. I said,"So I can see where some of the ghost stories come from. Old Native American legends originally. Then, as people began investigating....Well, EMFs and orbs are not too unlikely on an island covered in waterfall mist, just down from a hydroelectric dam."

"You're right," said Michelle. "That makes sense."

"Great trip."
"Daddy! Come on!" Paul called back. "We can get on the next trolley!"

The bus was headed south on the way home. Paul was across the aisle from me, watching his tablet, and I was looking out the window, watching the state of New York go by.

I felt good. Last summer, I'd been something of a mess at the tail end of the COVID crisis, and I'd spent a lot of the summer trying to get my act back together. This summer, things were better. I was feeling good about myself, more confident, and more able to do what I do.

I saw a bright flash in the distance through the left bus window. I reached across the aisle. "Paul! Paul Paul Paul!"

He looked up at me.

I pointed. "Fireworks!"
He turned and looked out the window, and smiled. Bright red and blue fireworks were going off over the mountains, off in the distance. The show went on quite a while as we passed along the highway, and we watched.

Then something caught my attention out my window. I glanced out, spotting a deer along the side of the highway. She looked at the bus for a moment, then turned and dashed off into the woods, gone. I was the only person who'd seen her.

I smiled.

There was always something interesting to discover, no matter what. I was glad I'd seen the deer, fleeting, by the highway. There was something about it, something....peaceful, somehow.

Earth Angel

"I figure the travel vest should do for a one-night camping trip," I said, rolling it i to my backpack. "What do you think, little man?"

"I want the pink sleeping bag," said Paul.

"You can have the pink one," I said. "I got a speech to give at Hyner Run this weekend, but when I'm not doing the speech, we have free time. You wanna help me look for a ghost?"
"Sure."

"The Swamp Angel haunts the are up near Hyner Run," I said. "We've looked for the Swamp Angel before. She was a Native American girl who drowned in the river, and now she haunts the water areas up there, and the legend is that if you need help, you can ask, and she might help you."

"Cool," said Paul. "Can I swim, too?"

"Yeah, they got the pool up there. You can swim, too. And we'll roast a few hot dogs for dinner."

"Can we roast hamburgers?"

"I can manage to fry some hamburgers. We'll have the cooking equipment. Have I ever taught you the egg-in-an-orange trick?"

Paul frowned. "I don't think so."

"For breakfast, you cut an orange in half. You eat the fruit out and leave the peel. Then you crack an egg and it cooks right inside the peel."

"Could we scramble it?"
"I don't see why not."

"That's cool," Paul said, looking impressed.

"Your grandfather taught me that when I was about your age. I'm pretty sure my grandfather taught him."

I sat at my desk, looking at an online map of the greater Hyner area. I was already very familiar with it, but I was bored at work, so, you know. I had a couple of choices---I could go and process some books, or I could prepare for my speech tonight. So I chose to go and look up some stuff about lumbering.

Mills. Good. North Bend had the biggest mill in the county---Even better. I got some index cards and scribbled down a few notes. Claire walked past, and said,"You look busy."

'Work, work, work," I said.

I put the sleeping bags in the SUV while the kids watched. Little Soriayah from next door asked,"Where are you going?"

"We're camping out tonight at Hyner Run," I said. "I've been asked to give a speech up there."

"Wow," she said. "It's almost like you're important!"
"Almost," I agreed.

"No, he is famous," said Serena, her older sister. "He's been in books, and he gives tours, and is friends with the mayor."

I put my pack in, the big green pack I used for camping. "We might look into some ghosts while we're there, too."

"Because we always do that," said Paul.

"This is our campsite," I said, getting out of the SUV. I looked around. "Hey, kid, guess what? We got a bridge."

There was a tree that had fallen over Hyner Run, stretching from one side to the other. Paul looked at it with some fascination. "This is a bridge?"

"Well, nobody exactly planned this, but it's not going anyplace. It'll hold."

Paul walked across it, balancing nicely. He jumped down onto a small rock outcropping in the water. It's kind of nice to see him in these moments; playing like an average little boy.

"I know you guys want to hit the pool," I said. "If you wan to go up and swim, I'll get things set up here."

"Sounds like a good plan," said Michelle.

They headed up to the pool to go swimming. I got the tent out of the SUV. Truth is, I can probably get things set up more efficiently without any help. My Boy Scout troop, when I was a kid, was known as one of the quickest, most efficient groups, and a lot of that had stuck. I got the tent set up easily enough---We'd bought that tent before we were married, and it had been through over twenty years of adventures with us. I looked it over; it was still in good condition, but it was beginning to show signs of wear. Best tent I'd ever had; replacing it one day was going to hurt. Not yet.

I got the cooler out and made myself a sandwich before my speech. I had a little time before showtime, so I checked around and made sure everything was okay. Then I walked up to the pool, where I found my wife and son splashing around.

I knelt beside the pool. "How's it going?" I asked.

Paul held up one thumb, and then dived back down underwater.

I walked up to the picnic area nearby, where Ian was waiting. Ian is the ranger up at Hyner, and has been inviting me to do talks in the state parks for years. We shook hands.

"How are you, my friend?" he asked.

"I'm good, Ian, really good."

"Got the family with you this time?"
"Yeah, they're down enjoying the pool. I got a great speech for you tonight---I think everyone is really going to enjoy it."

"That's good, that's really good. Of course, you always do a really good job. Everyone loves when I get you up here."

"Nice to hear. I can see we have a few lawn chairs, reserving the spaces."

"Yeah, a few people wanted to leave their chairs from the last talk."

"Well, good, we have some front-row seating then."

I walked back to camp after my speech, which had gone well. Paul and Michelle were waiting, dried off.

"Everyone ready for dinner?" I asked.

"I'm pretty hungry," agreed Michelle. Paul went over to the fallen log to play some more.

With minimal difficulty, I got a fire started. Then I got out the cook kit---My dad had given me this. It was the same one we'd used on camping trips when I was a kid, some forty years ago. They made this stuff to last back then.

I clipped together the frying pan and set it on the grill, then threw in half the hot dogs and some hamburger meat. It went much better than I'd expected, the hamburgers frying up in a few minutes. I flipped them over, and then said,"Looks like they're done. Who wants one?"

Paul was first. He smeared ketchup all over his, and tasted it.

"How is it?" I asked.

"It's great!" he said.

I had a hot dog and a hamburger myself; the sandwich had only been enough to get through the speech. We all had enough to eat, and then I cleaned up. Afterward, I had some free time. So I did what I do. I dug into my pack, got out my vest, and pulled it on.

It was one of my travel vests, not the big pre-packed tactical model, which is hard to pack. I wandered downstream, periodically stopping to check things out. I'd managed to work some sort of adventure at Hyner Run in every summer for the past few, looking for cryptids or ghosts. Last year, it had been the Susquehanna Seal. This year, it was the Swamp Angel.

I'd last checked for the Swamp Angel two years ago, when COVID had driven me into a deep depression. I was doing a lot better this time around.

At the far end of the camp was a nice little grassy area, where the creek ran through. It was where I figured the Swamp Angel was most likely to show up. I jumped the guiderail and walked down to the creek.

I got out the all-in-one EMF detector as I walked through the grass. It didn't register, but I kept at it.

Hi, Swamp Angel. How you been? Been a while.

I walked to the edge of the forest, turned around, walked back. I wasn't finding anything, but I was in no rush. It was nice here. Peaceful.

I wandered back up the hill and onto the road. I turned and walked onto the bridge.

Midway across, the EMF detector shot up to red.

I stopped, surprised. There seemed to be a span of bridge where there was a reading---Something invisible, but electric. I backed up, and it went down. Moved ahead, and it came back.

I raised the detector over my head, and it went out. So something at eye level, then.

I picked up a stone and marked an X on the bridge where the reading began. Then I followed it---About three steps---And marked where it ended. There was a span of a few feet where I was getting a reading for no reason.

Except, maybe, the Swamp Angel.

The sun was down, and everything was dark. I was sitting and reading a paperback book by lantern, smoking a celebratory cigar. 

Paul crawled out of the tent. This is common on these camping trips. I've never known him to sleep before eleven when we travel. He sat down in the chair beside me.

"Daddy, I can't sleep," he said.

"Want to sit here with me a while?" I asked.

"Okay. Are there any hamburgers left?"

"A couple. They're in the cooler."

"Can you heat one up for me?"

"Might be possible; we still have some embers in the fire. Let me see what I can do."

"Thank you."

I got a long skewer and started reheating the hamburger. I could hear it start to sizzle almost instantly. "You know, your grandpa and me used to go camping like this. I did a lot of this in the summer when I was a kid."

"You've told me."

"Here's your hamburger," I said. He put it in a bun, started eating, and smiled. And my son and I sat in companionable silence for a while in the night.

Where There's Smoke

"Who wants to make a wish?"

The morning sun was shining, and we were walking down the sidewalk: Me, Paul, and little Serina from next door. The neighbors down the street had put up a fountain in their garden, and we'd taken to throwing pennies in every morning to make a wish. I handed out two pennies, one to each kid.

They whispered their wishes to the pennies, and then tossed them in. Then they took off for the bus stop. I watched as they ran down the street.

"I wish for an interesting summer," I said, and tossed my penny in.

I walked into the charity building---It was an old building on Main Street, and I'd been doing some volunteer work there for a year and a half. I buzzed myself in with my key card and walked into the conference room, where Lacey was doing some work.

She looked up when I came in. "Lou! What can we do for you today?"

"I was hoping someone was available to give me a few lessons," I said. "Since I'm going to work the hotline while you guys are all at the staff retreat on Wednesday, I thought I could use some instructions."

"Oh, sure," she said. "I'll buzz Julie, and see if she's got a moment."

"Thanks. Thought I'd get this in before work---Our annual summer reading theme is kindness and diversity, and I have some programs to plan today. Gonna talk to Cheyenne about doing a couple of programs for me in August."

"I'm sure she'll do that. Got any ghost hunting planned for summer?"

I grinned. "Got a couple of trips planned with Paul. I'll be talking at Hyner View in July, and I figure I'll go after the Swamp Angel while I'm up there. And we're going to Lancaster County in August. Thought I might bring some of my equipment down here on Wednesday, and maybe check the building if it's a little slow."

"That's a good idea," she said. "We always get stuff happening in here."

"Well, the place was built in 1885, so you might figure. I know a couple of people have died in here. Besides, I have a new vest I need to field test. This will be a good opportunity."

The headline in the Express was "Wildfire Smoke Intensifies Across Region," and the story was by Laura and Ari. Smoke from Canada had blown south, and was covering a significant portion of the state. 

I got into the house after work, and Paul was on the couch. I said,"Hey, Paul, want to go out on alien patrol? You should see the smoke out there."
"Okay," he said.

We leashed up Butters and walked outside. As we walked down the street, I could see the haze under the streetlights, which were just beginning to come on. It was worse than I'd realized. Some of the mountains in the distance were barely visible.

"Wow, Daddy," said Paul. "How did this happen?"

"There's a forest fire in Canada, way north of here, that got pretty bad. The wind blew a lot of the smoke down this way."
"How did it start?"
"I don't know, probably because it got too hot and dry up there."

On the Bald Eagle Mountain, there's a kind of zigzag shaped rocky patch where trees won't grow east of Lock Haven. Pilots use it as a guideline to find the Piper Airport. For the first time since moving to Lock Haven over thirty years ago, I couldn't see it from the Hill Section.

"My god," I said. "Where's the Bald Spot? Where is the goddamn Bald Spot?"

I walked into the charity conference room in time at the tail end of the morning staff meeting. Everyone looked up when I entered. I was wearing my purple shirt with the rainbow Mothman on it.

"Shelter Dad's here to save the day," said Alyssa.

I laughed. "Shelter Dad? I may get that put on a T-shirt."

"Still smoking outside?" asked Juli.

"Man, I've never seen Lock Haven like this," I said. "There's smoke everywhere. You can't see the mountains from downtown."

"It's bad all over the county," said Cheyenne. 

"Yeah," Juli agreed,"I can barely breathe out there."
"You guys be careful today," I said. "I'll be here, answering the phones while you're gone."

"Thank you for doing this," said Alyssa.

"I'm glad to," I said. "Anytime I can help out. Brought my new vest and some of my ghost-hunting equipment, in case it gets slow in here. I'll check the building for ghosts in between calls."

Lacey grinned. "Call if you need us. We'll be available by phone. Otherwise, have a good day."

"You, too."

They all filed out, leaving me alone in the building. I closed the window to keep the smoke out. I walked around a couple of minutes, familiarizing myself with everything, and then opened my pack and unrolled the new vest.

I pulled it on, and slipped my equipment into the pockets. With my EMF detector, I walked through the building, checking for readings. I knew the first floor well, but I always got a little lost up above---I hadn't had the opportunity to spend much time on the upper floors. I walked past everyone's offices, watching to see if anything lit up on the EMF. 

I walked through the third floor---I'd been up to Lacey's office before. I looked out a window and studied the city---I could easily see the downtown area from up here, and the low-lying haze that was currently covering it.

I discovered the emergency stairs from the third floor, and walked down them to the back hallway. I wasn't getting any readings. 

I heard the phone ringing, and it occurred to me that I was missing the very thing I was there to do. I ran down the hall and picked up the phone, saying,"Hello, may I help you?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman outside. "I was hoping to make a donation."

"Oh, okay," I said. "I'll be right there."

I stepped out the door. The woman looked at me. 

"Oh my god," she said. "You're Lou."

"I get that a lot."

"I read all of your columns."

"Well, hopefully you're enjoying them."

"What are you doing here?"

"The staff always outsources to a local paranormal investigator when they're not available," I said.

After I collected the donation, I went back to investigating. This time I stayed a bit closer to the phone, just in case. I got a couple of flickers on the EMF, but nothing too serious. Maybe the constant smoke was keeping the ghosts quiet, too.

"Why are we coming up here?" Paul asked as Michelle pulled up at the top of Highland Cemetery. 

"I wanted to get a look from up above the city," I said. "This is about as high as I could think to go."

I got out of the car. I could see the Hopkins graves, Soldier's Circle, Shoemaker. I looked at the city, down below, and the smoke blocking out most of the usual view.

I climbed up the statue of Peter Meitzler, grabbing his right ankle for support. Looking out to the north, I could barely see the river. There was nothing visible anywhere.

Just the smoke.

I climbed down and got back in the car. Paul asked,"Are we done?"

"Yeah," I said. "Seen what I needed to for now."

Paul was taking his shower when Michelle called up,"Lou? Bre's here!"
I walked downstairs, and out the door. Bre was standing beside her car with the back hatch opened, and several huge cases of beer inside.

"How's Tami's campaign going?" I asked. I still had her purple political sign up in my yard.

"She's getting there. Doing surveys to see what people want in a candidate. Attending some community events."

"She has my vote. Do I want to know what's with a trunk full of beer?"

"Well, I thought you might be able to use these," said Bre.

I'm pretty sure my eyes lit up. "You thought right. Where'd they come from?"
"I'm helping out a nonprofit that was selling these. But they had to cancel when COVID hit, and now it's expired. They can't legally sell them now, but they didn't want to waste them."

"I can handle expired beer. If they've been kept at a consistent temperature, it really doesn't make a lot of difference."

"Well, they're all yours."

"Sam Adams, Blue Moon....Some of my favorites." I lifted a case out of her vehicle. "This is great. Just in case the smoke keeps me trapped in the house, I'm prepared now."

I biked downtown a few days later, in the blessedly much cleaner air. I parked outside the charity and buzzed myself in. Most of the staff was in the conference room.

"Hi, guys," I said. "Thought I'd drop by on my way to work, see if anyone needed anything."

"You gonna check for ghosts?" asked Julie.

I got my EMF detector out of my pack. "Well, I thought I might look around a bit. Finish up what I started the other day, you know?"

"Oooh, check my office," said Lacey. "Stuff moves around up there."

"Oh, great," commented one of the Hannahs. "That's nice to know for when I'm up there alone."
Sass grinned. "Go ahead, you have the run of the place. Let us know what you find."

"Thanks."

I walked down the hall, doing the usual thing with the EMF detector. It's my small all-in-one, and I switched it over to temperature for a minute, but then I didn't get much of a reading and switched it back.

I went upstairs, checked around the second floor for a while. Then I walked back downstairs, and into the kitchen area. 

And suddenly, in the middle of the room, the thing lit up.

All the way to red. I looked around, but there was nothing nearby that would explain it. No cords, no electronics.

I turned and walked back to the conference room.

"Find anything?" asked Juli.

"I got one hell of a spike on the EMF back in the kitchen," I said. "Could be something. Sometimes, when it's a public sort of building, I've known the ghosts to kind of lay low for a while before showing themselves to anyone new. Could be that's why I didn't see anything the other day. I think it's a case of that."

"So they're being shy," said Lacey.

"Yeah," I said. "But they'll get used to me."

I walked down the street with Paul, doing our nightly alien patrol. He had his flashlight out, and I was checking the skies for UFOs. Paul said,"The smoke's gone."

"It's gone," I agreed. "We had a couple of bad days there, but we've had some wind and rain, and that took care of it."

"Will it come back?"
"I doubt it," I said. "Most likely, we won't have to worry about the smoke anymore. Should be okay."

As we approached the house, Paul asked,"Can I stay up late with you tonight, Daddy?"

"Sure," I said. "Let's watch a movie together. And I think I'll have a beer."

Shell Game

When I went into the PA Room to look at the naturalization index, Claire was at work in there. Looking up at me, she asked,"How's it going?"

"Not great," I said. "I got a message from my sister over the weekend. My cousin Wendy died."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "Was it sudden?"

"Yeah. They don't know what caused it. They're doing an autopsy."

"Was she very young?"

"Much younger than me." I sat down across the table from Claire. "I've been a mess. I broke down and started crying during an episode of Battlestar Galactica this morning; how fucking pathetic is that?"

"Understandable. There are worse things to break down during."

"My mother died twenty years ago this month. On the fifth. So I've been a mess."

My phone buzzed, and I walked over and picked it up. "Hello."

"Hey, Lou, it's Chris."

"Hey!" This was a welcome call. "What's up?"

"You guys doing anything for Memorial Day?"

"I don't know, thought I might grill something."

"You want to come over? We're having some people. I'll be grilling, and we'll have some drinks. All you have to bring is a side dish."

"That sounds great. I'll tell Michelle. Hey, you mind if Paul and I bring our equipment and investigate your house? It's been a little slow lately."

"Sure, no problem. You didn't really think I'd say no, did you?"

"Nah, I knew you'd be okay with it. But I figured it's only polite to ask."

"You remember our house was owned by that guy who owned a seafood place on Grove Street, right? The one they called the Oyster King?"
"Yeah, I remember that. You wrote a column about it a while ago."

"Maybe you'll find his ghost."

"Or the ghost of twelve thousand dead oysters. See you Monday."

A few years back, Chris and his wife Kate had bought a house out in Woodward Township. It was a great place, with a lot of grass, and some garden area. They'd taken to having some nice holiday celebrations, and we arrived with my ghost-hunting bag and some Greek pasta salad.

Tif rolled into the yard near the picnic table, and Paul immediately found the sprinkler to play in. I picked up an iced tea and joined Chris near the grill. 

"How's it going?" he asked. "Making any progress on the Dent's Run gold yet?"

"Very funny. I did have a guy call me about the Joincaire gold last week. He saw one of my articles and wanted to know what other information I had. It never occurs to any of these guys that if I had information leading to a buried treasure, I wouldn't be writing about it for seventy-five dollars a shot."

"Hey, Lou, are you the guy who keeps referring people to me for Keating information?" asked Rich, a retired teacher from the Chapman Township area. "I get these calls from people asking all the time."

"Yeah, some of that probably did come from me," I admitted. "People call me about this stuff, and sometimes I need to send them to a specialist. I'm pretty good in general, but I have the whole county to memorize."

"Food's ready," said Chris. "Everyone gather round."

Paul already had a plate full of chips and watermelon. He added a hot dog and sat down on a bench. I got a hamburger and some pasta salad, picked up a Coors Light out of the cooler, and sat down with him.

"I'm sorry about your cousin Wendy, Daddy," he said.

"Thanks, little guy. I appreciate that."

"Your mom died in May, too, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Twenty years ago this month."

"I never got to meet my grandmother," said Paul. "Sometimes that makes me sad."

"Me, too." Though my mother would have been full of unhelpful and unsolicited parenting advice. "If you like, sometime later we can sit down and I'll show you pictures of her. I can tell you about her."

"Okay." Paul leaned over and hugged me, then kissed my cheek. He doesn't do that as much as he used to.

So I did what I always do when I'm a mess. 

"Hey, kid. After we eat, you want me to get the stuff, and we can investigate Uncle Chris's house?"
"Yeah."

After my hamburger, and another hamburger, and then a hot dog, I walked to the vehicle and got our black bag. I'd brought the big one, with both of our tac vests in it. I hauled it back and set it on the bench.

Paul and I pulled on our tac vests. I was wearing my T-shirt with all the cryptids in America on a map, and I zipped the vest over it. One of the guests, Jeremy, said,"Now, those are pretty neat."

While Tif was taking a photo of Paul, I said,"This one is pretty carefully curated. In past years, I tried everything---Bags, belts....Finally I discovered these. I have a UFO version, and a couple of travel models. This one has all my equipment, and custom-made patches to show where I put things." I lifted the flap on the pocket for my EMF detector, showing the blue lettering saying EMF.

"That's pretty cool," said Jeremy. "Is that velcro?"

"Yep!" I tore it partway off to demonstrate. "So I can change them around if necessary."

"Well, that's pretty neat."

"Hey, Chris!" I called. "We're gonna go check your house for ghosts, okay?"

"All yours," Chris called back. "Go nuts."

"Cool! I wanna look for ghosts!" said a kid playing with some of the beach balls.

I waved my hand. "Sure. Come on."

"No." His mom waved him over. "You just let them do what they do, okay? Leave them alone."

"But mom---"

"No. You leave them alone."

The kid trudged off. I said to the mom,"I actually don't mind if you don't."

"We don't get into that. Because of my faith---" Oh shit. "---I don't want him opening those doors and letting something through."
It doesn't work like that, not even remotely, but I have long since given up trying to educate these types. I said,"Come on, Paul. Let's go find some ghosts."

We went into the house. We'd been there before, plenty of times, mostly for Halloweens and Independence Days. We'd never investigated, though. So holding our laser thermometers and EMF detectors, we moved through the first floor, checking for readings.

"Uncle Chris has been doing a lot of work on the house," I said. "So you know how that can sometimes stir up ghosts."

Paul nodded. "Yeah."

"No temperature fluctuations yet. No EMF readings. Uncle Chris has been doing a nice job on the wiring."

Chris came in behind us. "Hey, guys. Are you recording yet?"

Chris knows how it works. "Nah, not yet. Taking some readings."

"We have some activity in this corner." Chris pointed to the southeast corner of the first floor. "And the cat is always staring at that corner. The cat is probably behind that curtain right now."

I aimed my thermal imager at the window, and saw the small eat blob curled up behind the curtain. "Yeah, she's there."

With that, the cat came out, took one look at us, and escaped into the other room.

Chris laughed. "I'll leave you guys to it."

He went back out to the grill. I turned to Paul. "You want to investigate the basement? It's probably cooler down there."
"Yeah. Let's check the basement."

We wandered down the stairs into the basement, checking with our equipment. I said,"I'm getting a temperature drop over there. In that corner."

Paul checked with his EMF detector. "It goes to orange, Daddy."

"Yeah, we got something."

The cat came down the stairs behind us, and sat on the steps watching us for a moment. I said,"Well, aren't you cute?" and walked over to pet her. She sat and let us pet her for a moment.

When we got back outside, everyone had gathered around the picnic table. I unzipped my vest---I hate it that way; it looks stupid, but it was hot out---And I got another Coors Light. I sat down in one of the lawn chairs.

"Find anything?" asked Chris.

"We're getting some readings in the basement, on the corner near the exterior door."

"This one here?" Kate gestured toward the corner of the house. I glanced over and saw the basement door, covered with a tarp, which I'd missed before.

"Yeah. that's the one."

"The woman in the house died on the second floor in that corner," said Kate. "Her funeral was held on the first floor, in that corner."

I looked over at the house.

"Now, that's interesting."

I held up a fist to Paul, and he fist-bumped me.

The festivities were over, and it was late. I was sitting on the couch downstairs, with Emily the hamster running around in her cage. Probably Ida around, too---Chris wasn't the only one living with a ghost. I was trying to get through Battlestar Galactica again.

"Daddy?"

Paul was coming down the stairs. I said,"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"I can't sleep. The dogs keep moving around."

"Want to hear about your grandmother?"

"Okay."

Paul sat down beside me, and I got out our wedding album. I flipped to a family photo.

"There she is. My mom. See how she's helping Mommy with her wedding dress? She sewed that dress. It was actually the last thing she ever sewed."

"Is this Uncle Jon?"

"It is. But he doesn't have his beard in the photo." I turned to another page. "Here, kid. That's my cousin. Let me tell you all about your family."

Dying On The Roof

It was Tuesday. The kind of Tuesday that falls between a Monday and a Wednesday. I was at my desk with four shots in me. One was lead, and the rest were espresso. And then she walked in.

She was Hispanic, with eyes as dark as my coffee. I set aside the detective novel I was reading and looked up at her. She had the look of someone who wanted something from me.

And me? I'm a paranormal investigator. My name is Lou. 

"Hi, can I help you?" I asked.

"I want the history on my house," she said.

"Oh, I can help with that," I said. "Here. I have a handout on how to learn all that. You're going to have to go to the courthouse and look through the deeds. Now, it's easiest to start with the assessment record---"

"The courthouse?" she asked.

"Well, technically the courthouse annex, on Piper Way. The Register and Recorder's office. That's the best way to get started---"

"I don't understand why you can't just give me the history on my house," she said.

"Well, because it hasn't been compiled yet. That's your job. This is how you find that stuff out. The deeds give you the names of who owned it, and when...."

"I'm not interested in the boring stuff. I want the trauma, the things that happened there."

"This is how you get that," I explained. "This tells you who owned the house. The trauma didn't happen to the house---It happened to the people in it. Once you have their names, you come in here and find their obituaries and cemetery records. And that tells you a lot."

She looked me over. "You seem to know a lot about this."

"It's what I do," I said. "I'm doing it soon for an investigation I have coming up. Haunted houses, you know. That fun stuff."

I walked into the courthouse annex and piled all my stuff in the plastic tray. Once I got past the security guard, I went up to the Register and Recorder's office, where all the documents were. The exciting life of a ghost hunter.

"Hi, Lou," one of the county employees said when I walked in. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"I don't get in as much, now that you guys moved across town," I said. "I should make an effort to stop by more often."

"What do you have going on today?"

"We're investigating the home of one of our team members, for practice. I'm going to do a title search and find out who's most likely to be haunting the place."
She nodded. "How's Paul?"

I smiled. "Paul is eight now. He's in the third grade over at Robb."

"Third grade already? He was just a little baby."

"Yeah, he's been growing. These days he does paranormal investigation with me."

I started on the computer---The most recent deeds are digitized. If they ever put them all on the computer, I swear I'll retire. Two deeds in, and I reached the point where they were on paper, in the deed books. I'm always a lot more comfortable doing it that way.

I started with the deed to Tami and Bre's place, and worked my way backward. It's much easier to trace a property back in time than forward. This turned out to be a straightforward search until the late nineteenth century, at which point the information got a little tricky. I had to go to a will, and then over to the indexes to piece together the final couple of steps.

I buzzed myself into the nonprofit, and found some of the staff sitting in the conference room. Cheyenne, Juli, Hannah, and the one I needed, Lacey.

I handed her a couple of forms. "Here you go, Lacey. Brought these down for you."

"I didn't expect them so quick," she said, and started filling them out.

"Gave me an excuse to get out of work." I sat down at the table. "I'm giving my haunted tours next weekend! Hoping to make some money for this place."
"I'm excited," said Hannah.

"You'll like this," I said to Lacey. "We're investigating Tami's place Saturday night."

"Yeah?" asked Lacey.

"You're into this, too?" asked Hannah.

"I'm the case manager," said Lacey.

"I just did the title search the other day. The place was built about 1869, and as it turns out, it has connections to two high-profile murders."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Isn't that great?"
Hannah seemed slightly nonplussed at the idea that I would get this excited over a couple of murders. "What's been going on there?" she asked.

"Footsteps, doorknobs rattling at night, something was on the roof recently."
"On the roof? What would a ghost be doing on the roof?"
"You never know, with ghosts."

"Did someone die falling off the roof?"

"Now that you mention it...Not that roof, but a fifteen-year-old who lived in the house died when he fell while he was painting Beck's Hotel. I hadn't thought of that until you said something."
She grinned and made a sort of "There. See?" gesture at me.

"I'm gonna have to bring my helmet and get out on that roof," I said.

"Don't get yourself killed," said Cheyenne.

"I didn't die in the tunnel last week; I'm not gonna die on the roof."

Early Saturday evening, I got out my equipment and got packed. I put on my uniform, tactical vest, and skull gloves, and tugged on the boots with skulls. I've had worse Saturday nights.

I love it when the investigation is near my place. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and walked down the street to Tami's. Her wife, Bre, let me in, and the dog, Boscoe, got all excited. I love Boscoe. I knelt down and gave him a hug.

"Got your ceiling repaired," I said. "Classy!"

"Cool boots," said Bre. "Where did you get those?"

"Amazon," I said. "I should not be allowed to have an Amazon account."

"I think that's most of us," said Tami.

"Can you tell the ghosts to knock it off?" Bre asked. "One of them was rattling my bedroom doorknob the other night."

"We can try," I said. "I can't guarantee."

The doorbell rang, and Heather came in. Boscoe immediately went nuts again.

"Where'd you get the awesome boots?" asked Heather.

I grinned. "Amazon. I spend way too much time on Amazon."

"Perfect for ghost-hunting, though."

We all tend to seek out people who understand us. It's why cops mostly spend time with other cops, doctors socialize with other doctors....And me? Well, the best friends I've got are people who will drop everything to look into a haunted house.

Tami began shoveling her equipment into her pockets. She complained,"I need an equipment belt."

"That's pretty much how the vest got started," I said.

"Your tactical vest?"
"Yeah. Way back at the beginning of my career, I tried everything---Belts, bags, packs. Finally I settled on the vest as the most efficient way to carry all my stuff. My vest has enough pockets for me."

Bre and Boscoe left, and the rest of us got prepped for the investigation. I asked Tami,"Is there anywhere that's a hot spot? A central location with a lot of activity?"

"Upstairs hallway," she said.

"Let's get started," I said.

We all walked up to the second floor. EMF detectors out, laser thermometers ready. The cats chased the lasers as we walked. The upstairs hallway was tight, and right away I could see that it had all been sectioned out from several other rooms.

We sat down in the hall. I propped myself against one wall, and set down my recorder. Heather was already starting the intro, so I just clicked on my recorder and let it run.

"Tami's house, upstairs hallway, March eighteenth at 7:22 PM. Heather."

"Tami."

"Lou."

"Is anyone here?"
"Can you tell us your name?"

It went on like that for a while, us asking some low-key questions. The smaller dog, Penny, trotted out into the hallway with her toy, and we took turns tossing it around for her as we did the EVPs. 

"I'm going to run for city council," said Tami.

"Really?" I said. "Way to go, Tami! You'd be the first paranormal investigator on city council. Also, as far as I know, the first lesbian."

"You have my vote," said Heather.

Then Tami's EMF detector, sitting on the floor, shot up to red.

"We have EMFs," Tami said.

"Getting photos." I turned and snapped several shots along the hallway. I frowned at my camera. "I'm already losing battery power, and I know I just charged this."

"Isn't that a sign of a haunting?" Heather asked.

"It might be."

Tami moved onto the stairs, checking with her EMF meter. It lit up in several spots, and I asked,"Are there any wires near there?"
"Shouldn't be. And look, this is not near any walls---It shouldn't be detecting anything out here."

"No, it shouldn't," I agreed. "We have activity."

I stood in Triangle Park, taking five dollars apiece from people. I had a pretty big crowd gathered for my tour---Tami and Bre were there, with Boscoe, the Hispanic woman doing the research on her house had shown up, and a few other people I knew. Plus a whole bunch that I didn't.

I pocketed the money, and stepped in front of the crowd. And as I stood in front of everyone, I had a moment of calm, and I felt something inside surge, like it always did. 

"Thanks for coming, everyone," I said. "You all ready to hear about some ghosts?"

Above And Below

I looked up, and there she was, coming in the door to the library. It had been a while since I'd seen her, since she'd left the team. SaraLee.

I gave her a hug. "Good to see you," I said.

"You, too," she said. We walked back to my desk and sat down.

"So what's new and exciting?" she asked.

"Well, got a UFO sighting. My buddy Chris forwarded the photo to me. A local politician spotted a UFO over Saint Agnes Church, a blinking light that moved."

"Was this recently?"

"Monday," I said.

SaraLee nodded. "Any theories?"
"People are suggesting the Starlink satellite, but there's a tracker for that, and the times don't match up," I said. "And it's the wrong direction for the International Space Station. Paul and I spotted that a couple of years ago. So I'm gonna look into it."
"Cool."
"Oh, and I get to explore a tunnel," I said.

"Ooh, cool. Tell me about the tunnel."

"The radio station guys just bought the Simon Scott Building. Used to be a speakeasy during Prohibition. In the basement, they found a tunnel. It goes north under Main Street, so I get to crawl on in and find out how far it runs."

"You taking anyone with you?"

"I didn't really want to risk anyone else getting knocked out or buried."

SaraLee nodded. "Good point."

"So what's new with you lately?"

"Well, I joined another team," she said. "I was with Interstate, but there was too much drama. We went out to Indiana to do an investigation; furthest I've gone so far."

"That's cool," I said.

End of the workday. I was at my desk, on my cell phone with Mark the Shark, a local radio personality. I was saying,"I've discovered some interesting things about the tunnel, Mark. You thought it might be from the speakeasy days, which is logical. It doesn't appear on the Sanborn Maps, which means it was probably kept a secret. If it goes all the way across the street, it would come out in the restaurant across from you, which used to be the Odd Fellows Hall---It's very possible the two groups teamed up to get around Prohibition laws."

"Well, we'd like to send you in to see how far it goes," said Mark. "When's good for you?"

"Tuesday morning, just about all day Wednesday," I said. "What works for you?"
"I can be down Wednesday about one," he said. "Meet you in front of the building?"

"I'll be there."

After work I rode over to Saint Agnes Church, where the UFO had been sighted. Always visit the site if you can. I stopped in the parking lot, and looked the scene over, comparing it to what I remembered from the photo.

Nope, not quite---That outbuilding is in the photo. Gotta back it off to the hotel parking lot across the street.

I biked over, and stopped at the hotel. Now I was seeing the scene from the photo. I stood for a moment, considering which way was north, west, what time the sun would have been going down.

So it would have been moving roughly northeast. It was sunset, but the sun would have been shining from....Over there. That direction. 

I stood, picturing it, trying to imagine the whole thing. Taking myself through it, one step at a time, thinking about the UFO and what it meant.

After a while, I got on my bike and headed home.

Michelle parked the car and we walked down Bellefonte Avenue. Paul had his little friend Serina from next door with us. I explained,"Tonight is an event at the local coffee shop for the Democrats. Some of the people running need everyone to sign papers so they can run for office. We're going to stop by and sign them, help out the good guys."

"And I want bubble tea," said Paul.

We walked into the coffee shop. The mayor, Joel, was with his band playing onstage. Tif was there, listening, and Paul ran up to hug her. Tami and Heather were there. I gave them a hug, and signed Tami's petition for city council.

I saw the county auditor, and I moved through the crowd and up to her. I said,"I'm gonna find out what that was you saw."

She smiled. "It was about seven-fifty at night, after a meeting. I was with a former county commissioner and we saw two lights---One was blinking, in a line, and the other was squiggly."

"Going northeast, I think? How fast?"
"Yes. Very fast."
"I'm looking into it."

Serena came up to me, with Paul behind. She looked toward the band. "Paul says that's the mayor."

"Yeah," I said. "He's a friend of mine. Want to meet him?"

She gasped, obviously impressed. Joel finished up the song, and came over to us. He shook Paul's hand. "Hi, Paul. How are you?"
"Good," said Paul. "I'm in the third grade now."

Joel grinned. "That's great."

"Joel, this is Serena. She lives next door to us. She's new in Lock Haven."

Joel shook hands with her. "Hi, Serena."

Serena stared at him, her jaw hanging, as if she was meeting with One Direction or something.

"It's okay, kiddo," I said. "You can talk to him."

"Wait until I tell my mom I met the mayor!" she said.

Hearts were coming down, and shamrocks were going up. Zach was behind the desk, changing the monthly decorations. I walked over and picked up a stuffed leprechaun.

"Barb got that last year," said Zach. "She thought we needed more leprechauns."

"This is the only new staff member we can afford," I commented. "Gonna put him to work on desk shifts."

"Well, he will be constantly by the desk."

I crawled under the desk, holding the leprechaun up above desk level. "Top o' the morning to ye," I said in an Irish accent. "What is it that I can be doin' for ye today?....Wait, did someone come in?"

Zach was laughing. I came out from the desk to find a woman standing there, watching the leprechaun, amused. "That was our representative," I said. "What can we do for you?"
"I need a library card," she said.

I let Zach handle that, and slipped out the back door. I got on my bike and rode down to the Simon Scott Building.

For a moment, I looked at it from the front. Old place, built in 1854. it had been a private club for around a hundred years, and recently put up for sale. I walked around the building, getting a sense of it, and ended up back out front again.

I turned and looked across the street. Assuming the tunnel went far enough, and didn't dead-end, and stayed in a straight line, it would end up connecting to the basement of the restaurant across the street.

I walked over and went inside. A bored-looking waitress stood up from the counter and said,"Can I help you?"

"Got a weird question," I said. "Does this place have a basement?"

"Not that I know of," she said. "There's a crawlspace, I think, but I've never been in there. We rent the building, so we don't really have access down there."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

I walked back across the street and stopped at the local hot dog place, the closest thing Lock Haven has to a citywide cuisine. I bought two of the chili dogs and ate them as I walked back to my bike. 

So this told me that there had probably once been a basement, but it had likely been filled in after the 1972 flood. I was making a couple of logic leaps here, but there was some experience backing it up. So unless the tunnel turned, it was likely that I was going to get in there and dead-end after a certain distance.

But if it turned, that was another story, and could be interesting. I made a mental note to add a compass and my laser measurer to the equipment I was bringing in.

Most people think it's pretty exciting to spend the night in a haunted house. This is probably more true if you don't do it every night. Granted, I still get all excited when I'm invited to someone else's haunted house. But every night, once Paul and Michelle are in bed, it's just me and the ghost, up watching movies. And sometimes the hamster.

Emily was running on her wheel when I started researching. I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop. The photo of the UFO looked like a satellite---Everyone was saying that. After some searching, I found a website that listed satellites and when they were visible. I fed in the information for our area---They didn't have Lock Haven, but they did have Williamsport, which was close enough---And started searching.

People think that paranormal investigation is just running around with a camera, more or less. Most people don't get what's involved if you're doing it correctly. In addition to the ridiculous amounts of equipment, you need to research astronomy, geology, biology, history, and all sorts of other areas, because you never know what's going to tie into the paranormal at any given time. 

It took me a few minutes, but I found it. There was a satellite called SL-16 R/B overhead and visible at exactly the time our county auditor had seen her light. The squiggly light nearby was easy enough to explain---A phenomenon called "satellite flare" where the sun reflects off the actual satellite, causing an extra light in the sky and often confusing people. 

"Got it, Emily," I said to the hamster. Then I slipped her a blueberry, her favorite thing.

Figured out the UFO.

Next up, the tunnel.

In the morning, it was a two-hour delay for school. Paul got to sleep a little late, and then jumped out of bed with Butters and Rosie. I had some coffee, and then Michelle and Paul headed out the door to the bus stop, and I grabbed my bag and biked downtown.

Mark the Shark met me at the Simon Scott Building, and unlocked it to let us in. He said,"We have plans to renovate this place and make it a community center. I'd like to see it restored to some of its original historic look. We'd like to get it back on the National Register."

"My advice is to do all the repairs you need to before applying," I said. "There's more wiggle room if you get everything done, and fewer hoops to jump through."

The building was grand, with huge, decorative hallways and elaborate doors. He led me through a couple of them, and down a dark wooden staircase.

"This is the basement," he said. "There's the tunnel."

It was a curved alcove in the wall, with three steps in the floor leading down into it. Beyond that, just darkness.

"Let me get my stuff," I said.

I dug into my bag and began pulling things out. I have a selection of tactical vests---There's my LHPS one, my big deluxe general-adventure one, one vest for UFOs specifically, and one that I usually leave empty just for basic use. I'd taken that last one and filled the pockets with everything I could use to explore a tunnel. I pulled it on, with the fingerless gloves, and then a helmet. I got out my rechargeable lantern and clipped it to my belt.

I stood up, and turned on the lantern, then took a couple of steps down the stairs.

Then I went in.

The floor was dirt, covered with broken bits of wood. I watched carefully to avoid stepping on a nail---I was glad I'd decided to wear my steel-toed sneakers. The lantern cast my shadow on the wall as I walked.

The tunnel didn't go back very far---It dead-ended after twenty feet. I examined the wall, which seemed to be made of the same stuff as the rest of the tunnel. That suggested they were created at the same time. Shining my flashlight on it, I looked it over carefully. At the very end, in the ceiling, was a sort of shaft. It went straight up from the tunnel, then dead-ended in corrugated metal.

I climbed up the wall a couple of feet, to justify the helmet. Reaching up, I tapped on the metal. It was solid, with no give and no echo. Covered in concrete on the high side. 

I dropped back to the floor and took a few photos. At an educated guess, having actually seen the place, this was less a tunnel than an old furnace room or something. Which was still pretty fascinating.

SaraLee stopped by work again that afternoon. I gave her a hug and said,"It's good to see you. I put in that ILL request for you."

"Great. Thanks. Just got back from Eastern State Penitentiary on an investigation."
"What's that, your thirteenth time?"

"Something like that. I met a few new people, and had a good time. How are you doing?"

"I explored that tunnel this morning."

"I was going to ask about the tunnel."

"Seems to be a remnant of the building from when it was first built, an old furnace room or something. I found what may have been a coal chute leading up from it, but it was all blocked off."

"Still. Fun to explore, though."

"Yeah, it was."

"You and me need to go on an adventure soon. Find a haunted cemetery or something."

"Yeah," I said. "That'd be good."