Chasing Waterfalls

My alarm went off at four in the morning, and I jumped out of bed in my DC pajamas and turned it off. Still in the bed, my wife rolled over and groaned.

"I'll get the kid," I said, and left the bedroom.

Paul's room is down the hall. I entered the room, where Rosie and Butters were in bed with him. Both of the dogs popped awake when I came in. Paul did not; I had to shake him gently.

"Hop up, buddy," I said. "Today's the day. Your mom's bus trip to Niagara Falls."

Every now and again, Michelle's company has a bus trip for morale purposes. We've been to Maryland, New Jersey, and Delaware in the past. This trip was to Niagara Falls.

"Daddy, can I have another Slim Jim?" Paul asked from across the aisle.

I passed him one. I'd learned from our last trip, and packed up a huge bag of snacks and water bottles. "We just left Pennsylvania," I said. "I saw the sign. We're in New York state now. You're going to like Niagara Falls, little man."

"What is it really?"

"It's some huge waterfalls. They're awesome; you're going to love it. And there are three islands up there---They're on the south end of Goat Island, and they're called Three Sisters Islands. They're said to be haunted by Native American spirits, so we're going to check that out, as well."

"Cool," said Paul. "How long until we get there?"
"Well, I'm glad you brought your tablet. Gonna be a couple of hours. I'll be looking out the window for Bigfoot, the Coney Island Creature....What other cryptids are in New York? Couple of sewergators, maybe."

We got off the bus about ten AM, after a four-hour ride straight through. Immediately I felt the mist from the falls on my face as I walked along the sidewalk. The nearest of the falls was at least a quarter-mile from me, but I could feel the water droplets in the air.

"Everything's wet here," I observed.

"I think we should start by getting something to eat," said Michelle. "We never did get breakfast."

"According to the map, there's food right over there."

I slung my small pack over my shoulder. I'd come prepared---My usual go bag was in the bus, with most of my stuff in it. Not wanting to carry the whole thing around all day, I'd used a trick I'd discovered on a trip to Georgia a few years ago. I'd taken a much smaller shoulder bag, dropped a map, camera, and EMF detector into it, and packed it inside the go bag. When we'd arrived, I'd pulled the small bag out of the big one, and only carried it around. I was prepared without having to haul a lot of heavy stuff all day.

We walked along the railing, by the falls. I said,"Look, kiddo. See over there? That's Canada. If you jumped in the water and swam over there---Don't do it because you would drown, but if you did, you wouldn't be in America anymore. You'd be in Canada."

"I want to learn to talk Canada," said Paul.

"Well, they speak English over there, but also French. You'd have to learn French."

"Oui."

It always amazes me how travel works. Like, all you have to do is make the arrangements and then be patient, and you can just be someplace. Someplace you've heard about your whole life. Like Niagara Falls. 

We passed a statue of Nikola Tesla. I said,"Check it out, Pipper. That's Nikola Tesla, one of the best scientists ever. He invented an earthquake machine once. If anyone knew how to find aliens, it was Tesla."

"Cool."

We walked over and got our food, sitting at an outdoor picnic area. I had a hot dog, and Paul had a thick pizza. He tossed a piece of crust to the little birds hopping around, and they started picking at it.

"Birds in places like this get used to humans," I said. "They're not scared of much. Look, there's a pigeon. They're ballsy city birds."

"What do they do?" Paul asked.

"Mug you for that pizza you're eating."

He tossed another piece of crust to the pigeon, who hopped over and began pecking at it. Paul watched with some fascination as the birds gathered for food; he wasn't the only one feeding them.

"I want to try the Cave of the Winds," Michelle said. "Apparently you can get right up under the waterfalls."

"Sounds good to me," I said. "I want to get to Three Sisters Islands sometime today, but it can be whenever."

We stood up and picked up our trash.

"Nice meeting you, birds," said Paul.

The Cave of the Winds isn't a cave in the strictest sense. We took an elevator to a tunnel, walked out, and put on some cheap ponchos handed out from a booth. Then we walked down a path to a series of stairs and decks that were, essentially, under Niagara Falls, exactly where you could get splashed as you walk, in case that was a priority.

I was soaked to the knees within the first few yards. Ordinarily I'd be annoyed that my sneakers got wet, but I'd expected this. No point visiting Niagara Falls and attempting to stay dry. I was kind of glad I had my pack under my poncho.

Paul, however, was loving it. He was racing into the wettest, splashiest areas and laughing like hell. 

We walked up a set of stairs---I took a moment to wonder how often they had to replace wet and rotted pieces---And we were standing on a huge deck, one corner of which was more or less under the falls entirely.

Paul ran over and stood underneath it, getting drenched. I could barely see him under the cascading water. He emerged a moment later, pulling off his poncho.

"This is going to take forever to dry," he said.

"Maybe not that long," I said. "Some of your back didn't even get wet."

He handed me his poncho.

"Hold this," he said, and ran right back under.

A moment later, he was back, this time soaked completely. He strode out of the falls and said,"Can we get more pizza?"

"Next stop---Three Sisters Island."

The trolley pulled up at the little booth, and we got off. I was saying,"I don't get it. Everything else is outrageously priced here, because it's a tourism spot. Five dollars for water. Ten for a hot dog. Sixty for admission to the Cave of the Winds. But an all-day pass for the trolley? Three bucks will do."

There was a pretty stone bridge going over to Three Sisters Island. We walked across it, Paul and I looking over the edge and into the rushing water. And then we were over on the island. which was nice and grown up with trees and plants.

I got out my EMF detector and turned it on. I'd brought the travel model, the little all-in-one with a thermometer included, which makes it easier to carry than a whole bag full of equipment. I got nothing, no EMF readings. The temperature was seventy-nine, which felt about right.

"There are snakes down there," a couple warned us as we passed an observation platform. 

Niagara Falls. Slowly I turned....Step by step, inch by inch....I looked down at the platform, and there were three fat gray snakes curled on the the rocks.

"Holy shit. Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

"They're not poisonous."

"I'll never get close enough to find out."

"Cool!" said Paul, leaning over to look at the snakes. One of them crawled in between the rocks, hiding itself.

I collared Paul and moved back, checking with my EMF detector. Nothing. We walked down the path, across to the second island. Two snakes sat on rocks below the bridge, in full view.

"This whole goddamn island is infested with snakes," I said.

I skirted the edge, staying away from anywhere the snake could, you know, reach up and grab me. Still no readings on the EMF; it was a pretty peaceful place.

"I think we're on the second island now," I said. "These are said to be haunted by a Native American ghost. The Iroquois believed there was a Mighty Thunder spirit who lurked on this island."

"I think we're on the third island," said Paul.

I checked the map. "You may be right."

A moment later, the path ran out, ending in a small observation point. I stopped, set my EMF detector down, and looked out over the water.

"It's beautiful," said Michelle.

"It is," I agreed.

"What's that over there?" she asked.

I glanced north. "Looks like a hydroelectric dam. I can't be sure, but it's probably what Dad would tell me."

"I thought it might be."

My EMF detector was registering a few flickers. I thought it through for a second, and then decided that an electrical field was not the wildest discovery just downstream from a hydroelectric dam. 

And then it all fell into place.

"Come on, let's go back," said Paul, walking back up the path.

Michelle and I followed. I said,"So I can see where some of the ghost stories come from. Old Native American legends originally. Then, as people began investigating....Well, EMFs and orbs are not too unlikely on an island covered in waterfall mist, just down from a hydroelectric dam."

"You're right," said Michelle. "That makes sense."

"Great trip."
"Daddy! Come on!" Paul called back. "We can get on the next trolley!"

The bus was headed south on the way home. Paul was across the aisle from me, watching his tablet, and I was looking out the window, watching the state of New York go by.

I felt good. Last summer, I'd been something of a mess at the tail end of the COVID crisis, and I'd spent a lot of the summer trying to get my act back together. This summer, things were better. I was feeling good about myself, more confident, and more able to do what I do.

I saw a bright flash in the distance through the left bus window. I reached across the aisle. "Paul! Paul Paul Paul!"

He looked up at me.

I pointed. "Fireworks!"
He turned and looked out the window, and smiled. Bright red and blue fireworks were going off over the mountains, off in the distance. The show went on quite a while as we passed along the highway, and we watched.

Then something caught my attention out my window. I glanced out, spotting a deer along the side of the highway. She looked at the bus for a moment, then turned and dashed off into the woods, gone. I was the only person who'd seen her.

I smiled.

There was always something interesting to discover, no matter what. I was glad I'd seen the deer, fleeting, by the highway. There was something about it, something....peaceful, somehow.

Earth Angel

"I figure the travel vest should do for a one-night camping trip," I said, rolling it i to my backpack. "What do you think, little man?"

"I want the pink sleeping bag," said Paul.

"You can have the pink one," I said. "I got a speech to give at Hyner Run this weekend, but when I'm not doing the speech, we have free time. You wanna help me look for a ghost?"
"Sure."

"The Swamp Angel haunts the are up near Hyner Run," I said. "We've looked for the Swamp Angel before. She was a Native American girl who drowned in the river, and now she haunts the water areas up there, and the legend is that if you need help, you can ask, and she might help you."

"Cool," said Paul. "Can I swim, too?"

"Yeah, they got the pool up there. You can swim, too. And we'll roast a few hot dogs for dinner."

"Can we roast hamburgers?"

"I can manage to fry some hamburgers. We'll have the cooking equipment. Have I ever taught you the egg-in-an-orange trick?"

Paul frowned. "I don't think so."

"For breakfast, you cut an orange in half. You eat the fruit out and leave the peel. Then you crack an egg and it cooks right inside the peel."

"Could we scramble it?"
"I don't see why not."

"That's cool," Paul said, looking impressed.

"Your grandfather taught me that when I was about your age. I'm pretty sure my grandfather taught him."

I sat at my desk, looking at an online map of the greater Hyner area. I was already very familiar with it, but I was bored at work, so, you know. I had a couple of choices---I could go and process some books, or I could prepare for my speech tonight. So I chose to go and look up some stuff about lumbering.

Mills. Good. North Bend had the biggest mill in the county---Even better. I got some index cards and scribbled down a few notes. Claire walked past, and said,"You look busy."

'Work, work, work," I said.

I put the sleeping bags in the SUV while the kids watched. Little Soriayah from next door asked,"Where are you going?"

"We're camping out tonight at Hyner Run," I said. "I've been asked to give a speech up there."

"Wow," she said. "It's almost like you're important!"
"Almost," I agreed.

"No, he is famous," said Serena, her older sister. "He's been in books, and he gives tours, and is friends with the mayor."

I put my pack in, the big green pack I used for camping. "We might look into some ghosts while we're there, too."

"Because we always do that," said Paul.

"This is our campsite," I said, getting out of the SUV. I looked around. "Hey, kid, guess what? We got a bridge."

There was a tree that had fallen over Hyner Run, stretching from one side to the other. Paul looked at it with some fascination. "This is a bridge?"

"Well, nobody exactly planned this, but it's not going anyplace. It'll hold."

Paul walked across it, balancing nicely. He jumped down onto a small rock outcropping in the water. It's kind of nice to see him in these moments; playing like an average little boy.

"I know you guys want to hit the pool," I said. "If you wan to go up and swim, I'll get things set up here."

"Sounds like a good plan," said Michelle.

They headed up to the pool to go swimming. I got the tent out of the SUV. Truth is, I can probably get things set up more efficiently without any help. My Boy Scout troop, when I was a kid, was known as one of the quickest, most efficient groups, and a lot of that had stuck. I got the tent set up easily enough---We'd bought that tent before we were married, and it had been through over twenty years of adventures with us. I looked it over; it was still in good condition, but it was beginning to show signs of wear. Best tent I'd ever had; replacing it one day was going to hurt. Not yet.

I got the cooler out and made myself a sandwich before my speech. I had a little time before showtime, so I checked around and made sure everything was okay. Then I walked up to the pool, where I found my wife and son splashing around.

I knelt beside the pool. "How's it going?" I asked.

Paul held up one thumb, and then dived back down underwater.

I walked up to the picnic area nearby, where Ian was waiting. Ian is the ranger up at Hyner, and has been inviting me to do talks in the state parks for years. We shook hands.

"How are you, my friend?" he asked.

"I'm good, Ian, really good."

"Got the family with you this time?"
"Yeah, they're down enjoying the pool. I got a great speech for you tonight---I think everyone is really going to enjoy it."

"That's good, that's really good. Of course, you always do a really good job. Everyone loves when I get you up here."

"Nice to hear. I can see we have a few lawn chairs, reserving the spaces."

"Yeah, a few people wanted to leave their chairs from the last talk."

"Well, good, we have some front-row seating then."

I walked back to camp after my speech, which had gone well. Paul and Michelle were waiting, dried off.

"Everyone ready for dinner?" I asked.

"I'm pretty hungry," agreed Michelle. Paul went over to the fallen log to play some more.

With minimal difficulty, I got a fire started. Then I got out the cook kit---My dad had given me this. It was the same one we'd used on camping trips when I was a kid, some forty years ago. They made this stuff to last back then.

I clipped together the frying pan and set it on the grill, then threw in half the hot dogs and some hamburger meat. It went much better than I'd expected, the hamburgers frying up in a few minutes. I flipped them over, and then said,"Looks like they're done. Who wants one?"

Paul was first. He smeared ketchup all over his, and tasted it.

"How is it?" I asked.

"It's great!" he said.

I had a hot dog and a hamburger myself; the sandwich had only been enough to get through the speech. We all had enough to eat, and then I cleaned up. Afterward, I had some free time. So I did what I do. I dug into my pack, got out my vest, and pulled it on.

It was one of my travel vests, not the big pre-packed tactical model, which is hard to pack. I wandered downstream, periodically stopping to check things out. I'd managed to work some sort of adventure at Hyner Run in every summer for the past few, looking for cryptids or ghosts. Last year, it had been the Susquehanna Seal. This year, it was the Swamp Angel.

I'd last checked for the Swamp Angel two years ago, when COVID had driven me into a deep depression. I was doing a lot better this time around.

At the far end of the camp was a nice little grassy area, where the creek ran through. It was where I figured the Swamp Angel was most likely to show up. I jumped the guiderail and walked down to the creek.

I got out the all-in-one EMF detector as I walked through the grass. It didn't register, but I kept at it.

Hi, Swamp Angel. How you been? Been a while.

I walked to the edge of the forest, turned around, walked back. I wasn't finding anything, but I was in no rush. It was nice here. Peaceful.

I wandered back up the hill and onto the road. I turned and walked onto the bridge.

Midway across, the EMF detector shot up to red.

I stopped, surprised. There seemed to be a span of bridge where there was a reading---Something invisible, but electric. I backed up, and it went down. Moved ahead, and it came back.

I raised the detector over my head, and it went out. So something at eye level, then.

I picked up a stone and marked an X on the bridge where the reading began. Then I followed it---About three steps---And marked where it ended. There was a span of a few feet where I was getting a reading for no reason.

Except, maybe, the Swamp Angel.

The sun was down, and everything was dark. I was sitting and reading a paperback book by lantern, smoking a celebratory cigar. 

Paul crawled out of the tent. This is common on these camping trips. I've never known him to sleep before eleven when we travel. He sat down in the chair beside me.

"Daddy, I can't sleep," he said.

"Want to sit here with me a while?" I asked.

"Okay. Are there any hamburgers left?"

"A couple. They're in the cooler."

"Can you heat one up for me?"

"Might be possible; we still have some embers in the fire. Let me see what I can do."

"Thank you."

I got a long skewer and started reheating the hamburger. I could hear it start to sizzle almost instantly. "You know, your grandpa and me used to go camping like this. I did a lot of this in the summer when I was a kid."

"You've told me."

"Here's your hamburger," I said. He put it in a bun, started eating, and smiled. And my son and I sat in companionable silence for a while in the night.

Where There's Smoke

"Who wants to make a wish?"

The morning sun was shining, and we were walking down the sidewalk: Me, Paul, and little Serina from next door. The neighbors down the street had put up a fountain in their garden, and we'd taken to throwing pennies in every morning to make a wish. I handed out two pennies, one to each kid.

They whispered their wishes to the pennies, and then tossed them in. Then they took off for the bus stop. I watched as they ran down the street.

"I wish for an interesting summer," I said, and tossed my penny in.

I walked into the charity building---It was an old building on Main Street, and I'd been doing some volunteer work there for a year and a half. I buzzed myself in with my key card and walked into the conference room, where Lacey was doing some work.

She looked up when I came in. "Lou! What can we do for you today?"

"I was hoping someone was available to give me a few lessons," I said. "Since I'm going to work the hotline while you guys are all at the staff retreat on Wednesday, I thought I could use some instructions."

"Oh, sure," she said. "I'll buzz Julie, and see if she's got a moment."

"Thanks. Thought I'd get this in before work---Our annual summer reading theme is kindness and diversity, and I have some programs to plan today. Gonna talk to Cheyenne about doing a couple of programs for me in August."

"I'm sure she'll do that. Got any ghost hunting planned for summer?"

I grinned. "Got a couple of trips planned with Paul. I'll be talking at Hyner View in July, and I figure I'll go after the Swamp Angel while I'm up there. And we're going to Lancaster County in August. Thought I might bring some of my equipment down here on Wednesday, and maybe check the building if it's a little slow."

"That's a good idea," she said. "We always get stuff happening in here."

"Well, the place was built in 1885, so you might figure. I know a couple of people have died in here. Besides, I have a new vest I need to field test. This will be a good opportunity."

The headline in the Express was "Wildfire Smoke Intensifies Across Region," and the story was by Laura and Ari. Smoke from Canada had blown south, and was covering a significant portion of the state. 

I got into the house after work, and Paul was on the couch. I said,"Hey, Paul, want to go out on alien patrol? You should see the smoke out there."
"Okay," he said.

We leashed up Butters and walked outside. As we walked down the street, I could see the haze under the streetlights, which were just beginning to come on. It was worse than I'd realized. Some of the mountains in the distance were barely visible.

"Wow, Daddy," said Paul. "How did this happen?"

"There's a forest fire in Canada, way north of here, that got pretty bad. The wind blew a lot of the smoke down this way."
"How did it start?"
"I don't know, probably because it got too hot and dry up there."

On the Bald Eagle Mountain, there's a kind of zigzag shaped rocky patch where trees won't grow east of Lock Haven. Pilots use it as a guideline to find the Piper Airport. For the first time since moving to Lock Haven over thirty years ago, I couldn't see it from the Hill Section.

"My god," I said. "Where's the Bald Spot? Where is the goddamn Bald Spot?"

I walked into the charity conference room in time at the tail end of the morning staff meeting. Everyone looked up when I entered. I was wearing my purple shirt with the rainbow Mothman on it.

"Shelter Dad's here to save the day," said Alyssa.

I laughed. "Shelter Dad? I may get that put on a T-shirt."

"Still smoking outside?" asked Juli.

"Man, I've never seen Lock Haven like this," I said. "There's smoke everywhere. You can't see the mountains from downtown."

"It's bad all over the county," said Cheyenne. 

"Yeah," Juli agreed,"I can barely breathe out there."
"You guys be careful today," I said. "I'll be here, answering the phones while you're gone."

"Thank you for doing this," said Alyssa.

"I'm glad to," I said. "Anytime I can help out. Brought my new vest and some of my ghost-hunting equipment, in case it gets slow in here. I'll check the building for ghosts in between calls."

Lacey grinned. "Call if you need us. We'll be available by phone. Otherwise, have a good day."

"You, too."

They all filed out, leaving me alone in the building. I closed the window to keep the smoke out. I walked around a couple of minutes, familiarizing myself with everything, and then opened my pack and unrolled the new vest.

I pulled it on, and slipped my equipment into the pockets. With my EMF detector, I walked through the building, checking for readings. I knew the first floor well, but I always got a little lost up above---I hadn't had the opportunity to spend much time on the upper floors. I walked past everyone's offices, watching to see if anything lit up on the EMF. 

I walked through the third floor---I'd been up to Lacey's office before. I looked out a window and studied the city---I could easily see the downtown area from up here, and the low-lying haze that was currently covering it.

I discovered the emergency stairs from the third floor, and walked down them to the back hallway. I wasn't getting any readings. 

I heard the phone ringing, and it occurred to me that I was missing the very thing I was there to do. I ran down the hall and picked up the phone, saying,"Hello, may I help you?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman outside. "I was hoping to make a donation."

"Oh, okay," I said. "I'll be right there."

I stepped out the door. The woman looked at me. 

"Oh my god," she said. "You're Lou."

"I get that a lot."

"I read all of your columns."

"Well, hopefully you're enjoying them."

"What are you doing here?"

"The staff always outsources to a local paranormal investigator when they're not available," I said.

After I collected the donation, I went back to investigating. This time I stayed a bit closer to the phone, just in case. I got a couple of flickers on the EMF, but nothing too serious. Maybe the constant smoke was keeping the ghosts quiet, too.

"Why are we coming up here?" Paul asked as Michelle pulled up at the top of Highland Cemetery. 

"I wanted to get a look from up above the city," I said. "This is about as high as I could think to go."

I got out of the car. I could see the Hopkins graves, Soldier's Circle, Shoemaker. I looked at the city, down below, and the smoke blocking out most of the usual view.

I climbed up the statue of Peter Meitzler, grabbing his right ankle for support. Looking out to the north, I could barely see the river. There was nothing visible anywhere.

Just the smoke.

I climbed down and got back in the car. Paul asked,"Are we done?"

"Yeah," I said. "Seen what I needed to for now."

Paul was taking his shower when Michelle called up,"Lou? Bre's here!"
I walked downstairs, and out the door. Bre was standing beside her car with the back hatch opened, and several huge cases of beer inside.

"How's Tami's campaign going?" I asked. I still had her purple political sign up in my yard.

"She's getting there. Doing surveys to see what people want in a candidate. Attending some community events."

"She has my vote. Do I want to know what's with a trunk full of beer?"

"Well, I thought you might be able to use these," said Bre.

I'm pretty sure my eyes lit up. "You thought right. Where'd they come from?"
"I'm helping out a nonprofit that was selling these. But they had to cancel when COVID hit, and now it's expired. They can't legally sell them now, but they didn't want to waste them."

"I can handle expired beer. If they've been kept at a consistent temperature, it really doesn't make a lot of difference."

"Well, they're all yours."

"Sam Adams, Blue Moon....Some of my favorites." I lifted a case out of her vehicle. "This is great. Just in case the smoke keeps me trapped in the house, I'm prepared now."

I biked downtown a few days later, in the blessedly much cleaner air. I parked outside the charity and buzzed myself in. Most of the staff was in the conference room.

"Hi, guys," I said. "Thought I'd drop by on my way to work, see if anyone needed anything."

"You gonna check for ghosts?" asked Julie.

I got my EMF detector out of my pack. "Well, I thought I might look around a bit. Finish up what I started the other day, you know?"

"Oooh, check my office," said Lacey. "Stuff moves around up there."

"Oh, great," commented one of the Hannahs. "That's nice to know for when I'm up there alone."
Sass grinned. "Go ahead, you have the run of the place. Let us know what you find."

"Thanks."

I walked down the hall, doing the usual thing with the EMF detector. It's my small all-in-one, and I switched it over to temperature for a minute, but then I didn't get much of a reading and switched it back.

I went upstairs, checked around the second floor for a while. Then I walked back downstairs, and into the kitchen area. 

And suddenly, in the middle of the room, the thing lit up.

All the way to red. I looked around, but there was nothing nearby that would explain it. No cords, no electronics.

I turned and walked back to the conference room.

"Find anything?" asked Juli.

"I got one hell of a spike on the EMF back in the kitchen," I said. "Could be something. Sometimes, when it's a public sort of building, I've known the ghosts to kind of lay low for a while before showing themselves to anyone new. Could be that's why I didn't see anything the other day. I think it's a case of that."

"So they're being shy," said Lacey.

"Yeah," I said. "But they'll get used to me."

I walked down the street with Paul, doing our nightly alien patrol. He had his flashlight out, and I was checking the skies for UFOs. Paul said,"The smoke's gone."

"It's gone," I agreed. "We had a couple of bad days there, but we've had some wind and rain, and that took care of it."

"Will it come back?"
"I doubt it," I said. "Most likely, we won't have to worry about the smoke anymore. Should be okay."

As we approached the house, Paul asked,"Can I stay up late with you tonight, Daddy?"

"Sure," I said. "Let's watch a movie together. And I think I'll have a beer."

Shell Game

When I went into the PA Room to look at the naturalization index, Claire was at work in there. Looking up at me, she asked,"How's it going?"

"Not great," I said. "I got a message from my sister over the weekend. My cousin Wendy died."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "Was it sudden?"

"Yeah. They don't know what caused it. They're doing an autopsy."

"Was she very young?"

"Much younger than me." I sat down across the table from Claire. "I've been a mess. I broke down and started crying during an episode of Battlestar Galactica this morning; how fucking pathetic is that?"

"Understandable. There are worse things to break down during."

"My mother died twenty years ago this month. On the fifth. So I've been a mess."

My phone buzzed, and I walked over and picked it up. "Hello."

"Hey, Lou, it's Chris."

"Hey!" This was a welcome call. "What's up?"

"You guys doing anything for Memorial Day?"

"I don't know, thought I might grill something."

"You want to come over? We're having some people. I'll be grilling, and we'll have some drinks. All you have to bring is a side dish."

"That sounds great. I'll tell Michelle. Hey, you mind if Paul and I bring our equipment and investigate your house? It's been a little slow lately."

"Sure, no problem. You didn't really think I'd say no, did you?"

"Nah, I knew you'd be okay with it. But I figured it's only polite to ask."

"You remember our house was owned by that guy who owned a seafood place on Grove Street, right? The one they called the Oyster King?"
"Yeah, I remember that. You wrote a column about it a while ago."

"Maybe you'll find his ghost."

"Or the ghost of twelve thousand dead oysters. See you Monday."

A few years back, Chris and his wife Kate had bought a house out in Woodward Township. It was a great place, with a lot of grass, and some garden area. They'd taken to having some nice holiday celebrations, and we arrived with my ghost-hunting bag and some Greek pasta salad.

Tif rolled into the yard near the picnic table, and Paul immediately found the sprinkler to play in. I picked up an iced tea and joined Chris near the grill. 

"How's it going?" he asked. "Making any progress on the Dent's Run gold yet?"

"Very funny. I did have a guy call me about the Joincaire gold last week. He saw one of my articles and wanted to know what other information I had. It never occurs to any of these guys that if I had information leading to a buried treasure, I wouldn't be writing about it for seventy-five dollars a shot."

"Hey, Lou, are you the guy who keeps referring people to me for Keating information?" asked Rich, a retired teacher from the Chapman Township area. "I get these calls from people asking all the time."

"Yeah, some of that probably did come from me," I admitted. "People call me about this stuff, and sometimes I need to send them to a specialist. I'm pretty good in general, but I have the whole county to memorize."

"Food's ready," said Chris. "Everyone gather round."

Paul already had a plate full of chips and watermelon. He added a hot dog and sat down on a bench. I got a hamburger and some pasta salad, picked up a Coors Light out of the cooler, and sat down with him.

"I'm sorry about your cousin Wendy, Daddy," he said.

"Thanks, little guy. I appreciate that."

"Your mom died in May, too, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Twenty years ago this month."

"I never got to meet my grandmother," said Paul. "Sometimes that makes me sad."

"Me, too." Though my mother would have been full of unhelpful and unsolicited parenting advice. "If you like, sometime later we can sit down and I'll show you pictures of her. I can tell you about her."

"Okay." Paul leaned over and hugged me, then kissed my cheek. He doesn't do that as much as he used to.

So I did what I always do when I'm a mess. 

"Hey, kid. After we eat, you want me to get the stuff, and we can investigate Uncle Chris's house?"
"Yeah."

After my hamburger, and another hamburger, and then a hot dog, I walked to the vehicle and got our black bag. I'd brought the big one, with both of our tac vests in it. I hauled it back and set it on the bench.

Paul and I pulled on our tac vests. I was wearing my T-shirt with all the cryptids in America on a map, and I zipped the vest over it. One of the guests, Jeremy, said,"Now, those are pretty neat."

While Tif was taking a photo of Paul, I said,"This one is pretty carefully curated. In past years, I tried everything---Bags, belts....Finally I discovered these. I have a UFO version, and a couple of travel models. This one has all my equipment, and custom-made patches to show where I put things." I lifted the flap on the pocket for my EMF detector, showing the blue lettering saying EMF.

"That's pretty cool," said Jeremy. "Is that velcro?"

"Yep!" I tore it partway off to demonstrate. "So I can change them around if necessary."

"Well, that's pretty neat."

"Hey, Chris!" I called. "We're gonna go check your house for ghosts, okay?"

"All yours," Chris called back. "Go nuts."

"Cool! I wanna look for ghosts!" said a kid playing with some of the beach balls.

I waved my hand. "Sure. Come on."

"No." His mom waved him over. "You just let them do what they do, okay? Leave them alone."

"But mom---"

"No. You leave them alone."

The kid trudged off. I said to the mom,"I actually don't mind if you don't."

"We don't get into that. Because of my faith---" Oh shit. "---I don't want him opening those doors and letting something through."
It doesn't work like that, not even remotely, but I have long since given up trying to educate these types. I said,"Come on, Paul. Let's go find some ghosts."

We went into the house. We'd been there before, plenty of times, mostly for Halloweens and Independence Days. We'd never investigated, though. So holding our laser thermometers and EMF detectors, we moved through the first floor, checking for readings.

"Uncle Chris has been doing a lot of work on the house," I said. "So you know how that can sometimes stir up ghosts."

Paul nodded. "Yeah."

"No temperature fluctuations yet. No EMF readings. Uncle Chris has been doing a nice job on the wiring."

Chris came in behind us. "Hey, guys. Are you recording yet?"

Chris knows how it works. "Nah, not yet. Taking some readings."

"We have some activity in this corner." Chris pointed to the southeast corner of the first floor. "And the cat is always staring at that corner. The cat is probably behind that curtain right now."

I aimed my thermal imager at the window, and saw the small eat blob curled up behind the curtain. "Yeah, she's there."

With that, the cat came out, took one look at us, and escaped into the other room.

Chris laughed. "I'll leave you guys to it."

He went back out to the grill. I turned to Paul. "You want to investigate the basement? It's probably cooler down there."
"Yeah. Let's check the basement."

We wandered down the stairs into the basement, checking with our equipment. I said,"I'm getting a temperature drop over there. In that corner."

Paul checked with his EMF detector. "It goes to orange, Daddy."

"Yeah, we got something."

The cat came down the stairs behind us, and sat on the steps watching us for a moment. I said,"Well, aren't you cute?" and walked over to pet her. She sat and let us pet her for a moment.

When we got back outside, everyone had gathered around the picnic table. I unzipped my vest---I hate it that way; it looks stupid, but it was hot out---And I got another Coors Light. I sat down in one of the lawn chairs.

"Find anything?" asked Chris.

"We're getting some readings in the basement, on the corner near the exterior door."

"This one here?" Kate gestured toward the corner of the house. I glanced over and saw the basement door, covered with a tarp, which I'd missed before.

"Yeah. that's the one."

"The woman in the house died on the second floor in that corner," said Kate. "Her funeral was held on the first floor, in that corner."

I looked over at the house.

"Now, that's interesting."

I held up a fist to Paul, and he fist-bumped me.

The festivities were over, and it was late. I was sitting on the couch downstairs, with Emily the hamster running around in her cage. Probably Ida around, too---Chris wasn't the only one living with a ghost. I was trying to get through Battlestar Galactica again.

"Daddy?"

Paul was coming down the stairs. I said,"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"I can't sleep. The dogs keep moving around."

"Want to hear about your grandmother?"

"Okay."

Paul sat down beside me, and I got out our wedding album. I flipped to a family photo.

"There she is. My mom. See how she's helping Mommy with her wedding dress? She sewed that dress. It was actually the last thing she ever sewed."

"Is this Uncle Jon?"

"It is. But he doesn't have his beard in the photo." I turned to another page. "Here, kid. That's my cousin. Let me tell you all about your family."

Dying On The Roof

It was Tuesday. The kind of Tuesday that falls between a Monday and a Wednesday. I was at my desk with four shots in me. One was lead, and the rest were espresso. And then she walked in.

She was Hispanic, with eyes as dark as my coffee. I set aside the detective novel I was reading and looked up at her. She had the look of someone who wanted something from me.

And me? I'm a paranormal investigator. My name is Lou. 

"Hi, can I help you?" I asked.

"I want the history on my house," she said.

"Oh, I can help with that," I said. "Here. I have a handout on how to learn all that. You're going to have to go to the courthouse and look through the deeds. Now, it's easiest to start with the assessment record---"

"The courthouse?" she asked.

"Well, technically the courthouse annex, on Piper Way. The Register and Recorder's office. That's the best way to get started---"

"I don't understand why you can't just give me the history on my house," she said.

"Well, because it hasn't been compiled yet. That's your job. This is how you find that stuff out. The deeds give you the names of who owned it, and when...."

"I'm not interested in the boring stuff. I want the trauma, the things that happened there."

"This is how you get that," I explained. "This tells you who owned the house. The trauma didn't happen to the house---It happened to the people in it. Once you have their names, you come in here and find their obituaries and cemetery records. And that tells you a lot."

She looked me over. "You seem to know a lot about this."

"It's what I do," I said. "I'm doing it soon for an investigation I have coming up. Haunted houses, you know. That fun stuff."

I walked into the courthouse annex and piled all my stuff in the plastic tray. Once I got past the security guard, I went up to the Register and Recorder's office, where all the documents were. The exciting life of a ghost hunter.

"Hi, Lou," one of the county employees said when I walked in. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"I don't get in as much, now that you guys moved across town," I said. "I should make an effort to stop by more often."

"What do you have going on today?"

"We're investigating the home of one of our team members, for practice. I'm going to do a title search and find out who's most likely to be haunting the place."
She nodded. "How's Paul?"

I smiled. "Paul is eight now. He's in the third grade over at Robb."

"Third grade already? He was just a little baby."

"Yeah, he's been growing. These days he does paranormal investigation with me."

I started on the computer---The most recent deeds are digitized. If they ever put them all on the computer, I swear I'll retire. Two deeds in, and I reached the point where they were on paper, in the deed books. I'm always a lot more comfortable doing it that way.

I started with the deed to Tami and Bre's place, and worked my way backward. It's much easier to trace a property back in time than forward. This turned out to be a straightforward search until the late nineteenth century, at which point the information got a little tricky. I had to go to a will, and then over to the indexes to piece together the final couple of steps.

I buzzed myself into the nonprofit, and found some of the staff sitting in the conference room. Cheyenne, Juli, Hannah, and the one I needed, Lacey.

I handed her a couple of forms. "Here you go, Lacey. Brought these down for you."

"I didn't expect them so quick," she said, and started filling them out.

"Gave me an excuse to get out of work." I sat down at the table. "I'm giving my haunted tours next weekend! Hoping to make some money for this place."
"I'm excited," said Hannah.

"You'll like this," I said to Lacey. "We're investigating Tami's place Saturday night."

"Yeah?" asked Lacey.

"You're into this, too?" asked Hannah.

"I'm the case manager," said Lacey.

"I just did the title search the other day. The place was built about 1869, and as it turns out, it has connections to two high-profile murders."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Isn't that great?"
Hannah seemed slightly nonplussed at the idea that I would get this excited over a couple of murders. "What's been going on there?" she asked.

"Footsteps, doorknobs rattling at night, something was on the roof recently."
"On the roof? What would a ghost be doing on the roof?"
"You never know, with ghosts."

"Did someone die falling off the roof?"

"Now that you mention it...Not that roof, but a fifteen-year-old who lived in the house died when he fell while he was painting Beck's Hotel. I hadn't thought of that until you said something."
She grinned and made a sort of "There. See?" gesture at me.

"I'm gonna have to bring my helmet and get out on that roof," I said.

"Don't get yourself killed," said Cheyenne.

"I didn't die in the tunnel last week; I'm not gonna die on the roof."

Early Saturday evening, I got out my equipment and got packed. I put on my uniform, tactical vest, and skull gloves, and tugged on the boots with skulls. I've had worse Saturday nights.

I love it when the investigation is near my place. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and walked down the street to Tami's. Her wife, Bre, let me in, and the dog, Boscoe, got all excited. I love Boscoe. I knelt down and gave him a hug.

"Got your ceiling repaired," I said. "Classy!"

"Cool boots," said Bre. "Where did you get those?"

"Amazon," I said. "I should not be allowed to have an Amazon account."

"I think that's most of us," said Tami.

"Can you tell the ghosts to knock it off?" Bre asked. "One of them was rattling my bedroom doorknob the other night."

"We can try," I said. "I can't guarantee."

The doorbell rang, and Heather came in. Boscoe immediately went nuts again.

"Where'd you get the awesome boots?" asked Heather.

I grinned. "Amazon. I spend way too much time on Amazon."

"Perfect for ghost-hunting, though."

We all tend to seek out people who understand us. It's why cops mostly spend time with other cops, doctors socialize with other doctors....And me? Well, the best friends I've got are people who will drop everything to look into a haunted house.

Tami began shoveling her equipment into her pockets. She complained,"I need an equipment belt."

"That's pretty much how the vest got started," I said.

"Your tactical vest?"
"Yeah. Way back at the beginning of my career, I tried everything---Belts, bags, packs. Finally I settled on the vest as the most efficient way to carry all my stuff. My vest has enough pockets for me."

Bre and Boscoe left, and the rest of us got prepped for the investigation. I asked Tami,"Is there anywhere that's a hot spot? A central location with a lot of activity?"

"Upstairs hallway," she said.

"Let's get started," I said.

We all walked up to the second floor. EMF detectors out, laser thermometers ready. The cats chased the lasers as we walked. The upstairs hallway was tight, and right away I could see that it had all been sectioned out from several other rooms.

We sat down in the hall. I propped myself against one wall, and set down my recorder. Heather was already starting the intro, so I just clicked on my recorder and let it run.

"Tami's house, upstairs hallway, March eighteenth at 7:22 PM. Heather."

"Tami."

"Lou."

"Is anyone here?"
"Can you tell us your name?"

It went on like that for a while, us asking some low-key questions. The smaller dog, Penny, trotted out into the hallway with her toy, and we took turns tossing it around for her as we did the EVPs. 

"I'm going to run for city council," said Tami.

"Really?" I said. "Way to go, Tami! You'd be the first paranormal investigator on city council. Also, as far as I know, the first lesbian."

"You have my vote," said Heather.

Then Tami's EMF detector, sitting on the floor, shot up to red.

"We have EMFs," Tami said.

"Getting photos." I turned and snapped several shots along the hallway. I frowned at my camera. "I'm already losing battery power, and I know I just charged this."

"Isn't that a sign of a haunting?" Heather asked.

"It might be."

Tami moved onto the stairs, checking with her EMF meter. It lit up in several spots, and I asked,"Are there any wires near there?"
"Shouldn't be. And look, this is not near any walls---It shouldn't be detecting anything out here."

"No, it shouldn't," I agreed. "We have activity."

I stood in Triangle Park, taking five dollars apiece from people. I had a pretty big crowd gathered for my tour---Tami and Bre were there, with Boscoe, the Hispanic woman doing the research on her house had shown up, and a few other people I knew. Plus a whole bunch that I didn't.

I pocketed the money, and stepped in front of the crowd. And as I stood in front of everyone, I had a moment of calm, and I felt something inside surge, like it always did. 

"Thanks for coming, everyone," I said. "You all ready to hear about some ghosts?"

Above And Below

I looked up, and there she was, coming in the door to the library. It had been a while since I'd seen her, since she'd left the team. SaraLee.

I gave her a hug. "Good to see you," I said.

"You, too," she said. We walked back to my desk and sat down.

"So what's new and exciting?" she asked.

"Well, got a UFO sighting. My buddy Chris forwarded the photo to me. A local politician spotted a UFO over Saint Agnes Church, a blinking light that moved."

"Was this recently?"

"Monday," I said.

SaraLee nodded. "Any theories?"
"People are suggesting the Starlink satellite, but there's a tracker for that, and the times don't match up," I said. "And it's the wrong direction for the International Space Station. Paul and I spotted that a couple of years ago. So I'm gonna look into it."
"Cool."
"Oh, and I get to explore a tunnel," I said.

"Ooh, cool. Tell me about the tunnel."

"The radio station guys just bought the Simon Scott Building. Used to be a speakeasy during Prohibition. In the basement, they found a tunnel. It goes north under Main Street, so I get to crawl on in and find out how far it runs."

"You taking anyone with you?"

"I didn't really want to risk anyone else getting knocked out or buried."

SaraLee nodded. "Good point."

"So what's new with you lately?"

"Well, I joined another team," she said. "I was with Interstate, but there was too much drama. We went out to Indiana to do an investigation; furthest I've gone so far."

"That's cool," I said.

End of the workday. I was at my desk, on my cell phone with Mark the Shark, a local radio personality. I was saying,"I've discovered some interesting things about the tunnel, Mark. You thought it might be from the speakeasy days, which is logical. It doesn't appear on the Sanborn Maps, which means it was probably kept a secret. If it goes all the way across the street, it would come out in the restaurant across from you, which used to be the Odd Fellows Hall---It's very possible the two groups teamed up to get around Prohibition laws."

"Well, we'd like to send you in to see how far it goes," said Mark. "When's good for you?"

"Tuesday morning, just about all day Wednesday," I said. "What works for you?"
"I can be down Wednesday about one," he said. "Meet you in front of the building?"

"I'll be there."

After work I rode over to Saint Agnes Church, where the UFO had been sighted. Always visit the site if you can. I stopped in the parking lot, and looked the scene over, comparing it to what I remembered from the photo.

Nope, not quite---That outbuilding is in the photo. Gotta back it off to the hotel parking lot across the street.

I biked over, and stopped at the hotel. Now I was seeing the scene from the photo. I stood for a moment, considering which way was north, west, what time the sun would have been going down.

So it would have been moving roughly northeast. It was sunset, but the sun would have been shining from....Over there. That direction. 

I stood, picturing it, trying to imagine the whole thing. Taking myself through it, one step at a time, thinking about the UFO and what it meant.

After a while, I got on my bike and headed home.

Michelle parked the car and we walked down Bellefonte Avenue. Paul had his little friend Serina from next door with us. I explained,"Tonight is an event at the local coffee shop for the Democrats. Some of the people running need everyone to sign papers so they can run for office. We're going to stop by and sign them, help out the good guys."

"And I want bubble tea," said Paul.

We walked into the coffee shop. The mayor, Joel, was with his band playing onstage. Tif was there, listening, and Paul ran up to hug her. Tami and Heather were there. I gave them a hug, and signed Tami's petition for city council.

I saw the county auditor, and I moved through the crowd and up to her. I said,"I'm gonna find out what that was you saw."

She smiled. "It was about seven-fifty at night, after a meeting. I was with a former county commissioner and we saw two lights---One was blinking, in a line, and the other was squiggly."

"Going northeast, I think? How fast?"
"Yes. Very fast."
"I'm looking into it."

Serena came up to me, with Paul behind. She looked toward the band. "Paul says that's the mayor."

"Yeah," I said. "He's a friend of mine. Want to meet him?"

She gasped, obviously impressed. Joel finished up the song, and came over to us. He shook Paul's hand. "Hi, Paul. How are you?"
"Good," said Paul. "I'm in the third grade now."

Joel grinned. "That's great."

"Joel, this is Serena. She lives next door to us. She's new in Lock Haven."

Joel shook hands with her. "Hi, Serena."

Serena stared at him, her jaw hanging, as if she was meeting with One Direction or something.

"It's okay, kiddo," I said. "You can talk to him."

"Wait until I tell my mom I met the mayor!" she said.

Hearts were coming down, and shamrocks were going up. Zach was behind the desk, changing the monthly decorations. I walked over and picked up a stuffed leprechaun.

"Barb got that last year," said Zach. "She thought we needed more leprechauns."

"This is the only new staff member we can afford," I commented. "Gonna put him to work on desk shifts."

"Well, he will be constantly by the desk."

I crawled under the desk, holding the leprechaun up above desk level. "Top o' the morning to ye," I said in an Irish accent. "What is it that I can be doin' for ye today?....Wait, did someone come in?"

Zach was laughing. I came out from the desk to find a woman standing there, watching the leprechaun, amused. "That was our representative," I said. "What can we do for you?"
"I need a library card," she said.

I let Zach handle that, and slipped out the back door. I got on my bike and rode down to the Simon Scott Building.

For a moment, I looked at it from the front. Old place, built in 1854. it had been a private club for around a hundred years, and recently put up for sale. I walked around the building, getting a sense of it, and ended up back out front again.

I turned and looked across the street. Assuming the tunnel went far enough, and didn't dead-end, and stayed in a straight line, it would end up connecting to the basement of the restaurant across the street.

I walked over and went inside. A bored-looking waitress stood up from the counter and said,"Can I help you?"

"Got a weird question," I said. "Does this place have a basement?"

"Not that I know of," she said. "There's a crawlspace, I think, but I've never been in there. We rent the building, so we don't really have access down there."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

I walked back across the street and stopped at the local hot dog place, the closest thing Lock Haven has to a citywide cuisine. I bought two of the chili dogs and ate them as I walked back to my bike. 

So this told me that there had probably once been a basement, but it had likely been filled in after the 1972 flood. I was making a couple of logic leaps here, but there was some experience backing it up. So unless the tunnel turned, it was likely that I was going to get in there and dead-end after a certain distance.

But if it turned, that was another story, and could be interesting. I made a mental note to add a compass and my laser measurer to the equipment I was bringing in.

Most people think it's pretty exciting to spend the night in a haunted house. This is probably more true if you don't do it every night. Granted, I still get all excited when I'm invited to someone else's haunted house. But every night, once Paul and Michelle are in bed, it's just me and the ghost, up watching movies. And sometimes the hamster.

Emily was running on her wheel when I started researching. I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop. The photo of the UFO looked like a satellite---Everyone was saying that. After some searching, I found a website that listed satellites and when they were visible. I fed in the information for our area---They didn't have Lock Haven, but they did have Williamsport, which was close enough---And started searching.

People think that paranormal investigation is just running around with a camera, more or less. Most people don't get what's involved if you're doing it correctly. In addition to the ridiculous amounts of equipment, you need to research astronomy, geology, biology, history, and all sorts of other areas, because you never know what's going to tie into the paranormal at any given time. 

It took me a few minutes, but I found it. There was a satellite called SL-16 R/B overhead and visible at exactly the time our county auditor had seen her light. The squiggly light nearby was easy enough to explain---A phenomenon called "satellite flare" where the sun reflects off the actual satellite, causing an extra light in the sky and often confusing people. 

"Got it, Emily," I said to the hamster. Then I slipped her a blueberry, her favorite thing.

Figured out the UFO.

Next up, the tunnel.

In the morning, it was a two-hour delay for school. Paul got to sleep a little late, and then jumped out of bed with Butters and Rosie. I had some coffee, and then Michelle and Paul headed out the door to the bus stop, and I grabbed my bag and biked downtown.

Mark the Shark met me at the Simon Scott Building, and unlocked it to let us in. He said,"We have plans to renovate this place and make it a community center. I'd like to see it restored to some of its original historic look. We'd like to get it back on the National Register."

"My advice is to do all the repairs you need to before applying," I said. "There's more wiggle room if you get everything done, and fewer hoops to jump through."

The building was grand, with huge, decorative hallways and elaborate doors. He led me through a couple of them, and down a dark wooden staircase.

"This is the basement," he said. "There's the tunnel."

It was a curved alcove in the wall, with three steps in the floor leading down into it. Beyond that, just darkness.

"Let me get my stuff," I said.

I dug into my bag and began pulling things out. I have a selection of tactical vests---There's my LHPS one, my big deluxe general-adventure one, one vest for UFOs specifically, and one that I usually leave empty just for basic use. I'd taken that last one and filled the pockets with everything I could use to explore a tunnel. I pulled it on, with the fingerless gloves, and then a helmet. I got out my rechargeable lantern and clipped it to my belt.

I stood up, and turned on the lantern, then took a couple of steps down the stairs.

Then I went in.

The floor was dirt, covered with broken bits of wood. I watched carefully to avoid stepping on a nail---I was glad I'd decided to wear my steel-toed sneakers. The lantern cast my shadow on the wall as I walked.

The tunnel didn't go back very far---It dead-ended after twenty feet. I examined the wall, which seemed to be made of the same stuff as the rest of the tunnel. That suggested they were created at the same time. Shining my flashlight on it, I looked it over carefully. At the very end, in the ceiling, was a sort of shaft. It went straight up from the tunnel, then dead-ended in corrugated metal.

I climbed up the wall a couple of feet, to justify the helmet. Reaching up, I tapped on the metal. It was solid, with no give and no echo. Covered in concrete on the high side. 

I dropped back to the floor and took a few photos. At an educated guess, having actually seen the place, this was less a tunnel than an old furnace room or something. Which was still pretty fascinating.

SaraLee stopped by work again that afternoon. I gave her a hug and said,"It's good to see you. I put in that ILL request for you."

"Great. Thanks. Just got back from Eastern State Penitentiary on an investigation."
"What's that, your thirteenth time?"

"Something like that. I met a few new people, and had a good time. How are you doing?"

"I explored that tunnel this morning."

"I was going to ask about the tunnel."

"Seems to be a remnant of the building from when it was first built, an old furnace room or something. I found what may have been a coal chute leading up from it, but it was all blocked off."

"Still. Fun to explore, though."

"Yeah, it was."

"You and me need to go on an adventure soon. Find a haunted cemetery or something."

"Yeah," I said. "That'd be good."

Public Entity Number One

"Want to help me catch Al Capone?" I asked Tif.

"Sure," she said. "You know he's dead, right?"

"That's never stopped me before." I was working on cooking hamburgers for dinner. "So, Paul, you want to help me find the ghost of a prisoner?"

Paul shrugged. "Sure," he said casually. This kind of thing is nothing new to Paul.

"When we go to your mother's annual company holiday party, we'll be staying over in Lewisburg," I explained. "Like we usually do, though they haven't held a party out there since 2019. At the time, I investigated the Susquehanna Mystery Thing, but I just did that last summer, so I got something else in mind. Not too far from the hotel is the Lewisburg Penitentiary, which is thought to be haunted by Al Capone, who was locked up there for a while. Jimmy Hoffa was there, too, but we'll never find him. No way we're getting too close to the prison, but I think we can get some readings at a distance."

"How do you figure you can do that?" Tif asked.

"I'm working on a plan."

I was sitting in the break room at the nonprofit I help out with, wearing my purple Bigfoot shirt. I'd become more of a presence there, and had started helping last year in small doses. Over time, I'd gotten to the point where I could just drop by and hang out.

I was with Lacey. 

"I'll have the forms for the investigations for you soon," she said. "I'm going to call the client tonight."

I nodded. "Good. Thanks. I can swing by and pick everything up when you're done. Oh, I'm going to customize a shirt for you."

"Oh, thanks! Do I owe you anything?"

"Nah, I've discovered you can customize just about anything on Amazon. Mine has the team symbol with my name above it on the left side, but there's no reason yours shouldn't be different, if you want."

"No, that sounds good," she said. 

"I was thinking about doing your name in purple, instead of the usual white, because it's the color of this place. What do you think?"
Lacey grinned. "Yeah, that makes sense." She took a drink of her coffee. "Busy morning in my office today. I'm exhausted."
"I can sympathize; I've had those days. Hey, you'll like this. Want to hear about the ghost of Al Capone?"

"Of course I do. Tell me about the ghost of Al Capone."

"My wife has her company party in Lewisburg next weekend. She's running the thing, so she'll be pretty busy. This means that I get to sneak our on a little side quest. The party is not too far from the Lewisburg Penitentiary, so I might be able to do a little investigating."

"Al Capone is haunting Lewisburg?"

"Some sources say he is. I figure I'll get as close as I can without getting arrested----Obviously I can't get into the actual prison. And I'll take what readings I can get from there. Oh, and here's the cool thing."

Lacey drank some more coffee. "Tell me the cool thing."

"I get to provoke."

"Provoke?"

"You know how, on the TV shows, there's always some yokel who shouts really terrible things at the ghosts? We don't do that, mainly because, well, it's rude. The ghosts are people, just regular people, and you don't want to go into their homes and say mean things to them. Like, one of the ghosts haunting this place is a baby."

"And you don't want to be ignorant to a baby."

"No. But I don't have a problem being mean to a convicted mobster in prison. My compassion has limits, so this once, I get to break my own rules and provoke."

"That's cool."

"It's going to be an interesting investigation. I'll let you know how it goes."

It was cold---Yeti-supporting cold---When we got to the hotel in Lewisburg. We pulled in and got out of the car, and I elbowed Paul and pointed across the parking lot. "That way's west."
He nodded. "Okay."

"Your equipment is in the secret pocket of my backpack. We'll plan for about seven o'clock."

"Got it."

We were in Room 126. Paul loves hotel rooms; he immediately began examining the beds, the shower, and everything else---He's considered hotel rooms to be recreational since he was three. Tif dropped into a chair and dropped her crutches beside it, and Michelle settled on the bed. I set my pack down and pulled out a library book.

I tend to keep a bag ready to travel at all times, and when I need it, I just throw a few clothes in, and I'm ready to roll. It's easier. I'm the guy who stays prepared for everything, and my family has gotten used to that.

"Do you have a scissors?" Michelle asked me. "I need to cut up our tickets for the door prize."

I handed her my pocketknife, and then dug into my back and got the spare knife out of my survival kit. Michelle began cutting up her tickets as I repacked the bag. I transferred my alcohol flasks into my coat pockets.

"Did you actually bring a flask again?" Michelle asked.

"I actually brought three flasks."

"You know you get two free beers at the party."

"If I have to party with your co-workers," I said,"Two beers isn't gonna get me through the appetizers." That's my brilliant system---The flasks are the things I let my wife catch me doing, so she doesn't suspect I'm sneaking off to find ghosts. I glanced at Paul. "This is not a healthy coping mechanism," I said. "Learn nothing."

Tif glanced my way. "If you don't have a good time at the party, Dad, why do you always go?"
"I find stuff to do. Besides, I'm the spouse. I gotta be there. She's done it enough times for me."

"Well, that's true," admitted Tif.

I left the room and walked around the hotel for a while, checking things out. Helped myself to a cup of the complimentary coffee in the lobby. I always try to ask the locals for information, so I stopped at the desk and asked,"So, I have a weird question....Do you know of any good ghost stories around the area? Haunted houses?"

The girl shook her head. "No, I don't know any."

"Oh. Well, thanks anyway."

I walked back to the room. When I got in, Paul looked at me accusingly. "You left without me."

"Didn't know you wanted to go along." I walked over to the window. I said,"Paul, check here."

Paul pointed. "That way is west."

"How do you know that?"
"You showed me outside."

"But you didn't lose your bearings when we got inside. Very good, little man. Very, very good." Paul impresses me with this sort of thing all the time. He's a very bright little guy, but until he says something like this, I forget how smart he really is, for eight.

"I want to go swimming in the pool," Paul said.

"Give me a minute," Tif said. "I'll get my suit on."

"We'll be heading to the party soon," said Michelle. "Give me a call if you need anything."

The theme of the party was "Flannel and Frost" for some reason. I've never understood why a party has to have a theme in the first place, but Michelle and I had dressed for the occasion. She was wearing a red flannel shirt. They'd got the wrong dad for flannel; my father would have been all over this. Not having any flannel shirts myself, I was wearing my Yeti sweatshirt and figuring that would cover the "frost" part.

We'd been going to Michelle's annual company holiday party for as long as she'd worked for the company. It had outgrown at least three locations before, and was now held in an event hall near Route 15 in Union County. Michelle pulled the Prius around to the back of the building, and we got out. The temperature had dropped even further.

There was a big hill behind the hall. I said,"I wanna see how far this goes," and ran up. It overlooked the Wal-Mart below, and the greater Lewisburg area further on. I could make out the prison in the distance. It would be perfect.

I walked back down to Michelle. She led me to a door on the back of the building. "We can go in here," she said. "Through the back kitchen."

We went in, and into the event hall. The tables had been set up, and everything was in place. Michelle joined a couple of her co-workers who were running this thing, and I did the spouse thing, which was mainly to hang around unnoticed. All according to my master plan.

The staff got the appetizers out, and everyone went to gather some up. I went to the bar and scored my first beer. I asked the bartender,"You know any good ghost stories in the area?"

She shook her head. "No, haven't heard any."

I have never seen a city full of such disinterested people in my whole life.

I checked my watch. Almost seven. I went and got the extra car key out of my coat pocket, then walked back to the kitchen door and slipped out the back.

It was freezing out. I ran to the car and opened the back hatch. I had a gym bag in there with everything I'd need. I pulled out my new packable black vest---It was designed for cold weather, but would fit into a small stuff sack. I put it on and zipped it up. I pulled my new hood on, and my wool gloves. My camera and my all-in-one thermometer and EMF detector went into the pockets.

It was cold; I estimated that I had ten minutes, tops. I ran to the top of the hill. Slipped just a bit---All that planning, and I'd worn the sneakers with no traction. I made it to the top. The wind was blowing hard up there, and I stood above Lewisburg as the sun went down.

Showtime.

"You there, Capone, you twerp?" I said softly. "Come on out, you son of a bitch. You think you're so tough, you untouchable bastard? Gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Bring it on."

I got out the all-in-one, and held it out in front of me. The readout showed the electromagnetic fields, which looked about standard. I watched as the temperature climbed from thirty-one all the way up to forty.

Forty? It hasn't been anywhere near forty degrees all day!

The temperature held at forty for a moment, and then dropped back down, into the twenties. That was interesting.

I went back down to the car, pulled off the vest and repacked it, and slipped back in the door through the kitchen. One of the other husbands saw me sneaking in.

"You back there hassling the kitchen staff?" he asked.

"Just had to get something out of the car," I commented. "Well, I guess it's time for another beer."

We got back to the hotel room around nine. Tif was reading her book in the corner, and Paul had taken the dollars I'd left for him and hoarded candy and chips out of the vending machines down the hall. I gave him a hug.

"You have fun?" I asked.

"Yeah!"

"He went swimming for like an hour," said Tif. "Then he got a ton of candy out of the machine and squirreled it away under the pillows."

"Any luck on the investigation?"
"Yeah," said Paul. "We got a reading!"

"It was the thing on the nightstand, there," said Tif.

"The green lights," Paul said. "They went to red."
The EMF detector.

"But not near the outlets," Tif said.

I nodded. "Good work. I got a weird temperature reading, so it looks like this worked out. Nice job."

I gave my son a high-five. Michelle saw my padded vest lying on the bed, and said,"Hey....What's this?"

Dead And Gone

I was in the middle of work when I heard the thud.

It was a loud thump, in the northeast corner of the old section of the library. Nobody else was there. Out of curiosity, I stopped what I was doing and walked over. I couldn't see any immediate visible explanation.

I got my laser thermometer and my EMF detector out of my pack. I usually have a few pieces of ghost-hunting stuff on me. I walked around, checking with the EMF detector. It lit up several times.

The thermometer went up several degrees in the corner. When I moved it over the leather chair, it gave a sharp rise, and then died down again. I nodded.

A moment later, I walked past the front desk, saying calmly to Zach,"We got a ghost in the corner again."

Once a month, I go to a meeting with the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers. We discuss some business and have a few snacks, and it has the net effect of giving me friends to talk to so I don't kill anyone. I think the rest of the team would agree. 

I sat at the table with Millie, Ashlin, Heather, and Tami.

"We have an investigation," I said. "In September when I gave the haunted tours, a family came and requested us. Some of this got pushed to the back burner after I had COVID in October, but they're still up for it, if we'd like."

"Hell, yes," said Heather. "I'm in."

"I'm open," said Tami.

"I'll talk to them," I said. "They're down on East Main. I checked out the house---The place was built in 1881, and the wife of the original owner died in 1890 at age forty-nine, probably of the flu. I haven't been able to find an obit for her yet. Or, for that matter, a grave."

"Interesting," said Heather.

"I'll see about getting a date for this," I said. "Let you guys know when the client is open. There was another place in Bellefonte that wanted us, but they backed out. I was pretty sure they were dealing with a malfunctioning remote anyway."

"Don't you hate that," said Millie.

 I sat down in the break room with Lacey and Nessie. I'd been helping out with a local nonprofit for a year, and I was getting a bit more comfortable dropping by the place. The staff seemed to be getting used to me, too, which was helpful.

"Lacey, I wanted to talk to you about the team," I said. "I know it's been tough for you lately, and you haven't been able to show up much. What would you think if I put you in charge of my paperwork?"
"Sure," said Lacey. "I could do that."

"It would be a big help. I'd appreciate it, because I'm crap at paperwork. We have an investigation coming up on the seventh, and it would help if you could do the intake interview and fill out the forms for me. That way, you're still a member and contributing to the team, and you can show up whenever you're available."

"I appreciate that," Lacey said. "I really want to be on the team."

"Well, I want you on," I said. "How are you guys doing down here?"

"We're pretty good," said Lacey. "A lot of donations have been coming in."

"That's good. Call me if you need anything."

"Will do," said Nessie.

Again, I buzzed in at the door. I had a key to the nonprofit by now, but I still preferred to follow procedure and have the staff check me in whenever I could. Most of them were sitting in the break room, having lunch.

"Hi, guys," I said. "How's everything going?"

"We got the heater fixed," said the director.

Outside in the hall, I could hear the heater banging. "This is fixed?" I said. "Good god. Seriously?"
"Oh, yeah, this is an improvement," said Juli. "It's a lot better than it was."

"Maybe I need to crawl down in the basement and check for ghosts again," I said. "That's probably not the issue, but it's all I know how to do. Is Lacey around?"

"Sure," said Cheyenne. "Just call her with the phone. Her extension is twenty, I think."

A minute later, Lacey was down with the paperwork. I looked it over.

"Good lord, Lacey. Tell me you didn't spend hours making this look nice."

"Nah, I just wrote it down."

"Her handwriting is just like that," said Juli.

"When I do these, it's full of scribbles and abbreviations," I commented. "This is a work of freaking art. By the way...." I handed her a handful of LHPS business cards. "Hand them out when you like. I get these by the thousand pack."

"You get your own business cards?" asked Juli, amused.

"They're the team's," Lacey said.

"Good for publicity," I said. "I gotta get back to work. Call me if you need anything down here."

I was outside my place on the sidewalk when Heather pulled up in her Jeep. I was wearing my LHPS uniform, skull boots, black jacket, and my new hood for warmth. I tossed my equipment in the back and climbed in.

"We picking up Millie?" she asked.

"Yeah, we'll meet Millie and Ashlin over at her place. Then we'll head down to the investigation. The house is old, real old, so this ought to be interesting."

We took two cars down; Ashlin and Millie rode behind Heather and me. When we got there, the client Natasha, was already waiting out on the porch.

"Thanks for coming," she said.

I smiled. "Thanks for having us. Let's get our stuff dropped off."

The house was, in fact, really old. Looking at the structure, I could tell it was 1800s of some era. I dropped my bag on the kitchen floor---I didn't used to be the guy who brought the most stuff, but that's how it goes. The kids---There were at least four, all early teens---Filed into the room to watch. I got out my folder and set some documents on the table.

"This is for you," I said. "That's the history I could dig up on the house. Looking at the interior, it may be even older than the 1881 on the survey form. This is the confidentiality form. We'll respect whatever confidentiality you choose. We can never mention this again, or use some of the information but protect your identity, or we can talk and write about it as much as we'd like, depending on your preference."

"We don't care who knows," said Natasha.

"Check line three."

"Are there any hot spots in the house?" Heather asked. "Anywhere you get more activity than anyplace else?"

"Well, right in here," said Natasha. "And a couple of the bedrooms upstairs."

"Okay, let's split up," I said. "Millie, I take it you'd like the kitchen?"

Millie grinned. "Yeah, I'll stay here."

"We'll do a session here in the kitchen," I said. "Then we'll split up and go upstairs. Millie and Heather can stay down here, and Ashlin and I will take the bedroom. For starters."

"That works."

"Okay, let's get the works---Photo, audio, temperature, EMF readings." I pulled on my tac vest---The big deluxe one with the alien patch---Skull gloves, leather bracelet. That scene in the superhero movies where the hero gets all dressed up in a montage.

 I said,"Check it out---Monsterologist is selling Phoenixville patches now, with the Blob. Had to get one for the vest; it's where I was born."
"Cool," said Heather. Sometimes I even bore my own team.

The nice thing about my vests is that all of my stuff is in easy reach. I pulled out my thermal imager and moved it around the room, checking for anything out of the ordinary. I could see the red blobs of heat where people were sitting, and the darker blue squares of the windows. Nothing else. I put it away and got out my EMF detector.

"We had some flickering on the kitchen lights," said Natasha. "I got that on film a few days ago."

"Good, we'll check out the kitchen, too," I said. "Everyone get to work."

We spread out through the dining room, checking everything with the EMF detectors and thermometers. I snapped some photos with my small camera, out of one of the tac vest pockets.

"I think a lot of it may come down to the history of the house," I said. "This is a very old place. The Historic Resource Survey Form shows that it was built in 1881 for Silas and Deliliah Masters. The thing is, I can't find any record of their death or burial. There's supposed to be an obit for Delilah, who died in 1890, but I can't find it. There's no record of them being buried anywhere in the county. It could be they're in Great Island Cemetery."

"Is that the one from the tour, that was moved?" Natasha asked me.

"Yeah, it was moved in 1918. Given the time frame, they could be there, and have been some of the graves that were missed. Delilah was only forty-nine, and given that there's no further record of her, that could explain the haunting right there. She wants to be remembered. It all comes down to what I found...And what I didn't."

It was Lacey and Alyssa, this time, who answered the door. I went in and pulled a handful of pocket calendars out of my pack.

"You guys got any use for these?" I asked. "My wife had them left over after a work event, and told me to find a way to get rid of them."

"Oh, yeah," said Alyssa. "We can always use planners. Leave them on the table, and we'll help ourselves."

"I'll take this one right now," said Lacey.

"Lacey, would you like to help with evidence review?" I asked. "I didn't think of it before, but it's another way you could help us on your own time. I can send the evidence to you, and you could help us check for anomalies."

"That sounds fun," said Alyssa.

"Yeah, I'd love to help," said Lacey.

"Great! I'll send you some photos."

Lacey grinned. "How did the investigation go the other night?"

"Pretty good, actually," I said. "Lot of activity on the EMF detectors. I'll tell you all about it."