Green Lanterns And Aliens

I sat on the edge, eating my lunch, my feet dangling over three stories and a huge whale.

With our COVID precautions tightening again, I'd begun seeking out private spots in the library to take a lunch break in. I'd been bringing in lunch that I either bought, or let Paul pack for me, and then retreating to some little unknown corner. Finding all the little hiding spots in the library had been one of my sources of fun for the past ten years, so it all worked out.

I'd already had a few lunches in the Sloan Room, a corner of a storage room, the attic, and the small stairwell. Now I'd found a spot on the third floor, just outside the boiler room, in a back staircase. If I sat at the edge, by the railing, I could see clear down to the bottom, making it a sort of small balcony. Just below me was the door to Children's, where some stuff got stashed, and there was an eight-foot whale that had been there ever since I could remember.

I polished off the sandwich, shoved all the wrappers into the grocery bag, and walked back into the hallway. The staircase led down to only an exterior door---There was no point in going all the way down. I walked down the hall to the elevators and headed back to my desk.

I had some research to do. I opened the big volume on Renovo and began paging through---You never know what you might find. I found a UFO sighting in September of 1952, which was interesting. Several witnesses in the Renovo area had seen a big, shiny-looking thing heading southwest. It passed over the Green Lantern bar, then over Westport and out of the county.

I brought it up on the microfilm---Front page of the Record, and it only took a moment to locate. I realized that the article down below it was connected to another creature---The Flatwoods Monster. Cryptid, or alien? Only your paranormal investigator knows for sure.

I was printing it up when Chris walked in.

"Hey, Lou," he said. "Working on anything good?"

"Funny you should ask," I said. "Check it out." I handed him the article.

"UFO in Renovo again," he said. "That makes, what, two this year?"

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Aliens keep trying to invade Renovo. It flew over the Green Lantern bar, so I'm designating this one GL-52. But look at the other article, just below it."

He skimmed that one, too. "West Virginia?"

"Same night. They're talking about the Flatwoods Monster."

"You're going to have to fill me in on the Flatwoods Monster."

"The Flatwoods Monster," I said,"Is probably the most famous West Virginia cryptid aside from Mothman. It was seen in September of 1952, when some locals saw something crash into a hillside. A few minutes later, they saw this tall green thing with red eyes and a sort of spade-shaped head approaching them. Turns out, it might have flown over Clinton County before it crashed in West Virginia."

"You think this was the same thing?" Chris asked.

"It sort of stands to reason," I said. "I checked the map. It flew over us, heading in that direction, at exactly the right time to land in Flatwoods when it did. We have Bigfoot, we've been visited by the Jersey Devil, and now we have a connection to the Flatwoods Monster, too. This one involves a UFO, a cryptid, and a Green Lantern."

"Brushed your teeth?"

"Yes."

"Got your clothes all ready?"

"Mom and me did."
I sat down in the chair by Paul's bed, as he and Rosie curled up under the quilts. "Good. First day back at school tomorrow."
"I know! I'm excited."
"Well, you get some rest tonight, little man. Big day tomorrow."

"Daddy? What's going to happen in second grade?"

I smiled. "Well, pretty much the same thing that happened in kindergarten, buddy. You'll have classes, and see your friends. Have lunch. Probably have art or gym at the end of the day."

"I hope it's art!"

"If it's not tomorrow, it will be soon. And then you'll come home, and Rosie will be waiting for you."

"Okay."

I kissed my son on the forehead. "See you tomorrow, little man. Get some sleep."

It was cold in the morning, snowy and eleven degrees. I stood on the corner, watching as Paul talked with his little friends from the neighborhood. For almost two years, I'd been at home with him most of the day. Now....The whole family was vaccinated. I'd given up hope that there would be any kind of end to COVID anytime soon. It was time to send him back.

The bus pulled up, and Paul got on happily. I watched as it pulled off down the street, and then turned away.

"Barb," I said at the desk,"I need a favor."

Barb is our assistant manager. She's short and terrifying. "What do you need?" she asked.

"I need a bit of schedule rearranging. I've been asked to join the board of a local charity. It'll require me to be out early on one night a month for meetings. I'd like to keep this between us; I don't want to make a big deal of it."

"I can do that," said Barb. "Let me know what nights you need."

I wandered around in the stacks for a while, adding to my display. I went into the back staircase and had lunch sitting on the steps. I missed the little guy. I wasn't even at home; I was at work and he was having a great time in school. But I missed him.

So I did what I always do, and lost myself in the research.

I sat down at my desk and checked the website for Braxton County, West Virginia. It gave me a few details on the Flatwoods Monster sighting. It also gave me the number of the local tourism place, which doubled as the Flatwoods Monster Museum. 

On company time, I went upstairs to make a call about the Flatwoods Monster. You can get away with quite a lot if you've discouraged everyone from paying too much attention to you.

I went up to the third floor. I was wearing my "Yeti For Action" sweatshirt; it was heavy and we'd had a pretty intense snowstorm the night before. I could see the snow from the big windows. I sat down at a table and dialed the number.

"Hello, Braxton County and Flatwoods Monster Museum," a cheerful-sounding guy said.

"Hi. My name is Lou, and I'm a writer from Clinton County, Pennsylvania. I'd like to ask a few questions about the Flatwoods Monster."

There'd once been a time I'd felt stupid saying things like that, but I'd long since gotten used to it.

"Right now?"

"If someone's available."

"Sure, I can answer some questions. What would you like to know?"

"Whatever they saw in the sky that night. What direction did it come from?"

"They were at the elementary school when they saw it....That would make it roughly north."
"Hmm. Did they ever identify it? Or find any remnants?"
"No, but the military had a unit out here searching afterward. So, if there was anything...."

"It may have been confiscated immediately, sure."

"May I ask what your interest is?"

"I'm working on an article. Here, locally, we had a UFO sighting the same night. It seems to have been headed in your direction. The Flatwoods Monster may have flown over us before getting to you."

"Really? What time did yours happen?"

"About six PM."

He said,"Wow."

"I know, right?" I said. "The timing works out well."
"Where did you say this happened?"

"Renovo, Pennsylvania. You'd never have heard of it---"

"I have it up on Google Maps. I'm doing directions to Flatwoods, and....Yeah, that's about where it came from, allright."

"I think we got a visit here before he chose you guys."

"There was an author who wrote a book on the sighting---He compiled a list of other UFO sightings that same night. You might benefit from that."

"You may be hearing from me again," I said. "I'll send you a copy of the article when it's done."

"That'd be great," he said. "Thanks."

I went back downstairs. Fishing around in the desk drawer, I pulled out an ILL form. I took it back to my desk and filled it out, then took it to Mel's office.

"Oh, good," she said. "Something to do."

"Well, don't get too excited," I said. "It's only for me."

I walked up and rang the doorbell on the old building. After a moment, a voice came through the speaker. "Can I help you?"

"Hi, it's Lou. I'm new to the board. I'm here to sign some paperwork."

They buzzed me in. There was a woman sitting at a table in the first room.

"Hi, Lou," she said. "I'm Laci. Welcome to the board. I love your columns."

"Oh, thank you. Appreciate that."

"Especially the ghost ones."

I smiled behind my mask. "I get that a lot. I've heard rumors about this place."

"Yeah, me too," she said. "I'd love to know more about it."

"I can come down, sometime, bring my equipment," I said. "We'll pick a slow day, do some investigating."

She smiled. "That'd be really cool."

Once, long ago, the back upstairs room of our house had been the bedroom of Ida Yost, the ghost who haunts the place. Now, she was willing to share with me, and it was my office. I sat at the desk with my laptop, working on an article about the Ingleby Monster. Paul had a couple of little friends over, and I'd ducked into my office to avoid the inevitable chaos.

The curtain pushed aside, and a little blonde kid stepped into the room. Paul has this little friend who follows me around the house. He's a cute little guy, but he won't leave me alone---I'm constantly fielding requests to play with him.

"Hi, Dennis."

"Wow," he said, looking around the room. "I didn't know anything was in here."

I have the house secured to defend against Sasquatches and gray aliens, but Dennis manages to walk right in.

"Yeah, this is my office. I come up here to do some work without being disturbed." I typed off an e-mail request to a local geology professor I knew, asking how fast meteors can go. Specifically, if they could pass through Clinton County and then end up in, say, West Virginia within the next hour.

"Can I play up here?"
I sighed and picked up the laptop. "I was just heading downstairs, actually." I plucked the mouse out of his hand, where he'd picked it up, and closed the door as he followed me out into the hall.

We went downstairs, where Paul and Dennis's sister were coloring at the table. I set my laptop down, retrieved my mouse from Dennis again, and sat down to write.

"Want to color with us. Dad?" asked Paul.

"Sure," I said. It was pretty clear that I wasn't going to get much done unless I went and hid in the basement behind the dryer, and maybe not even then. I picked up a few crayons and began sketching.

"What're you drawing, Dad?" asked Paul.

"It's the Flatwoods Monster."

"That's the Flatwoods Monster?" Paul asked. "When are we gonna catch him?"

"I'm working on it. He lives out in West Virginia. You remember who else is from West Virginia?"

"Mothman." Paul said immediately.

"How do you know that?" Dennis asked him.

"My dad teaches me," said Paul.

I heard my cell phone ringing in my backpack. I fished it out and answered it.

"Hello."

"Hi, Lou. It's the president of the board; you'd asked about helping out?"

"Yes! Just a second." I went back upstairs and locked myself in my office, kicking a doorstop into place as a preventative against Dennis. "My son is back in school, and I'm discovering I have a ridiculous amount of free time on my hands."

"Going through some empty nest, huh?"

"You got it. I was wondering if there's anything I can do to help out."

"You know, it's funny you should ask. I could use someone to go down and take a look at the building, see if there's anywhere that needs some paint or repair."

"I can do that," I said. "The staff may think I'm looking for ghosts."
"Let me know if you find any of those, too."

"So I just got an ILL book to research an alien monster," I said to Tracey. "A lot of people from my past are kind of disappointed in me these days."

Tracey laughed. "You've made an interesting career out of this, though. Find anything?"
"Well, the book is pretty conspiracy-heavy, but it did contain some valuable information," I said. "The Flatwoods Monster was seen in Braxton County, West Virginia, in September of 1952. It seemed to have come from a meteor that landed there. Turns out, probably the same meteor flew over Clinton County, up in Renovo near the Green Lantern. The book says that one was sighted in Independence Township, Beaver County, at about the right time, which is right on the route. Flatwoods Monster came to Clinton County."

"I'm not familiar with that one," said Tracey.

"No, the Flatwoods Monster is pretty obscure. I had to special order the shirt."

Tracey laughed.

"I just got an e-mail back from the geologist I'd asked about this," I said. "I e-mailed her while I was hiding out from my son's friend." Tracey gave me a funny look. "It's a whole thing," I said. "Nevermind....The geologist says that a meteor could very easily make West Virginia from here in that hour allotted.  Looks like the Flatwoods Monster passed over us before it landed in West Virginia."

"That's really neat," said Tracey.

"That I constantly deal with strange unknown monsters?"

"How you figure these things out. That's pretty neat."

"Anyway," I said,"Gotta run out for a couple of minutes."

"Take your time."

It's a lot easier to keep your destination a secret when nobody cares.

I walked out to my bike and climbed on, riding down the street. Again, I went to the building and buzzed in. It was a little quicker this time, with the staff getting used to me. One of the staffers, Juli, asked me,"Are you here to see anything specific?"

"No, just a general checkup. Look for a few ghosts, maybe."

She laughed. "Help yourself."

"The building was built about 1885 as a parsonage for the local church, so you never know."

I got out my flashlight and camera, and slipped a laser thermometer and EMF detector into my pocket. Then I started walking down the hall, taking a few readings.

Neat old building. I walked around with the equipment, checking it out. This could get to be fun.

"Yeah," I said in the empty hallway. "I could get to like this."

RB-75

Michelle was at the kitchen table when I went tearing into the house to grab my camera. She looked up at me as I ran past. "What're you doing?" she asked.

"Garage fire in the alley," I said. "I can sell photos to the paper."

I ran back outside, where Paul was waiting on the sidewalk with his little friend Dennis from around the corner. I said,"Okay, let's go get a look. You two stay where I can see you, and walk down the sidewalk."

I knew exactly where we were going to get the best view. I don't just think it's my city because I live here. We went around the corner, and I could see it down the alley---A garage, completely engulfed in flames.

It was going to be a total loss. I snapped a couple of photos. I ordered the kids,"Get across the street and stay there. Do not move."

I circled around, getting photos. The firefighters were spraying water on the blaze, to very little effect. The power line above began exploding with several very loud popping sounds, finally collapsing into the alley. I could feel the heat where I stood as I moved around in an arc, getting photos of the whole thing.

"How was your New Year break?" Tracey asked when I walked into the library the next day.

"Oh," I said,"About usual."

Most people I've met think that their job is the most insane job ever. I'm sure that you think your job is the most insane job ever. I assure you, it is not. For the last nine years or so, I've been the county's most prominent paranormal investigator at the public library. This means that the insane people who seek me out know where to find me.

We place bets on who the annual summer lunatic is going to be every year. I once had a woman hand me a live bird. People have walked in claiming to have proof of alien abductions. Your job may be wild, but it does not reach these levels of wild.

"Excuse me, sir," I said to the homeless guy sitting at a table. "I need to ask you to keep your mask on."

He pulled up the mask he had hanging down to his neck, and then very deliberately picked up his Pepsi bottle and took a drink through the mask.

"It was all made in a lab in China anyway," he said. "We're living in the End Times. I can prove it through historic research."

I looked at the newspaper as I walked across the library. My photo of the alley fire was on the front page. When I got back to my desk, Chris was working on the microfilm. "Found something for you," he said. "April 22, 1975. It's in the Renovo book on the cabinet."

I picked up the book, one of the comprehensive volumes on the history of Renovo. He'd left it open to one of the pages listing all sorts of oddball incidents, and I skimmed down the page. Four coal workers on top of the mountain had witnessed a UFO, described as having red lights, and they'd watched it for fifteen minutes.

"Well," I said.

"Thought you'd like that."

"You thought right."

"1975 wasn't all that long ago."

"Hell, I was alive in 1975. It must have been pretty high up, or pretty big. People reported seeing it as far away as Tamarack and Bitumen."
"You gonna get an article out of this?"

"Yeah, probably. Says it stopped at one point and shined a light on one of the TV towers. I can't think of an explanation for that, offhand, other than a helicopter, and the witnesses swore it wasn't a helicopter."

"An alien invasion?"

"We can hope. I'd kill for an actual alien invasion." I took the book to the copier and photocopied the page.

"Since it's 1975, some of those people are probably still alive," Chris suggested.

"Oh god, witness interviews. You just hit like my least favorite thing. I might take a ride up to Renovo, though, and see what I can find."

"Morning, boss," I said as I walked in. "I'm assuming you're there; my glasses are all fogged up."

The Boss laughed, in her office. Having confirmed that I was somewhat supervised this morning, I set my coffee on my desk and got to work.

I found the right microfilm---Renovo Record, 1975. I scrolled to the right date and found the headline almost immediately: "UFO Sighted Last Night." I printed it out and labeled it RB-75, using my own system: Renovo Borough sighting, 1975.

It had been witnessed by at least six people at ten-thirty at night, over the course of several miles. The red lights were arranged in a square, which moved fast and slow, and hovered. At one point it shined a bright light on one of the local towers. I couldn't, offhand, think of anything that would have behaved that way.

I ran through the rest of the month to see if there was anything that would explain it, or any follow-up articles about the sighting. I checked two other papers, as well. But there was nothing. 

"You ready?"

Tif called out from the kitchen. "I'm ready."

Paul and I walked in, showing off our new outfits. We both had tactical vests. His was smaller, with a unicorn patch and the neck guard. Mine had neoprene shoulder pads, an equipment belt, and a glow-in-the-dark alien patch.

"Cool," said Tif. "Is that customized?"

"Standardized vest, but I ordered some parts and customized it myself," I said. "There's a loop on the belt for my whip. I have patches that label the equipment pockets. Added first aid and survival equipment in the back. It's MOLLE-standardized, impact-resistant, and laser-cut. I have no idea what that means, but I like it."

"Mine has my slingshot," Paul commented.

"I designed this vest to be exactly what I needed for any investigation," I said. "With the gloves and boots, it's got a goth touch. It looks different enough that I don't resemble the terrorists from a year ago."

"You have a glowing alien on your chest!"

"That's a start, yes."

"Is that a gauntlet?"

"With little bottles strapped to it. It's got the goth look, but it's practical. I can use them for samples if I have to. I'm indestructible."

"You're not indestructible. You pulled a back muscle helping Paul with his subtraction last week."

"That involved the one substance on the planet that I'm vulnerable to."

"Math?"

"Never been good at it."

"It looks good," said Tif.

"I'm tired of hunting ghosts dressed like a Sixties reject," I said. "I'm taking my image back."

"Dad, can I go play with my friends down the street?" Paul asked.

"Sure, until dinner," I said. "I'll walk you down. Maybe there will be another fire."

It takes one minute or so to walk down to the end of the alley, where Paul's little friends live. One of the moms, Sara, was on her porch when I dropped him off.

"See you later, Daddy!" Paul said, already halfway gone to play.

"Have fun, little man. Hi, Sarah. How are you?"

"Doing okay, how about you? You want a beer?"

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks."

"Hey, I wanted to ask you," she said. "You can find out history and stuff, right?"

"More or less, yeah."

"Could you find out about my grandfather?"

"If he lived here in Clinton County, there's a fair chance."

"He lived here. He killed himself when I was a little girl. He owned a car dealership, and used to fly in a helicopter. He was always screwing around with the helicopter, I remember, he once landed it on the roof of the dealership, even though he wasn't supposed to. I was always told that he killed himself with carbon monoxide, but I met a woman recently who told me that he was shot and they made it look like suicide."

"Well, I can probably rule that part out right now. Someone would notice if there was a giant hole in a guy who died of carbon monoxide poisoning."

"Not if there was a cover-up."

"Television has a lot to answer for. For something like this, you'd get the police out there, maybe an ambulance. They'd have to call in the coroner, and then take him to an undertaker. One person can keep a secret. Twenty can't."

"Well, true. Can you find out?"
"I can pull his obit, maybe run to the courthouse and get the coroner inquest."

"You can do that?"

"Sure, that's public information. It'll take a few days, but I'll get back to you and let you know what I find out."

The obituary was easy. Obits always are. It was the way Sarah had described: Her grandfather had been accused of criminal activity with his car dealership, and killed himself with carbon monoxide. There were a couple of details she hadn't mentioned, though---He hadn't killed himself at home, but at his summer place in Gallagher Township. Who the hell owns a summer home in Gallagher Township, of all places? It'd be like owning a summer place on Jupiter, though the article did say he'd flown his helicopter out there, which would make it easier.

World War II veteran, which is where he'd learned to fly the helicopter. The newspaper had done their own bit of digging, and found out that he'd driven out overnight, piped the CO2 in from his car, and died in the room of his summer home. So much for the gunshot thing. In fact, it looked more and more likely this was just a straight suicide---If someone had been there and killed him, how would they have left? The car was the weapon.

I checked the will index. His will had been written not too long before the death, which is an obvious indication of suicide. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it over my rainbow alien sweatshirt, then thought to stick my pocketknife in my desk drawer.

"Gonna run down to the courthouse, Zach," I said.

"Have fun," Zach said.

I went through security at the courthouse, and over to the prothonotary's office. They found the right file for me, and I stuck the microfiche in the machine, and they left me alone. I looked up a moment later and realized that they'd all gone out on a break, letting me run around this government office all by myself. It's interesting being me sometimes.

I looked at the coroner inquest on the microfiche for a moment. It always sort of amazes me, how easy this stuff is to find. I get a question about a decades-old death, and it's right there. All I have to do is look.

The coroner report confirmed most of what I'd already found out. He'd been found dead in the home in Gallagher Township, with the vehicle still running and piping CO2 through a hole cut into the wall. Blood tests confirmed that the carbon monoxide was all that was in his system. Case closed.

The helicopter, though. What was it bothering me about the helicopter?

I was halfway back to the library before I got it.

Chris walked in when I was back at my desk, looking over a flight map I had left over from my Piper days. "Working on anything new, Lou?" he asked.

"Funny you should ask. The mom of one of Paul's little friends asked me to look into the suicide of her grandfather. I think he was a UFO."

"Well, now you're gonna have to explain that."

"He did definitely commit suicide---I can rule that part out. But he used to fly military helicopters, doing all sorts of screwy things with them. She told me he landed one on the roof of his car dealership. The timeframe works out. He died at his summer home in Gallagher Township, which isn't exactly on the way to Renovo, but close. I checked my maps---There's a military training flight pattern between Gallagher and Renovo. He wouldn't have been above flying around and screwing with people, and they might not have recognized a military helicopter offhand."

"Wouldn't they have heard some sound?"

"Maybe. I admit I'm not certain about this. But I think Sarah's grandfather was RB-75, because the only other explanation I have is actual aliens. And even for Renovo, that'd be weird."

 I peeled the velcro patch off the backing, and applied it to the pocket of my tac vest. The patch, in bright blue letters, said EMF. I had several like it, with different labels. With the pocket flaps closed, they weren't visible, but they'd be an aid in finding all my own equipment.

I looked the thing over. Excellent tactical vest, attached equipment belt. Alien patch, extra pouches, all the useful modifications I'd been adding.

Now I just needed the opportunity to use it.

Paul came into my office. "Daddy? Are you busy?"

"Not really. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could go down to my friend's house."

I stood up.

"Sure," I said. "I'll walk you down. I need to talk to Sarah anyway, tell her I can answer her questions."

All I Want For Christmas Is Lou: The 2021 Christmas Special

The coffee table was covered with candles, the Christmas tree was decorated, and and the snacks were out. Millie had really gone all out for the holidays.

The last time LHPS had gathered for our Christmas event, it was pre-pandemic and had ended up with two members quitting the team. We were hoping for a better time this year.

"Guys, this is Heather," I said. "I invited her along because I think she'll be a good member of the team. I know it's the Christmas meeting, but we're so desperate for people, I didn't want to delay it."

"Hi, Heather," said Millie. "We really need new members. Welcome."

Heather, a middle-aged mom with blue hair, smiled at us. "I'm excited," she said. "My sister-in-law is jealous I got invited. She's really into stuff like this."

"This year, I made a record-setting amount of money on the tours," I said. "I've been asked to do a slightly different round for Christmas, so I came up with a program involving a tour of the library, a lesson on paranormal investigation, and then an actual investigation of the library. If I can get seventeen people to attend, I'll have broken a thousand dollars in fundraising for the year. You guys are welcome to come if you'd like."

"I'd love to," said SaraLee. "I didn't get a chance to make your October tours this year."

"I know; I kind of missed you."

"I'd like to be there," said Heather. "I can bring my son."

"I'll reserve you two spots. I'm training my kid to investigate."

"Great."

"Now, I believe we have a gift exchange?" I dug into my bag. "By the way, I got all of you something---I had to guess at the sizes." I handed them small, black rings.

"Nice rings," SaraLee said, trying hers on.

"They take your temperature," I explained.

Millie turned hers over. "Really?" She sounded fairly impressed.

"Well, only in the metric system, but still. You'll see it start around twenty-seven and then creep up until it hits about thirty-six."

"Neat," said Heather, looking at hers.

"I thought we could use them on investigations," I said.

"Where there's a cold spot," said SaraLee. "I like it."

A couple of years ago, the Boss moved my desk so that people knew where to find me. I have never entirely forgiven her for that.

"You're the history expert, aren't you?" the woman asked, approaching my desk. "I have a question. I did my genealogy on a software that's not in use anymore. How can I upgrade it to something new so I can view it?"

"This is why I do all my research on paper," I said. "Been around thousands of years, and it still works."

"Well, I wanted to put it on something digital that works with my new computer," she said. "How can I do that? Do I call the Mormon church? Don't they do genealogy?"

"Well, yes, they do genealogy, but this is more of a tech question than a history question. I'd take it to the techology place downtown and see if they can upgrade it for you."

"You don't think the Mormons would help?"

"Well, they've never helped me any."

As she left, Tammy called out of her office to me. "How's the ghost tours coming?"

"Got three people signed up. Fourteen more, and I've broken a thousand dollars in fundraising for the year."

"Lou," Zach called from the desk. "Phone for you. Your wife."
I was in the middle of processing books. "Thanks, Zach," I called, and picked up the phone. "What's up?"
"We have to pick up Tif," said Michelle. "She's in the Altoona train station. She left on vacation this morning, but there was an accident with her eye and she's losing her vision. Do you want us to pick you up?"
"Yes. Wait, no. I'll meet you at the house."

"We're on our way."

I hung up and stepped into Tammy's office. "Tammy, my daughter had a medical emergency. I'm sorry, but I gotta go."

"Okay. Go. Oh, are you on desk?"

"Yes, at three."

"Go," called Zach. "I got this."

"Thanks, man," I said, and ran for my bike.

Altoona is somewhat over an hour away. I walked into the emergency room a little after six, and it was insane---COVID overflow had pushed some patients into the halls. I found Tif with some difficulty, lying on a gurney outside an office.

"Daddy!" she said.

"Hi, hon," I said. I sat down on a chair. "Talk to me."

"They have to send me to Pittsburgh," she said. "They need a specialist and they can't do the surgery here. They're calling an ambulance to take me."

"Okay. What do you need?"
'Could use a hug."

I hugged her.

"Thanks for coming all this way, Daddy. I'm sorry."

"You haven't done anything wrong. We'll have to get you from Pittsburgh once this is done---We have to go home tonight and take care of Rosie."

"Yeah, I know. I'll call."

"Update us with what's going on. Let us know where we can find you."
"Any chance you can get me something to eat? I'm starved."

"Maybe I can find a vending machine someplace."

There was an old guy with a beard on the next gurney back. He said,"There's a little cafeteria down the hall past the elevators."

"Thanks," I said. "I'll bring you a sandwich or something, hon."

"You know what I like."
"Hey," I said. "It's gonna be okay."

We got the call at 6:48 the next morning. I rolled out of bed to answer the phone, and half an hour later we were on the road, heading to get Tif in Pittsburgh.

"I hope it snows for Christmas," Paul said.

"It might," I said. "We'll see."

"The weather says it'll be hot."

"Oh." I'd had no idea he knew how to check the weather report. "Well, you never know, kid."

"Is Santa real?" Paul asked from the back of the car.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I've been wondering if Santa is real or not," Paul said. "We look for aliens and Yetis and stuff that's maybe real, and I was wondering about Santa."

"Hmm. Well, what do you think?"

"I want to know what you think."

I considered it. My parents had spilled their guts about Santa when I was about six, the very first time I'd ever questioned it. I'd been prepared to do the same thing with Paul, more or less.

But is this really how I want it to happen for him? When he looks back on this in the future, is this what I want him to remember? Finding out just before Christmas, on the way to pick up his sister from a traumatic injury?

"I think he's probably real," I said.

Paul nodded. 

"Me too."

Paul and I brought Tif into her apartment as her cat meowed at her arrival. She sat down in her recliner.

"I'll run and get you some groceries," I said. 
"Can I stay here until you come back?" Paul asked.

"That's actually a pretty good idea," I admitted. "You help your sister. I'll be right back with some food."

"Dad?" Tif said.

I stopped at the door and turned around.

"Thanks for coming to get me," she said.

"Hey," I said. "It's family."

Back to work. When my predecessor had trained me, she'd told me that the first thing she did every day was check her e-mail. I have yet to have a day that organized, but I usually got around to it sometime within the first hour or so. After the e-mail, I went back to see if Tracey had anything for me.

"How's the fundraiser coming?" she asked.

"I have space for thirty people," I said. "If I get seventeen, at ten dollars each, I break a thousand dollars for the year."
"Why is it you can only do math when you're talking about ghosts?"

"So seventeen people is my goal."

"How many do you have signed up?"

"Six. But I just got a couple of e-mails---People deciding on the spur of the moment to come without registering."

"So people aren't bothering to read the ads. But you're making money."

"I know," I said. "It's a Christmas miracle."

I walked down the stairs and to the main desk area. Jim and Mel were finishing closing down.

"Everything locked on the third floor?" Mel asked.

"It was a couple of hours ago when I was up there," I said. "I haven't been up in a while."

"Oh. I'll check. I thought you were up there."

"Nope, did our lesson in the Sloan Room, and then investigated the old bedroom upstairs. We got some evidence---Some sounds and a ten-degree temperature drop."

"Ten degrees is a lot," commented Jim.

"Yep. Not a bad opening night."

"....So that's the basics of ghost hunting," I said, standing in the Sloan Room in front of five people. "Does anyone have any questions?"

Heather's son raised his hand. "How come you're wearing those gloves?"

I glanced down at the fingerless gloves with skulls on them, which I'd put on along with my black ghost sweatshirt. "Well, they protect my hands but I can still use my equipment. I used to wear a whole tactical vest and everything for investigations, but I realized it looked an awful lot like those terrorists on January sixth. Anything else?"

I looked around the table. "Okay, then, We're going to move down the hall and investigate, using the techniques I've taught you. I'd also like to introduce my new teammate, Heather, who is in training tonight."

Heather smiled.

We walked down the hall to the old bedroom. I said,"Everyone thought to be haunting the Ross Library has lived in this room. It was the bedroom of Annie Halenbake Ross, Mary Elizabeth Crocker, Robert Bridgens, and Isabel Welch. I'm going to start taking photos---You guys get some readings with the thermometers and EMF detectors."

We spread out through the room---It had been the boss's old office before she'd moved downstairs. In the old days, it had been the bedroom in the old house. I got photos from several angles while the others checked the readings on their equipment.

"I have a temperature drop over here," reported Heather.

"I'm getting a reading here, in the corner," said Heather's son. "It went up to yellow."

"Okay. Check that. I'm getting photos. Guys, get a temperature baseline over here. I'll start the recording." I turned on my digital recorder. "Recording. December twenty-second, seven sixteen PM, second floor bedroom of the Ross Library. Is there anyone here?"

We moved through the room, getting readings. Then we settled into some of the chairs to do some recording. I sat by the fireplace, monitoring the digital recorder.

"Can you tell us your name?....Did you live in this house?"

"Where do you get all this stuff from?" Heather asked.

"Mostly Amazon," I said. "I shouldn't be allowed to own a credit card and an Amazon account."

"Can you send me links?" she asked.

"Sure. I'd recommend just buying it all at once. You're gonna wind up owning it all anyway; you might as well get it over with."

"Lou," said one woman,"What do you think of other creatures? Didn't you write an article on werewolves a while ago?"

"Over in Northumberland County? Yeah, I did that one. I have some plans to go investigate them this summer, actually. Did a piece on the grave of a vampire up in Erie once, too."

"We got a spike on the electricity," announced Heather's son. "As soon as you mentioned vampires."

"Are you afraid of vampires?" Heather asked the room at large.

"You know, Annie Halenbake Ross was a fan of classic literature," I said. "It's a fair bet she read Dracula at some point."

"That's true," commented Heather.

"Thank you all for donating to the Ross Library," I said. "I appreciate your being here. We're getting a lot of activity tonight."

I walked Heather down to the lobby. "Gotta close up soon," I said. "Thanks for coming."

She smiled. "It was great," she said. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Welcome to LHPS," I said. "Merry Christmas, Heather."

Afterward, I walked through the dark library, hands in my pockets. I did this every once in a while, walked through this place that had become home, looking at it as if it were the first time.

For too long, we've been letting the inconsiderate and cruel people dictate the terms. We've worn masks and been vaccinated while they refuse. My child has been out of school while others spread the virus.

And I've changed my outfit to a less professional, less convenient one to avoid being seen as one of them.

For a year and a half, I haven't been myself. I've been letting the bad guys call the shots. But I've run out of patience for that.

I looked at my reflection in the window.

It's time to take my look back.

Outside, in the alley, it has started to snow. It was about an inch deep already.

I smiled.

Well, how about that.

The next night was Christmas Eve. Paul had been running around all day, tailed by Rosie, getting things ready for Santa. We'd shuffled him off to Tif's place to watch a movie earlier, for the purpose of getting all his gifts wrapped. He was now in the living room, watching a Christmas movie while he wrote another note to Santa.

"Hey, kiddo," I said. "Got your Christmas Eve present. Here."

"No," he said breathlessly. "It can't be." He opened the little box, and slid out a new pocketknife. Bright red, like mine, but smaller. "I don't believe it!"

He hugged me. I said,"Be careful with it, little man, but it's time we upgraded you."

"Thank you, Daddy," he said.

I smiled at my son.

"Merry Christmas, little man."

Homecoming

I was within walking distance of a historic cemetery, a haunted section of town, and several UFO sightings. And, for the moment, I didn't care about any of that.

"You're going to feel a little ouchie," the nurse said,"And then...."

She withdrew the needle. Paul look up at her, and then at me, surprised. 

"That's it?" he asked.

"That's it," the nurse confirmed. "You just got your first COVID vaccine. We'll need you to wait fifteen minutes in the waiting room, and you'll be back in two weeks for your second dose."

Paul turned to me.

"Can we get McDonald's?"

"Grandpa's house is bigger than I remember it," Paul said, looking out the car window as we drove up the road.

"Well, it's been two years since we've been here," I said.

Michelle turned the Prius into the driveway, and we parked. Truth was, it looked a little different to me, too. One of the many things COVID had taken away was two years' worth of visits home for me. Last year, we'd painted a ladder as a substitute Christmas tree. With Paul half-vaccinated, we'd now decided we could get away with a trip back to the tree farm I'd grown up on.

We got out of the car, and I released Rosie from the back. My brother was waiting in the barnyard.

I gave him a hug. "Hey, Jon."
"Glad you could make it back," he said.

Rosie barked at him, retreating several steps. Jon laughed. "Are you suspicious of me?"

"She takes a while to warm up to adults," I said.

"Hi, Uncle Jon!" Paul said. "Rosie wants to play with Miles!"

"Let me walk Rosie around a bit," I said. "And then we'll be in. So where's the best place to find a tree this year?"

"Go on down in the back, past the barn," Jon said. "And take a walk down to the creek. We've done some work down there."

I walked Rosie around the yard, and looked toward the back of the garage. Drawn on the back of the garage wall, in white chalk, were Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and a Yeti, clearly labeled in a scrawling handwriting. I could still remember the day I'd put them there.

Six years old. I chalked the Yeti on the wall to join Bigfoot and Nessie, scribbling their names next to them. "It's a museum," I explained to my brother. "I captured these monsters and put them in the museum for people to see."

"Did you ask Dad if you could draw on this wall?" my brother asked me.

"Um," I said. "Maybe he won't notice."

"Would you like some coffee?" my father asked, settling himself onto the kitchen chair.

"No, thanks, Dad," I said. "I'm good. But thanks."

He shook his head. "Staying in for a while. The older I get, the less I can handle the cold."

"Yeah, I get that," I said. "I have less tolerance for it myself. I'm getting older, too."

I walked through the house a while. It was the house I'd grown up in....But it wasn't. The bedrooms on the second floor had been converted into offices. The bathroom had been redecorated twice since I'd moved to Lock Haven. The upstairs hallway was in the process of being repainted.

Downstairs, my brother's wife Amy was bringing out a backpack full of gifts for Paul. She said,"These are....Well, I don't know how long. It's been a while."

"Yeah, COVID," I said. "We didn't want to risk spreading it in either direction. But now that we're vaccinated, we'll be able to get away with a few more visits."

"I love this backpack!" Paul said.

"We can make that into a go bag for you," I said. "Like I have. Put some flashlights and stuff in it."
My brother appeared in the doorway. "We actually considered that," he said. "But I wasn't sure how you'd feel about giving the kid knives and lighters."

"I'm actually pretty okay with it," I said. "During our lockdown, I taught him a lot of survival skills. Gave him a Swiss Army knife for his birthday. He's learned to be pretty responsible."

"Colored pencils!" Paul said, delighted. "What's this?" He picked up a TV tray with Smurfs on it, and my name written carefully on it in my mother's handwriting.

"That used to be mine," I said. "I used that for homework and stuff when I was your age."
"It's Paul's now," said Amy.

"Well, I love it," said Paul. "I'm going to use it at home."

"I made a lot of plans on that when I was around your age," I said.

Seven years old. "I heard something," I said. "Let's check if there's a ghost in the closet."

"What if there is?" asked my cousin Jan. I pushed my way into the bedroom, followed by my cousins, Jan, Jim, and Pat.

"I'll find a way to catch it," I said. "Maybe I can make something out of the washing machine."

"Aren't we supposed to be in bed?" asked Jim.

"Well, yes," I admitted,"But we're the Ghost Gang. And we have to search if there's a ghost in the house."

"How about our house?" asked Jan.

"We'll do that next time," I said. "I'm working on a way to catch a ghost in a jar and freeze it."

"Thanks for getting together with me," I said to Resurrection Casey as we walked along the top of the ridge. 

"Thanks for giving me the chance, boss," she said. "Been too long."
I nodded. "How you been doing?"

"I'm holding up, I guess. Thought I might graduate this spring, but COVID messed that up. I'm vaccinated, though."

"Yeah, me too. Not due for a booster yet. But Paul's vaccinated now, which is a relief. We're considering sending him back to school in January."

Casey looked out over the fields. "You ever see Bigfoot out here as a kid?"

"Always hoped to. My dad made up a story about a cryptid called the Great Christmas Tree Goblin, kind of a green Bigfoot."

She nodded. "So, how are you holding up?"

"About as well as anyone. Which is to say, not great. I'm having some nightmares, and I've been about as stable as a Squonk. I read an article where people were crying in the shower, but I can't even do that because Paul and Rosie always come barging in there."

"You know, you ever need to talk...."

"I'll call. You, too."

"I know."

Michelle and I walked down the path, toward the creek. I looked off into the woods. Rosie was running around with us. Rosie sees no point in being very far away from her people.

"I had a fort over there," I said. "Built it when I was a kid. I thought it was a pretty good piece of construction. I started it myself one summer, and kept adding on, and Kline came to help out later on."
"Is this where you guys camped?"

"Sometimes," I said. "Down here in the meadow, a lot, in the summer. Up in the springhouse in the winter. Paul tells me I like nature better than he does."

"Well, maybe he'll grow into it."

We stopped by the creek, where my brother had constructed a stone bridge in a feat of engineering. I said,"We used to build dams down here a lot, and other stuff, from here all the way to the pond. It's grown up a lot more than it used to be. I had a thousand adventures in these woods."

Eleven years old. I took the hammer and whanged a nail into place on a large empty can, sort of compiling together the can, the nail, some metal mesh I'd found, and tied a rope around the whole thing. My father looked it over as he walked past.

"What're you constructing?" he asked.

"I am making," I declared,"A sea monster trap."

"I see. You're going to catch sea monsters with that?"

"Yep. See, the sea monster will swim in here, and get caught in this netting, and won't be able to get out."

"What are you going to do with the sea monster when you get him?"

"Keep it."

"Where are you going to launch your sea monster trap?" 

"In the pond," I said, naming the only body of water I had access to.

"I'm not sure there are any sea monsters in the pond," Dad said.

I picked up the trap. "Well, we're going to find out, aren't we?"

We pulled up on Hill Street, in lower Slatington. I said,"This here, Paul, is the Hundred Steps." There was a long, high set of concrete stairs running up the hill. "Every time you count them, you come up with a different number. I've been trying for years. People around here believe that if you ever count them and get to a hundred, you'll disappear."

"I don't want to disappear."

"Nobody ever gets to a hundred. You coming with me?"

"Do I have to wear shoes?"

"I suppose."

We got out of the car and headed up the steps. Paul counted aloud as we walked, and I counted silently. I could see him grinning as we walked all the way up to the top.

"Ninety," he said.

"I got ninety-three."

"Does it always do that?"

"Pretty much, ever since I was a kid."

"I had fun today," he said. "So did Rosie."

"Yeah," I said. "It's been too long since we visited. But now that we're all vaccinated....We can visit more."

Back in Lock Haven. I sat with Paul, who was happily drawing with his colored pencils, using the tray he'd been given while he watched TV. Rosie was curled up beside him, sleeping off her busy day.

"You know what my favorite present is, Daddy?" he asked.

"I'm going to guess the colored pencils."

"No. It's this tray. Because it's yours."

"Well, now it's yours, little man." I looked at my name on the tray in permanent marker. "My mother wrote that there when I was your age."

"Will you write my name on it?"

"Soon as I find a permanent marker, sure."

"That way," he said,"I'll give it to my kid one day. And I'll write their name on it, too."

SaraLee's Territory

It was a haunted hotel. Old, run-down, it looked dangerous to be in. I walked across the lawn and to the doors.

I'd been in it before, but more and more, I had this feeling of dread---Like I was pushing my luck. Every time I entered, it increased the danger, and one of these times, the hotel was going to kill me.

It felt like this was the time. This time I was going to die.

I opened the door. Inside, I could see furniture, broken and dirty. I looked through the door for a moment, feeling more and more afraid.

Then I stepped inside.

I woke up suddenly, sitting up in bed. I exhaled. 

Just a nightmare.

I got out of bed, wearing my Yeti pajamas. I walked down the hall to the bathroom. Little Rosie, the lab puppy, joined me on the trip, coming out of my son's room.

Standing in the hall for a moment, I fell into a habit Id' developed during COVID. I thought, Today is Thursday. I'm working at one. On desk at two. Program tonight. I'd begun rolling these thoughts around in my head whenever I woke up, as a way of keeping track.

Rosie followed me back down the hallway.

"Good girl. Now go back to bed."
Rosie retreated to Paul's room, and I went back to my own. I could hear Ida in the hall, disembodied footsteps walking back and forth. It was a relief to wake up in my own haunted house, with the ghost I'm used to.

"Excuse me. Are you Lou?"

"That's me." I looked up, with a sinking feeling. The guy at the desk was familiar, and I realized he was the same guy who'd been sending me messages all morning, trying to convince me that his phone app was reliable for ghost-hunting. I'd stopped responding; he wasn't about to be persuaded that it was a cheap toy.

Looks like he'd tracked me down.

"Yeah, I wanted to show you this app. It's actually really legitimate, I've checked it out. I was up in the cemetery, and it was giving me all sorts of statements. It works on a laser grid that can detect human shapes---"

I held up a hand. "Look, I know all about these apps. They're clearly labeled as entertainment only. I prefer not to trust them."

"But this one's really good. Look at the human shape I got---"

"They're made to interpret just about anything as a human shape," I said. "Fog. Branches. The same with the sounds---They are programmed to randomly create words. If you didn't find anything, you wouldn't pay for the app."

'It's free."

"You trying to tell me that someone invented an app that genuinely detects dead people, and decided the best use was to hand it out free?"

"I'd really like to check it out in here," he said. "I understand Miss Ross is haunting the place?"

I thought it over. "Well, it's a public library," I said. "As long as you're sticking to the public areas and not bothering anyone, you're welcome to come in and do whatever."

"I'd rather do it at night."

"We're open until eight."

"I was hoping for maybe a little more than that," he said. "Maybe you let me in overnight? Ghost hunter to ghost hunter?"

I shook my head. "Can't do that."

"Come on, man," he said. "Just because I use an app? We could be partners."

I shook my head again.

"I already have partners."

"What we need," I said,"Is an investigation."
I sat in the living room, Millie to my right, SaraLee to my left. Ashlin was across from me in the recliner. 

"What we need are a couple more members," said Millie.

"That's true," I agreed. "We need to find a couple of good people. But we're also out of practice. We need to get better at being a team again. For that matter, since it came up....Look, when Theresa left, we never really held a vote on the new leader. Everyone just kind of turned to me. I realize it was never officialized, so....I wanted to correct that. If anyone else wants to step up, I'm cool with that."

Millie shook her head. "You were second in command. It should be you."

"Agreed," said Ashlin.

"Am I hearing you right, Lou?" asked SaraLee. "You're finding it too much, or something?"

"No, I'm not. In fact, I haven't been great at at," I admitted. "I'll keep doing it if that's what we all want. I just realized that we never formalized it."

She smiled. "I'm right behind you."
"Okay, then. We need to get back to working as a team. I bought us all matching masks," I said. I handed everyone a mask; they all said "I'm with a ghost." "Now we need to find a way to practice."

"There's still my place," said SaraLee.

"I'm cool with that." I said. "Let's pick a date. We're going to Bellefonte."

Ashlin pulled up to pick me up on time, and Paul ran out to give her a hug. Paul has adored Ashlin since he was one year old. Ashlin hugged him, and said,"How you doing there, buddy?"

"Good," said Paul. "You and Daddy going to find a ghost tonight?"

"Hope so," said Ashlin.

"What time will you be home, Daddy?" he asked.

"Hopefully about eight-thirty."
"Okay."

I gave him a hug and a kiss, and he turned and trudged back toward the house, looking glum. I got into Ashlin's car.

"He gets upset when I have to leave," I said. "It bothers him when I'm not around."

"Probably a COVID thing," said Ashlin. "Anxiety."

"Yeah," I said. "Been feeling some anxiety myself."

We pulled up in front of SaraLee's house a little after six. The clocks had been set back the night before, so now it was getting dark in about two minutes every day at three-thirty. I was wearing my uniform and the black jacket with all the buttons, and I grabbed my pack and rang the doorbell.

SaraLee came to the door, and I gave her a hug. 

"Happy birthday, pal," I said, and handed her a book. She sat down on the couch and began paging through it.

"It's Mountain Folks," I said. "A bunch of good legends and stories from our area. I thought you might like it."

"Thank you," she said. "Got you something, too." She handed me a small Bigfoot coloring book---"That's for Paul," she said---A Bigfoot figurine and two UFO stickers.

"Got these in my travels," she said. "I thought of you."
I smiled. "Thanks, pal."

We all sat down in the living room.

"Calvin," called SaraLee. "Bring my stuff."

"Why?" called a voice from the next room.

"Because I asked you to."

A moment later, SaraLee's son Calvin came in with a hard plastic case. He set it down in front of her, and she opened it up. She had it filled with equipment, and she pulled each item out.

"REM pod," she said. "Digital recorder. Laser thermometer from my bestie....Light ball...."

"A light ball?" Millie asked. "Haven't heard of those."

"Well, it's a cat toy," admitted SaraLee. "But it lights up when anyone bumps it, and it comes in sets of twelve for about a buck."

"A trigger object," I realized. "But a trigger object that you'd notice when it happened. That's actually pretty brilliant."

She smiled.

I unpacked my stuff. "Got two cameras, two laser thermometers, digital recorder, my K2 meter...."

"You got a black one," Millie commented.

"Yeah, I just grabbed the cheapest one on Amazon. Who wants what?"

I began to pull my fingerless gloves on. The new ones had skulls on them. Ashlin said,"Those are new."

"Making a few changes to the outfit," I said. "I'm going a little goth. Skulls on the gloves and boots."

"Are you having a midlife crisis, Lou?" Millie asked.

"Almost certainly. But still making an effort not to look like a cop or a terrorist."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

I grinned.

"Let's get to work."

"We get activities in all the bedrooms," said SaraLee as we walked down the hall. "We can spread out and cover them all."

"Last time, we had someone in the hallway," I said. "I'll cover that."

"Master bedroom," called Ashlin.

Millie went into one of the kid bedrooms, and SaraLee and Calvin took the other. I set down my K2 meter and my digital recorder.

"Turning on. It's November 7, six forty-five PM, SaraLee's house in Bellefonte. Lou, in the hallway."

"Ashlin, master bedroom."
"SaraLee and Calvin, Chloe's bedroom."

"Millie, Calvin's room."

"Is there anyone here?" I asked.

We let the recorders run for a while---An actual EVP session is not the most exciting thing to describe---And then my recorder beeped. 

"What the hell?"

"What's up?" asked Ashlin.

"My recorder went dead. These were fresh batteries."

"Weird."

"I just charged these."

'I have a light in here," said Millie. "Green light, on the wall!"
"Get photos and readings," I called.

"The DVD player just went on in here," said SaraLee. 

"Cat ball is lighting up," Ashlin said. "I'm getting photos."
Camera flashes began going off. I called out,"Ashlin, do you have a good angle on Millie?"

"Not really. I can see the REM pod and the bed, but not much else."

"Okay, I'm getting photos. You concentrate on what you can see from there."

I moved down the hall and into the bedroom, where Millie was sitting on the bed with her EMF detector. She pointed at the wall. "Right there."

I snapped photos, turning throughout the room to get every angle. Then I moved throughout the hallway and back down into the other bedroom, where SaraLee and Calvin were taking measurements. I snapped some photos of the DVD player, which had turned off again.

"Everything all at once," I said. "That's pretty impressive."

"The DVD player just came on, and then off again."
"Mark it on the recorders," I said. "Seven-ten PM. We got this."

After the investigation, we packed up. I gave SaraLee a hug. 

"Thanks, pal," I said. "See you at the next meeting."

"Thanks for coming over," she said.

We went out and climbed into Ashlin's car. She pulled back out into the street.

"Good investigation," I said.

"Yeah," agreed Ashlin. "It was."

"Cat balls," I said. "Hunh."

When Ashlin pulled up in front of my place, Paul immediately came running off the porch to greet me. I gave him a hug.

"Tell me you weren't sitting out here in the cold all night."
"No, I just came out."

"Okay, good. How's Rosie?"

"She misses you."

I smiled.

"Well, I miss her, too," I said. "Let's go in and say hi."

A Book By Its Cover

"Package for you, Dad." Tif slid the Amazon packet across the table. It was the size of an encyclopedia, which was far too big.

"What is it?" Paul asked eagerly.

"Got new gloves for ghost hunting," I said. I slipped two pairs of fingerless gloves out of the package and put one on. They were fingerless, black, and had patches with white skulls on the back.

"Cool!" said Paul with some enthusiasm.

"You like these?"
"Yeah! They're really cool!"

"You needed more gloves?" Tif asked.

"Different gloves. I changed my outfit over a year ago to avoid looking like a cop or those terrorists who raided the Capitol in January. The new outfit's been cool, but it's a little inconvenient. Eventually, it'll be time to go back to the tactical vest; I haven't worn them almost since COVID began. But I wanted to add some details to make it look less like a terrorist."

"So you got goth gloves."

"They'll work with the ghost hunting, but no cop or paramilitary Trumper would ever wear gloves with skulls."

"You ought to add a pride pin," suggested Tif. "No redneck terrorist would ever wear one of those, either."

"You're right, they wouldn't," I said. "Not a bad idea."

"I'm here." That's our code phrase, our signal that we're ready to take over the desk. We all say it. Mel stood up from the chair.

"If you get bored, there's quite an interesting little spider in the flower vase," she said. "He was trying to spin a web, but every time he dropped down, I blew on him. It got to the point where he'd climb back up if he saw me lean over."

"So you trained a spider," I said.

"I trained a spider."

"It's been a really slow night, I take it."

"It has, and it's all yours now." Mel headed for her office. I sat down in the chair.

A little while later, Zach came down the stairs.

"Hey, Lou, I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure. What do you need?"

"If you need to go upstairs, use the Sloan Room or the back stairs. Not that main stairs."

"Can do."

"I found a nest of bees in one of the lights from that hallway. I know you're mildly allergic, so...."

"God, yes. Thanks, man. I'll avoid that area. Don't want to have to go to the hospital."

"Didn't you get stung last year, and Paul treated you?"

"Yeah. He treated me for the wrong injury, but still. It's nice to know he learned some stuff."

The phone rang. I picked it up and said,"Ross Library."

"Hi, I'd like to register for the ghost tours. Do you still have spaces available?"

"Oh, sure," I said. "I have tours open. What night do you want?"

"....And that's the status of the roof repairs," our maintenance man announced in the staff meeting. "Anyone have any questions?"

"Yes," I said. "When will the bee problem be fixed?"

"Right, the bees," he said. "I'm working on that."

"Just call an exterminator," said the Boss. "Lou, what do you have for us?"

"Well, the tours," I said. "The haunted tours are my thing right now. I'm signing people up and making them pre-pay because of COVID. Last year, I made a record-setting amount of money, six hundred and seventy-five dollars. This year, I'm hoping to beat that, but it'll take more sign-ups than I have now. Right now I'm at three hundred and thirty, which is a little less than half my goal."

"Now you're good at math?" asked Tracey.

"How much could you make, potentially?" Barb asked.

"If I booked every tour solid, I could do seven hundred," I said. "The problem I'm having is that people delay calling, so I do the first few with light audiences, and then it gets busier."

"Any problems getting the ghosts to show up?" Jim asked.

I grinned. "No, the ghosts are pretty much okay."

After the meeting, I usually walked down through the old part of the building, through the twisty hallways. But that would require getting past the bees, and frankly, visiting the bee section does nothing for me personally. I went down the stairs in the tower.

At my desk, there was a message to call Barb from the Renovo branch. I dialed her on my cell phone.

She greeted me the way she usually does.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy," she said.

"I haven't yet," I said. "What can I do for you, Barb?"

"Well, it's weird. A while ago, at a bookstore in New Jersey, my husband bought this old copy of Dracula. I was mad as hell at how much he paid for it. It's got this art on the cover.....Looks like a human face, with weird fangs and stuff, like it was sculpted from human skin. I mean, it's really, really creepy. I can text you a photo."

"My phone is a low-tech thing," I said. "Send it by Facebook."

"Facebook, got it. Since he brought it home, weird things have been happening. I mean, it's been really strange. I'm sending the photo. Did you get it?"

I looked at my messages. If anything, Barb's description had underplayed the visual of this book. It showed what appeared to be a human face with fangs, severed and stretched out to cover the book. Eyeless sockets and a screaming mouth. This thing was nightmare fuel.

"Jesus, Barb," I said. "That thing creeps me out, and I'm used to this stuff. What sort of weird things are happening?"

"The TV comes on at night, just turning on to channels we never watch. It's weird, it happens when we're asleep. My daughter says she saw a dark figure in her bedroom. My husband had a weird kind of seizure; that's never happened before. I've never even seen a seizure; the tests didn't detect anything."

"So you have been to the doctor. Good, that was my first thought. I'd be irresponsible if I didn't suggest that."

"Yeah, we went, but found nothing. The book just creeps me out completely."

"Have you checked to see if there are neighbors whose garage door opener, say, is on your frequency?"

"I'll check. We're pretty far from the other houses, though."
"I'm gonna suggest a little experimentation. Try getting the book out of the house for a while, and see if things calm down. If you have a safe deposit box, maybe, or lock it in a closet at the library for a couple days. See what happens."

"That's a good idea. I'll start with that."

"If you can send me the information on the store where he got it, I'll contact them and see what I can learn."

"We still have the receipt. I'll send a photo of that, too."

"I'll see what I can find out and get back to you, Barb."

"Thanks so much, Lou."

"Hey. One Christmas, you gave me a pretty good investigation up there. Maybe this will keep me busy for a while, too."

I walked into Momoyo Otsu, the clothing store downtown, wearing my paranormal outfit with all the buttons on the jacket. The cashier looked up and said,"Hi! We haven't seen you in a while!"

"Yeah, the kid's been doing online school, mostly," I said. "He hasn't been able to talk his mother into bringing him down for a while. Hanna said it would be okay if I came in and took a few measurements....I have this building on my tour."

"Oh, sure," she said. "Hanna won't mind. Go ahead."

I pulled some of my equipment out of my pack. Walking around the room, among the clohting racks, I took some temperature readings---It held steady at a baseline of about sixity-nine degrees. Then I did another round with the K2 meter, and watched as the lights jumped to yellow.

"How's the little guy?" she asked.

"He's good. Doing his social studies when I left the house. He's a good little guy."
"We all love him here. We love when he comes in; he's always so happy."

"He'd be here every day if he could," I said. "I wouldn't mind stopping back sometime for a more thorough investigation, if that's allright."
"I'm sure that would be great," she said.

When I got into the library, my mailbox was stuffed. One payment for a tour, plus several messages requesting spots. I flipped through them and dropped them on my desk.

Okay, I have almost three hundred dollars in hand now. Over five hundred once all the checks come through. My goal is to beat the six seventy-five I made last year. A dozen stops on the tour, including some new ones....

I was pacing around my office. I stopped and looked out the window, staring at West Main Street.

And what is this unfamiliar feeling? Is this nervousness? I've given these tours a million times....Why would I be feeling stage fright now?

I turned and walked across the room, looking at the 1852 map.

Because I want this to matter.

Every October, it's my chance to do something good for the library. My chance to give something back. And I want to make it happen as best I can.

I stood in front of the crowd of ten people---Plus Michelle, Paul, and Rosie. I stood in front of the library, along Main Street, in my paranormal outfit....And no nervousness. Nothing. Because at this point, it's just doing what I do.

"Thank you for coming to the haunted tours, and supporting the Ross Library," I began. "One thing I'd like you to know is that I research all of this. If I say something, I can prove it. Nothing drives me crazy faster than someone claiming to have a haunting without evidence. If I say someone died in a house, I can show you a document that proves that. Now, if you'd like to follow me, we'll get started."

As we walked down Main Street I dug into my small pack and handed Paul my K2 meter.

"Your favorite store is coming up, kid. You know how to use this; get some readings."

"Okay, Daddy." Paul began to move the meter around smoothly across the front windows of the building.

"This building, now a popular local clothing store, was once the pharmacy of a Lock Haven mayor," I said. "Mayor Edgar Heffner was the oldest mayor we ever had at the time of election, and the man who brought Piper to Lock Haven. It's thought that he or one of his customers may be haunting the place."
"Daddy! I got a reading!" Paul called out delightedly.

"Tour on line one." Mel handed the phone to me. I hit the button to take the call.

"Hello, may I help you?"
"I'd like to book three tickets for tonight's tour."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Tonight is already booked solid. Is there another night I could fit you in?"

"Damn. My parents are in town, and they really wanted to come to this one. They're leaving tomorrow morning."
I thought it over, and rapidly came to two conclusions:
A- As far as COVID precautions went, there wasn't much difference between ten people and thirteen people, and---

B- The Board would never know.

"Okay," I said,"I'll bend the rules. You can bring fifteen bucks and pay at the door."

I sat at my desk and checked my e-mail. I'd used the LHPS e-mail to contact the bookstore, hoping to lend myself some credibility. There was a response---Probably they'd checked me out and figured I was legit. Or maybe they responded to everyone, no matter how insane. I knew from experience that was a bad policy, but you never know.

I got out my cell phone and dialed Barb.

"Hey, Barb. It's Lou. Is now an okay time?"

"Oh, sure. What's up?"

"Well, I contacted the bookstore, and they tell me it's just a regular book with cover art done by a local artist. They sell them routinely out there. If you'd like to bring it down, I can run a few tests on it."

"Yeah. That's a good idea."

"They said there's no reason to think it's paranormal. So we may want to consider a different direction here. This is the time when I gotta tell you I may sound crazy."

"Hey, I've done it to you," she said.

"Couple of questions. How old is your daughter?"

"She's eighteen."

"How did she feel about that book?"

"Oh, she was all excited."

"Okay. You may want to keep an eye on her, maybe talk to her a bit. I've never personally dealt with this---I'm a little out of my depth here----But there's some thought that poltergeist activity can be caused by a teenage girl who may not even know she's doing it."

"Oh, great."

"I don't know this for sure. I've never really been hit with this kind of thing before. But some people think that these things can be caused  by a teenage girl. It seems to always be a girl, not a boy. Generally she grows out of it, this stuff stops after a while. We may want to check out that possibility."

"Now, that's interesting. Now that you mention it, the other night she was out of the house....And the TV didn't turn on."

"It's something to look into," I said.

I stood in my home office, gathering the things I'd need for an investigation. K2 meter. Thermometer. Fingerless gloves. I pulled them from the shelf and put them in my pack.

I looked at the vest---The black tactical vest with the alien patch on it, hanging on a hook. I took a long look at it.

Then I shook my head and put on my jacket with all the pins.

Sometime soon.

But not yet.

Paul and I met Hanna, the owner of Momoyo Otsu, outside the store on the sidewalk. She approached to open the door, saying,"Sorry I was running a little behind."

"We just got here ourselves," I said. 

Hanna opened the door, and we walked in. She turned on the lights as I set my pack on the floor.

"Paul, get photos." I handed him a camera. "Every room, every angle."

Paul began moving around the room, getting pictures. I circled the room and snapped some shots myself. I asked Hanna,"Is there anywhere that's a hot spot? Someplace with a lot of activity?"
"There's a mirror up on the second floor where we've seen a lot of stuff."

I asked Paul,"Do you want the K2 meter or the laser thermometer?"

"The thermometer," Paul said immediately.

I gave him the laser thermometer, and he walked around the room, taking measurements. I called,"Make sure you get a baseline."

With the K2 meter, I walked up the stairs, checking the electrical output. I took some readings around the mirror in the upstairs room, until Paul called out below,"Dad! The earrings just fell off the rack!"

"Coming," I called.

Hanna followed me down the steps, where Paul was waiting by the jewelry rack. He said,"One of those earrings just fell on the floor."

"That necklace is moving on its own," Hanna said, pointing at a necklace swinging back and forth on the rack.

I approached with the K2. "Paul, get pictures. Then we'll do an EVP session."

"That's my favorite!" said Paul. "I want to ask the first question!"

"You can ask the first question."

Half an hour later, we were walking out onto the sidewalk, carrying my pack. I said,"Hey. Paul."

My son looked up at me.

I said,"Nice job. You did really, really good today."

I walked down the street in the dark, hands in my pockets, feeling very casually happy. Behind me, a crowd of ten people followed along. The tours had been packed this year, and the audiences had been very receptive.

It was good. A lot had been wrong with things lately---It had been depressing as hell. But this, these tours, they were good. I had a couple of families and a small cluster of girl scouts on this one, and they were enjoying it.

I stopped in front of the library and turned to the crowd. "Everyone, I'd like to thank you for coming tonight and supporting the Ross Library," I said. "I'm pleased to announce that as of tonight, I've broken my record. We've made over seven hundred dollars on these tours, and it's because of your interest and generosity. Thank you."

Quick round of applause.

"Now, before we go home for the night, I have one more story to tell. So everyone settle in."
One of the little girl scouts stepped up. "Lou?"

"Yes, Amelia?"

She looked up at me. "You give the best haunted tours."

I smiled.

"Thanks, kiddo. That means a lot."